Tag Archive for house of representatives

Moscow Mitch; Or Moscow’s Bitch

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a. Turtle Boy, has been in the headlines a lot lately. Apparently poor little Mitchy doesn’t like his new nickname, ‘Moscow Mitch’, given to him for his refusal to pass election security bills that would ensure Russia doesn’t interfere with the 2020 elections like they did in 2016. Why would anyone, especially a United States Senator, want a hostile foreign nation to interfere with our democratic elections?

Well, Turtle Boy knows that without Russian help, Republicans have no hope of winning. Ever since 1988, Republicans have only won the popular vote in the presidential elections once – that’s right folks – one time(2004). The only reason they’re even competitive in the House of Representatives is because districts are so gerrymandered by GOP controlled states that Republicans have a distinct advantage over Democratic candidates. Even Robert Mueller warned of Russian interference in his recent testimony before the House Judiciary Committee. The Russians hacked elections in all fifty states in 2016. Furthermore, Moscow Mitch knew about it and still did nothing to stop it in 2016 and he will continue to nothing about it because Moscow Mitch places the Republican party above country.

Moscow Mitch also has dubious ties to Russia in that Kentucky has gotten some pretty sweet deals from Russian oligarchs. Yes, Moscow Mitch has sold out his country for fun and profit and yet he has the audacity to accuse Democrats and media outlets of ‘modern day McCarthyism’. How is this dipshit still getting elected despite an approval rating in the thirties in his home state of Kentucky? Maybe its because voting machine companies donate heavily to his coffers. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen; Corporate America has fixed it so Moscow Mitch gets elected time and time again because . . . you know. . . corporations are people, too. Thanks Supreme Court!

So, poor wittle Turtle Boy better get used to being called Moscow Mitch because he will be called Moscow Mitch up until he loses his seat next November. But fear not; after he loses, at least Moscow Mitch can move to Russia to stay with Vladimir Putin and his Russian oligarch pals.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘Turtle Boy’, whines about his new nickname 'Moscow Mitch' while his boss Russian President Vladimir Putin suggests a more appropriate moniker.
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘Turtle Boy’, whines about his new nickname ‘Moscow Mitch’ while his boss Russian President Vladimir Putin suggests a more appropriate moniker.

Mueller Passes Impeachment Buck To Dems

Finally, Robert Mueller broke his silence and made a statement concerning the report bearing his name investigating Russian interference and possible obstruction of justice by America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump. He really didn’t say much other than reiterate the main talking points of the report, which also refute what Attorney General and Republican fixer Bill Barr claimed: that the report exonerates Trump on all matters. First, he said that Russia clearly interfered with the 2016 elections and that all Americans should be concerned by this. Then, Mueller said that according to DOJ criteria, it was impossible for him to indict Trump (which we think is a crock of crap – it’s not a law; if he’s guilty, charge him – you’re an officer of the law). But he also couldn’t say Trump was innocent of crimes. As a matter of fact, he laid out ten cases in Volume II of his report where Trump indeed obstructed justice. In a nutshell, he’s not only passing the buck, he’s telling Congress that it’s up to them to pursue the matter further by impeaching the president.

Since Americans are a football obsessed country, let’s explain this in football-ese. Robert Mueller takes the kickoff and drives down the field of impeachment so that it’s first and goal at the five yard line. He hands the ball off to the Congressional House of Representatives, which is controlled by Democrats. So what do some Democrats want to do? They want to wait until the 2020 election a year and a half from now to let the people decide. So again, in football-ese, they’ve got a the ball on the five yard line, first and goal, and some Democrats. . . want to punt! We kind of understand why Dems are so reluctant. Even if they impeach him, the Republican Senate, led by feckless Turtle Boy Mitch McConnell, would no doubt acquit him along partisan lines. But it’s also a risk not to impeach, because Trumpty-Dumpty no doubt will accuse Democrats of being weak and proclaim that he’s truly innocent when he’s clearly not. It also opens up the 2020 election for another round of meddling by Russia. In short, he’s going to bully his way into getting away with it all.

We’ve got one thing to say to the Dems – do your jobs and impeach this insane, megalomaniac, petulant man child before he starts another trade war and some real wars in Venezuela, Iran and North Korea. Channel FDR and get tough with these bastards. Donald Trump is not only a danger to democracy and rule of law in this country but to democracy in every other country on this planet.

Despite former Special Counsel Robert Mueller handing the ball to them on the field of impeachment 1st and goal at the five yard line, some Democrats want to punt, thus again snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and letting Republicans get away with their costly, authoritarian shenanigans.
Despite former Special Counsel Robert Mueller handing the ball to them on the field of impeachment 1st and goal at the five yard line, some Democrats want to punt, thus again snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and letting Republicans get away with their costly, authoritarian shenanigans.

