Archive for Dubya’s Madcap Misadventures

Rewind: The 2006 Blue Wave

Results are still trickling in from the 2018 midterms and the blue wave is a lot bigger than the corporate main stream media proclaimed it to be. Why is it that corporate news outlets, especially conservative ones like Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, can never admit that the Republican candidates lost and their world view is not popular with average Americans? CNN, MSNBC and other corporate media outlets all declared early on that the blue wave was more of a blue trickle. They did this during the last big ‘blue wave’ election in 2006 as well.

We dug up from our archives, an old article from that “thumpin'” in 2006 that pretty much describes the same toxic climate we have for this year’s midterm elections. We guess it’s like that old corporate media saying, “if it’s broken, don’t fix it…as long as we’re making money”.

This article is from our November 13, 2006 issue.

Holy Cow! Dems Win! Republicans Trampled, Crushed, Whupped, Clobbered, Drubbed, Thumped…They Got Beat BIG TIME!

In a thunderous rejection of President Bush’s foreign policy in Iraq and the scandal ridden Republican controlled Congress, the American public voted Democrats into power across the board in elections held last Tuesday, November 7th. Not only did the Democrats take control of the House and the Senate for the first time since 1994, they also seized control of many state legislatures and have an edge in governorships as well. The Democratic victory has also prompted many resignations and dismissals, like Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and RNC Chairman Ken Mehlmann. Among the many high profile Republicans defeated were: Senator Rick Santorum, Senator George Allen, Katherine Harris, Representative Richard Pombo and Representative J.D. Hayworth..

The new Speaker of the House, California representative Nancy Pelosi, said, “This is a stinging rebuke for the misguided policies of the Bush Administration. The American people have spoken and they are angry. President Bush has to work with us now and in particular me. They say ‘paybacks a bitch’. Well that bitch’s name is Nancy Pelosi.”

Massachusetts Senator John Kerry said, “Well a few weeks ago I said we were like the Chicago Cubs; always snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Boy I thought I blew the election with my botched joke about being dumb and getting stuck in Iraq. But even though the media beat it into the ground and flogged me with it on a daily basis, the American people decided they were fed up with Republican shenanigans and not my loquacious, meandering, sleep inducing manner of speaking. What I’m trying to say is: Cubs win! Cubs win!”

Even though President Bush acknowledged that is was ‘a thumping’, many Republicans and neocon pundits were in denial about the loss. Arizona Representative J.D. Hayworth, who was beaten by Democrat Harry Mitchell, still hasn’t conceded even though major wire services have called the race for Mitchell and there is a four percentage point difference in the vote count. “Nuh-uh!” whined Hayworth in typical Hayworth fashion. “There is no way I lost to Mitchell. That is just pure fantasy. I’m J.D. Hayworth. I wrote a book about immigration reform. People like me. I’m J.D. Hayworth. We’re just going to count and recount those votes until I’m victorious. So there! I’m J.D. Hayworth and I approve this tantrum.”

Host of Fox News Hannity & Colmes, Sean Hannity, said, “Please! I would hardly call this a ‘Blue Wave’ like everybody in the liberal media is calling it. Sure some Democrats won some races and they took back the House and Senate, barely. It’s nothing like the glorious revolution of 1994 when the Republicans swept into power ushering in a glorious age of ass-clenched conservativism. Those days are gone my friends. The next thing you know, Osama will be invited to address Congress by that terrorist loving Nancy Pelosi. She’s probably having a sex party in her office right now with her unholy sex slaves from San Francisco. God I hate her!”

Chris Matthews, host of Hardball, said, “You know who I’m going to miss? All those guys like Tom Delay, Bob Ney and Randall Cunningham. Sure they were corrupt, but they made it exciting didn’t they? Now we’ve got Hillary and Nancy nagging at us all like mother hens. Things will probably get done now. We won’t have any fun. God I hate them!”

Many Americans felt good about the election results. Karyn Green of Teller, Virginia said, “For the first time in six years I have a feeling of hope. Maybe now Congress will check Bush and his agenda which has gotten us into nothing but hot water.”

Natalie Harrison of Chesterville, Wisconsin said, “I don’t expect miracles from this new Congress, but maybe someone can come up with a plan for exiting Iraq. The current administration certainly doesn’t have a clue.”

