Tag Archive for Bush

The King And Queen Of Pain

Gina Haspel was narrowly approved by the Senate last week to be the new CIA director despite being grilled for being a supposed proponent of torture during the Bush Administration. Lawmakers repeatedly asked her if she would protest if perhaps Trump wanted to restart interrogation techniques such as waterboarding to which she basically did what all conservative Republicans do; avoid answering the question. You know it’s bad when Dick Cheney reemerges from his lair and states with Haspel in charge, the U.S. should restart harsh interrogations.

Of course, the Trump administration denies that Trump wants to resume the torture program, despite stating many times that he would definitely reinstate the method because “it works”. Perhaps Haspel can initiate a new torture method involving spanking with a Forbes magazine. We’re sure our megalomaniac, liar-in-chief would volunteer for that and maybe confess everything about lying on his taxes, his affair with Stormy Daniels, any collusion with Russia and the 3001 other deceptions he’s thrown at the public since his inauguration.

New CIA director and torture aficionado, Gina Haspel, has announced a new method of interrogation that meets with overwhelming approval from American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

New CIA director and torture aficionado, Gina Haspel, has announced a new method of interrogation that meets with overwhelming approval from American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

Rewind: John Bolton’s Image Makeover

The exodus of personnel from the disaster that is the Trump White House continues. Rumor has it that NSA advisor, H.R. McMaster, one of the few competent people in the Trump administration, is heading for the hills. The scuttlebutt is that everyone’s favorite mustachioed, hate filled, crusty curmudgeon, former United Nations Ambassador during the Bush Administration, John Bolton, is being considered for the NSA position. Bolton is an unabashed warmonger and would be disastrous not only for the country but for the world.

Back during Dubya’s days in the White House, we had a regular feature here at the Bucket called Probing Inquiries. Bolton definitely had an image problem (and still does) and desperately needed an image makeover so he’d appeal to a wider swath of Americans. How’d it turn out? You be the judge.

This is from our January 11, 2006 issue.

Probing Inquiries

Fantasticus - BilgeBucket GazetteJohn Bolton Softens His Image

The new controversial U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, recently hired a crew to completely makeover his image from a grizzled curmudgeon to a softer, more amiable statesman. Leader of the makeover team, world renowned fashion consultant Fantasticus, who is also responsible for the stylish makeovers of Katie Couric, Condoleezza Rice and Prince Charles’ polo horse Skippy, describes the different looks considered in the makeover odyssey. The final result will surely make John Bolton the most loveable U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations ever!

John Bolton with a Michael Bolton makeover.The obvious first choice was to make John Bolton look like the other famous Bolton in America, singer Michael Bolton. We thought the long locks, smoldering eyes and sex appeal of Michael would transfer well to John. We were wrong. Next!

 

 

 

 

 

John Bolton with a Donald Trump makeover.Next!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John Bolton with an Easter Bunny makeover.We decided to try to make John Bolton more fluffy and lovable and who is more fluffy and lovable than the Easter Bunny. Well this just plain frightened our test group, which was made up of mostly children. I’m pretty sure they’ll probably have nightmares for the remainders of their lives. Next!

 

 

 

 

John Bolton with a Tyra Banks makeoverThe makeover was going downhill quicker than Bill O’Reilly’s ‘War on Christmas’, so I called in makeover diva, Tyra Banks, as a consultant. Tyra is known for her ‘fierce’ makeovers, but this look just creeped everyone out. Next! Hurry!

 

 

 

 

 

John Bolton with a Dame Edna makeover.WINNER! We fired Tyra immediately, but she was on the right track. Who’s more non-threatening in a masculine-feminine way than Dame Edna. This look will put his fellow ambassadors at ease and bring laughter and love to the entire United Nations.

 

 

 

 

 

The Normalization Of Dubya

The Trump presidency has been frightening enough, but another disturbing trend is becoming more frequent since Trump’s election: the normalization of right wing conservatism. For some reason, only Republicans like Bob Corker and super-hypocrite Jeff Flake are heralded for ‘standing up’ to Donald Trump, even though they’ve voted for everything he’s pushed forward.

