Archive for Grand Old Plutocrats

Like Father, Like Son

Straight out of the Oh, Da Irony file, comes this tidbit and just in time for April Fools Day. It seems crusty ol’ contrarian curmudgeon Ron Paul has emerged from the his old prospector’s pit to give his two cents worth about the coronavirus and, surprise surprise, he’s agin’ it. We roundly mocked Paul during Con-a-thon 2012 and rightfully so. His views are and have always been all over the place.

Cue the entrance of his son, Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky, who also was taking the coronavirus pandemic very lightly until, drum roll please, he tested positive for coronavirus even though he’s asymptomatic. But that didn’t stop ol’ Randy boy, no sir. After he got tested, he made the rounds at the gym and pool among other places before he got the results, thus possibly infecting many other individuals.

What makes this father and son pair’s actions even more astounding is that they’re both physicians. They should know better! Well, we think we know why they turned to politics. If they were still practicing medicine, their patients would probably be dead.

Crusty, contrarian curmudgeon, Ron Paul, reckons that coronavirus is just a hoax, to which his son, contrarian Senator Rand Paul fully agrees, despite testing positive for the virus.
Crusty, contrarian curmudgeon, Ron Paul, reckons that coronavirus is just a hoax, to which his son, contrarian Senator Rand Paul fully agrees, despite testing positive for the virus.

The Virus Whisperer

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump ratcheted up his audacity to yet another level of absurdity this past week. Upset that his precious stock market gains were being erased by the coronavirus, our grown-up Bart Simpson President proclaimed that things will officially be back to normal by Easter, which caused countless simultaneous facepalms by health professionals throughout the world. This shouldn’t be surprising since Trump was pretty pissed off that Hurricane Dorian changed course last year and made dear Leader look bad.

Trump’s colossal ego and narcissism is not only boundless but dangerous. His delusion that he’s somehow on equal footing as scientists and doctors produced a drastic result this past week as an Arizona man died taking chloroquine phosphate, a derivative of an anti-malaria drug cholorquine that Trump touted as being a possible cure for coronavirus, which again prompted a multitude of facepalms from science professionals. You can’t just tell a virus what to do no more than you can tell a hurricane what to do, but don’t tell that to ‘master scientist’ Trump. Apparently, he thinks he’s some kind of virus whisperer. Fortunately, Dr. Anthony Fauci, one the country’s leading disease experts and a member of Trump’s coronavirus team, stepped up and said that the virus makes the timeline not humans. We’re predicting that with that kind of attitude toward facts, truth and honesty, Dr. Fauci may not be on Trump’s team much longer.

Trump’s choice of Easter is also very telling of another group in his base that he’s trying to appease; the evangelical christians. Remember: he’s got holier-than-thou rapture freaks Mike Pence, Mike Pompeo and Bill Barr in his administration. What better symbolism could you ask for than having America reborn from a horrible scourge on Easter, the day Jesus ‘resurrected from the dead’. Trump says he even wants to pack the churches with the faithful to celebrate. As we mentioned in our last post, we have no doubt Trump will politicize the coronavirus for the upcoming election. If everything appears to be fine by Easter then he will proclaim it to be an ‘Easter miracle’ and he will appear even more like ‘the chosen one’ to his brain dead zombie followers.

Actually, we have no problem with Trumpty Dumpty’s plan of packing the churches on Easter. Just ignore stories of pastors who thought coronavirus was a hoax and died or an entire congregation who met at a church event resulting in three dozens infections. It’s just fake news. Trump knows best. If Trump’s MAGA supporters want to defy doctors and scientists and gather together and spread the COVID-19 to other sheeple in the flock, then we here at the Bucket say go right ahead. Let Jesus take the wheel. When you get sick, just don’t go to the ‘evil’ scientists or doctors for help; just hunker down and pray to God or Donald Trump to be magically cured. Yeah . . . that will work well.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it's killing and endangering innocent people, but because it's lowering his precious stock market gains.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it’s killing and endangering innocent people, but because it’s lowering his precious stock market gains.

