Tag Archive for capitalist

Trump: Full O’ Beans

The clusterf*ck presidency of Donald Trump drones onward and with every passing day, absurd events occur leaving normal sane individuals banging their heads against brick walls in disbelief. Take Trump’s recent escapade with Goya Beans, a company which sells products catering to the Latino and Hispanic marketplace. Goya CEO Robert Unanue met with Trump and praised him effusively. One cannot find a more vomit inducing example of obsequiousness, even among GOP sycophants. Just watch the video in the link above. It reminds us of that poll last year when Republicans claimed that Trump’s a better President than Lincoln. Puke, puke and puke!!! Ignorance is alive and well in America, folks!

Not surprisingly, Hispanics, who don’t particularly care for Trump (he called them rapists and murderers), were outraged by the Goya CEO and started a campaign to boycott Goya. Not to be outdone, the Trump family charged into action . . . okay. . . they slithered into action. Ivanka did her best model impersonation with a can of Goya beans and Trump laid out a whole line of Goya products to give his seal of approval., The only problem is that while Trump’s endorsement of Goya may not be illegal, it is definitely unethical. In Ivanka’s case, it’s unethical and she probably broke the law. But why should that matter to the Trump Family Crime Syndicate. Ethics, smethics! The laws don’t apply to them. They’ve been doing whatever they want since Fred Sr. ruled the roost, taking no responsibility and facing no repercussions for their actions.

Who knows? Maybe Trump is planning to roll out a new business in the fine tradition of his other ‘successful’ endeavors like Trump Vodka, Trump Water, Trump Air and Trump University. Yep, we think Trump Beans is on the horizon, because when it comes to beans. . . Trump is full of ’em. Ivanka can even lend her incredible smiling and holding talents to pose with a can of Trump beans cajoling people to “Jump start your farts with my Daddy’s favorite.” Trump can even create an award called the “Ten Toot Salute” to proudly promote that his beans are winners. And pay no attention to the explosive flatulence or chronic diarrhea. That’s all a hoax! Eat the beans! What have you got to lose!

From the fine people who brought you Trump Vodka, Trump Air, Trump Water and Trump University comes their next doomed endeavor, the ultimate in designer beans, Trump Beans. Because when it comes to beans, Trump is full of 'em. Trump Beans is the winner of the coveted Ten Toot Salute award created by Donald Trump for excellence in bean stuff. Like Ivanka sez, jump start your farts with her Daddy's favorite, Trump Beans. Rumors that these beans cause explosive flatulence and chronic diarrhea are a hoax. Go ahead and eat 'em. What have you got to lose.
From the fine people who brought you Trump Vodka, Trump Air, Trump Water and Trump University comes their next doomed endeavor, the ultimate in designer beans, Trump Beans. Because when it comes to beans, Trump is full of ’em. Trump Beans is the winner of the coveted Ten Toot Salute award created by Donald Trump for excellence in bean stuff. Like Ivanka sez, jump start your farts with her Daddy’s favorite, Trump Beans. Rumors that these beans cause explosive flatulence and chronic diarrhea are a hoax. Go ahead and eat ’em. What have you got to lose.

Douchey Advice

As we’ve mentioned before, coronavirus cases have spiked throughout the Sun Belt with record numbers of cases for one day being recorded in many states. One of the hardest hit states has been our home state of Arizona. Our state was doing fine at the beginning of May. We had kept our numbers down, businesses were closed, people were social distancing and wearing masks. Then Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump visited a mask factory in Phoenix without wearing a mask. Trumpty Dumpty had some words with Arizona’s super-duper-businessman-turned-governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) and yada, yada yada, restrictions were removed and in the past two weeks COVID-19 cases have spiked dramatically, almost tripling since Memorial Day. To give you an indication of how dramatic, Arizona was holding at 23rd in the nation in mid-May, just barely ahead of Wisconsin, who just held their stupid anti-lockdown protest. Now, Arizona is 15th and on the fast track to 13th and a whopping 22,000 cases more than Wisconsin.

