Archive for Separated At Birth

The Swamp Keeper

One of Donald Trump’s biggest promises during the 2016 election was that he would drain the swamp. The fact of the matter is that he hasn’t drained the swamp at all but, to the contrary, has restocked it with industry insiders, lobbyists and Wall Street plutocrats who have every intention of bringing down the government while filling up their own coffers. One of these swamp creatures is Wilbur Ross, who we’ve commented on before on his willing ignorance of Saudi customs and the plight of the modern day middle class.

Well, it turns out that Wilbuuuuurrr is being held in contempt of court, along with Attorney General Bill Barr, for his role in trying to get an illegal citizenship question on the census. America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, has been none too happy with this filthy rich plutocrat and rumors are swirling that Ross’s days in the cabinet may be through.

But fear not Wilbuuuuurrr fans. We’ve noticed that this filthy rich plutocrat bear a striking resemblance to the Cryptkeeper from the classic anthology series Tales from the Crypt. We have no doubt that if Hollywood decides to reboot this series, Ross would be a natural. He’s already shown adeptness at keeping the swamp in Washington D.C.; we’re sure he’ll be able to entertain all the boils and ghouls with his rapid fire wit and ghastly puns.

Commerce Secretary, plutocrat and swamp creature, Wilbur Ross, bears a striking resemblance to the Cryptkeeper and has even developed his own punny quips to nauseate all the boils and ghouls.
Commerce Secretary, plutocrat and swamp creature, Wilbur Ross, bears a striking resemblance to the Cryptkeeper and has even developed his own punny quips to nauseate all the boils and ghouls.

Rod In The Headlights

The mask has been removed from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein and as it turns out, it doesn’t seem that he’s not all that committed to rule of law as his title may imply. Many details have come to light about how Rosenstein had to walk a political tightrope to mollify our petulant, man child CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump. And he even became angry at the press for treating Trump unfairly. Oh, boo-hoo! You’re supposed to uphold the law and instead you let Trump piss all over the constitution. As one ex-DOJ critic summarized, Rosenstein was weak. “He shouldn’t be talking to the president about an investigation into the president under any circumstances and he shouldn’t be giving him assurances about how that investigation will end and he especially shouldn’t be doing it at a time when he’s begging and pleading for his own job… The way to understand Rod is he’s weak, and he’s always been weak. He was weak at the beginning of this investigation when he signed off on the Comey firing and gave the president the excuse, despite––we now know, having read the Mueller report––that he knew why the president was firing Comey, that it was over the Russia investigation.”

We here at the Bucket noticed Mr. Rosenstein’s stone face demeanor at Bill Barr’s pre-Mueller report release con job party where the Republican obfuscator attempted Jedi mind-tricks on the American people. And we wondered to ourselves, is that Rod Rosenstein or a deer in the headlights? Many people have speculated about the thoughts running through his head as Barr misled the public. We think he was saying, “Oh oh…now everyone knows that I’m just a pro-Trump stooge.” We’re looking forward to your retirement, Mr. Rosenstein! We have no doubt you’ll get a comfy position at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network.

Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein bears a striking resemblance to a deer in the headlights especially during Bill Barr's deceptive press conference before the release of the Mueller report where he seems to be thinking "Oh oh...now everyone knows that I'm just a pro-Trump stooge."
Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein bears a striking resemblance to a deer in the headlights especially during Bill Barr’s deceptive press conference before the release of the Mueller report where he seems to be thinking, “Oh oh…now everyone knows that I’m just a pro-Trump stooge.”

Trump’s Troll

Wow! Attorney General Bill “Low” Barr is turning out to be quite a Republican troll isn’t he. This past week America’s CEO/Dictator’s personally picked obfuscator and Republican cover-up artist testified before Congress that the full Mueller report will be released within a week but with redactions. This flies in the face of public opinion since a full seventy-five percent of Americans want the full Mueller report released without redactions. And just for giggles, Low Barr alleged during the 2016 elections that the Trump campaign was spied on by federal officials in the Obama administration despite providing no evidence whatsoever.

So what can we conclude from his testimony? That America’s Attorney General is quite a trolling con artist and not as just and proper as his supporters claim he is. The Mueller report lasted 2 years and cost the taxpayers almost 5 million dollars. So you no what? Americans have a right to see every bit of that report. We paid for it, we get to see every sentence, every word and every period…NO REDACTIONS!!!