Now for some reason, some people, including Democrats are willing to forget the horrendous presidency of George W. Bush or at least say he wasn’t all that bad. Are you freaking kidding???!!!! Bush and his cadre royally fucked this country up and now people are embracing him just because Donald Trump is so awful?  Bush even recently gave a resounding well received speech about the evils of Trumpism. That’s right, DUBYA!!!! This is how screwed up this country is! We commented before about how Megyn Kelly has been hired to try and normalize right wing conservatism. We’re seeing it all over the place in the main stream corporate media. Chris Wallace has been presented as a somewhat sane veteran ‘journalist’ now instead of the partisan hack he truly is. If you ask us, you should never trust Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network and you should never praise Dubya as being a font of wisdom. In case you’ve forgotten, he was the worst president since Nixon. He should never be forgiven for the clusterf*ck that was Iraq, the Great Recession, which his policies help create or for his almost completely running this country into the ground with his massive tax cuts for the rich, not to mention gutting environmental regulations and denying climate change like Trump is doing. From 2003-2009, we mocked and ridiculed Dubya and his fellow Republicans for the lies and deception they spewed on the American public and now the Republicans are doing it again, with a different moron in charge.

We came across one of our old photo-toons from 2006, when Dubya got counseling from James Baker through the Iraq Study Group that staying in Iraq was a bad idea. Hell getting into Iraq was an even worse idea. But typical of all conservative Republicans, they will never admit that they made a mistake. To this day, Bush won’t admit that his decision to unilaterally invade Iraq was a mistake, despite the fact that it has brought turmoil to the Middle East likely for the next half century. His trillion dollar debacle destabilized the whole region and gave rise to not only Al-Qaeda infiltrating Iraq, but the rise of ISIS later on during Obama’s presidency. His stubbornness to listen to any other voice other than Republican Neo-cons like Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, put this country in the dumper. It was only the political ‘thumping’ the Republicans took in the 2006 election, which brought Democrats back into power that he considered other options about Iraq. And now were seeing another conservative Republican named Donald Trump pulling the same ‘I’m the Decider’ crap that Dubya pulled. The only evolution that is occurring in the Republican party is from having a President who is a moron to one that is a f*cking moron.

The Republican President has evolved from being a childish moron to being a childish f*cking moron.

The Republican President has evolved from being a childish moron to being a childish f*cking moron.

Salve, Arrivederci Mooch!

Back in 2006, when the Bush administration took a thumping in the November elections, we were of the opinion that there would never be a White House as screwed up as Bush’s. We were wrong. To say the Trump White House is chaotic is as obvious as saying the sun is hot. Every damn day, something new is being mucked up.

Last week, in an effort to dispose of leaks in the Trump White House, America’s CEO/Dictator hired Antony Scaramucci, an up and coming financier and entrepreneur who promised to rid the White House of spies and leakers.  Scaramucci, or the Mooch as he likes to be called, promptly gave a profanity laden tirade against the leakers saying Reince Priebus was a “f*cking paranoid schizophrenic” and Steve Bannon likes to “suck his own c*ck”. He and Trump then promptly fired everyone’s favorite whipping boy, chief of staff, Reince Priebus.  Then Priebus showed what a sycophantic putz he was by saying “I’m always going to be a Trump fan. I’m on Team Trump, and I look forward to helping him achieve his goals and his agenda for the American people.” Geez! What an idiot!

Well, it turns out that the new chief of staff, John Kelly, doesn’t really like the Mooch, so guess what? Ol’ Moocher is gone. Wow! And we thought Michael Flynn’s tenure was short. Apparently, John Kelly, who is a former Marine general, is a bit of an authoritarian. So he’ll fit in just fine with Trump’s authoritarian regime. Will Kelly be an effective ringleader of this multi-ring clusterf*ck circus that is the Trump administration? Now we think Kelly is by far, a better choice than Priebus, but based on the six months of stunning ineptitude displayed so far, we’re kind of skeptical.

 World class profanity artist, Anthony Scaramucci, a.k.a. the Mooch, lasted just ten days as communications director before America's CEO/Dictator fired him in true Trumpian fashion.

World class profanity artist, Anthony Scaramucci, a.k.a. the Mooch, lasted just ten days as communications director before America’s CEO/Dictator gave him the ol’ heave ho in true Trumpian fashion.

Pepe Trump’s War On Truth

American CEO/Dictator Donald ‘Pepe’ Trump started a war on the press when he was a candidate. He proclaimed that he was the only one America could trust and that the media was biased against him. The sheeple who voted for him bought his bullshit hook, line and sinker. What’s amazing is that it’s been two years since Trump officially started campaigning for President and some people are still buying his bullshit; that’s he’s the bastion for truth, justice and the American way. He’s claiming that the press, especially CNN, is out to get him and that the real enemy of the people is the media.