You’d think Ducey would reconsidering reopening or at least mandate wearing a mask in public but nooooooooooo. Our douchey governor recently stated that Arizonans are just going to have to get use to the coronavirus. Wear a mask, if you think it’s wise, or in other words, consumer beware. What a douchebag! Fortunately, for Arizonans, local municipalities are looking into mask-wearing mandates since Ducey seems reluctant to. . . you know. . . be a leader. Ducey can’t seek re-election in 2022 because of term limits. But unfortunately, we’ve got two more years of this Trump asskisser, who’s done absolutely nothing for this state other than typical Republican shit: rip away at regulations in order to privatize federal lands and services thus starving the government for the good of corporate America and the plutocrats who control it. His now dismal legacy on coronavirus may finally lift the stranglehold the GOP has had on this state since the 1960s.

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) receives some poignant advice from the master at ignoring problems, Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius Donald Trump.
Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) receives some poignant advice from the master at ignoring problems, Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius Donald Trump.

Gamble Away Your Money and Your Life

While several nations like Australia, New Zealand, Czech Republic and Norway are kicking butt in the fight against coronavirus, the good ol’ U.S. continues to lead the world in COVID-19 cases and deaths; not something we should be proud of. But yet, despite severe spikes in many Sun Belt states, even here in Arizona, the economy continues to open up again with masks and social distancing being optional in most places. Like we pointed out several posts back, the American people must sacrifice themselves on the altar of capitalism to keep the economy and stock market going ever upward and appease our capitalist plutocrat overlords, a.k.a. the Gods of Greed.

There’s probably no better picture of the insanity of it all than the reopening of Sin City, Las Vegas. We’ve commented before back in April about Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman with her survival of the fittest scenario she laid out for casinos reopening. Well, apparently that strategy is coming to fruition as casinos have reopened with masks now optional for guests. Predictably, there’s been a bump in COVID-19 cases in the past couple of weeks. But who cares, right? Americans must have their casino fix come hell or the apocalypse. Now they can gamble away their money . . . and their lives. Who could ask for anything more!

Las Vegas has reopened its casinos beckoning tourists to come gamble away their money and their lives.
Las Vegas has reopened its casinos beckoning tourists to come gamble away their money and their lives.

The Return of the Medieval Barber

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and ‘stable genius’ Donald Trump provided more evidence of his superior brain last week when he suggested that maybe it would be possible to rid ourselves of the coronavirus scourge by just maybe injecting some disinfectant into our bodies or perhaps shine some light into our bodies so that pesky virus will die already and Trump’s stock market can grow again and his troglodyte followers can get haircuts and attend his stupid rallies to bask in his wisdom.

Of course, Trump has already received tons of flack for his pushing of hydroxychloroquine as a possible cure for COVID-19 despite scientific evidence to the contrary. But then again, facts have never been a hindrance for Trump. In his petulant, warped, authoritarian mind, the truth is what he says it is. What is Trump’s next suggestion going to be? Will he channel the medieval barbers of yore and posit that leeches and a good blood-letting will cure you? Maybe drill some holes in the skull to let the bad humors out? They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but no knowledge, especially in the leader of the free world, is proving to be catastrophic.

We noted in our last post that TV clown doctors, Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, both came to Trump’s rescue by touting reopening the country despite all evidence pointing to the fact we’re not ready yet. But what is truly amazing is that none of the medical professionals like Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx will come right out and tell Donald Trump to shut the hell up. Dr. Fauci has spoken out afterward, but never to his face. And Dr. Birx just seems to hide behind her facade of multi-colored scarves, chomping at the bit but saying nothing. But then again, that’s typical for today’s modern, fascist, authoritarian loving Republican party. Just do what dear Leader says and shut the hell up. Enjoy your Clorox cocktails everyone!

