Archive for Compassionate CONservatives

So Much Whining

It’s been two weeks since the 2020 presidential election and ten days since Joe Biden was declared the president-elect and still America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and rejected, petulant man child Donald Trump is throwing a hissy fit like a three year old toddler, proclaiming all the while that he didn’t lose the election and that he will never concede. He has launched several unsuccessful attacks trying to overturn the results in states like Michigan , Georgia and Pennsylvania but to no avail. Trump lost the election, by a ‘landslide’ (in 2016 Trumpianese) and he refuses to deal with it and many Republicans, like Lindsey Graham, are supporting his efforts. What’s more, the Trump administration’s refusal to interact with the Biden transition team is further endangering our democratic institutions and emboldening his insane right wing followers like QAnon, the Proud Boys, and evangelical zealots who act more like demons than their hero, Jesus.

Maybe Trump should take a page out of his 2016 election victory and call on his pal Vlad Putin to interfere, which was confirmed by the Mueller report. But it’s probably too late for those kind of shenanigans. We just heard that Putin only likes Presidents who don’t lose. Tough luck, little Donny! We guess it’s back to your incessant whining and diaper pooping.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator and rejected, petulant man child Donald Trump receives a wake-up call from his former BFF Vlad Putin.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and rejected, petulant man child Donald Trump receives a wake-up call from his former BFF Vlad Putin.

A Man For Four Seasons

While America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump whines, cries and swims in the river of denial, his administration and the propaganda flying monkeys at Fox continue to enable the emotional toddler’s fantasy that he actually won the election through non-existent fraud, despite Biden earning more than 5 million more votes and more than likely winning the electoral vote by the same total the orange-haired megalomaniac defeated Hillary Clinton in 2016, 306-232; or as Trump called it in 2016, “a landslide”.

But an event occurred this past week which perfectly encapsulates the incompetence of the Trump administration. Somehow, instead of booking a press conference at Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia, the lame brains booked a gig at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. So, instead of just admitting a mistake and rescheduling – in typical conservative fashion, the Trumpies doubled down on their mistake and held the conference at the landscaping store which is conveniently located in an industrial-commercial area between a crematorium and an adult book store/theater. You can’t write comedy better than this and in fact all the late night comics had a blast mocking the whole insipid affair. And wouldn’t you know, Trump sends head goombah Rudy ‘Captain Colludiani’ Giuliani to give the presser as the rotten cherry on top of the shit sundae. Wow! The ineptitude is breathtakingly stunning! And yet there are seventy million people in America who voted for this kind of stupidity for four more years. Double Wow!

In a move which perfectly demonstrates the incompetence of the Trump administration, chief goombah Rudy Giuliani holds a press conference at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, conveniently located between a crematorium and an adult bookstore/theater, which brought about much perturbation from the clientele of the whack shack.
In a move which perfectly demonstrates the incompetence of the Trump administration, chief goombah Rudy Giuliani holds a press conference at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, conveniently located between a crematorium and an adult bookstore/theater, which brought about much perturbation from the clientele of the whack shack.

Hey Trump: YOU’RE FIRED!

Well, they finally called the presidential election Saturday for Joe Biden. The states of Pennsylvania and Nevada were called which put Biden over the top with 279 electoral votes. Arizona, Georgia, North Carolina and Alaska are still having votes tabulated but it looks like Biden will impressively pick up red states Arizona and Georgia (which would give Biden 306) while Alaska and North Carolina will go to America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump.

We’ll have more commentary about the election later this week, but for now, we’ve got just one thing to say to Donald Trump that most sane, intelligent Americans have been waiting to say to this pathological prevaricator since 2016: YOU’RE FIRED!!!!

Hey, Donald Trump: YOU'RE FIRED!!!!
Hey, Donald Trump: YOU’RE FIRED!!!!

Trump: Malarkey King

Thankfully the third and final debate of Con-a-thon 2020 is over and there’s only a week left before the general election on November 3rd. Again, most observers gave the win to Joe Biden. But more than a few corporate media outlets proclaimed that Donald Trump acted much more presidential in this event. The bar is set so low that if Trump doesn’t wet himself while crying about being the victim, he’s proclaimed ‘presidential’. Of course, the quintessential moment was when Biden accused Trump of not taking any responsibility for failure of the administration’s coronavirus response which prompted America’s Impeached CEO/Director to take full responsibility and blame it on China, like he’s done for the past eight months. There you have it, folks.