This is just rinsing and repeating for the GOP. They did the same thing during the Bush administration led by the ‘truth warriors’ at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican propaganda network (at least Fox has dropped their ridiculous slogan ‘fair and balanced’.) Rush Limbaugh has made a career of railing against the ‘liberal media’ conveniently overlooking the blatant lies that he and other right wing ‘journalists’ promote as the truth.

Trump’s war on the media is insidious and incredibly dangerous for a free society. Freedom of the press is one of the cornerstones of our democracy. Everything Trump has said and done so far in his presidency has brought nothing but doubt and derision upon him from sane people, which explains why his approval ratings are so low. We have no doubt that Pepe will continue croaking his ‘fake news’ diatribe and we have no doubt that his acolytes will continue to bask in it and enable him like the sheeple they are.

When you want fake news and a never ending supply of bullshit, who you gonna call? PEPE TRUMP!!!

When you want fake news and a never ending supply of bullshit, who you gonna call? PEPE TRUMP!!!

Trump’s Cabinet Praise-a-thon

In one of the strangest events in the Trump administration so far (and that’s saying a lot), this past week, America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, held a praise-a-thon of sorts where his cabinet members gathered not to discuss policy; not to discuss world or domestic affairs; but to lavish praise and worship upon their illustrious leader. In something out of the Roman Empire, Nazi Germany, Soviet Russia, North Korea or any other authoritarian state, adult men and women actually had to kiss the gigantic ass and stroke the colossal ego of Donald Trump.

Folks, this is not normal in a functioning representative democracy. We can’t remember any cabinet of any recent president, even doofus extraordinaire, George W. Bush, meeting just to lavish praise upon him like he was Julius Caesar. These are the actions of radical, authoritarians who want freedom and justice for only the rich, holy and the powerful; or in other words the Holy Corporate Empire.

Members of American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's cabinet meet to kiss the massive ass and stroke the gigantic ego of The Leader.

Members of American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s cabinet meet to kiss the massive ass and stroke the gigantic ego of The Leader.

Rewind: Night At The Foxbury

Bill O’Reilly, the man whose only goal in life is to look out for you, recently got the axe from Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network because he’s finally harassed too many women in the workplace. It started several weeks ago when women came forward claiming sexual harassment from O’Reilly, who has a history of treating women rather shoddily. Who can forget his adventures with the loofah mitt and falafel back in 2004. Well, FINALLY, it has caught up with O’Reilly. Just like his former boss, Roger Ailes, the splotchy faced, self declared cultural warrior is out. Where will poor little Billy go now? The White House, as Trump’s new press secretary? We shudder and laugh at the thought.

This reminds us of a photo-toon we did back in 2007 which featured O’Reilly and , at that time, CNN Headline News host Glenn Beck (we think he’s a greeter at Walmart now), who made some rather unwelcome advances toward a female he was interviewing. Yes, we can just picture how a night out on the town with conservative super studs Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly might have gone. You can almost hear the strains of Haddaway’s What is Love in the background can’t you.

This is from our March 29, 2007 issue.

 Conservative Super Studs, Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly, have announced that they're going to make a new movie called A Night at the Foxbury, which is based on their wild, crazy, escapades wooing the opposite sex. This on the heels of Glenn Beck's recent incident where, while discussing the topic of the naked American Idol photos, he made the following suggestive comment to USA Today's Dina Sansing on CNN's Headline News: "Dina, I've got some time and a camera. Why don't you stop by?" But just like Ann Coulter, Beck was just joking, of course.


Conservative Super Studs, Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly, have announced that they’re going to make a new movie called A Night at the Foxbury, which is based on their wild, crazy, escapades wooing the opposite sex. This on the heels of Glenn Beck’s recent incident where, while discussing the topic of the naked American Idol photos, he made the following suggestive comment to USA Today’s Dina Sansing on CNN’s Headline News: “Dina, I’ve got some time and a camera. Why don’t you stop by?” But just like Ann Coulter, Beck was just joking, of course.

Perjurious Sessions

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III is certainly living up to his low expectations that we set for him. It has just been revealed that the new Attorney General lied under oath about communications with the Russians during the 2016 election. Sessions said that he didn’t but new reports confirm that he did talk with Russian the ambassador. Of course, in true Republican fashion, he blamed the people who asked the questions not his own impeccable self. But he did recuse himself from any inquiry into any interference from Russia during the 2016 election.