However, Bush supporter Derrick Armstrong of Hubley, Colorado said, “Great! Now that Pelosi woman is going make me speak Spanish, hug a tree, get an abortion, do drugs and have sex with a guy. Thank goodness, my old pastor, Ted Haggard, showed me how to do the last two.”

Living skeleton Ann Coulter proclaims the 2006 blue wave to be nothing more than a blue trickle.

Neo-conservative pundits, like living skeleton Ann Coulter, were downplaying the November 7th election results saying “Only for half-brights with absolutely no concept of yesterday is this a ‘tsunami’ — as MSNBC calls it — rather than the death throes of a dying party.”

The Normalization Of Dubya

The Trump presidency has been frightening enough, but another disturbing trend is becoming more frequent since Trump’s election: the normalization of right wing conservatism. For some reason, only Republicans like Bob Corker and super-hypocrite Jeff Flake are heralded for ‘standing up’ to Donald Trump, even though they’ve voted for everything he’s pushed forward.

Now for some reason, some people, including Democrats are willing to forget the horrendous presidency of George W. Bush or at least say he wasn’t all that bad. Are you freaking kidding???!!!! Bush and his cadre royally fucked this country up and now people are embracing him just because Donald Trump is so awful?  Bush even recently gave a resounding well received speech about the evils of Trumpism. That’s right, DUBYA!!!! This is how screwed up this country is! We commented before about how Megyn Kelly has been hired to try and normalize right wing conservatism. We’re seeing it all over the place in the main stream corporate media. Chris Wallace has been presented as a somewhat sane veteran ‘journalist’ now instead of the partisan hack he truly is. If you ask us, you should never trust Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network and you should never praise Dubya as being a font of wisdom. In case you’ve forgotten, he was the worst president since Nixon. He should never be forgiven for the clusterf*ck that was Iraq, the Great Recession, which his policies help create or for his almost completely running this country into the ground with his massive tax cuts for the rich, not to mention gutting environmental regulations and denying climate change like Trump is doing. From 2003-2009, we mocked and ridiculed Dubya and his fellow Republicans for the lies and deception they spewed on the American public and now the Republicans are doing it again, with a different moron in charge.

We came across one of our old photo-toons from 2006, when Dubya got counseling from James Baker through the Iraq Study Group that staying in Iraq was a bad idea. Hell getting into Iraq was an even worse idea. But typical of all conservative Republicans, they will never admit that they made a mistake. To this day, Bush won’t admit that his decision to unilaterally invade Iraq was a mistake, despite the fact that it has brought turmoil to the Middle East likely for the next half century. His trillion dollar debacle destabilized the whole region and gave rise to not only Al-Qaeda infiltrating Iraq, but the rise of ISIS later on during Obama’s presidency. His stubbornness to listen to any other voice other than Republican Neo-cons like Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, put this country in the dumper. It was only the political ‘thumping’ the Republicans took in the 2006 election, which brought Democrats back into power that he considered other options about Iraq. And now were seeing another conservative Republican named Donald Trump pulling the same ‘I’m the Decider’ crap that Dubya pulled. The only evolution that is occurring in the Republican party is from having a President who is a moron to one that is a f*cking moron.

The Republican President has evolved from being a childish moron to being a childish f*cking moron.

The Republican President has evolved from being a childish moron to being a childish f*cking moron.

Rewind: America Chooses Insanity…Again

We’re shocked and in mourning for a sane, intelligent America. Words escape us at the moment so we’re reprinting an article from when America chose a similar path of insanity back in 2004 and re-elected George W. Bush. Yeah…that turned out well didn’t it. One thing’s for sure; conservative Republicans never learn.

This article is from our November 7, 2004 post-election issue.

America Speaks: “51% Of Us Are Fucking Idiots!”

America went to the polls last week and re-elected George W. Bush as president even though he’s started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that has lost almost a million jobs, underfunded the ‘No Children Left Behind’ program, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which does nothing to alleviate high costs and performed anemically in all three televised debates.

Bush supporters spoke out and explained why they voted for him. Dale Gilman of Empty Noggin, Georgia, said, “I voted for him because he’s the one I’d rather drink a beer with. That’s my only criteria for president. I’ll have to invite him over to my trailer for a beer one of these days. It’s not quite the country club he’s used to, but I think my gun collection adds a certain redneck ambiance.”