The Return of the Medieval Barber: America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius and top notch medical professional Donald Trump surmises that a Clorox cocktail, leeches and blood-letting is the best prescription for cleaning out the coronavirus from a patient’s body which pleases his horde of greedy, sycophantic Republican lackeys who desperately want the country to reopen, consequences be damned. Rated R for Regressive.
The Return of the Medieval Barber: America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius and top notch medical professional Donald Trump surmises that a Clorox cocktail, leeches and blood-letting is the best prescription for cleaning out the coronavirus from a patient’s body which pleases his horde of greedy, sycophantic Republican lackeys who desperately want the country to reopen, consequences be damned. Rated R for Regressive.

The Derp Doctors

Last week, Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, trotted out two famous television doctors, Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, to spew forth reasons why America should open up the economy despite nationally, being nowhere close to flattening the curve of the coronavirus pandemic. Both doctors, surprisingly enough, got their big break from the queen of all media Oprah Winfrey. Staff member Chester Einstein has always been a huge fan of Ms. Winfrey, but when it comes to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, he’s reduced to twiddling his lips. Quoting Chester, “These guys are clowns!” And from what these TV physicians said last week, we’re inclined to agree. As a matter of fact, we think they’re Oprah’s two biggest mistakes.

First, Dr. Phil. We’ve always thought his folksy prescriptions for living a better life were a bit reminiscent of a snake oil salesman. We even created a BilgeBucket list of Dr. Phils folksiest pieces of advice bullshit for improving your life. We’re particularly fond of ” If you can con Oprah into thinking you know something, start pricing solid gold houses .” Remember, she was hoodwinked by author James Frey. Anyway, Dr. Phil started making ill-advised and completely inappropriate comparisons of COVID-19 deaths to swimming pool, auto accident and smoking deaths. He stated basically that people die all the time, why not just open up the country.

Dr. Oz made a similar tone deaf argument stating that we need to open up schools as soon as possible, saying that a 2-3% death rate for children might be considered acceptable. Really!!!??? This quack has already been backpedaling on his comments about hydroxychloroquine. Now this blubbering bonehead, along with Dr. Phil are moonwalking more than Michael Jackson. One thing’s for sure: Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz are now America’s Derp Doctors. Trust them at your own risk, America.

Oprah discoveries Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have officially become America's Derp Doctors with their tone deaf prescriptions for opening up the economy despite the coronavirus curve not even being close to flattening.
Oprah discoveries Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have officially become America’s Derp Doctors with their tone deaf prescriptions for opening up the economy despite the coronavirus curve not even being close to flattening.

The Gods of Greed

The coronavirus pandemic is still wreaking havoc on the human population across the planet with the death rate at close to 6% globally. The United States now leads the world in coronavirus cases by a large margin with over 500,000 cases and in deaths with over 21,000. Not only has COVID-19 exposed the incompetence of the Trump administration, but it’s revealed the true abhorrent nature of right wing propaganda media outlets like Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, and has destroyed the myth of a strong economy that American CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has touted since day one of his clusterf*ck of a presidency.

Trump has taken over the media since the coronavirus outbreak and on a daily basis shown that he is a truly horrible, tone deaf, uncaring heel. He openly has pushed for the use of hydroxychloroquine as a possible cure for COVID-19 despite medical evidence to the contrary. He has openly tried to gaslight the public in saying that he was always concerned about the coronavirus pandemic when he clearly mocked the media for touting its danger back in January and February, calling it ‘the next democratic hoax’ and stating that the virus will go away by April. (Editor’s note – we were skeptical back then, too – but at least we’ll admit we underestimated the original situation). In typical Trumpian fashion, he has blamed everyone but himself. His daily briefings are nothing more than political rallies where he crows about what a fantastic job he’s doing and that his ratings are higher than ever. He even brought out the My Pillow guy to prop him up. In Trump’s warped mind, over 21,000 (that’s seven 9/11s, folks) deaths in a two month span is a good thing and apparently we should congratulate him. Remember when he tweeted in 2014 calling for Obama to resign because of his handling of Ebola which resulted in two American deaths. No hypocrisy there, eh?

