Archive for October 30, 2016

Comey’s October Surprise

Just when you thought the possibility of a Trumpocalypse was over and you could breath safely…

FBI Director and one tall dude(6’8″), James Comey, decided Friday that Americans weren’t stressed out enough about the elections and decided to throw some raw meat to Donald Trump’s drooling thugs. Comey, a lifelong Republican, decided to conveniently re-open the email investigations with a little more than a week left until the election. This investigation doesn’t concern emails on Hillary’s server, but emails pertaining to Anthony Weiner. Comey, claims that he just wants to make sure that there is no wrongdoing here or as one lawyer put it, he’s covering his ass. The DOJ promptly fired back with a complaint against Comey. We find it interesting, that Comey, who claims he isn’t a Republican anymore, has long had ties to them and he even did his thesis in college on everyone’s favorite evangelical theocrat James Falwell. What’s interesting is that back in June, Comey claimed the matter closed and that no reasonable prosecutor would pursue the matter. But here it is, almost election time (and Halloween)…and surprise, surpise – more emails! Maybe Comey had this planned all along like the Democrats are now claiming. Or maybe he is just covering his ass and making absolutely positive that there was no wrongdoing like he did before.  All we know is that this goddamn farce that is Con-a-thon 2016 can’t get over soon enough. Thanks for the added stress Mr. James Comey! Can we send our medical bills for anxiety and mental fatigue to you?

FBI director James Comey says that Hillary Clinton is too far ahead and decided to give Trump's easily pissed off supporters more red meat on which they can gnaw.

FBI director James Comey decided that there wasn’t enough tension in the 2016 Presidential election, so he decided to throw some red meat to Donald Trump’s rabid, easily pissed off supporters to make things interesting.

Arpaio To Model Pink Underwear

While John McCain may be staying in Arizona politics for a while longer, another bastion of Arizona conservatism may be riding off into the sunset very soon; Sheriff Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio. We’ve commented before about authoritarian, demagogue Sheriff Joe and his crazy support of fellow birther Donald Trump. Now it finally appears that he’s getting his comeuppance for his racial profiling laws. Arpaio has officially been charged with criminal contempt of court and could be spending six months in prison. And of course, all of Sheriff Joe’s shenanigans have cost Arizona taxpayers millions of dollars. On top of this, his Democrat opponent in the Maricopa County sheriff election, Paul Penzone, has a lead on him in the latest polls. What poetic justice: not only will Arpaio finally be retiring from public office, he very well could become a resident of his own infamous creation, Tent City. We hope he enjoys the 100+ degree heat, his pink underwear and green bologna… oh and the undying love and admiration of his fellow inmates.

The inmates of Tent City want a pink underwear fashion show from their new resident, soon to be former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

The inmates of Tent City want a pink underwear fashion show from their new resident, soon to be former Maricopa County Sheriff, Joe Arpaio.

Arizona’s Crusty Old Obstructionist

We’ve commented before about so called ‘maverick’ Arizona Senator John McCain’s about face on Senate confirmation of Supreme Court nominations. Well, he recently confirmed what everyone knew; that the Republicans will continue their pattern of obstructionism if Hillary Clinton becomes President. To hell with his constitutional duty; the Republican Party comes first in America. This pretty much cements our opinion here at the Bucket that Senator McCain is well past his prime and needs to retire. Fortunately, his Democrat opponent, Ann Kirkpatrick, is hitting hard with her ads against McCain, commenting about his support of right wing wackos from Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. Will it be enough to defeat him? We’re not holding our breath. Unfortunately, most polls indicate McCain winning handily. So it appears we’ll have at least six more years of Republican partisanship with our crusty, old, obstructionist prospector senator, John McCain.

Crusty old coot John McCain promises to be agin' all of Hillary Clinton's Supreme Court Justice picks even if she picks him.

Many sane Arizonans are fed up with crusty old coot and Republican Senator John McCain’s obstructionist shenanigans and vigorously encourage his retirement from politics.

Baby Temper Tantrump

Mercifully, the last debate of the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016 is over. Probably the biggest moment of the debate was when orange haired, authoritarian megalomaniac and GOP nominee, Donald Trump, refused to say whether or not he would accept the results of the election. We really shouldn’t be surprised by Trump’s behavior any more. For the last year and a half, he’s acted pretty much like a big baby, who whines when things don’t go his way and blames everyone else for his misfortune.

The strangest twist to come from the debate is that amid Trump’s charges of a ‘rigged’ election, the Donald’s bromance partner, Vladimir Putin and Russia now want to monitor the U.S. elections to guarantee smooth, safe, truthful democratic elections…because…you know…when you think of smooth, safe, truthful, democratic elections you automatically think of Russia.

Needless to say, we can’t wait for this stupid election to be over. Come on November 8th!

GOP nominee Donald Trump throws a temper tantrum as he refuses to accept the results of the U.S. elections if he loses, which prompts his bromance partner, Vladimir Putin to step in to assure a 'democratic' election.

Vladimir Putin leader of the world’s super democracy, Russia, steps in to defend poor, little, innocent GOP nominee Donnie Trump and guarantee an election result much to Trump’s liking.