Coronavirusing The Election

The coronavirus pandemic has brought out the strangeness of humanity. On one hand you have the Italian people singing from balconies in a touching effort to stay connected with each other. On the other hand, for some strange reason, people are hoarding toilet paper and acting like this is the apocalypse, which has now caused problems with the sewers in California with people using alternatives. The stock market has lost just about all its gains from the Trump era. Not only that, Republicans are somehow embracing socialism, proposing sending every American one thousand dollars to deal with the crisis.

While Covid-19 has wreaked havoc on the world, Vladimir Putin has pulled strings in Russia so that he will remain President until 2036. Hell, let’s just call this what it is: President-for-life(a.k.a.dictator) . . . and quite possibly even after his death (we’re sure he’ll find a way). This is hardly the actions of a healthy democracy now is it. Speaking of healthy, Russia seems to avoiding coronavirus surprisingly well. Hmmmmmm….

Yet we have no doubt that America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump is green with envy about his man crush Putin. Trumpty Dumpty has hinted on more than one occasion about how being ‘president for life’ would be a wonderful thing for America. The Republicans have been working feverishly to enact voter suppression laws across America. Last week we saw that fear of coronavirus kept some people away from primaries and many states are even postponing their presidential primary elections. Reports have indicated that Covid-19 may come in waves so that we will have to be on guard until next year. Could it be that Trump, in an effort to keep power, cancels the 2020 election due to a serious coronavirus wave outbreak? If it sounds evil and vile, then you can bet Republicans are probably going to do it. The Republican-led Senate just gave Trump a free pass on impeachment despite him being guilty as hell, thus suspending rule of law, checks and balances and democracy. So, Trump can do whatever he wants. Republicans under Bush tried to create a perpetual war with its war on terrorism after 9/11. Now with many waves of coronavirus possible and the American public panicking like never before, Republicans will absolutely politicize the hell of it because if there’s one thing the GOP knows how to do, it’s fearmonger.

Keep the sheeple scared and keep ’em away from the polls! Yep, Trump’s definitely angling to join the President for Life club with his pal Vlad and his Republican sycophants are no doubt going to do their damnedest to try and make it happen.

Upon seeing how scared the American sheeple have become due to the coronavirus, America's Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump reveals that he'll just cancel the 2020 election so that he will be President for life and beyond, just like his hero and man crush Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Upon seeing how scared the American sheeple have become due to the coronavirus, America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump reveals a plan that will enable him to be President for life and beyond, just like his hero and man crush Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Our Simpson-esque Man Child Dictator

We received this week for the umpty-ninth time of the Trump administration a glaring colossal reason why America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump should not be re-elected. In a televised speech to the nation, Trumpty Dumpty in typical Trumpian fashion failed to admit any fault in his response to the coronavirus and instead of calming the nerves of people worldwide, prompted more panic as stock markets again plunged Thursday morning. That’s almost an 8,000 point drop since mid February, folks; basically erasing any stock market gains since 2017. And remember: the ‘strength’ of the stock market was supposedly Trump’s mightiest accomplishment. Ooops!

A hallmark of the Trump presidency is that he constantly boasts how everybody loves him, what a stable genius he is and that ‘some people’ proclaim that he’s the greatest president in history. This monstrous narcissism was on display last week at a press conference at the CDC where our orange-haired megalomaniac blathered on about how a relative of his was a ‘super-genius’ and how scientists were coming up and telling him how smart he was and that he’s got ‘a natural ability’. Scientist, doctors and engineers around the world collectively vomited at this point. Trump’s vanity and ego truly know no bounds!

