Archive for January 30, 2016

Trump’s Trumpeters

The first election of the sham that is Con-a-thon 2016 is coming up this Monday and everyone is getting in some late minute BS slinging before Iowans go to the polls in the Iowa Caucuses. Donald Trump made quite a ruckus (what else is new!) this past week by bypassing the Fox News Republican debate this past Thursday because Donald Trump doesn’t like Megyn Kelly. Geez! For a tough guy, Trump sure is acting like a baby. But again, what else is new for this megalomaniac who recently bragged that he could shoot people in the middle of New York and still not lose voters.¬† While this statement shows how dangerously psychotic Trump is, it says more about how insane Trump’s supporters are because he’s actually right. Donald Trump could murder innocent people and his demented supporters would still vote for him.

Speaking of people supporting Trump, he’s got quite an eclectic list of celebrity endorsements heading into Iowa. Rolling Stone has another list. If you look at the lists, there are a lot of authoritarian, tough guy, manly men like Arizona’s own Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio, Hulk Hogan, Mike Tyson and Russian President Vladimir Putin who said of Trump “he’s a bright and talented person”. We guess it takes a tyrant to know a tyrant. We’re sure that Putin and Trump could team up and subjugate the hell out of the rest of the world just like Stalin and Hitler did. Of course, all of these aggressive egotists would rather fight and kill than use something peaceful like diplomacy.

On the female side, there’s Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin, who gave the strangest endorsement speech of all time (we like Stephen Colbert’s mockery of it). Conservative harpie and living skeleton Ann Coulter, anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly and empty headed reality star Tila Tequila all are Trumpeters on Trump’s solid gold bandwagon.

But probably the strangest endorsement was by John Wayne. Although the Duke has been dead since 1979 , his daughter Aissa said that if John Wayne were alive today, he would endorse the Donald. You see Donald Trump’s 19th century mindset sits perfectly with the cowboy image embodied by the Duke. So to make America great again, we just have to make everything like it was back in the days of the Wild West (everybody’s got a gun; shoot first, ask questions later; tough, tough, tough; kill, kill, kill, etc…). We think Donald Trump’s motto should be, “We’re Going Back To The Future”.

Vladimir Putin, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, the ghost of John Wayne and Donald Trump all think that Donald Trump is great.

Megalomaniac GOP candidate Donald Trump modestly acknowledges his ‘greatness’ to his adoring fans like Vladimir Putin, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter and the ghost of John Wayne.

Rewind: Rummy’s Iron Fist

A Donald popped up this past week that just about made us puke and it wasn’t Donald Trump. Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense during the Bush Administration and architect of the clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War, resurfaced this week to hawk an app for Churchill Solitaire on various talk shows. But what also popped up this week was a recently declassified Joint Chief of Staffs document which proves that there were no WMDs in Iraq and that the Bush Administration lied to the American people and should be prosecuted as war criminals.

Rumsfeld also popped up last summer trying to clear himself from wrongdoing about the Iraq War. Last June, Rummy said that ‘The idea that we could fashion a democracy in Iraq seemed to me unrealistic. I was concerned about it when I first heard those words.’ Of course this runs counter to his rhetoric back in the summer of 2006, when he assailed any critics of the Iraq War as intellectual and morally confused appeasers. It boggles our minds that anybody would listen to anything this man says about foreign affairs after being so utterly wrong about Iraq. He should be doing time in jail instead of making the talk show circuit selling his app.

Here’s a photo-toon from our September 17, 2006 issue which shows what ol’ iron fisted Rummy would do with the appeasers.

Iron fisted Donald Rumsfeld wants to crush the real enemies of the Iraq War; the appeasers.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld tells the pliant crowd at the American Legion convention in Salt Lake City, Utah, that critics of the Iraq War are morally and intellectually confused and that they are in fact appeasing the Islamo-fascists much the way Europe appeased Hitler in the 1930s, while conveniently ignoring the fact (or not) that he and the Bush Administration are employing Nazi propaganda tactics to suppress dissent in this country.