Early voting is way up so far in the 2020 election, which usually favors the Democrats. Polling also indicates that Democrats are doing well in swing states. Of course, we’ve been here before. We thought Hillary Clinton was a lock in 2016 and whammo . . . four years of hell under Trump! But most sites like electoral-vote.com, 270-to-win and Nate Silver’s 538 are predicting that the Democrats will definitely win the House, slightly favored to win the Senate and favored to win the White House. While this sounds great, don’t get complacent, folks. Be sure and vote!!! The world can’t take four more years of the petulant, orange-haired man child and malarkey king spewing forth orders from his gaping, prevaricating maw.

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, petulant man child and malarkey king Donald Trump takes full responsibility . . .for blaming everyone else except himself and BFF Vlad Putin for the unchecked coronavirus pandemic.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, petulant man child and malarkey king Donald Trump takes full responsibility . . .for blaming everyone else except himself and BFF Vlad Putin for the unchecked coronavirus pandemic.

The Handmaiden Justice

While many Americans need desperate relief from the disastrous effects of the on-going coronavirus pandemic, what do the Senate Republicans do? They hold confirmation hearing for their super religious handmaiden justice candidate, Amy Coney Barrett. In the first week of hearings, Ms. Barrett certainly did nothing to allay Democrats’ fears about her abolishing abortion rights, LGBTQ rights, voting rights, delaying the election, eliminating Obamacare and blocking any kind of legislation for regulating climate change. She repeated didn’t answer Democrats’ questions pertaining to these subjects. Propagandists over at Fox Propaganda Network openly proclaimed that her notebook was blank, meaning she was so sharp she didn’t need notes. Well, when you don’t answer any of the Democratic Senators’ questions, we guess you don’t need any notes. As far as we’re concerned, her brain was as blank as her notebook and her sanctimonious, holier-than-thou stare.

But there is little the Democrats can do. Ms. Barrett’s confirmation is pretty much a done deal and it will probably put her on the bench right before Election Day. Gee, how convenient! And Republicans keep stating over and over that they’re worried about Joe Biden packing the court if he gets elected when that’s exactly what they’ve done for the past twenty years. Al Gore won the popular vote in 2000 and yet George W. Bush got to pick two conservative justices (Roberts and Alito). Hillary Clinton won the popular vote in 2016 and yet Donald Trump got to pick three conservative judges (Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and now Barrett), not to mention Mitch McConnell refusing to hold confirmation hearings for Merrick Garland, who should rightfully be occupying a seat on the Court. So that’s five conservative judges where there should have been five left leaning or moderate judges; all stolen by Republican shenanigans the past twenty years.

We’ve got a lot of problems with Ms. Barrett’s confirmation and the main reason is because she is obviously very religious and will no doubt let her religious brain washing influence her decision making. Confession time: Editor-in-chief Dex Rexter was raised catholic (and is happily far removed from that ‘cult’, as he calls it) and knows very well the holier-than-thou type that Ms. Barrett obviously is. When Ms. Barrett refused to answer questions and gave the world her blank stare, this is a typical reaction of everyone who was raised catholic and is questioned about their beliefs. All christians are taught to have the victim mentality, meaning that whenever they are questioned about their beliefs or faith, they envision themselves as martyrs; St. Sebastian tied up, pierced with arrows or St. Joan of Arc being burned at the stake. The questions don’t matter because in her brain washed mind, she is doing God’s work and everyone who rightfully questions underlying motives are just heathens slinging their arrows and swinging their torches. This God Delusion (see Richard Dawkins), is enormously dangerous for sane, logical, rational people with education based on scientific facts and reasoning. We’ve mentioned this before; the people who wrote the bible knew nothing compared to what we modern day humans know. The biblical 1st century database is minute compared to the colossal 21st century database chock full of scientific facts and data. Why anyone would still let dogma written before the 19th century influence their lives is beyond comprehension. The only behavioral rule people need to follow is the law of reciprocity or the golden rule, which pre-dates the foundations of judasim, chrisitianity and islam. The ten commandments are just the golden rule stated ten times.