We’ve noted Trump’s resemblance to perpetual cartoon brat back in 2016 when we did a photo-toon explaining the 2016 election, Simpsons style with Hillary Clinton as Lisa and Trump as Bart. Trump’s constant boasting over the last three years reminds us of a classic episode of the Simpsons in Season 4 (Lisa’s First Word) when a little two year old Bart paraded around the house banging a pot proclaiming to all within earshot “I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me! I am so great!” Or here’s a hilarious 10 minute loop of Bart’s proclamation. (We’ve also embedded the vids below.) Gee, sound familiar? Yes, our Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump certainly does bear a striking resemblance to rotten little imp Bart Simpson. Cowabunga, dude!

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, bears a striking resemblance to rotten, little imp Bart Simpson from the Simpsons and has even adopted walking around proclaiming loudly to all how great he is.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, bears a striking resemblance to rotten, little imp Bart Simpson from the Simpsons and has even adopted walking around proclaiming loudly to all how great he is.
Donald Trump proclaiming his greatness to all.
Donald Trump perpetually proclaiming his greatness.

Just Pray The Virus Away

Once again the Trump administration has trolled the world, this time with its response to the coronavirus breakout which has infected 90,000 worldwide. The stock market has also had a roller coaster ride the last two weeks, with daily swings of at least 800 points seemingly every day. We mentioned a few posts ago, we think the media is sensationalizing things just like they did in the past fifty years with the swine flu, MERS, SARS and Ebola. You know the old corporate media adage: if it bleeds, it leads; if it can scare, then we care. With every one of these breakouts, which were supposed to be the next plague, scientists were able to get things under control – using science – and a true pandemic crisis was averted. Education, prevention, proper hygiene, listening to the scientific experts and lack of panic are key elements in battling any potential medical emergency.

So who does America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, choose to be his coronavirus czar? None other than Mr. Anti-Science himself, Vice President Mike ‘Puritan Pants’ Pence. Pence doesn’t accept evolution as fact, folks. He believes in the biblical explanation of creation and he also is one of the rapture cultists along with Mike Pompeo who have infiltrated the executive branch. He probably even doubts gravity exists. So what will be Puritan Pence’s solution to the crisis? We have no doubt that there will be a heaping helping of prayer involved. We’ve already seen evangelical nutbag Jim Bakker push his cure all elixir on his bible thumping show. Could Pence push something like this to Trump’s sheeple followers? Hey, there’s money to be made from these rubes and as we all know, Trump loves the green stuff. So, you betcha.

We’re also positive that Trump could care less about the coronavirus or its victims. His only concern is how to use it politically so he can get re-elected. So, if the breakout does actually become a pandemic, then he can blame Puritan Pence. If the breakout turns out to be like Ebola in 2014, then he can blame the media for over-hyping the situation, which he’s already doing. Either way, Trump has set himself up not to be the fall guy, in typical Trumpian fashion; nothing is ever his fault. And more importantly for the power hungry, authoritarian GOP, his path to re-election is clear and unobstructed. No wonder the conservative Republicans love him; they’ve never accepted responsibility for anything in the last sixty years, other than tax cuts to their plutocrat overlords.

Vice President and anti-science advocate Mike 'Puritan Pants' Pence has been named the head coronavirus guy by America's Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius Donald Trump and promptly proclaims that only 24/7 prayer to God or Donald Trump can rid our nation of this dreadful scourge.
Vice President and anti-science advocate Mike ‘Puritan Pants’ Pence has been named the head coronavirus guy by America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius Donald Trump and promptly proclaims that only 24/7 prayer to God or Donald Trump can rid our nation of this dreadful scourge.

GOP Ventriloquist Theater

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s revenge vendetta is still going strong following his sham acquittal during his impeachment ‘trial’ in the Senate. Now, our orange haired, megalomaniac man child in the White House is using mafioso tactics using the Department of Justice as his muscle to enforce whatever the Don wants.