 

Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.Herman Goering

Cruz Sez Diplomacy Is For Pussies

This past week, the Obama administration not only pulled off a prisoner exchange where they swapped 7 Iranians for 4 Americans who had been held for years on false charges, but they also got 10 U.S. Navy sailors, who had accidentally drifted into Iranian waters, released within one day. You’d think everyone, including the GOP, would be ecstatic over these displays of calm and cool diplomacy. But NOOOOOOOOOOO! The ridiculous, whining, crybaby Republican candidates for president did nothing but criticize the Obama administration saying the exchange made America look weak. Ted Cruz, Teabagger darling and the smuggest senator alive, even said that the only reason the sailors were taken in the first place was because of the weakness of Obama. Of course, the Republicans¬† would have started World War III and nuked them ’til they glowed because that’s what manly men do. Screw life on earth, there are gargantuan egos and pride at stake. Yes, there’s nothing like administering 19th century, ‘wild west’ philosophy in the 21st century.

Ted Cruz declares that diplomacy is for pussies and that he'd nuke Iran unitl they glowed.

GOP candidate and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, gives Americans a hint at what foreign policy would be like during a possible Cruz presidency.

 

The Ever Popular Mount Bushmore

There’s a reason that Jeb Bush is now the least popular Republican presidential candidate in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. It’s because he’s absolutely so out of touch that he thinks that getting his brother, ex-President, George W. Bush will actually help his campaign, saying that Dubya is ‘very popular’. Yes, in Jeb’s little world they’re replacing all the sculptures on Mt. Rushmore with replicas of Dubya and renaming it Mount Bushmore.

In Jeb Bush's world, Mount Rushmore will be remade into Mount Bushmore to honor his super, duper popular, ex-president  brother George W. Bush.

In Jeb Bush’s little world, Mount Rushmore will be remade into Mount Bushmore to honor his super, duper popular, ex-president brother George W. Bush.

Al Was The Smart Bundy

Continuing with our mockery of Y’all Queda…

Poor Al Bundy! The much maligned patriarch of the dysfunctional Bundy family from the classic sitcom Married…with Children, can’t even retain his fame as the stupidest Bundy in America thanks to Y’all Queda leader, Ammon Bundy. Come to think of it, Ammon’s Dad, Cliven dethroned Al last year. Oh well. At least Al’s still the funniest Bundy.

Al Bundy, famous shoe salesman and athlete, who once scored four touchdowns in one high school football game, discovers that he's no longer the stupidest Bundy in America thanks to Y'all Queda leader Ammon Bundy.

Al Bundy, famous shoe salesman and athlete, who once scored four touchdowns in one high school football game, discovers that he’s no longer the stupidest Bundy in America thanks to Y’all Queda leader Ammon Bundy.

You Say ‘Patriot’, We Say Domestic Terrorist

What a way to kick off 2016! Some outraged, armed ‘patriots’ a.k.a. domestic terrorists have taken over the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon. According to the leader of this band of idiots (hilariously nicknamed by many Y’all Queda) , who is none other than Ammon Bundy, son of Cliven Bundy, who told us about ‘the Negro’ last year, these morons are taking over this land because it’s the people’s land, and by people they mean kin folk and other local ranchers and hunters who want free grazing and free hunting. Of course, he’s ignoring that the land was declared a refuge by none other than Theodore Roosevelt back in 1908 as a way to protect birds and wildlife from hunters who shot anything that moved. There’s a reason the federal government regulates things, especially in a designated wilderness area; because the ranchers and hunters leave things looking like shit. And another tidbit that is way too funny; these brainwaves appealed to the masses to send them snacks because apparently they forgot to plan ahead, despite saying they were going to stay ‘for years’. We’re hoping that the wildlife (or birdwatchers) rise up and give these idiots their much needed comeuppance.

A member of the Y'all Queda armed domestic terrorist group that has taken over Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, explains his viewpoint to a bald eagle resident  who is not amused.

A member of the Y’all Queda armed domestic terrorist group that has taken over Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, explains his viewpoint to a resident of the Refuge, who is not amused.