Betsy Moeller, of Cornshoot, Ohio, said, “I was undecided until the very end, but what made me vote for the President was that he’s just so moral. Even when he lies to us repeatedly, he’s just so moral.”

Kirby Tucker, of Cracked Nut, North Carolina, said, “All I knows is I don’t want no wolves to catch me and eats me.”

Durwood Dunndoody, of Oozing Bed Sore, Texas said, “The big issue of this campaign was gay marriage. No doubt about it. Thank God, the President is going to make a stand agin’ those hell bound fruitcakes. They’re worst than the terrorists you know.”

Dwight Stevenson, of Ostrich Neck, Oklahoma, said, “I know the president has made some mistakes, but he’s a known quantity. I’m comfortable with his ineptitude.”

Rev. Fred Campbell, pastor of the Fifth Evangelical Church of the Backwoods in Dunceville, Tennessee, said, “Praise be to God! The rapture is so close I can smell it!”

Dave and Karen Lydell, of Dullardton, Iowa, said, “We believe in secretive Orwellian government. We completely trust President Bush to do what’s right, because it’s really none of our business to know or question what they’re doing. We don’t mind if our government monitors our every movement. It’s a small price to pay for freedom.”

Kerry supporters expressed extreme shock and disappointment. Mark Barry, of Tempe, Arizona, said while banging his head with a frying pan, “This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!”

Donna Beacham, of Salem, Oregon, said while booking a flight to Vancouver, Canada, “The choice was so obvious. It’s like we’re speeding for the edge of a cliff in a gas guzzling hummer, and the passengers vote to drive off. Un-fucking-believable!”

College student, Craig Kaster, of Santa Bonita, California, said, “I’m so voting for that Kerry dude. What? The elections were last week. Oh man! I like so spaced that off.”

Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, said. “This is great! Al-Qaeda will get stronger, America will go bankrupt and I’ll get to live four more years. That chimp Bush is playing right into my hands. Allah Akbar!”

Rewind: The Bush Putin Bromance

As we’ve noted before, GOP nominee Donald Trump and Russian President, Vladimir Putin have struck up quite the bromance lately. But it’s not Putin’s first bromance with a Republican President. George W. Bush and Putin developed quite a chummy relationship back during Dubya’s disastrous presidency. Bush even famously said, “I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy. We had a very good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his soul.”  Wow! Get a room will ya.

As a matter of fact, Trump and his VP nominee, Mike Pence, have stated that they think Putin is a stronger leader than Obama. And why wouldn’t Republicans not like the authoritarian dictator (we know he’s technically president, but come on!). Putin strong arms and bullies everyone and stifles dissent, just like Republicans. Gee, no wonder he has a high approval rating. If you disagree, you die. This is what the Republicans have been after since…well…forever; absolute power and dominance over not just this country, but the world.

There’s a reason why some people consider Putin the most dangerous man in the world; we’re talking James Bond kind of villainous. Putin sees a way to make Russia great again. Putin saw a sucker with Bush and he sees another simp in Trump. If he can cleverly get America to bite on several more disastrous quagmires like Iraq and Afghanistan, which would be likely with the hotheaded Trump in charge(we’re thinking Syria, Iran, Iraq again, North Korea, Ukraine and Mexico – basically World War III), America’s wealth would be bled away again and Russia would return to prominence in the world order.  So go ahead Trump supporters; make Russia great again and enjoy all those new wars in which you’ll be fighting. There’s a reason Millennials hate Trump; with him they have no future.

This photo-toon is from our July 19, 2007 issue.

Putin advises George W. Bush that to rid himself of pesky dissenters, just use a pinch of Polonium 210 and a dash of AK-47 and Voila.

While rekindling their romance recently in Maine, President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin discussed possible solutions to some of their more difficult problems, like dealing with people who disagree with them.

The Tragedy Of Clogged Prayer Lines

Pope Francis made Mother Teresa a saint this past week so now the catholic sheeple have yet another semi-deity to whom they can pray. Yay!

In honor of this nonsense, here’s another golden oldie article from our archives covering the tragedy that occurs when prayer lines get clogged. Oh the horror! The horror!

This is from our April 10, 2005 issue.