Of course, America’s new CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump defended his attorney general saying he did nothing wrong. Trump has also started practicing another typical GOP canard; blaming the previous Democratic president. The incompetent Bush Administration took delight in blaming all their mistakes on Bill Clinton. Now, Trump is doing the same to Obama. He’s even gone as far as accusing Obama of wiretapping him during the election, without proof of course. We almost wish Obama did wiretap Trump and an investigation would commence. Then at least we’d hear about the conversations Trump and his lackeys may have had with the Russians.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, receives instructions from his boss, CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, that his perjury about his conversations with the Russian ambassador during the 2016 election at his confirmation hearings was actually all Barack Obama's fault.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, receives instructions from his boss, CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, that his perjury about his conversations with the Russian ambassador during the 2016 election at his confirmation hearings was actually all Barack Obama’s fault.

Rewind: America Chooses Insanity…Again

We’re shocked and in mourning for a sane, intelligent America. Words escape us at the moment so we’re reprinting an article from when America chose a similar path of insanity back in 2004 and re-elected George W. Bush. Yeah…that turned out well didn’t it. One things for sure; conservative Republicans never learn.

This article is from our November 7, 2004 post-election issue.

America Speaks: “51% Of Us Are Fucking Idiots!”

America went to the polls last week and re-elected George W. Bush as president even though he’s started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that has lost almost a million jobs, underfunded the ‘No Children Left Behind’ program, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which does nothing to alleviate high costs and performed anemically in all three televised debates.

Bush supporters spoke out and explained why they voted for him. Dale Gilman of Empty Noggin, Georgia, said, “I voted for him because he’s the one I’d rather drink a beer with. That’s my only criteria for president. I’ll have to invite him over to my trailer for a beer one of these days. It’s not quite the country club he’s used to, but I think my gun collection adds a certain redneck ambiance.”

Betsy Moeller, of Cornshoot, Ohio, said, “I was undecided until the very end, but what made me vote for the President was that he’s just so moral. Even when he lies to us repeatedly, he’s just so moral.”

Kirby Tucker, of Cracked Nut, North Carolina, said, “All I knows is I don’t want no wolves to catch me and eats me.”

Durwood Dunndoody, of Oozing Bed Sore, Texas said, “The big issue of this campaign was gay marriage. No doubt about it. Thank God, the President is going to make a stand agin’ those hell bound fruitcakes. They’re worst than the terrorists you know.”

Dwight Stevenson, of Ostrich Neck, Oklahoma, said, “I know the president has made some mistakes, but he’s a known quantity. I’m comfortable with his ineptitude.”

Rev. Fred Campbell, pastor of the Fifth Evangelical Church of the Backwoods in Dunceville, Tennessee, said, “Praise be to God! The rapture is so close I can smell it!”

Dave and Karen Lydell, of Dullardton, Iowa, said, “We believe in secretive Orwellian government. We completely trust President Bush to do what’s right, because it’s really none of our business to know or question what they’re doing. We don’t mind if our government monitors our every movement. It’s a small price to pay for freedom.”

Kerry supporters expressed extreme shock and disappointment. Mark Barry, of Tempe, Arizona, said while banging his head with a frying pan, “This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!”

Donna Beacham, of Salem, Oregon, said while booking a flight to Vancouver, Canada, “The choice was so obvious. It’s like we’re speeding for the edge of a cliff in a gas guzzling hummer, and the passengers vote to drive off. Un-fucking-believable!”

College student, Craig Kaster, of Santa Bonita, California, said, “I’m so voting for that Kerry dude. What? The elections were last week. Oh man! I like so spaced that off.”

Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, said. “This is great! Al-Qaeda will get stronger, America will go bankrupt and I’ll get to live four more years. That chimp Bush is playing right into my hands. Allah Akbar!”

Pence Loves Dick

This past week, GOP VP nominee and everyone’s favorite Puritan, Mike Pence came out of the conservative closet and proudly pronounced to all that Dick Cheney, architect of that clusterf*ck called the Iraq War, is his VP role model. If we had any respect for this man, (we didn’t), it was completely lost with this confession.

As a policy we started last year, whenever Dick Cheney appears in the press spouting his lies or one of his surrogates like Pence pops up praising him, we’d repeat Cheney’s biggest lie on Iraq. This is precisely the same strategy taken by the Bush Administration and the Republican Fear and Noise Machine, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a Fox News; to repeat things ad nauseum until the sheeple get it. Every person in America needs to see this video because it proves that at least one very influential person in the Bush Administration knew the Iraq War would be a quagmire and went ahead with it anyway saying instead that we would be greeted as liberators. Bush and Cheney are liars and need to be prosecuted! PLEASE…take time out and view this video!

Here’s another video released by the White House which shows how wrong Dick Cheney has been about everything and that his credibility level is zero. All we have to say about Cheney is WHAT A DICK!!!