So there you have it. The modern day handmaiden Amy Coney Barrett will stomp all over Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s legacy and more than likely mark the return of back alley abortions, make it tougher for people to afford healthcare, ignore and vilify scientific consensus and make it difficult for any person who is different (translation: anyone who isn’t a straight christian) to get a break in America. Of course, if she is confirmed before election day, she may even rule, with her fellow religious, conservative zealots on the bench, that Donald Trump will somehow get to stay President even though he and all his Republican sycophants are getting slammed in the polls and could be in for a blood bath on election day. Like we’ve said before; get ready for the Holy Corporate Empire, folks.

With a blank notebook, stare and brain, Supreme Court nominee and modern day handmaiden Amy Coney Barrett proudly announces her desire to implement outdated, regressive 1st century dogma on a 21st century society as Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence becomes overstimulated.
With a blank notebook, stare and brain, Supreme Court nominee and modern day handmaiden Amy Coney Barrett proudly announces her desire to implement outdated, regressive 1st century dogma on a 21st century society as Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence becomes overstimulated.

Trump Sez Don’t Fear The COVID!

Straight from the poetic justice files: recently America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump, fresh from being thumped and humiliated at the first and hopefully last Presidential debate of the 2020 election season, announced that he tested positive for coronavirus, this after months of downplaying the virus despite over 200,000 Americans dying from COVID-19, the disease caused by the virus. He was airlifted a day later to Walter Reed Hospital where he received top notch medical care and a ‘cocktail’ of medications including a drug called Regeneron which Trumpty Dumpty touted a miracle drug claiming that he felt like ‘Superman’ after the treatments, despite the CEO of Regeneron claiming more tests are needed.

The Trump manure and virus spreader really tilted into overdrive after that. Much to the dismay of any competent doctor’s recommendations, Trump returned to the White House the following Monday, took off his mask and visibly wheezing and struggling to breathe, declared that people shouldn’t fear COVID-19. Over the course of the following week, Trump has proclaimed that he must be ‘immune’, implying himself to be some kind of superhuman. He gave an interview with his favorite ass-kisser Fox Propaganda Network’s Sean Hannity where he noticeably hacked his way through the interview. Meanwhile, White House doctor Sean Conley trashed any trace of respectability he had left by stating that Trump was symptom free, despite not having tested negative for the virus, and could resume regularly scheduled campaigning events, while most medical experts are crying bullshit.

There’s no way Trump is not contagious, that is if he even had coronavirus in the first place. The whole scenario just doesn’t pass the sniff test. But yet Trump is out again doing his rallies, completely maskless. His message of not fearing COVID falls woefully flat because 99.9% of people in the United States can’t be airlifted to Walter Reed and given the same treatment the President gets. If people do end up contracting the disease, most would end up with debilitating hospital bills and possibly permanent health damage. But then again, Trump’s only concern is about getting elected again, not if Jane and Joe Smith end up getting the virus and paying for it with their life.

Do the Republicans really think they can get away with this tomfoolery? Of course they do! They’ve gotten away with it for four years, why wouldn’t they. Hell, that’s been the modus operandi for the GOP the past fifty years: bully their way into doing anything they want and if things go wrong, blame it on the Democrats, who inevitably end up fixing things only for the Republican sheeple to buy the next con the Republicans dish out to them. Rinse and repeat.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator, petulant man child and coronavirus superspreader, Donald Trump, declares that Americans shouldn't fear COVID-19 despite most not having access to the same medical care that the President does, while 'Doctor' and Republican lackey Sean Conley proclaims the orange skinned megalomaniac to be the perfect human specimen.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, petulant man child and coronavirus superspreader, Donald Trump, declares that Americans shouldn’t fear COVID-19 despite most not having access to the same medical care that the President does, while ‘Doctor’ and Republican lackey Sean Conley proclaims the orange skinned megalomaniac to be the perfect human specimen.

VP Debate Winner: Super Fly

The Vice Presidential debate took place Wednesday night in Salt Lake City, Utah and at least it was civil despite Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence trying to do his best Donald Trump impersonation by lying his ass off and interrupting Democratic candidate Kamala Harris repeatedly. As expected Harris did a solid job and most thought she won the debate. Our favorite moment was when Senator Harris boldly stated (a few times) when Pence tried to interrupt her “Mr. Vice President, I’m speaking.” But let’s face it, folks; VP debates have always been a bit of a side show and usually don’t change voter’s minds too drastically.

