Archive for Wide World O’ Wacky

StonkMarketStop

One of the more intriguing recent developments has been the whole GameStop story and how a bunch of neophyte traders on Reddit spanked the greedy hedge fund pirate plutocrats of Wall Street and beat them at their own game.

We won’t go into depth on explaining what happened. We’ll let this article explain the proceedings. Or you can let Tom Tomorrow at This Modern World explain it in cartoon format. But in a nutshell, a group of investors on Reddit, a group called WallStreetBets or WSB, decided they were going to teach the greedy hedge fund managers a lesson. One tactic hedge fund managers use is to short sell stocks. They look for stocks that are failing and basically bet that they’ll continue to die. So they borrow shares to sell and buy all the stock at a lower price before paying off their lender and usually make a fortune. GameStop is a brick-and-mortar video game retailer whose days are numbered because of online video gaming and the pandemic, so they were on the hedge funders lists of future profits. But WSB stepped in and bought stock so that the stock price rose precipitously, which means that the hedge fund managers, who were betting that the stock prices would fall, lost money, BIG TIME. We’re talking billions of dollars. The trend continued for other failing businesses like AMC, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Blockbuster, whose stock price rose 3,990% in a week.

If you say this sounds like rigging the system like that of a casino, you are absolutely right. The WSB people showed that the hedge fund managers have been using Wall Street as a casino for years to get filthy rich with absolutely no repercussions. Of course, now that WSB did the same thing, plutocrats are crying foul and proclaiming that there needs to be regulations in place. You see, only plutocrats are supposed to win money on the stock market, while the rest of us working stiffs just work our asses off making these avaricious assholes richer. So, the greedy corporatists are fine with no regulations until they’re beaten at their own game and then they cry like babies.

We’re looking forward to see what kind of regulations Senators like Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders have in store for the greedy fat cat capitalists in the next couple years. It could get interesting, folks.

A well heeled member of the plutocracy expresses his utter disdain that common peons are making money at the Wall Street casino.
A well heeled member of the plutocracy expresses his utter disdain that common peons are making money at the Wall Street casino.

The Force Is Strong In This One

One of the best things about twice Impeached former CEO/Dictator Donald Trump being out of office is not waking up every morning in a cold sweat fearing what asinine thing the petulant man child tweeted at three o’clock in the morning. Now that the social media giants have pulled their collective heads out of their asses and suspended the orange-haired doofus’ accounts, sanity can slowly return to America.

One of the things we used to do here, (back before Trump) was post photo-toons and other items which weren’t really political in nature. Now that some normalcy seems to be returning, at least on a temporary basis, we hope to return to those halcyon days when we could post funny items.

We’re big Bernie Sanders fans here at the Bucket and we loved the picture of Bernie at the inauguration that has become an Internet sensation. We’re kind of late to the party, but here’s our take on that meme as he aims to do battle with the new crazies of the alt-right like Marjorie Taylor Greene, a.k.a. MTG, a.k.a. MT Head. Yes, this new wing nut is strong with the Q but then Bernie is strong with the force and the space lasers.

The force is strong with Bernie Sanders as he prepares to do battle with new right wing nut jobs like Marjorie Taylor Greene, a.k.a. MTG, a.k.a. MT Head.
The force is strong with Bernie Sanders as he prepares to do battle with new right wing nut jobs like Marjorie Taylor Greene, a.k.a. MTG, a.k.a. MT Head.

The Tan Suit Controversy

Remember when Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network had an absolute conniption fit about then President Barack Obama wearing a tan suit during the summer time. This and Obama’s using spicy mustard on his food were horrendous, earth shattering scandals to the right-wing conservative jackals.

Fast forward to 2020 and look who’s trying to wear a tan suit; none other than Moscow Mitch “Turtle Boy” McConnell. As far as who wore it better, it’s not even close. Obama looks like a super suave, debonair CHAMP while McConnell looks like a salesman at a discount mattress warehouse trying to sell you a slightly used model . . . or in other words . . . a CHUMP.

Former President Barack Obama wore his tan suit like a Champ, while Moscow Mitch "Turtle Boy" McConnell wore his tan suit like a Chump, looking more like a salesman at a discount mattress warehouse trying to sell you a slightly used model.
Former President Barack Obama wore his tan suit like a Champ, while Moscow Mitch “Turtle Boy” McConnell wore his tan suit like a Chump, looking more like a salesman at a discount mattress warehouse trying to sell you a slightly used model.

D.C. Cherry Blossoms

Amazingly, it’s almost football season and most American men are looking to the soothing distraction of sports to take their mind off of how awful 2020 is. Seriously, 2020 sucks!!! It’s no surprise that the topic of the Washington Redskins offensive nickname has came up again and FedEx, the owner of the stadium the team plays in, has been insistent with Redskins ownership to change the name of the team to something less racist and obnoxious. The controversy has existed for many years and yet the owner of the team, Dan Snyder, refuses to change things, saying the name is part of the team’s heritage stating, “We’ll never change the name. It’s that simple. NEVER—you can use caps.” Talk about being stubborn as a mule!