Fox News has also been doing its part in the gaslighting of America, too. When the pandemic first broke back in February, they openly called it a hoax and nothing to worry about. Twenty-one thousand American deaths later, they’re walking back their comments like Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk. Trump bootlicker extraordinaire Sean Hannity even had the gaul to say that Fox has always been concerned about the coronavirus, conveniently forgetting that there are video records showing the contrary. Fortunately, they’re getting sued for spreading lies and misinformation to the American public about coronavirus. Will justice be served and Fox be driven into the ground? We can only hope, but like John Oliver recently revealed on his excellent show, there are more bat shit insane right wing networks like OAN waiting in the wings to take Fox’s place.

The true emptiness of our capitalistic society has also been exposed with this pandemic. People have been trying to make boatloads of money off the shortages of paper products from the panic buying last month in the very definition of disaster capitalism. The stock market has lost much of its gains of the Trump era despite billionaires pumping money into the voracious, insatiable maw of Wall Street. Pundits like tin foil hat king Glenn Beck have even put forth notions that people should sacrifice themselves in order to save the stock market. Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin has even suggested that people are going to die anyway, why not sacrifice yourself for the stockholders of America. And somehow, disgraced former Fox News propagandist and self-proclaimed history detective Bill O’Reilly has appeared back on the air and has been blathering the same kind of thing as Johnson saying that the deaths have been people who ‘were on their last legs anyway’. What a compassionate conservative christian!

That’s where we are, folks; our leaders and right wing media pundits are actually suggesting we lay down our lives for profit. For those christians out there, is this what Jesus would do? With the coronavirus pandemic, we now know that to the Republican party, certain people in America (a.k.a. the non 1%ers) just don’t matter and they should sacrifice themselves on the altar of capitalism in order to appease the Gods of Greed; the capitalistic overlords on Wall Street and plutocrats of corporate America.

The Gods of Greed: In order to save his precious stock market while simultaneously improving his all-important TV ratings, American CEO/Dictator and top notch medical professional Donald Trump and his horde of sycophantic Republican lackeys try to convince the American populace that granny and gramps must sacrifice themselves to the coronavirus pandemic on the altar of capitalism in order to save the lives of our greedy corporate overlords and the avaricious plutocratic gods on Wall Street. Rated R for Rapacious.
The Gods of Greed: In order to save his precious stock market while simultaneously improving his all-important TV ratings, American CEO/Dictator and top notch medical professional Donald Trump and his horde of sycophantic Republican lackeys try to convince the American populace that granny and gramps must sacrifice themselves to the coronavirus pandemic on the altar of capitalism in order to save the lives of our greedy corporate overlords and the avaricious plutocratic gods on Wall Street. Rated R for Rapacious.

Our Simpson-esque Man Child Dictator

We received this week for the umpty-ninth time of the Trump administration a glaring colossal reason why America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump should not be re-elected. In a televised speech to the nation, Trumpty Dumpty in typical Trumpian fashion failed to admit any fault in his response to the coronavirus and instead of calming the nerves of people worldwide, prompted more panic as stock markets again plunged Thursday morning. That’s almost an 8,000 point drop since mid February, folks; basically erasing any stock market gains since 2017. And remember: the ‘strength’ of the stock market was supposedly Trump’s mightiest accomplishment. Ooops!

A hallmark of the Trump presidency is that he constantly boasts how everybody loves him, what a stable genius he is and that ‘some people’ proclaim that he’s the greatest president in history. This monstrous narcissism was on display last week at a press conference at the CDC where our orange-haired megalomaniac blathered on about how a relative of his was a ‘super-genius’ and how scientists were coming up and telling him how smart he was and that he’s got ‘a natural ability’. Scientist, doctors and engineers around the world collectively vomited at this point. Trump’s vanity and ego truly know no bounds!

We’ve noted Trump’s resemblance to perpetual cartoon brat back in 2016 when we did a photo-toon explaining the 2016 election, Simpsons style with Hillary Clinton as Lisa and Trump as Bart. Trump’s constant boasting over the last three years reminds us of a classic episode of the Simpsons in Season 4 (Lisa’s First Word) when a little two year old Bart paraded around the house banging a pot proclaiming to all within earshot “I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me! I am so great!” Or here’s a hilarious 10 minute loop of Bart’s proclamation. (We’ve also embedded the vids below.) Gee, sound familiar? Yes, our Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump certainly does bear a striking resemblance to rotten little imp Bart Simpson. Cowabunga, dude!

