Archive for February 28, 2023

Rewind: Dubya’s Healthy Forests

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

The Republicans have long been anti-science and pro-corporation and it shows in their voting record, the fact that they put industry insiders in key posts in government agencies like the EPA and their incredibly stupid efforts at promoting conservation; Donald Trump’s recommendation at raking forests during the California wildfires a few years ago comes to mind. Which reminds us of Dubya’s promotion of his Healthy Forest Initiative which promotes the logging industry logging the hell out of forests. Hey, if there are no trees left, you can’t have wildfires, right? This article comes from our July 17, 2003 issue.

Bush Proposes New Healthy Forest Initiative

In response to the devastating wildfires in the western United States, President Bush has come up with a new Healthy Forest Initiative designed to reduce future forest fires.

“The idea behind this plan is that we thin the forests so that there are maybe ten or twelve trees per square mile. Maybe even less. That way, if a fire does start, no trees will burn. Forests can’t burn if there are no trees around. See, it’s a healthy forest. It’s a win-win for everyone. It’s a win for the economy. The logging industry will need more lumer . . . lumerber . . . log guys to cut down the trees. More workers will be needed to build the roads for the log guys. This will open up new areas of housing development and enable people to build houses safely in the forest without having to worry about losing their house in case of a fire.”

Mike Scoggins from the Sierra Club then asked, “What about all the wildlife that will be displaced by the thinned forest, new roads and new housing? Where are they going to go?”

President Bush shook his head and said, “People! That’s what zoos are for. All the animals can stay in zoos where we can manage them better. I’m tight with God and it’s his plan that all plants and animals obey their masters! Us!”

Bush then added, “Supporting this initiative is the American thing to do! You Sierra Club lima beans obviously must be for the terrorists!”

Homeland Security agents then rushed Scoggins and lead him away to a detention area for questioning and a good pummeling.

Rewind: Dubya’s Flying Shoe Problem

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Back in December of 2008, the Republicans just got their ass handed to them in the general election as the Democrats not only won the presidency but also the House and the Senate and most of the blame laid at the feet of George W. Bush whose poll numbers were in the 20’s thanks to the Bush Administrations mishandling of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq but also the economy as the Great Recession roared to life thanks mostly to his policies. Not only was Dubya disliked at home but also abroad. There was the famous shoe throwing incident where ol’ DubDub had to dodge a pair of thrown shoes, which is a sign of deep disrespect in many cultures around the world. But in true Republican fashion, Dubya just passed it off as a non-event: another day, another shoe zipped at your head. Que sera, sera. It’s the 2020s and the beat goes on for the GOP. People attacking the Capitol to overturn a legitimate election? Nothing to see here, folks – it was just a tourist visit.

Here’s our DubToon from our December 29, 2008 issue featuring a defiant Dubya downplaying the incident.

“So what if a guy threw a shoe at me?”
George W. Bush
Reacting to an Iraqi journalist hurling two shoes at him
12-14-2008
George W. Bush calmly responds to a protestor planting a shoe in his forehead.
“Yeah…I’ve got a wing-tip in my head. So what?”

Rewind: Waldo’s Looking For Love

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Believe it or not, we used to post non-political photo-toons on a regular basis between 2003 and 2009. Back in the early aughts the Waldo phenomenon was somehow still riding high, but people like us here at the Bucket had become annoyed by the bespectacled dork with a penchant for blending in. Here’s a photo-toon from our August 28, 2003 issue showing that good ol’ Waldo may be getting a little lonely.

These days Waldo wants to be seen . . . desperately!
These days Waldo wants to be seen . . . desperately!

Shows Tonight On The Game Show Network

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Another of our staples on our website from 2005 to 2007 was a little feature in our left hand column listing the crapfest of tv shows on obscure and not so obscure television networks. You know the old saying about tv, a million channels and nothing is on. Well, we couldn’t agree more. We’ve already posted several listings in our category TV Tonight. Here’s a schedule of people pleasing entertainment coming up on The Game Show Network.

