Archive for June 18, 2018

Bible Babble

The crap keeps coming at a fast and furious pace from the Trump administration, so it’s tough to keep up, folks. Among the myriad of events that occurred this past week is one where Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, boldly stepped to the microphone, thumped his bible and used a bible quote to justify separating children from their parents at the border and detaining them indefinitely, just like his Confederate ancestors did with the slaves and the Nazis did with Jews and other aliens they viewed as inferior. This is not new for right wing authoritarian fascists, who are obsessed with immigrants. We did a photo-toon back in 2014 where Capitalist Jesus said ‘Let the Children Suffer’ which covers the hypocrisy of the christian right wing. Electoral-vote.com provided an excellent analysis of the whole disgusting affair that covers all the bases very well, so we won’t rehash it here.

What we’ll focus on is why a United States lawmaker is using bible quotes for justifying law in 21st century America. Like the electoral-vote post says, when people quote the bible for justifying something, inevitably it devolves into just another game of dueling scripture. Why do we still give credence to text written by early Iron Age or even late Bronze Age ‘wisemen’ who, compared with today’s knowledge base, knew absolutely nothing about the world or the universe as it really is. We’ve mentioned before about how a person who accepts science is much more knowledgeable about everything because the science enthusiast accesses a much bigger database of knowledge than a religious person, who is obsessed with connecting to an antiquated and relatively small database. This latest example just shows that if the bible says that we should separate children from their parents for an indefinite period, then maybe the bible isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe we should probably be using some updated source of wisdom to help us make decisions in the 21st century and beyond.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III justifies separating children from parents by thumping his bible.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, lamely explains why separating children from parents for an indefinite period is right in line with the bible, which for some reason is now being used as the law of the United States.

Trump’s New Tough Guy Alliance

The Trump-Kim summit has concluded and there’s some strange and disturbing things that have become crystal clear. One is that, apparently Trump has decided to end our alliance with freedom loving western democracies like France, Germany, Canada and Britain. His disrespect of those countries leaders during the G7 summit couldn’t have been more obvious. Then he proclaimed that Russia should be invited back into the group, again avoiding any kind of bad mouthing of authoritarian Vladimir Putin, who has repeatedly repressed free speech and press in Russia as that country’s dear Leader since the 20th century.

Trump’s kind words for Kim Jong Un also brought concern since the North Korean dictator has proven to be a very cruel authoritarian leader in his own country. Trump even said that he wants the people of the United States to treat him the same way North Koreans treat their dear Leader; with awe and reverence. Most analysts conclude that this was clearly a victory for Kim. Trump’s actions have elevated a tin horn dictator to a seat at the adult table with the big boys of the world. So basically, we’ve made North Korea and Russia great and relevant.

So, America’s new tough guy allies are authoritarian dictatorships, North Korea and Russia. These are countries that value only true devotion to their leader and democratic institutions like free speech and freedom of the press are suppressed and punished with extreme cruelty and even death. The fact that so many Republicans are drinking the Kool-Aid and signing up for the ‘cult of Trump’ is truly alarming. Trump is looking more and more like a certain WWII dictator from Germany to us. Please refer to our handy dandy right wing conservative fascist checklist to see for yourself.

American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, introduces America's swell new allies, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and Russian strongman, Vlad Putin, who are super cool, way funny, bigly sexy and pretty gosh darn tough.

American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, introduces America’s swell new allies, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and Russian strongman, Vlad Putin, who are super cool, way funny, bigly sexy and pretty gosh darn tough.

The G7 Nadir

Once again, America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, has embarrassed America on the world stage; this time at the recent G7 summit conference in Quebec, Canada. In one weekend, Trump managed to insult our trusted allies and at the same time strengthen support for his old pal Vlad Putin in Russia. He vilified Canada…that’s right, Canada… and their leader Justin Trudeau for talking back to the U.S. because of Trump’s recent decision to increase tariffs. Seriously, folks; Trump was all kind of crazy with his statements. German chancellor, Angela Merkel, was equally distressed about the experience. The summit made it clear to the world that Trump exists to make Russia great again.

That’s right, folks. Trump was all love when it came to talking up Russia and trying to get them readmitted to the summit meetings, thus making them the G8 again. But the reason Russia was dismissed from the group in the first place was because they invaded the Ukraine and annexed Crimea. But of course, Trump didn’t even mention this is his commentary. Why? Russia must really have something on Trump for him to blow off our old allies like France, Germany, Britain, Japan, Italy and Canada – you know, democracies – and embrace authoritarian countries like Russia and now North Korea. We’re thinking future economic conferences will very soon be called the G6 summit with Trump deciding that the United States is going to take its ball and go home because it has to play nice with other countries.

One thing that we like from the conference was that Trudeau massively trolled Trump by giving him a framed picture of a hotel in Canada that was run by Trump’s grandfather. It turns out the hotel was a brothel. Yes, the lust for vamps is in Trump’s genes.

We also love the viral photo from the conference which shows what a petulant man-child Trump really is. If clearly shows that if he doesn’t get his way, then he acts like a complete crybaby. We’ve decided to speculate that the picture was taken while ordering some vittles.

When confronted with the choice of pepperoni and mushrooms on his pizza, American CEO/Dictator and petulant man-child Donald Trump courageously threatens to leave the G7 summit, if he can't have a cheeseburger.

In true Trumpian fashion, America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man-child, Donald Trump, makes a valiant, cross-armed stand for American values at the recent G7 summit.

Sinkhole Or Trump’s Ass?

Recently, it was reported that a sinkhole had opened up on the White House’s North Lawn and it appears to be growing. Wow! If this isn’t a perfect metaphor for the Trump administration, we don’t know what is.

So how did the White House deal with the problem. Ehhh…just put a board over it. Just like with climate change; nothing to see here folks. Apparently, this isn’t the first sinkhole to appear on a Trump property. According to the aforementioned link, one opened up at Mar-a-lago last year.

We have no doubt that America’s hugely intelligent CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, will probably wonder if the sinkhole is in fact his ass.

America's CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, ponders whether or not the sinkhole on the White House lawn is indeed his ass.

America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, ponders whether or not the sinkhole on the White House lawn is indeed his ass.