Chief among the controversial, authoritarian tactics is the brow beating of prosecutors to get his pal and major conehead Roger Stone a reduced sentence for seven counts of lying to Congress and witness tampering. The original prosecutors suggested a seven to nine year sentence, but thanks to Trump’s rage tweeting and Attorney General Bill Barr’s intervention, Stone got just a forty month sentence. Trump’s also pardoned several high profile, white collar criminals such as former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, junk bond king Michael Milken, tax cheat and Rudy Giuliani pal Bernie Kerik and Medicare fraudster Judith Negron.

What’s even more dubious is the political theater performed by the Trump administration trotting out Bill Barr to act like a put upon Attorney General who has, gosh darn it, just about had enough, to which master ventriloquist Trumpty Dumpty dismissed the criticism stating that he has a ‘legal right’ to meddle in DOJ cases. This ventriloquist act reminds us of the crap Cheney did with Dubya back during the Bush administration (you know Cheney was pulling the strings during the Bush administration). This lame ass performance is fooling only sycophantic Republican senators like Lisa Murkowski, Lamar Alexander and Susan Collins, who are convinced that Trump has learned his lesson and will be a good boy from now on. Alexander is not running for re-election and Murkowski’s seat isn’t up until 2022. But we’re hoping that the good citizens of Maine have learned their lesson and will choose to send the oft ‘concerned’ and addled Collins to a retirement home come this November.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, shows off his new ventriloquist act with dummy Attorney General Bill Barr, as 'concerned' Senator Susan Collins looks on, satisfied that little Donald has learned his lesson about abusing power and destroying democracy.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, shows off his new ventriloquist act with dummy Attorney General Bill Barr, as ‘concerned’ Senator Susan Collins looks on, satisfied that little Donald has learned his lesson about abusing power and destroying democracy.

They’ll Be Dancing…Dancing On His Grave

In addition to America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s vendetta rampage following his ‘acquittal’ by the spineless Republicans sans Spiff Romney, Trump also found it fitting to give a presidential Medal of Freedom to none other than Rush Limbaugh, a.k.a. Boss Limhogg, who recently announced he had advanced lung cancer, most probably due to his lifelong love of smoking cigars. The Medal of Freedom is normally bestowed upon “individuals who have made especially meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors,” What the hell was El Rushblo’s contribution to American society, you may ask? Yes, he did do charitable work for cancer and veterans. That’s commendable. But basically, he’s provided forty years of hate-filled diatribe that has contributed much to the political chasm that divides this country today and the reason we’ve got an orange-haired, authoritarian, man child asshole in the White House.

Limbaugh’s transgressions are legion. We used to have a regular feature here from ’03-05 called Rush Watch where we highlighted some of his vileness in photo-toon form, but even we grew sick of his never ending bullshit. Staff member Chester Einstein used to listen to his radio broadcasts and watch his tv show in the early 90s, but stopped when El Rushblo continuously and ruthlessly mocked the Clintons, even Chelsea who was only a teenager at the time. He also picked on Amy Carter, too(see third link in our list below). But then mocking and bullying teenagers is par for the course for today’s manly man conservative Republicans.

Here are some links that illustrate how badly Limbaugh has helped tear America apart.

We have no doubt that lines are already forming to dance on his grave. If you think that’s in poor taste, well then you haven’t been paying attention to the drivel that Limbaugh has spewed forth from his gaping maw since the ’80s. We’re not alone in wishing El Rushblo a glorious trip to hell! We hope you choke on your massive, stinky stogies for all eternity, you racist, sexist, ignorant fat tub of goo!

Lines are already forming for people who want to dance on the grave of obnoxious, racist, conservative asshole and fat tub of goo Rush Limbaugh (a.k.a. Boss Limhogg).
Lines are already forming for people who want to dance on the grave of obnoxious, racist, conservative asshole and fat tub of goo Rush Limbaugh (a.k.a. Boss Limhogg).