Handy Dandy Redaction Guide

The redacted version of the Mueller report has been released and boy is it a doozy. While Attorney General and Republican obfuscator Bill Barr has erroneously touted that the report ‘clears’ American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump of collusion and obstruction, just reading the unredacted portions paints a decisively different picture of what happened. And if the redacted report paints a damning picture of Trump can you imagine what the complete report says?

According to this article at Vox, 7.25% of the report has been redacted. After downloading and scanning through the report, we’ve come up with a handy dandy redaction guide to try and translate what the most common redaction phrase ‘Harm to Ongoing Matter'(HOM) means to the average American. The acronym appears repeatedly throughout the document, especially in Volume I dealing with the Russian conspiracy to sway the 2016 election toward Donald Trump and from what we can gather it translates to ‘Donald Trump is guilty as hell.” Why else was his initial reaction to the appointment of the special consul, “This is the end of my presidency. I’m f*cked.” Would an innocent man say that?

In Volume II of the report, Robert Mueller cited ten cases where obstruction of justice could be applied to Trump. Why did he not just come out and say he obstructed justice? According to the Department of Justice, you can’t indict a sitting president. So basically, Mueller set up the pins on a narrow lane and gave the Democrats a bowling ball the size of a beach ball so they could mow down our corrupt, megalomaniac leader. But, in true Democratic fashion, Democrat leaders are already talking about not pursuing impeachment and concentrating on the 2020 election. You know the Republicans wouldn’t hesitate to impeach if the situation was reversed. They did so with Bill Clinton twenty years ago on much lesser charges.

So lets briefly review the low-lights of the Republican party in the last 50 years: Nixon knows about the Watergate break-ins and attempts to cover them up, Gerald Ford pardons him; the Reagan administration sold arms for hostages in the Iran-Contra affair, G.H.W. Bush and Bill Barr issue pardons for those involved; Dubya and Dick Cheney knowingly deceive America about false WMDs in Iraq prompting an invasion which cost millions of lives, trillions of dollars and destabilizes the whole region and Democrats do nothing. Donald Trump obstructs justice and continuously pisses on the rule of law and Democrats are seriously considering doing nothing…again. In short: Republicans repeatedly screw the country and repeatedly get away with it. Is it any wonder this country is so botched up and people have no faith in our democratic institutions any more.

Hopefully the Democrats will grow a spine, put justice first and impeach this lying, manipulative, con artist before he does further damage to the White House, the rule of law and the prestige of the United States. But then again, the Democrats have an uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

According to the handy dandy guide for reading the redactions of the Mueller report, the phrase 'Harm to Ongoing Matter' translates to 'Proof that Donald Trump is Guilty as Hell'.
According to the handy dandy guide for reading the redactions of the Mueller report, the phrase ‘Harm to Ongoing Matter’ translates to ‘Proof that Donald Trump is Guilty as Hell’.

The Singing Rat

The big news the past week was the explosive testimony given by Michael Cohen, the former personal lawyer and ‘fixer’ for American CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump.  In a hearing before the House Oversight committee, the rat Michael Cohen sang like a canary much to the chagrin of the House Republicans like Jim Jordan, Mark Meadows and Paul Gosar, who made absolute asses of themselves during the ‘interrogation’. They never questioned him but chose, in typical Republican fashion, only to assassinate his character, which we’ve all already surmised is abysmal. Even Cohen admitted he was a fool. The GOP logic: “You can’t trust a liar”.  The Republicans are also considerably irony impaired considering Cohen was the RNC’s deputy finance chairman up until eight months ago. Oh yeah…and then there’s the fact that Trump’s lie count is over 9,000.

One colossal buffoon was GOP Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan, who said Cohen was testifying against Trump only because he had ‘sour grapes’ for not getting a White House job. Then Jordan pulled another typical Republican prank of trying to twist Cohen’s words, which caused Cohen to reply, “Shame on you, Mr. Jordan.” This is the same Jim Jordan, who kept quiet about alleged sexual abuse at Ohio State. So, Jordan is certainly not someone who should throw stones.

Another mammoth idiot was Arizona’s own Paul Gosar, who embarrassingly resorted to playground taunts of “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” and even had a poster with the same next to him at the hearing to which Cohen responded to Gosar, “Are you referring to me or the President?” Gosar  is famous for having six of his siblings take out an ad to vote against their brother in Arizona’s 4th district election in 2018. The fact that Gosar still won speaks more to the conservative loons in the 4th district who put this nutbag back into office. Maybe Gosar and Trump can retire and hang out at a grade school playground where they can ply their bullying tactics and be undisputed ‘kings’.