We here at the Bucket also noticed that the corpulent Attorney General bears a striking resemblance to portly, cartoon troublemaker Peter Griffin from the animated sitcom Family Guy. But don’t worry folks: Bill Barr is only trolling America for fun and profit – heh-heh-heh-heh.

Attorney General, Trump obfuscator and corpulent Republican troll, Bill Barr, bears a striking resemblance to portly, cartoon numbskull Peter Griffin from Family Guy and has even developed his own Griffin-esque catchphrase: “Heh-heh-heh-heh - I'm trolling America for fun and profit.”
Attorney General, Trump obfuscator and corpulent Republican troll, Bill Barr, bears a striking resemblance to portly, cartoon numbskull Peter Griffin from Family Guy and has even developed his own Griffin-esque catchphrase: “Heh-heh-heh-heh – I’m trolling America for fun and profit.”

The Republican Mongo

Tucker Carlson, ‘journalist’ at Fox News, a.k.a. The Republican Propaganda Network and man with a perpetual brain fart. recently got himself in a lot of hot water. It seems that…brace yourselves…the Tuckwad is a bit of a white nationalist. Media Matters uncovered audio of Tucktard’s appearance on the Bubba the Love Sponge show (you can’t make this stuff up) and ol’ Tucknuts let loose with a torrent of misogynistic and racist gems. What’s more, in true Trumpian fashion, he has refused to apologize for them. Of course, this isn’t shocking to anybody who’s been paying attention since 2004. We’ve made note of his ‘journalistic integrity’ before (here and here).

We’re old-timers here at the Bucket and we remember another thinking impaired person from Mel Brooks’ classic comedy Blazing Saddles, the town simpleton Mongo. Yes, Tucker Carlson could easily be mistaken for him with the befuddled, eternally constipated look on his face. Mongo’s famous mantra could even be updated for the former bow-tie wearing douchebag: “Tucker only pawn in game of white nationalism and conservative Republican propaganda.”

Fox News 'journalist' and man with a perpetual brain fart, Tucker Carlson, bears a striking resemblance to another thinking impaired simpleton, Mongo from the 1970s Mel Brooks classic movie, Blazing Saddles and has even updated his famous mantra: "Tucker only pawn in game of white nationalism and conservative Republican propaganda"

Fox News ‘journalist’ and man with a perpetual brain fart, Tucker Carlson, bears a striking resemblance to another thinking impaired simpleton, Mongo from the 1970s Mel Brooks classic movie, Blazing Saddles and has even updated his famous mantra: “Tucker only pawn in game of white nationalism and conservative Republican propaganda.”

Stoney The Pinhead

Roger Stone has been plastered all over the news lately as the FBI raided his house last week and arrested the Trump crony and confidant in connection with lying about pursuing Russian hacked emails related with Hillary Clinton during the 2016 presidential election. Predictably, now Stone has been making the rounds whining about what a victim he is. A judge has even suggested a gag order to shut him up.

Stone is one weird, weird individual. He describes himself as an ‘agent provocateur’If anybody calls themselves an ‘agent provocateur’, run; run away fast – because that person is a colossal douchebag. Stone also has a tattoo of one of the most corrupt politicians of all time, Richard Nixon, on his back. Because of his admiration of Nixon, he proudly calls himself a ‘dirty trickster’, which may now get him in hot water with the Mueller investigation. Many jokes have been made about his attire, which transform him into some bizarre steampunk Batman villain.

But what made our jaws drop was the recent visage of Stone in profile. Now, we understand why he wears all those stupid hats. The Nixon fanboy’s skull is shaped like a traffic cone. He possesses the sloping forehead of a mythical caveman. Then it dawned on us who he really looked like; classic comic strip icon, Zippy the Pinhead, drawn by Bill Griffith. Googling ‘Roger Stone Zippy the Pinhead’, we found we weren’t the first to notice the similarity. But Holy Shit…look at that head shape! Considering that Stone is a human and Zippy is a cartoon, the resemblance is remarkable! Isn’t it interesting that the main stream corporate media never shows Stone in profile and always from the front or with his cone noggin covered with his goofy hats.