Since we’re talking about the gawdawful stupidity of collegiate and professional sports, it’s time for another edition of Helmet Hilarity. We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school and team mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So, in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of obscure collegiate teams (or future football teams) and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present a possible new contender for the Redskins. We did a BilgeBucket List several years ago about the re-branding theme; the top new names for the Washington Redskins. While the most logical new moniker would be Warriors, (you could keep the current color scheme and even the classic spear helmet), we’d like to see one of the names we suggested from our Bucket List get chosen. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the team name was changed to the D.C. Cherry Blossoms. We can just picture the pink helmet with a big cluster of cherry blossoms depicted on it, with pink, creme and cherry red uniforms. What manly man, testosterone crazed football fan in D.C. wouldn’t love it, amirite? Just imagine the excitement of the brand new Thanksgiving Day rivalry between the Cowboys and the Cherry Blossoms. Getting goosebumps yet? Or how about the ‘fierce mascot’ match-up between the Cardinals and the Cherry Blossoms? You could bring a picnic lunch and take a nap. ‘Cuz you know . . . there’s nothing more important in life for Americans than football and just like Family Guy needed Conway Twitty, Trump and the Republicans desperately need the distraction of professional and collegiate sports to obfuscate their gross incompetence and malfeasance to voters even if it means that the athletes could catch the coronavirus, which many baseball players have done already. But then again, sacrificing one’s health for the good of the economy is what living in Trumpland is all about. So, GO CHERRY BLOSSOMS!!!

The football helmet and jerseys of the renamed Redskins, now called the D.C. Cherry Blossoms, complete with pink, creme and cherry red color scheme which will surely please all the macho manly man football fans in the Washington D.C. area.
The football helmet and jerseys of the renamed Redskins, now called the D.C. Cherry Blossoms, complete with pink, creme and cherry red color scheme which will surely please all the macho manly man football fans in the Washington D.C. area.

Gamble Away Your Money and Your Life

While several nations like Australia, New Zealand, Czech Republic and Norway are kicking butt in the fight against coronavirus, the good ol’ U.S. continues to lead the world in COVID-19 cases and deaths; not something we should be proud of. But yet, despite severe spikes in many Sun Belt states, even here in Arizona, the economy continues to open up again with masks and social distancing being optional in most places. Like we pointed out several posts back, the American people must sacrifice themselves on the altar of capitalism to keep the economy and stock market going ever upward and appease our capitalist plutocrat overlords, a.k.a. the Gods of Greed.

There’s probably no better picture of the insanity of it all than the reopening of Sin City, Las Vegas. We’ve commented before back in April about Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman with her survival of the fittest scenario she laid out for casinos reopening. Well, apparently that strategy is coming to fruition as casinos have reopened with masks now optional for guests. Predictably, there’s been a bump in COVID-19 cases in the past couple of weeks. But who cares, right? Americans must have their casino fix come hell or the apocalypse. Now they can gamble away their money . . . and their lives. Who could ask for anything more!

Las Vegas has reopened its casinos beckoning tourists to come gamble away their money and their lives.
Las Vegas has reopened its casinos beckoning tourists to come gamble away their money and their lives.

Rocky XXV: Still Cocky

Continuing with our final installment of our brief ‘something completely different – get me the hell out of the nightmare year that is 2020’ photo-toon retrospective. . .

Sylvester Stallone has made many films in his long Hollywood career, but he is most notably known for his character Rocky Balboa and the film series franchise which has chronicled the pugilist from Philadelphia for umpty-nine movies since 1976, when Rocky won the Best Picture Academy Award. Quite honestly, in our opinion here at the Bucket, Stallone’s best acting performance was as a small town police officer uncovering corruption in the NYPD in the forgotten 1997 movie Cop Land. But Rocky has been his go-to meal ticket for over forty years, why should he stop now.

Here’s a photo-toon from our December 22, 2006 issue featuring Sylvester Stallone making yet another comeback in Rocky XXV: Still Cocky. This time the rapidly aging boxer must face off against a truly menacing cockfighting rooster.

Sylvester Stallone has decided to resurrect his meal ticket from the '70s and '80s with yet another new Rocky film, Rocky XXV: Still Cocky which features the aging boxer attempting a comeback against some new, challenging foes like a menacing cockfighting rooster.
Sylvester Stallone has decided to resurrect his meal ticket from the ’70s and ’80s with yet another new Rocky film, Rocky XXV: Still Cocky which features the aging boxer attempting a comeback against some new, challenging foes like a menacing cockfighting rooster.

Going Rogue!

Continuing with our ‘something completely different – get me the hell out of the nightmare year that is 2020’ photo-toon retrospective. . .