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, bears a striking resemblance to rotten, little imp Bart Simpson from the Simpsons and has even adopted walking around proclaiming loudly to all how great he is.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, bears a striking resemblance to rotten, little imp Bart Simpson from the Simpsons and has even adopted walking around proclaiming loudly to all how great he is.
Donald Trump proclaiming his greatness to all.
Donald Trump perpetually proclaiming his greatness.

They’ll Be Dancing…Dancing On His Grave

In addition to America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s vendetta rampage following his ‘acquittal’ by the spineless Republicans sans Spiff Romney, Trump also found it fitting to give a presidential Medal of Freedom to none other than Rush Limbaugh, a.k.a. Boss Limhogg, who recently announced he had advanced lung cancer, most probably due to his lifelong love of smoking cigars. The Medal of Freedom is normally bestowed upon “individuals who have made especially meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors,” What the hell was El Rushblo’s contribution to American society, you may ask? Yes, he did do charitable work for cancer and veterans. That’s commendable. But basically, he’s provided forty years of hate-filled diatribe that has contributed much to the political chasm that divides this country today and the reason we’ve got an orange-haired, authoritarian, man child asshole in the White House.

Limbaugh’s transgressions are legion. We used to have a regular feature here from ’03-05 called Rush Watch where we highlighted some of his vileness in photo-toon form, but even we grew sick of his never ending bullshit. Staff member Chester Einstein used to listen to his radio broadcasts and watch his tv show in the early 90s, but stopped when El Rushblo continuously and ruthlessly mocked the Clintons, even Chelsea who was only a teenager at the time. He also picked on Amy Carter, too(see third link in our list below). But then mocking and bullying teenagers is par for the course for today’s manly man conservative Republicans.

Here are some links that illustrate how badly Limbaugh has helped tear America apart.

We have no doubt that lines are already forming to dance on his grave. If you think that’s in poor taste, well then you haven’t been paying attention to the drivel that Limbaugh has spewed forth from his gaping maw since the ’80s. We’re not alone in wishing El Rushblo a glorious trip to hell! We hope you choke on your massive, stinky stogies for all eternity, you racist, sexist, ignorant fat tub of goo!

Lines are already forming for people who want to dance on the grave of obnoxious, racist, conservative asshole and fat tub of goo Rush Limbaugh (a.k.a. Boss Limhogg).
Lines are already forming for people who want to dance on the grave of obnoxious, racist, conservative asshole and fat tub of goo Rush Limbaugh (a.k.a. Boss Limhogg).

Foolproof Gun Control Solution

The coronavirus has gained the attention of the world recently with more than 65,000 cases reported globally and almost 1,5000 deaths. America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump even took an aggressive stand by issuing travel restrictions with China where the virus originated. But many feel that the travel ban could backfire. While we applaud this act of preparedness, health officials and the CDC say that the flu is much more dangerous and has already claimed 10,000 lives in the U.S. since October.

But there is one deathly scourge that continues to be ignored by the corporate media and the corrupt, conservative Republican corporate lackeys in Congress who continue to look the other way and do nothing. That menace is none other than gun violence. In America, gun violence kills far more people than coronavirus every year (36,000 gun deaths each year with more than 100,000 shot and injured) but yet the corporate media chooses to gaslight us and continue to scare the sheeple with the occasional and over-hyped biological threats. Over-hyped is a strong word but look at the numbers. According to the CDC, 445 people are under investigation in the U.S. for coronavirus. There are about 325 million people in America, so that means that 0.00013692307 percent of Americans have the virus. In China, which has almost 1.4 billion people, there are 60,000 confirmed cases. So, that means that 0.00428571428 percent of the Chinese population have the virus. There are already questions concerning the numbers being reported from Chinese officials.