Foolproof Gun Control Solution

The coronavirus has gained the attention of the world recently with more than 65,000 cases reported globally and almost 1,5000 deaths. America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump even took an aggressive stand by issuing travel restrictions with China where the virus originated. But many feel that the travel ban could backfire. While we applaud this act of preparedness, health officials and the CDC say that the flu is much more dangerous and has already claimed 10,000 lives in the U.S. since October.

But there is one deathly scourge that continues to be ignored by the corporate media and the corrupt, conservative Republican corporate lackeys in Congress who continue to look the other way and do nothing. That menace is none other than gun violence. In America, gun violence kills far more people than coronavirus every year (36,000 gun deaths each year with more than 100,000 shot and injured) but yet the corporate media chooses to gaslight us and continue to scare the sheeple with the occasional and over-hyped biological threats. Over-hyped is a strong word but look at the numbers. According to the CDC, 445 people are under investigation in the U.S. for coronavirus. There are about 325 million people in America, so that means that 0.00013692307 percent of Americans have the virus. In China, which has almost 1.4 billion people, there are 60,000 confirmed cases. So, that means that 0.00428571428 percent of the Chinese population have the virus. There are already questions concerning the numbers being reported from Chinese officials.

This is par for the course for the Republicans and their cohorts in the corporate media. Would Trump ever consider signing an executive order banning assault weapons? Are you kidding???!!! The Republicans love using viruses as way to scare the sheeple. Look at the 2014 election, when the GOP announced to everybody that Ebola was coming to get them. Ebola can only be transmitted if you’re in direct contact with bodily fluids of an infected person, but that didn’t bother the Republicans from lying their asses off to get their permanently scared constituents to vote for them to ‘save the day’. We’ve seen how much more corrupt they’ve become since then with their whitewashing of Trump during his impeachment trial and the complete collapse of the now corrupted Department of Justice.

Since Republicans refuse to do anything about our biggest crisis, we here at the Bucket have a foolproof method of gun control. Sure it’s a bit crude but you know what, so are today’s right wing conservative gun nuts. So, just in time for Valentine’s Day, if you love guns more than life itself:

  • go home
  • give your favorite firearm a blow job
  • bring that gun to orgasm

Or in simpler terms: Go F*ck Your Gun! We guarantee it will be a mind-blowing experience and we might finally be able to pass some decent legislation making America safe and sane again before the next round of mass shootings.

Here's a handy dandy gun control solution for all those gun enthusiasts out there who love their guns more than life itself. Guaranteed to be a mind-blowing experience!
Here’s a handy dandy gun control solution for all those gun enthusiasts out there who love their guns more than life itself. Guaranteed to be a mind-blowing experience!

Iowa Caucus: There’s Not An App For That

The election primary season is kicking off and the Democratic needed a solid beginning to send a strong message to America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump that his days as ‘dear Leader’ of this country are numbered. But instead of serving up a caucus the Iowa Democrats served up a caucusf*ck. Apparently, an app the administrators had a “reporting issue” and wasn’t functioning properly and brought the integrity of the results into question. It’s the weekend but the precise results are still in doubt with Pete Buttigieg and Bernie Sanders both claiming victories. Talk about serving up red meat to Trump. You just know that the orange haired megalomaniac and his flying monkey sycophants at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, will continually point to the incompetence displayed during the caucus as proof that Democrats will do anything to ‘rig an election’ and cannot be trusted. And all this after a superb performance by House Democrats, led by Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler, in proving the guilt of Trump in his impeachment trial.

At least the Iowa fiasco is pushing forth a movement that just might get rid of the troublesome caucus forever and install a primary system in its stead just like almost every other state. There are several annoying anomalies on the Democratic primary side (superdelegates, anyone), and if the Dems finally decide to move into the 21st century and kill off the caucus and superdelegates, then that would probably increase their chances in future elections. Plus, there’s no way Iowa should be the first voting event of the presidential elections season since its demographics are so homogeneous. Here’s hoping at least that the Democrats learn something from this debacle.