Trump crony, Nixon aficionado and self described agent provocateur (translation: asshole), Roger Stone bears a striking resemblance to another coneheaded being, classic comic strip icon Zippy the Pinhead.

Trump crony, Nixon aficionado and self described agent provocateur (translation: asshole), Roger Stone bears a striking resemblance to another coneheaded being, classic comic strip icon Zippy the Pinhead.

Ol’ Pruneface Grassley

One person who came to the forefront for his surliness in the sham Kavanaugh hearings was Iowa senator, Chuck Grassley. He’s the very epitome of a cranky, cantankerous, old man sitting on his front porch yelling at kids to get off his lawn. Even the BilgeBucket’s resident old coot, Chester Einstein, says Grassley out-cranks him. Now that’s cranky!

Well, not only was his surliness during the hearings widely noted, he stated this week that the reason for the absence of GOP women on the Senate Judiciary committee was due to the heavy workload, implying that women couldn’t handle the job like a man could. The committee has never had a female Republican on it, whereas Democrats currently have four. Grassley, of course, backtracked and spun his comments like a true conservative Republican, but given his behavior toward the women involved in the Kavanaugh hearings, we think this sexist old coot should probably retire to his front porch for real come 2020 when he’s up for re-election.

We here at the Bucket are old enough to remember the Dick Tracy comics and we think that ol’ Chuck Grassley, with his permanently dour, sour and stoic expression bears a striking resemblance to one of Dick Tracy’s villains, Pruneface.

Hot from his curmudgeony performance at the Brett Kavanaugh hearings, Iowa senator and crusty ol' coot, Chuck Grassley, bears a striking resemblance to one of Dick Tracy's old nemeses, Pruneface.

Hot from his curmudgeony performance at the Brett Kavanaugh hearings, Iowa senator and crusty ol’ coot, Chuck Grassley, bears a striking resemblance to one of Dick Tracy’s old nemeses, Pruneface.

Putin’s Puppet’s Puppet

Former Trump advisor, lackey and puppet, Omarosa Manigault Newman has captured the attention of the nation this past week with the release of her new book and tapes of the many lies told by the many liars who reside in the Trump administration. While we’re enjoying the barrage of leaks about this disastrous presidency, we’re also incredibly skeptical of Omarosa’s statements. Let’s be clear here – she’s a self-aggrandizing, obnoxious, mendacious, attention whore just like everyone else in the Trump White House including the orange haired man child. When she claims that Trump was eating paper like a spy out of espionage thriller… well… we have our doubts. Especially when she was such a colossal sycophant to Trump while she worked in the White House and praised him on the 2016 campaign trail.

Of course, now that Omarosa has switched teams, Trump, who once praised her, now vilifies her and has sicked his minions to attack her. Which brings us to Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s Queen of Alternative Facts, who recently emerged from her liars lair to spin lies and deception to protect Trump. Last week Conway denied that Trump was racist but yet had a hard time naming any staff members who were African-American. Omarosa’s leaked tapes seemed to have nullified this  particular claim. This week, Conway’s domestic troubles with her husband, who is strongly anti-Trump, have surfaced. Every time Conway opens her mouth, lies spew forth like a geyser of misinformation.

We’ve noticed that Trump’s puppet of alternative facts bears a striking resemblance to another puppet: from the 1970s, Wayland Flowers’ Madame.  Slap a turban on Conway’s head and load up the blue eye shadow and … Voila! We just wish Conway was as enjoyable as Madame was.

The Queen of Alternative Facts, Donald Trump's principal prevaricator puppet, Kellyanne Conway, bears a striking resemblance to Wayland Flower's beloved puppet from the 1970s, Madame.

The Queen of Alternative Facts, Donald Trump’s principal prevaricator puppet, Kellyanne Conway, bears a striking resemblance to Wayland Flower’s beloved puppet from the 1970s, Madame.

Melania: We Don’t Care About You Anymore

Believe it or not, we’ve got standards here at the Bucket. We usually don’t poke fun at the family of a politician unless they themselves are politicians. We did have fun with the Bush twins(they were adults) and Laura Bush during Dubya’s regime and likewise with Michelle Obama. But Sasha and Malia were off limits as is Barron Trump. We did do one photo-toon with Trump’s children Eric, Donald Jr. and Ivanka, but again, they are adults. We also aren’t going to waste our time mocking them because…quite frankly…they aren’t worth it.

