Archive for November 13, 2017

Sleazed And Abused

Controversial Republican candidate for Senator in Alabama and bible thumper extraordinaire, Roy Moore, has recently become even more reprehensible, if that’s possible. Moore is running for Senate in a special election against Democrat Doug Jones to fill Confederate Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III’s seat. But last week, a woman came forward and claimed that Moore initiated a sexual encounter when she was 14 and Moore was 32. Yikes!!! Talk about sleazy! But more women have come forward since. Today, a fifth woman has accused Moore of sexual misconduct when she was 16.

What’s even more disturbing than Moore’s seeming penchant for teenage girls are the boneheaded responses from Moore supporters in the GOP actually defending his actions. The stupidest was Alabama state auditor Jim Ziegler’s response that “Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus,”. Wow!  In a unbelievable outbreak of good sense, some GOP senators, including Turtle Boy, Mitch McConnell, have stated that Moore should probably leave the race.

If Moore does leave the race, he can always go hang around with Matthew McConaughey’s creepy character, David Wooderson, from Dazed and Confused, and they can scope out the high school girls.

Alabama senate candidate, bible thumper extraordinaire, and colossal hypocrite, Roy Moore, hangs out with Matthew McConaughey's creepy character, David Wooderson from the movie Dazed and Confused and together they scope out the high school girls. Yes they do.

Alabama senate candidate, bible thumper extraordinaire, and colossal hypocrite, Roy Moore, hangs out with Matthew McConaughey’s creepy character, David Wooderson from the movie Dazed and Confused and together they scope out the high school girls. Yes they do.

Maybe The Problem Is The Pizza

John Schnatter, the founder and owner of Papa John’s pizza, recently came under fire for complaining that his pizza sales were down because of the NFL protests.

This from a man who complained back in 2012 that Obamacare would force him to raise the price of his pizza a measly fourteen cents to cover healthcare for his own employees. Let’s repeat that…his own employees. So Papa John is such a cheapskate, he doesn’t even want to protect the very people who made it possible for him to build a 40,000 square foot mansion. Boy, we thought we were misers here at the Bucket, but Papa John is definitely the World’s Stingiest Man.

Because of the stance against the players protesting, Papa John’s has become the ‘official pizza’ of the alt-right. To John Schnatter’s credit, he doesn’t want to be associated with Nazis so he’s had to come out and beg white supremacists not to buy his pizza. Too late Papa John…you’re one of them.

We here at the Bucket think that maybe Papa John’s pizza sales are down because the cardboard box the pizza comes in tastes better than the pizza.

A consumer suggests to Papa John that his sales suck not because of the NFL player protests but because the pizza box tastes better than the pizza and that he's a stingiest man alive.

A savvy consumer enlightens Papa John about the true reasons his pizza sales are lagging.

General Disappointment

When American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump appointed former general John Kelly as Chief of Staff, many breathed a sigh of relief in hoping that maybe the stoic ex-Marine could keep Trump in line. Ahhh! What naivete! John Kelly has proven in recent weeks that he’s not really not that different from Trump and that he’s only another enabler to the orange haired man-child who is our current President.

Take Kelly defending Trump’s recent call to a military widow where he told a grieving widow “he knew what he signed up for”. Kelly not only defended Trump but criticized Representative Frederica Wilson’s criticism of Trump’s wording. Trump’s press secretary,a.k.a. secretary of deception, Sarah Huckabee Sanders even went as far as to say it was inappropriate of Wilson to question Kelly because he was “a four star general”. Well how authoritarian of you Ms. Huckabee Sanders!  Mr. Kelly isn’t in the military anymore. This is a democracy and there is such a thing as freedom of speech and freedom of the press, which is guaranteed by the U.S. constitution. When John Kelly says and does things which are undemocratic and wrong, it is our right as Americans to question him.

Speaking of which…last week, Kelly showed his ignorance on history when he claimed that the Civil War could have been avoided if only the South and North would have been willing to compromise. Like Professor Stephanie McCurry says, “That statement could have been given by [former Confederate general] Jubal Early in 1880”. Well, the North and South did compromise before in 1820 (Missouri Compromise) and the Compromise of 1850 and those compromises only postponed the inevitable. It took a war to rid this nation of the disgusting institution of slavery. But unfortunately, thanks to the botched Reconstruction and Jim Crow laws, racism persists today. Unbelievably, we have Confederate revisionists in power in this country who want to return to those glory days of white supremacists, KKK marches and frightened minorities. Mr. Kelly: your authoritarianism and racism are showing and it’s pretty ugly.

American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's authoritarian Chief of Staff, John Kelly, sez if only the slaves would have compromised and agreed to a pay cut,  the Civil War could have been avoided, which delights Confederate Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III and an old, hooded, Confederate white knight.

American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s authoritarian Chief of Staff, John Kelly, revises history by claiming failure to compromise caused the Civil War which delights Confederate Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III and an old, hooded, Confederate white knight.