America's CEO/Dictator and geography genius Donald Trump offers the administrators of the Iowa caucus app that clusterf*cked spectacularly a special reward for helping him in his re-election effort; annexation to Kansas City.
America’s CEO/Dictator and geography genius Donald Trump offers the administrators of the Iowa caucus app that clusterf*cked spectacularly a special reward for helping him in his re-election effort; annexation to Kansas City.

GOP: Trump Über Alles

We knew before the impeachment process began that the Republicans would acquit America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump of any wrongdoing (with Spiff Romney being the lone Republican to vote to convict – note: we’ve given Romney a lot of crap over the years but he got it right this time; Good job!) but it doesn’t make it any easier to take it. To their credit, the Democrats, led by Adam Schiff, did an exceptional job of proving Trump’s guilt in the quid pro quo bullying of Ukraine for dirt on Joe Biden in exchange for foreign aid. Which makes it infuriating to watch the self-proclaimed ‘morally superior’ GOP make a complete sham out of the proceedings. The charlatans didn’t even want witnesses called! Polls indicated that 75 percent of Americans thought witnesses should be called. What’s a trial without witnesses! Well, apparently it’s completely normal in Trumpland, where the Kansas City Chiefs play their games in Kansas City, Kansas instead of Kansas City, Missouri and Donald Trump is a master meteorologist.

The fact is that Republicans even admitted that Trump is guilty and they’re still voting to acquit him. Lamar Alexander said Trump did the quid pro quo but it’s not impeachable. Linda Murkowski said pretty much the same thing, saying what Trump did was “shameful and wrong”, but that she couldn’t vote to convict. So basically, in the warped mind of a conservative, lying about sex is impeachable and asking for foreign aid on a political rival is a-okay. Just put little baby Donald in time-out and he won’t do it again. But Trump is already reported plotting revenge on all the people who wronged him.

Chief Justice John Roberts did nothing to dispel his perception of being a partisan hack. Remember Roberts fully approved of the Citizens United verdict that gave unlimited power to corporate America to contribute to campaigns. And despite his voting for Obamacare, we knew he was still a true conservative Republican. He could have intervened and insisted on witnesses, but he didn’t. He seemingly has no qualms on presiding over a travesty of justice. Great example there, Chief Justice Roberts!

The GOP keeps whining that the Democrats are trying for a coup, which is a complete projection of what the Republicans have done since the 2016 election which they stole thanks to Russian election interference and suspension of the rule of law for selecting a Supreme Court justice (Merrick Garland) in the Senate by Moscow Mitch McConnell, a.k.a. Turtle Boy. Even Karl Rove admitted during Dubya’s fiasco of a presidency that he was determined to have the same kind of Republican hegemony that existed between 1865 and 1932 when Mark Hanna was the chief political operative and only two Democrats served as president during that span (Grover Cleveland – two non-consecutive terms, 1885-1889, 1893-1897; Woodrow Wilson 1913-1921). Now with thisclusterf*ck of a trial, the Republicans have pretty much deemed that Trump can do whatever the hell he wants to do and not suffer any kind of consequences and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. This despite the fact that since 1988, Republicans have only won the popular vote in presidential elections once. We agree with the many people who are saying that just like the 2016 election, the megalomaniac Trump will never accept the results of the 2020 election if he loses and America will have yet another constitutional crisis involving Trump and the Republicans.

So, in true right wing, conservative Republican, authoritarian fashion, life in the United States can now be summed up by the mantra, Trump über alles. Enjoy your fascism, America – oh… and Heil Trump!

With their sham impeachment trial, Senate Republicans have officially declared that America's CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, is above the law and that democracy and rule of law no longer exist in the United States. In other words, Trump über alles, or in other other words, Heil Trump!
With their sham impeachment trial, Senate Republicans have officially declared that America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, is above the law and that democracy and rule of law no longer exist in the United States. In other words, Trump über alles, or in other other words, Heil Trump!