Thou Shalt Grabbeth Her By The Pussy

The fallout from Pussygate continues for GOP nominee Donald Trump. More women have come forward with allegations of improper sexual advances. The orange haired rage monster’s polls continue to drop and he’s in full blamestorming mode, pointing fingers at everyone but himself. But the one thing that continues to astonish most people is that evangelical christians, who blather on and on and on about morality and family values, continue to support this obvious horndog. Maybe we’re missing something…Oh yeah! We completely forgot about Jesus’ little known Sermon at the Strip Club, where he told his fellow apostles “Thou shalt moveth on the bitch, and grabbeth her by the pussy.”

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends GOP candidate Donald Trump by reciting his little known Sermon at the Strip Club where "Thou shalt moveth on the bitch and grabbeth her pussy."

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends GOP candidate Donald Trump by reciting his little known Sermon at the Strip Club.

 

America’s Ultimate Creepy Clown

Sometimes reality writes the best jokes…

There have been a rash of creepy clown sightings world wide recently. But nothing like the huuuuuuuge sighting last night in St. Louis, Missouri at the 2nd Presidential Debate. Yes America… Donald Trump is the Ultimate Creepy Clown.

Donald Trump stakes his claim as America's ultimate creepy clown.

There was a huuuuuge creepy clown sighting at the 2nd Presidential Debate last night in St. Louis, Missouri.

Paying Taxes Is For Losers

Another day, another ugly revelation about Donald Trump. They’re coming so fast and furious we can’t keep up with them. A tape surfaced Friday which revealed that Donald Trump was not just a misogynist but a perverted misogynist and unbelievably people are shocked! This authoritarian megalomaniac has been saying lewd things about women for the past year and people are still shocked???!!!!

But we’ll comment further on that in upcoming posts. For now, we’re going to try to catch up on the Donald possibly not paying taxes for the past twenty years. In the first presidential debate, Hillary goaded Trump into pretty much admitting he pays no income tax. Furthermore, he thinks he’s smart for doing so. Not only that, Trump’s acolytes like Suckinupagus Christie and Rudy Giuliani praised Trump and called Trump a genius for not paying his fair share. Of course, this is a core belief that Republicans have been adhering to since…forever. Paying taxes is for losers. Only people with money shouldn’t have to pay taxes because they’re ‘winners’. Or in other words, I got mine… f*ck you! Now, we’d hardly call that a christian attitude. But then again, the Republicans have been conning the evangelicals for years. Look at the GOP nominee for President and his puritanical VP. We’re pretty sure that greedmeister Trump will come up with some sure fire plan to make money off of not paying his taxes. His sheeple are already lining up. Like P.T. Barnum said “There’s a sucker born every minute.”

Authoritarian megalomaniac, GOP nominee and 'tax genius', Donald Trump, exhorts one of his many peons that if he works hard and makes him President, then he'll get a real deal on a tax tip so he doesn't have to pay taxes like a loser.

Authoritarian, megalomaniac con man, GOP nominee and ‘tax genius’, Donald Trump, exhorts one of his many peons that if he works hard and makes him President, then he’ll get a real deal on a tax tip so he doesn’t have to pay taxes like a loser.

Pence Lies Like A Real Boy

The Vice Presidential debate was last night and as predicted is was pretty lackluster. What kills us is that many ‘pundits’ think Pence won the debate because he merely denied that Donald Trump said all the horrible, rotten, despicable things he has actually said during the course of the last year of this clusterf*ck that is Con-a-thon 2016. Since when did lying your ass off win you a debate? Oh that’s right, he’s Republican and the corporate news media is conservative. Hell, Republicans were claiming victory two hours ahead of the debate.

However, the Clinton campaign has released a pretty damning video showing the dishonesty and deception of Mike Pence and the Trump campaign. If Puritan Pence keeps lying like Pinocchio, he’ll severely jeopardize his chances of entering into his christian heaven.

GOP Vice President nominee, Puritan Mike Pence spins some Pinocchio-like deception by claiming Donald Trump called Mexicans therapists and not rapists.

GOP Vice Presidential candidate and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, spins some Pinocchio-like deception and dishonesty which may hinder his chances of getting into christian heaven.

The Stoner Who Would Be President

As if the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016 couldn’t get any stranger, the once respectable Chicago Tribune announced this past week that they’re going to endorse not Donald Trump… not Hillary Clinton… but Libertarian candidate and stoner extraordinaire, Gary ‘Dude’ Johnson. We’ve gained a little, tiny bit of respect lately for the Arizona Republic and the San Diego Tribune for breaking with tradition and endorsing the only sane choice for President, Democrat Hillary Clinton. But come on Chicago Tribune. This man had another ‘Aleppo’ moment last week on Chris Matthews when he couldn’t name a world leader. We think the people at the Trib may be ex-High Times employees and may be smoking the same thing as the ‘Dude’.

Libertarian candidate Gary 'Dude' Johnson says that Captain America is a gnarly world leader much to the approval of the stoners at the Chicago Tribune, who endorse him totally for President.

The stoners over at the Chicago Tribune think that Libertarian candidate Gary ‘Dude’ Johnson would be a totally awesome choice for President.