However, the real star of the VP debate was the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head midway through the debate. But this fly was no ordinary fly. This scene stealing ‘Super Fly’ stayed put for almost two minutes while Pence rambled on with his propaganda and drivel. It’s become an internet sensation. We here at the Bucket noticed that the image of the fly on Mike Pence bore an uncanny resemblance to a fly on a pile of shit. The similarities are remarkable. We’re sure some alt-right, QAnon nut job will come up with some conspiracy theory that good ol’ Super Fly was some kind a miniature drone built by the Democrats in order to make Mike Pence look bad. Sorry, conservative wing nuts; old Puritan Pence is quite capable of looking bad all by himself.

The image of a fly sitting on Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence's head during the VP debate bears an uncanny resemblance to a fly sitting on a pile of shit.
The image of a fly sitting on Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence’s head during the VP debate bears an uncanny resemblance to a fly sitting on a pile of shit.

Despicable Debatacle

I don’t think we can describe the first Presidential debate debacle (or should we say debatacle) better than CNN’s Dana Bash when she called it a ‘shitshow’. The reaction from world governments was pretty damning as well. The Guardian called is ‘a national humiliation’ while an Israeli TV anchor said, “Condolences to America. . . it’s harder to sink lower than this.’

And who made it a shitshow? Why none other than America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child little Donny Trump. Good fricking grief! What an asshole he was! Joe Biden couldn’t get a word in edge wise because our megalomaniac dear Leader kept interrupting him like a goddamn baby. At least Joe Biden told him to shut up a couple of times. Normally, we’d not approve of that kind of behavior, but look who Uncle Joe was dealing with. Sometimes you have to put the crybaby in a timeout and let him think about what a little prick he’s being.

But what was really alarming was that Fox Propaganda ‘journalist’ Chris Wallace lobbed a softball question for Trump about denouncing white nationalists and the bellicose, orange haired prevaricator botched that, saying instead that Proud Boys should ‘stand back and stand by’. That certainly sounds like ‘get ready to rumble’ to us. Of course, all the GOP sycophants in Congress and the media have been in full gaslighting mode trying to tell the American people that they didn’t hear what they heard. Trump ass-kisser extraordinaire Sean Hannity was even gloating that Trump was a new style of mighty warrior. Holy Shit!!! What an addleheaded asshole!!!

The only thing the debate proved was that Donald Trump is a goddamned crybaby and shouldn’t be allowed to be President. But then again we’ve known that ever since he first announced his was running for office. Dealing with Trump is like playing chess with a pigeon, with Trump playing the part of the bird. The pigeon Trump will knock over all the pieces and poop on the board and claim complete and total victory, which is what Trump did on Tuesday night. We have no doubt he will probably try to do the same thing on November 3rd.

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man-baby Donald Trump whines that Joe Biden is kicking his ass and calls on his right wing thugs to save his presidency thus destroying democracy.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man-baby Donald Trump whines that Joe Biden is kicking his ass and calls on his right wing thugs to save his presidency thus destroying democracy.

Hypocrisy, Thy Name Is Republican

Given the record of the GOP’s lust for power these past 40 years, is it really any surprise that Moscow Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell would hypocritically announce that he would vote immediately on a replacement for deceased Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg before her memorial service. If you have the memory of gnat, then let us remind you that in 2016 after Anton Scalia died in February, McConnell and the Senate Republicans declared to all that since it was an election year, it was in the best interest of the nation to let the winner of the upcoming election fill the vacancy. President Obama nominated Merrick Garland but Moscow Mitch refused to even hold confirmation hearings like the authoritarian, fascist jackass he is. And of course, the supposedly morally superior Republican crybabies fell right in line and obstructed Obama until Trump stole the electoral college (thanks to help from Russia – remember, Hillary Clinton won the popular vote) and filled the empty seat with right-winger Neil Gorsuch.