This is par for the course for the Republicans and their cohorts in the corporate media. Would Trump ever consider signing an executive order banning assault weapons? Are you kidding???!!! The Republicans love using viruses as way to scare the sheeple. Look at the 2014 election, when the GOP announced to everybody that Ebola was coming to get them. Ebola can only be transmitted if you’re in direct contact with bodily fluids of an infected person, but that didn’t bother the Republicans from lying their asses off to get their permanently scared constituents to vote for them to ‘save the day’. We’ve seen how much more corrupt they’ve become since then with their whitewashing of Trump during his impeachment trial and the complete collapse of the now corrupted Department of Justice.

Since Republicans refuse to do anything about our biggest crisis, we here at the Bucket have a foolproof method of gun control. Sure it’s a bit crude but you know what, so are today’s right wing conservative gun nuts. So, just in time for Valentine’s Day, if you love guns more than life itself:

  • go home
  • give your favorite firearm a blow job
  • bring that gun to orgasm

Or in simpler terms: Go F*ck Your Gun! We guarantee it will be a mind-blowing experience and we might finally be able to pass some decent legislation making America safe and sane again before the next round of mass shootings.

Here's a handy dandy gun control solution for all those gun enthusiasts out there who love their guns more than life itself. Guaranteed to be a mind-blowing experience!
Here’s a handy dandy gun control solution for all those gun enthusiasts out there who love their guns more than life itself. Guaranteed to be a mind-blowing experience!

Australia On The Barbie

These are trying times not just for the United States, but for the entire world. Tensions are high in the Middle East with America’s assassination of Iran’s general Qassem Soleimani and Iran’s retaliatory attack on U.S. bases in Iraq, not to mention Iran’s accidental shooting down of a commercial airliner. There is the impeachment saga of Donald Trump and his continuing attempts with help from his flying monkey lackeys in the Senate at distracting Americans (see Iran attack).

But probably the most gut wrenching events happening now are the wildfires in Australia. We’re environmentalists here at the Bucket and it’s depressing to see the loss of so much wildlife to these raging fires, which are exacerbated by climate change. Estimates are that possibly one billion animals have been killed by the conflagrations which are consuming wide swaths of eastern Australia. Some threatened species like the tiny dunnart, potoroo and glossy black-cockatoo are being pushed to the brink of extinction. The damage is devastating and heartbreaking.

But the most frustrating thing about it is that the conservative leaders in Australia, much like their conservative counterpart Republicans in the United States are big time climate change deniers. Prime Minister Scott Morrison has received a boatload of flack for his handling of the crisis. He actually took a vacation to Hawaii while Australian citizens grappled with the fires. Of course, Morrison blamed it all on a “breakdown in communications”. He was also roundly booted from a town in New South Wales where citizens, fed up with the government inaction, heckled him thus driving him away from their town. In our estimation, Morrison deserves every bit of criticism. His and other corporatists attitude is to protect the fossil fuel industries at all cost and to ignore the obvious results of climate change, flippantly dismissing bushfires as something Australia always have had, this year it’s just a little more severe. But Australia’s summer temperatures have broken records for the last several years and the hot, dry air is only making the bushfires that much worse.

The crisis is real and Australia is in danger of losing not only its unique land wildlife but also its diverse sea life as well. The Great Barrier Reef is also in tremendous peril. The leaders of the world need to stop being greedy and consumed by materialism and the pursuit of capitalistic wealth. Like we’ve said over and over here, there is no planet B! If the living plants and creatures on this world die, we die! Since humans have commandeered this planet, it’s our responsibility as its ‘smartest’ species to make sure all life survives. Capitalism is killing life on this planet. It’s time for our leaders to pull their greedy fricking heads out of their greedy fricking asses and pass laws, a.k.a regulations, against polluting industries throughout the world.

Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison laments the possible extinction of the fossil fuel industry if climate change is addressed while a kangaroo, a koala and an endangered potoroo have a few choice words for the PM.
Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison laments the possible extinction of the fossil fuel industry if climate change is addressed while a kangaroo, a koala and an endangered potoroo have a few choice words for the PM.