So what’s next for Michael Cohen besides much deserved jail time? How about a thrilling crime drama about an everyday goombah for a national criminal organization who turns state evidence against his crooked boss called ‘The Singing Rat’, rated T for Trumptastic.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

Turtle Boy’s Disappearing Act

Senate Majority Leader and mutant Turtle Boy, Mitch McConnell, has once again pulled his patented disappearing act during the current record setting Trump government shutdown, which is coming up on the one month mark. We’ve remarked before on Turtle Boy’s uncanny ability to avoid responsibility when news first emerged about Russia’s involvement with the Trump campaign in December 2016. And who can forget after the 2012 election, the talks to avoid the dreaded fiscal cliff. We usually don’t like to repeat photo-toons, but when we got one that works, we stick with it.

McConnell refuses to act as a leader of the Senate and stand up to Trump. He has twice blocked votes against ending the shutdown. Apparently Turtle Boy doesn’t care about the government workers scraping by to pay their mortgages (or food) and working for free because hey…it ain’t hurting him. What a compassionate conservative! He’s also up for re-election in 2020 and since Trump is more popular than he is in Kentucky, he has courageously disappeared and decided not to rock the boat. Way to go, Turtle Boy!

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘Turtle Boy’, boldly performs his patented turtle act to avoid any responsibility for ending the record setting Trump government shutdown.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘Turtle Boy’, boldly performs his patented turtle act to avoid any responsibility for ending the record setting Trump government shutdown.

The New Flake In Town

The new members of the Senate and House have been sworn in and with it an old familiar face is back on the American scene. Utah’s ‘new’ Senator replacing useless, senile fossil, Orrin Hatch, is none other than Spiff Romney, 2012 GOP presidential candidate and used car salesman extraordinaire. The Spiffster dominated our Conathon 2012 coverage with his gleaming white Pepsodent smile and promises to serve the people, and by people we of course mean corporations.

Romney appears to be taking up the mantle of his departed fellow Mormon, Arizona’s own Jeff Flake, in that he immediately wrote a ‘scathing’ article critical of Donald Trump. Really???!!! Even Trump saw through that one, calling Spiff the new Flake in one of his temper tantrum tweets. It didn’t take long for Romney to show what a feckless adversary he would be by remaining mum on of the current border wall bullshit.

As if on cue, the corporate media announced that Romney and Nebraska’s Ben ‘Sassy Boy’ Sasse are the GOP’s new ‘mavericks’.  Really???!!! And people still think the corporate media is liberal in bias? Only conservative entities would brand these two stick in the muds as ‘mavericks’. So we’re wagering that in the next two years both Romney and Sasse will be promoted as ‘sane’ alternatives when the S.S. Trump eventually sinks and corporations are looking for new lackeys to promote the Republican, plutocrat and corporate media mantra of ‘tax cuts for the rich, screw all others’. Ahhhh! The capitalism con game continues!

Former GOP candidate and new feckless Senator, Spiff Romney, proclaims himself to be the new Jeff Flake who will bloviate against and then boldly cave in to every demand of America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

Former GOP candidate and new feckless Senator, Spiff Romney, proclaims himself to be the new Jeff Flake who will bloviate against and then boldly cave in to every demand of America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

Oval Office Follies

The big story this week was the Oval Office budget meeting between America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence and Democratic House and Senate leaders Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. We’ve had our doubts about both Pelosi and Schumer because they’re both corporatists who do their fair share of cozying up to moneyed interests and they’ve shown in the past a willingness to cave in a little too quickly to Republican demands (like many other Democrats have done in the past twenty years, i.e. the Iraq War, Patriot Act, etc…).

But we’ve got to admit that we like what we saw from Pelosi and Schumer. They made Trump look like a buffoon by getting him to take ownership of any looming government shutdown on video for the whole country to see. Meanwhile, Mike Pence sat like a bump on a log in his chair, doing absolutely zilch, zippo, nada, bupkis, diddly-squat. We love all the Pence memes that are making the rounds this past week. We like that comment that he looked like he was at a strip club. Yes, America… if Trump is impeached, then we’ll be in the stoic, ultra-conservative hands of Puritan Pence, which gives no sane person in America a warm fuzzy.

In a recent Oval Office budget meeting with Democratic House leader Nancy Pelosi, Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence tries to keep his thoughts pure while America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump tries to keep his thoughts empty.

America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence use impressive conservative skills to outmaneuver Democratic House leader Nancy Pelosi in a recent Oval Office budget meeting.

Little Man Trump

The midterms are over and the Democrats, as expected, have taken back control of the House of Representatives, which gives them a much needed check against America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s continued abuse of power. The Republicans augmented their control of the Senate though, preventing a blue tsunami. However, Democrats made some important gains that have predictably been pooh-poohed by Republicans and some of the main stream media.