Shows Tonight on The Game Show Network

7:00pmWhat’s My Disease?
7:30pmUltra Mega Super Duper Password
8:00pmThe Bitterly Divorced Game
8:30pmThe Bong Show
9:00pmThe Price is Right: Barker’s Beauties Gone Wild!
9:30pmWho Wants to Be a Porn Star

Rewind: Rejected Super Bowl XL Halftime Shows

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

BilgeBucket Lists were a staple for our site between 2005 and 2009. They’re basically our version of Top Ten Lists which were made popular by David Letterman on his Late Show. We’ve already reposted many lists in our category BilgeBucket Lists. Since Super Bowl LVII is coming up this week right here in Arizona, we’ve decided to do our part in building excitement and repost a list from out January 11, 2006 issue which delved into the top rejected halftime shows for Super Bowl XL which took place in Detroit, Michigan between Pittsburgh and Seattle. The halftime show of that Super Bowl featured the Rolling Stones. Just two years prior, the infamous wardrobe malfunction took place. By perusing our list below, just think of the glorious entertainment we might have had.

  • Kevin Federline performs the soon to be smash hits from his upcoming CD while reclining in his La-Z-Boy
  • The Performance Art Group The Masturbators
  • Clem Haywood and his Farting Pigs
  • Howler monkeys reenact the entire first half of gridiron action
  • Kalamazoo resident Fanny Jean Jones crochets a stylish poncho…LIVE!…ONSTAGE!
  • Jack Abramoff, Tom Delay and Dennis Hastert do a snappy song and dance routine to Jailhouse Rock
  • Tom Cruise jumps up and down on a couch while demonstrating his many cocky poses
  • Laura Bush performs her bawdy stand up comedy routine
  • Hillary Clinton performs her bawdy stand up comedy routine
  • William Huong and Celine Dion sing a medley of Clay Aiken hits
  • Poetry Slam featuring Donald Rumsfeld reciting the poems of 50 Cent
  • Janet Jackson exposes Justin Timberlake’s breasts

More Aught 3 Headlines

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Continuing with our headlines retrospective, here are some more from that fabulous year of 2003.

Bald Guy Sick Of Mr. Clean References
Bonds Pulls Up A Seat To Watch His Home Run
Limbaugh Admits He Took Oxycontin But Didn’t Swallow
Dateless Wonder Contemplates Other Species
Schwarzenegger Groping For Answers, Breasts

Rewind: Lil’ DubToons

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Starting in December 2005, we reformatted our look and feel trying to make our webzine look more like a newspaper. So we introduced a three column layout under our banner with headlines, photo-toon links and other material in the left column, articles in the main center column and external links, ads and little cartoons highlighting the hypocrisy of the Bush Administration and Republicans in the right column. We called these tiny photo-toons Lil’ DubToons and we enjoyed the hell out of ’em. We’ll be reposting several of them in celebration of our 20th anniversary.

Here’s a pic of our April 10, 2006 issue featuring our changed format and the corresponding DubToon displayed in the upper right hand corner right below a corresponding quote relating the Republican hypocrisy of the week. At that time, it was reported that disgraced aide Scooter Libby said Bush and Dick Cheney were responsible for disclosing classified intelligence information as part of a counterattack against critics of the Bush Administration’s disastrous Iraq War policy. Of course, ol’ Dubya channels Alfred E. Neuman attitude in response knowing that in 2003 he was acting all tough on finding out and punishing the leakers. Well, Bush said he’d take of the leakers and he’s taking really good care of himself ever since.

A screenshot of the April 10, 2006 featuring a new format and the awesome Lil' DubToon in the upper right hand corner.
A screenshot of the April 10, 2006 featuring a new format and the awesome Lil’ DubToon in the upper right hand corner.
“And if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated law, the person will be taken care of.”
George W. Bush
9-30-2003
Dubya does his best Alfred E. Neuman impersonation deflecting criticism about leaks in his administration.
“What? Me Worry?”