We’ve refrained from poking fun at First Lady Melania Trump because she seems to be truly miserable in her current position. Of all the Trumps, she seemed to be the one person who maybe, just maybe had a heart. We thought that until last week proved otherwise…hugely.

As she took off to visit the immigration camps last week, she chose to wear a jacket which had emblazoned on its back “I don’t really care, do u?” Now, Ms. Trump is really rich. She’s got tons of jackets from which to choose. This should’ve been a no-brainer. But apparently she’s as cold and ruthless as her husband. She could have chosen a less offensive item of clothing. But no. She chose to be a troll. Do you think Eleanor Roosevelt would’ve warn a jacket like that? Do you think the recently deceased Barbara Bush would’ve worn a jacket like that? No – of course not. They were human beings. Well, we’ve decided to take Melania off our personal do-not-disturb list and reward her for her truly ugly display of intolerance. We think, because of her action, she resembles a horse’s ass. But honestly, the horse’s ass wears that jacket much better.

Dear Melania Trump: We don't care about you anymore. P.S. The horse's ass wears the jacket much better than you.

Dear Melania Trump: We don’t care about you anymore. P.S. The horse’s ass wears the jacket much better than you.

Giuliani: The Melting Man

Former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani has returned to the spotlight recently and just as quickly may be returning to oblivion. Giuliani was hired to be on America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump’s legal team after Ty Cobb resigned. Giuliani immediately stuck his foot in his big mouth by making the rounds in the media and stating that Trump did pay back the hush money to Michael Cohen that he doled out to porn actress Stormy Daniels, which promptly proves that Trump lied about not knowing anything about hush money payments. In each of Giuliani’s television appearances, he appeared completely out of sorts, yelling at times and appearing completely bamboozled and lost. We think the term ‘meltdown’ is very appropriate. He reminded us of the famous face melting scene of Major Arnold Toht in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Of course, we’ve never really understood why Giuliani was so popular. True, he was mayor of New York during 9/11 and he displayed a calmness through the resulting tumult that was reassuring. But beyond that…zilch. He always seemed like a bit of a mobster and he’s certainly acting like it now. At least he fits in with the Trump administration, which has been one embarrassing event after another since January 16, 2017. Mr. Giuliani’s media tour has been a complete fiasco. He has proven he is incompetent enough to be associated with Donald Trump. Way to go, Rudy!

Hot from his recent media meltdowns, Trump lawyer Rudy Guliani bears a striking resemblance to the melty face Major Arnold Toht from the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Hot from his recent media meltdowns, Trump lawyer Rudy Guliani bears a striking resemblance to the melty face Major Arnold Toht from the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The Ursula Of The White House

There are so many incompetent enablers in the Trump Administration’s White House, it truly is dizzying to contemplate and nauseating to live with. We’ve already commented on many but we’ve yet to talk about Press Secretary and Chief Prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders. We never thought she could outdo the previous Press Secretary, Sean ‘ Spicey’ Spicer, on bald faced lying to the public but as everything else with this clownish administration, new depths of ineptitude are explored and exceeded everyday.

Ms. Sanders is only thirty-five years old but owes her high profile job to the fact that she is Mike *uckabee’s daughter. Former Arkansas governor *uckabee was one of the clowns in the Con-a-thon 2016 Republican clown car and is a well known bible thumper. Trump’s been giving some of his fellow clowns, like Ben Carson and Rick Perry, high profile positions in his cabinet. So it’s really no surprise that he’s given the position to someone so vastly unqualified. Hey, look at Jared Kushner and Trump’s own daughter Ivanka.

Ms. Sanders should realize that according to her belief system, lying or bearing false witness is a sin and punishment by damnation in hell. We find it funny that she’s been wearing more and more makeup in her press briefings in an attempt to make her appear less repugnant. She should realize that her obsequious fealty to Trump, dishonesty and lack of integrity makes her more unsightly than Ursula from the Little Mermaid, whom she curiously resembles.

Trump administration Press Secretary and pathological prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders, bears a striking resemblance to beloved cartoon sea hag, Ursula.

Trump administration Press Secretary and pathological prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders, bears a striking resemblance to beloved cartoon sea hag, Ursula.