Prayer Lines Clogged For Schiavo, Pope

A crisis occurred last week in heaven when billions of people across the globe simultaneously prayed for Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II causing ancient prayer lines to temporarily clog, preventing many prayers from getting through to intended saints, angels, and deities.

Lead prayer center agent, Saint Sixtus said, “Jesus Christ, what a mess! Oops did I just use the Lord’s name in vain. Well, I’m sorry J.C! We’ve really got to update our technology here. I mean we might have been able to keep Terri Schiavo alive for a few more days if those prayers hadn’t been lost. Boy, St. Paul really chewed my butt out for that one.”

President Bush spoke on behalf of Jesus Christ. “People, we’re going to need to update these old prayer lines. I mean don’t you hate it when you pray for something and don’t get it? It hasn’t happened to me lately, but it’s still annoying. Why I was talking to God just this morning, and the connection was all garbled. I could have sworn he said to invade Iran. Now I can’t take chance on orders from the Big Guy, so I guess we’re going to have to invade Iran. The bottom line is, if we don’t help streamline prayer technology those terrorists prayers to Allah will get through quicker and then who knows what will happen. Fear, fear, fear! Terror, terror, terror!”

Reverend Eugene Bilkwell of the Fourth Evangelical Church of Latham, Louisiana said, “I’ve been predicting this for years. My brethren, we need to upgrade to PT1 or PT3 lines as soon as possible. This technology offers wider bandwidth so Christian prayers get through quicker than Muslim, Hindu or Jewish prayers and they have less of chance of getting dropped. But it’s going to take money folks and lots of it. So be sure and give generously to your church each and every week. We’ll make sure it gets to the right people in heaven. Remember – we’ve got better connections with the Man Upstairs because we’re holier than you disgusting, degenerate sinners.”

All signs seem to indicate the panic has subsided. Saint Sixtus said, “Well everything has calmed down for now. We were hitting spikes for the Michael Jackson trial, but traffic seems to have dropped off precipitously. Yeesh! I ain’t voting for that guy to get in here. But those crappy old Seraphim 1000 lines, that are as old as Methuselah, aren’t going to hold much longer, especially if Bush invades Iran. It’s going to be the apocalypse!” After a short pause, a perplexed Saint Sixtus remarked, “Are you sure this Bush guy is in good with Jesus? Because he really seems like a bonehead to me.”

Rewind: Stay The Course!

From the unfrigginbelievable file…

It was just announced that none other than ol’ Dubya, George W. Bush, has come out of retirement to help GOP Senators who are having trouble with their failing campaigns this fall because of the toxicity of the Republican nominee for President, Donald Trump. Isn’t that like calling in an arsonist to put out a fire? It’s amazing that just ten years ago, most sane Americans were thinking the Republican party couldn’t get much worse than good ol’ Dubya and the Bush administration. For those of you with anemic memories who actually have forgotten how horrible George W. Bush was, here’s a short list and a longer list to remind you that he’s the worst President since Herbert Hoover.

Of course, conservative Republicans being conservative Republicans, can never admit that they’re ever wrong about anything. So rather than change direction, they just plow over the cliff and into the abyss. Good luck with that Dubya thingee, GOP.

Here’s a photo-toon from our December 7, 2005 issue.

President Bush shouts his mantra 'Stay the course!', while joyriding his Republican made vehicle, America, off a cliff with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.

President Bush shouts his mantra while joyriding his Republican made vehicle, America, off a cliff with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.

Jeb? No!!!!!!!!

Well the South Carolina primaries were this past weekend and there was another expulsion from the Republican clown car in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Despite getting help from his brother Dubya, George W. Bush, (or maybe because of it), Jeb Bush bowed out of the presidential race. His campaign was hemorrhaging money and he needed a spectacular finish to stay in the race. Unfortunately for Jeb and the Bush clan, he didn’t get it.

Thus, that means that the so called ‘establishment Republicans’ will have to get behind Marco Rubio, a.k.a. Marcobot 2016, or Ohio governor, John Kasich, who somehow is still in the race. What’s so funny here is the con that Donald Trump is not an ‘establishment Republican’. He represents everything the Republican stands for: greed, business and industry above all others, authoritarianism, christianity only, white Americans only. He is the epitome of the Holy Corporate Empire or the Corporate States of America that the Republican party would like the United State to become for all eternity. At the beginning of this stupid campaign season, we thought for sure Jeb Bush or another mainstreamer like Scott Walker would prevail and that Donald Trump was nothing more than a red herring; someone so insipid that he made the rest of the candidates look responsible by comparison. Apparently the Teabagger wing has taken over the Republican party totally and completely. The GOP is officially and blatantly bat shit insane.