So what did the Republican Senators say in comparison to what they’re saying this year? Some of the more noteworthy hypocritical quotes from 2016 include:

“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.” Mitch McConnell, Feb. 13. 2016

“I strongly support giving the American people a voice in choosing the next Supreme Court nominee by electing a new president. I hope all Americans understand how important their vote is when it comes to picking a new Supreme Court justice. The American people should choose wisely this November.” Lindsey Graham, March 16, 2016

“In the midst of a critical election, the American people deserve to have a say in this important decision that will impact the course of our country for years to come.” Joni Ernst, March 16, 2016

“I don’t think we should be moving forward on a nominee in the last year of this president’s term. I would say that if this was a Republlcian president.” Marco Rubio, March 17, 2016


“In a few short months, we will have a new president and new senators who can consider the next justice with the full faith of the people. Why would we cut off the national debate on the next justice? Why would we squelch the voice of the populace? Why would we deny the voters a chance to weigh in on the make-up of the Supreme Court?” Tom Cotton, March 16, 2016

The hypocrisy is blatant and in your face, but the Republicans don’t care. There are piles of unattended bills from the House that need to be brought to a vote including further coronavirus relief, but that will have to wait because the Republicans have changed their minds and have decided that it is imperative now that the Supreme Court seat must be filled as soon as possible, RBG’s final wishes be damned. What’s strange is that 62% of the country seems to agree with the 2016 Republicans and thinks that the new Supreme Court Justice should be named by the winner of the upcoming election.

Here’s a list of all the hypocritical Senators from 2016 who are up for election in 2020 who conveniently changed their minds and should be voted the hell out of office.

  • Dan Sullivan, Alaska
  • Tom Cotton, Arkansas
  • Cory Gardner, Colorado
  • David Perdue, Georgia
  • Joni Ernst, Iowa
  • Mitch McConnell, Kentucky
  • Steve Daines, Montana
  • Thom Tillis, North Carolina
  • Jim Imhofe, Oklahoma
  • Lindsey Graham, South Carolina
  • Mike Rounds, South Dakota
  • John Cornyn, Texas
  • Shelley Moore Capito, West Virginia

Here it is in a nutshell, folks: Republicans are nothing but blatant goddamn hypocrites and they’ve been proving it every day of the Trump administration, especially during Trump’s impeachment! Everybody should take a look at the list of senators up for re-election this year and vote their smarmy lying asses out of office! They’re nothing but sanctimonious, duplicitous frauds who should never be let near the corridors of power in the United States again! Of course, if they move to Russia, we’re sure ol’ Vlad Putin will have a place for them.

Editor’s Note: In our original photo-toon we had a picture of Sonny Perdue, not David Perdue. This has been corrected.

Here are some of the goddamn Republican hypocrites who in 2016 proclaimed loudly that the people voting in November should decide who should be on the Supreme Court but now in 2020 want to rush through a pick just days before the election.
Here are some of the goddamn Republican hypocrites who in 2016 proclaimed loudly that the people voting in November should decide who should be on the Supreme Court but now in 2020 want to rush through a pick just days before the election.

McSally: YUCK!!!

The election is fast approaching and Joe Biden is maintaining his lead nationally over America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump. The odds of the Democrats keeping the House also looks very good right now and the Dems may even take back the Senate. Since we’re Arizonans here at the Bucket, we’re concerned about the Senate race here and it appears that Democratic candidate Mark Kelly has a commanding lead over Martha McSally.

We’ve posted before about Trump’s rubber stamp McSally. She ran for the Senate in 2018 and got trounced by Kyrsten Sinema, who became the first Democratic Senator since the 1990s. Then Arizona Governor Republican Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) appointed her to serve in the late John McCain’s seat until the 2020 election. So, McSally got rejected but still got a Senate seat: par for the course in Republican America (see Donald Trump losing the popular vote in 2016 and George W. Bush losing the popular vote in 2000 and still ‘winning’). The majority of Arizonans, who are mostly Independents, clearly don’t like her and her attack ads against Mark Kelly are not only stupid but misleading and mostly false. But’s that not surprising. Look who’s her idol. . . the biggest pathological liar this country’s ever seen.

We think that the photo-toon below of Ms. McSilly kissing Trump’s ass . . . (oooops, that’s his face. . . easy to get confused). . . perfectly sums up our feelings on the soon to be ex-Senator from Arizona.

Martha McSally: YUCK!!!
Martha McSally: YUCK!!!