Remember when the craziest thing about the Republican party was Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin? Fun times! The Queen of Wasilla certainly made quite a ruckus when she published her book Going Rogue. Oh right. . . late Senator John McCain also chose her as his Vice Presidential candidate in 2008, which resulted in the rise of the Teabaggers in 2010. Ooops!!! Yeah, we never forgave McCain for that one.

Here’s a photo-toon from our October 28, 2008 issue featuring a certain beloved cartoon character moose who has fallen victim to a certain rogue hunter.

The United States is now a more dangerous place for a certain beloved cartoon character moose.
The United States is now a more dangerous place for a certain beloved cartoon character moose.

Yo! 50 BILLion Is In Da House!

And now for something completely different…

We’re kind of fatigued with the current state of affairs in the world: coronavirus, authoritarian leaders, racism, fanatical religions, corporatism, environmental destruction, etc . . . . So, we’ve decided to dig into our vast archives of photo-toons for some chuckles from the past.

Here’s a little photo-toon from our June 19, 2006 issue. It features billionaire Bill Gates as he steps down as CEO of Microsoft to pursue his true passion: rap music, where he’ll perform under the moniker 50 BILLion.

Bill Gates has recently stepped down as CEO of Microsoft to pursue his true passion: rap music, where he'll perform under the moniker 50 BILLion.
Bill Gates has recently stepped down as CEO of Microsoft to pursue his true passion: rap music, where he’ll perform under the moniker 50 BILLion.

Rewind: A Promise Too Far

The 2020 presidential election has become clearer in the past week with the results of Super Tuesday. Joe Biden won a clear victory and is now the front runner with Bernie Sanders not too far behind in second place. Michael Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar have bowed out and given their support to Biden. Unfortunately, for all Americans, Elizabeth Warren, the smartest candidate running in this election, has also called it quits. So, basically it’s a two horse race between a couple senior citizens; one a corporatist, one a social democrat. We’ve got the funny feeling that once again, despite having a myriad of social programs(Medicare, Social Security, etc…) already in place, Americans are still having a collective brain fart on social democracy and socialism.

Honestly, we prefer the Warren-Sanders wing of the Democrat Party. However, although we here at the Bucket are progressive independents, we are voting for whomever the Democratic nominee is, just like we have for the past twenty-eight years. Just look at the Trump administration in addition to the Bush administration (not to mention the first Bush and the Reagan administrations) and you’ll understand why we’ll never vote for another Republican as long as we live. But we’ve been around long enough to know that Joe Biden is not the perfect candidate. Let’s face it, folks; Biden likes to bullshit and he’s a big time gaffe master. If there’s a chance he’ll stick his foot in his mouth or tell embarrassing tall tales, he will. Back in 2008 when Obama named Biden his VP, we collectively slapped our foreheads and said “Oh, oh!” But thankfully, Biden turned out to be a commendable Vice President. He is a good, honorable man who will do the right thing for all Americans. But, he will also do and say some stupid things along the way, guaranteed. So, don’t let the conservative corporate media or Fox News Republican propaganda machine fool you. Yes, Biden’s having senior moments, but then again Trumpty Dumpty is outpacing Uncle Joe on that front by a country mile. Donald Trump is by the far the WORST choice for America and the world and he proves it on a daily basis.

Here’s a photo-toon from our March 7, 2009 issue, where Obama assures the American populace that Biden will not insert his foot into his mouth while Uncle Joe has some reservations about that prospect.

President Obama may have made one promise he can't keep. concerning Vice President and gaffe master Joe Biden.
President Obama may have made one promise he can’t keep.

Slap Shootin’ Putin

In an amusing story to end out the year here at the Bucket, Russian President and object of America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s man crush, recently beat a team of influential Russian ministers, business and musicians in a friendly hockey game in Red Square by the score of 8-5, scoring half his team’s points. All we have to say is – of course, his team’s going to win and of course he’s going to score half the points. Russia’s authoritarian propaganda machine constantly promotes Putin’s athleticism and virility. The bare chested Putin riding a horse braving the elements has become cliche. So yeah. . .we’re totally sure that game was played fairly. That hockey game was kind of like letting your boss win at company picnics or get-togethers. Can you imagine if someone came along and checked Putin into the boards or blocked his shots? That person would soon have a new address in Siberia or maybe get treated to an extra special polonium-210 cocktail.

We’re sure Trump completely loves the Russian propaganda spiel. We’re also sure that this is how Trump wants Americans to view him; as a virile, unbeatable man who should be worshipped and treated as a god, as evidence by his recent tweeting an obviously Photoshopped picture of his head on Sylvester Stallone’s body. As Charlie Brown would say, “Good Grief!”

Authoritarian Russian President Vladimir Putin reveals his secret for mastering his opponents in hockey - his customized AK-47 hockey stick.
Authoritarian Russian President Vladimir Putin reveals his secret for mastering his opponents in hockey – his customized AK-47 hockey stick.