Take for instance, the gubernatorial and senate races in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania: three swing states that voted for Trump in 2016. All three elected Democratic governors and senators. It appears like voters in those states appear to be admitting that Trump is a con artist and they made a mistake. To put it in perspective, if these three states had voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016, Trump wouldn’t be CEO/Dictator of America. It also means that the Democrats could very well put these states back in their column in 2020.

Also consider that 71% of the candidates that Trump supported lost their elections. So it definitely appears that many people have tired of Trump’s shenanigans and want anybody who supports him out of office.

While most agree that it wasn’t a huge swell like 2006, when Bush got “a thumpin'”, it was a good wave and it has rattled Trump and put him on the defensive. Not only did he lash out at reporters at a press conference, he pushed Attorney Confederate General, Jeff Sessions, out the door. Of course, in true Trumpian fashion, the orange haired, megalomaniac, man child blamed everyone but himself for the losses. It’s funny, when we were growing up over half a century ago, there was a saying that it takes a big man to take the blame and admit he was wrong or that he made a mistake. Once more, Trump is proving that he is a very, very, very, little man.

America's CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, nobly took the blame for the midterm election losses incurred by the Republican party. JUST KIDDING!!! He faulted everyone but himself like the truly little man he really is.

America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, nobly took the blame for the midterm election losses incurred by the Republican party. JUST KIDDING!!! He faulted everyone but himself like the truly little man he really is.

GOP: Screw Unto Others

Well, the Republicans finally got a ‘victory’, if any sane person can call it that. Of course, it’s at the expense of 24 million Americans and possibly more, especially seniors and people with pre-existing conditions. American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and all the other GOP ghouls in the House were absolutely giddy about their ‘victory’ Thursday as they barely passed their vicious new healthcare through the house 217-213.

By most accounts, this bill is just awful. Millions could lose coverage because of deep cuts in Medicaid and because the bill unfairly penalizes people over 50 by charging them almost 5 times more for coverage than regular people. States could seek waivers to deny certain benefits to people including people with pre-existing conditions. It also gives massive tax cuts to the wealthy to the tune of billions of dollars. The AARP trashed it as well as a coalition of hospitals, nurses and health care providers. So in summary: the poor and the old get screwed, while the rich get richer. And if you have a pre-existing condition, then die already.

If this doesn’t prove that Republicans are sadistic sociopaths who put party over the good of the country and put profits of their wealthy corporate benefactors like big pharma and the insurance industry (these industries have given over $204 million to Republicans since 2010), over people, then nothing else will. Jesus said “Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me.” Well then, Republicans just took Jesus’ healthcare away. According to the GOP the golden rule now reads: SCREW UNTO OTHERS! Can you live with that christians? If so, then maybe you’re a GOD DAMN HYPOCRITE!

Jesus said 'Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me. Well Republicans just screwed Jesus out of healthcare.

Republicans, like American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and jug eared corporate lackey Paul Ryan, giddily celebrate screwing 24 million people out of healthcare like the good christians they are, thus rewriting the golden rule to read: screw unto others.

Trump’s Lapdog In The Dog House

In a stunning reversal of fortune, California Republican representative Devin ‘Fido’ Nunes, recused himself as chairman of the House Intelligence Committee’s investigation into the Trump administration’s ties with Russia during the 2016 election.

Nunes has received much criticism from Democrats and moderate Republicans for appearing to be CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s lapdog. In the past couple of weeks, Fido has gone out of his way to make sure Donald Trump knew what was going on during the proceedings, which is a huge violation of House rules, federal law and ethics. But hey…when has that stopped the Republicans before. He is now under investigation for possibly disclosing classified information. Fido’s colleague, Rep. Ted Yoho, even said in defense of his friend, “Nunes is a man of high integrity and character”. Then he went on to say “You gotta keep in mind who he works for. He works for the president. He answers to the president.” No. No he doesn’t. Devin ‘Fido’ Nunes works for the constituents of the 22nd congressional district in California, not the President. He should put the people’s interest first since this is…you know…A DEMOCRACY.

Yep, Fido Nunes has been a good boy for his authoritarian master. We have no doubt he’ll be rewarded for his service like the good little lapdog he is.

American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, lavishes praise upon his lapdog, Devin 'Fido' Nunes, chairman of the House Intelligence Committee for breaking federal and ethical laws to keep him informed of anything bad the FBI is saying about him.

American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, lavishes praise upon his lapdog, Devin ‘Fido’ Nunes, chairman of the House Intelligence Committee for breaking federal and ethical laws to keep him informed of anything bad the FBI is saying about him.