Jeb Bush bows out of the Republican presidential campaing with help from his brother Dubya.

It appears that Jeb Bush will have time now to help his brother George W. Bush paint pictures in the bathtub.

 

Rewind: Rummy’s Iron Fist

A Donald popped up this past week that just about made us puke and it wasn’t Donald Trump. Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense during the Bush Administration and architect of the clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War, resurfaced this week to hawk an app for Churchill Solitaire on various talk shows. But what also popped up this week was a recently declassified Joint Chief of Staffs document which proves that there were no WMDs in Iraq and that the Bush Administration lied to the American people and should be prosecuted as war criminals.

Rumsfeld also popped up last summer trying to clear himself from wrongdoing about the Iraq War. Last June, Rummy said that ‘The idea that we could fashion a democracy in Iraq seemed to me unrealistic. I was concerned about it when I first heard those words.’ Of course this runs counter to his rhetoric back in the summer of 2006, when he assailed any critics of the Iraq War as intellectual and morally confused appeasers. It boggles our minds that anybody would listen to anything this man says about foreign affairs after being so utterly wrong about Iraq. He should be doing time in jail instead of making the talk show circuit selling his app.

Here’s a photo-toon from our September 17, 2006 issue which shows what ol’ iron fisted Rummy would do with the appeasers.

Iron fisted Donald Rumsfeld wants to crush the real enemies of the Iraq War; the appeasers.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld tells the pliant crowd at the American Legion convention in Salt Lake City, Utah, that critics of the Iraq War are morally and intellectually confused and that they are in fact appeasing the Islamo-fascists much the way Europe appeased Hitler in the 1930s, while conveniently ignoring the fact (or not) that he and the Bush Administration are employing Nazi propaganda tactics to suppress dissent in this country.

 

Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.Herman Goering

The Ever Popular Mount Bushmore

There’s a reason that Jeb Bush is now the least popular Republican presidential candidate in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. It’s because he’s absolutely so out of touch that he thinks that getting his brother, ex-President, George W. Bush will actually help his campaign, saying that Dubya is ‘very popular’. Yes, in Jeb’s little world they’re replacing all the sculptures on Mt. Rushmore with replicas of Dubya and renaming it Mount Bushmore.

In Jeb Bush's world, Mount Rushmore will be remade into Mount Bushmore to honor his super, duper popular, ex-president  brother George W. Bush.

In Jeb Bush’s little world, Mount Rushmore will be remade into Mount Bushmore to honor his super, duper popular, ex-president brother George W. Bush.

Jeb’s Fatal Delusion

From all accounts, Jeb Bush’s ship appears to be sinking in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Not only have his performances been lackluster in the ridiculous GOP debates, but he seems to be completely delusional about his brother, George W. Bush’s tenure as President. Lead GOP clown, Donald Trump actually did something the spineless Democrats never could do; call Dubya out for his failure at preventing 9/11. As one could predict, Jeb defended his brother like he’s done this whole election season, saying his brother’s response to 9/11 was ‘awe-inspiring’. Really???!!!! Yes, seeing Dubya sitting there reading ‘My Pet Goat’ to grade schoolers sure inspired us. And then that whole invading Iraq on faulty intelligence of WMDs that resulted in a quagmire with thousands of American deaths and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi deaths, not to mention the rise of Al-Qaeda and now the rise of ISIS to fill the power vacuum left by Saddam Hussein and costing the US over a trillion dollars. And how about how Dubya politicized 9/11 during the 2004 election, literally scaring the sheeple into voting for him. And don’t get us started about his economic policies that just about bankrupted America. WOW! That was awesome! We think that maybe Jeb should join Dubya painting people in the bathtub.

George Bush respoded to 9/11 by starting the Iraq War quagmire, politicizing 9/11 and causing the Great Recession.

GOP Presidential candidate, Jeb Bush, thinks his brother Dubya was an ‘awe-inspiring’ President and an even awesomer painter.