Bush – BilgeBucket Gazette

Americans Choose Fascism

We’re still at a loss for words about the election just like we were in 2016. But the bottom line is Americans chose fascism over democracy. So for now, we’re just reposting an article from our November 9, 2016 post which is reposted from our November 7, 2004 post-election issue.

America Speaks: “51% Of Us Are Fucking Idiots!”

America went to the polls last week and re-elected George W. Bush as president even though he’s started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that has lost almost a million jobs, underfunded the ‘No Children Left Behind’ program, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which does nothing to alleviate high costs and performed anemically in all three televised debates.

Bush supporters spoke out and explained why they voted for him. Dale Gilman of Empty Noggin, Georgia, said, “I voted for him because he’s the one I’d rather drink a beer with. That’s my only criteria for president. I’ll have to invite him over to my trailer for a beer one of these days. It’s not quite the country club he’s used to, but I think my gun collection adds a certain redneck ambiance.”

Betsy Moeller, of Cornshoot, Ohio, said, “I was undecided until the very end, but what made me vote for the President was that he’s just so moral. Even when he lies to us repeatedly, he’s just so moral.”

Kirby Tucker, of Cracked Nut, North Carolina, said, “All I knows is I don’t want no wolves to catch me and eats me.”

Durwood Dunndoody, of Oozing Bed Sore, Texas said, “The big issue of this campaign was gay marriage. No doubt about it. Thank God, the President is going to make a stand agin’ those hell bound fruitcakes. They’re worst than the terrorists you know.”

Dwight Stevenson, of Ostrich Neck, Oklahoma, said, “I know the president has made some mistakes, but he’s a known quantity. I’m comfortable with his ineptitude.”

Rev. Fred Campbell, pastor of the Fifth Evangelical Church of the Backwoods in Dunceville, Tennessee, said, “Praise be to God! The rapture is so close I can smell it!”

Dave and Karen Lydell, of Dullardton, Iowa, said, “We believe in secretive Orwellian government. We completely trust President Bush to do what’s right, because it’s really none of our business to know or question what they’re doing. We don’t mind if our government monitors our every movement. It’s a small price to pay for freedom.”

Kerry supporters expressed extreme shock and disappointment. Mark Barry, of Tempe, Arizona, said while banging his head with a frying pan, “This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!”

Donna Beacham, of Salem, Oregon, said while booking a flight to Vancouver, Canada, “The choice was so obvious. It’s like we’re speeding for the edge of a cliff in a gas guzzling hummer, and the passengers vote to drive off. Un-fucking-believable!”

College student, Craig Kaster, of Santa Bonita, California, said, “I’m so voting for that Kerry dude. What? The elections were last week. Oh man! I like so spaced that off.”

Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, said. “This is great! Al-Qaeda will get stronger, America will go bankrupt and I’ll get to live four more years. That chimp Bush is playing right into my hands. Allah Akbar!”

Rewind: GOP – The Party Of Moral Values?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

The whole purpose of our 20th anniversary retrospective is to show that the Republicans haven’t just shifted to the right with TFG. They’ve been trying to make America a christian theocracy ruled by corporate America since the Bush administration. The leaders of the GOP want people to be mindless sheeple who blindly obey their leaders, work without complaint no matter what the hours, and consume corporate America’s products like automatons until they drop dead, broke and drowning in debt. So bible thumper creationist Mike Johnson coming to the fore should not be a surprise. It’s business as usual for the Republican syndicate. But it’s business as usual for Democrats as well as they’re doing now what they did in 2006; standing by and watching the Republicans self-destruct and hoping that the electorate will notice.

This article is from our July 7, 2006 edition.

House GOP Ready To Shove Values Agenda Down America’s Throat

Republican members of the House of Representatives recently released a series of bills it is calling ‘The American Values Agenda’ in hopes of energizing it’s conservative base for the fall 2006 elections. Already the first item, protecting the word ‘under God’ in the pledge of allegiance, has already gone down to defeat.

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert commented on the initiative. “We feel that this is a necessity as a signal to our conservative base that we’re ready to ram the ideology of a minority of wealthy, religious individuals down the throats of the rest of America. And since this minority has a lot of bucks, we’re going to basically push these items through and character assassinate anyone who stands in our way.”

Among the gritty, pressing issues tackled by House Republicans; a vital flag-burning amendment, a crucial anti-gay marriage amendment, and an urgent cracking down on Internet gambling. Other serious topics to be considered include: protecting insurance companies from frivolous claims from greedy hurricane victims; protecting frozen embryos from evil stem cell researchers; abolishing the completely unfair estate tax which affects a whopping one percent of the population; making sure that every citizen can own and properly use an AK-47; making sure the Arctic Wildlife Refuge is drilled for that precious nine month supply of oil; and making sure that the United States of America becomes a full fledged Christian theocracy.

Democratic congresswoman from California Nancy Pelosi said that this is nothing but pandering by House Republicans. “They are taking radical right wing values and touting them as America’s values. This is nothing more than their age old tactic of distract, distort and divide. Meanwhile, the Democrats have a clear message to the American people and that is . . .we’re just going to stand by and watch Republicans self destruct.”

Vice President Dick Cheney said, “All have to say is that if you don’t support these issues, then you’re not much of an American. I mean if you voted to take the words ‘under God’ out of the pledge of allegiance, you probably watch Al-Jezeera and root for Al-Qaeda. You probably even cried when Al-Zarqawi died.” When it was pointed out that the words ‘under God’ were added to the pledge in 1954, Cheney shook his head vigorously and responded, “See! This is just another example of the biased liberal media spreading misinformation to the good sheeple . . . I mean, people of America. Where’s my shotgun?”

People expressed mixed views about the series of bills. Joe Nelson of Brighton, Massachusetts, said, “I don’t think these bills really help anyone. We’ve got huge problems in Iraq, our deficit is skyrocketing, affordable healthcare is a joke and people in New Orleans still need assistance. I think we need to solve these problems first, although I agree that we should stop Internet gambling. You should only be able to blow your money at a regular casino like normal people.”

Gladys Clary of Dennison, Iowa said, “We need to reduce our dependency on foreign oil and the only way to do that is to drill the hell out of all the available land and coastlines that we have. I don’t care about the Earth’s future. I’m old and my hummer needs gas now!”

Tom Miles of Fetid Gulch, Texas, said, “If we don’t pass these bills now, illegal immigrants will pour over our borders, burn our flags, marry farm animals and use stem cells to cure Alzheimers.”

Rewind: Commander Guy

For our next Lil’ DubToon, we revisit 2007 again. Ol’ Dubya was still dodging questions about his incompetency with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan using a tried and true Republican spiel of blaming the media for pointing out how sucky he is. A question came up about who makes the decisions for the war. Dubya previously proclaimed that he was the decider. But then he clarified that he was ‘the commander guy’, which sounds like a lame super-hero movie. Of course, in typical Bush fashion he had to clarify yet again that he was ‘a commander guy’. Dubya was a walking and talking gaffe machine. If you want to review his blunders, just go to DubyaSpeak. It’s still up and running and they did a magnificent job of recording the damage done by the Bush presidency.

Here’s our DubToon from our June 2, 2007 issue featuring Dubya proclaiming to all evildoers that he is Commander Guy.

“The question is, who ought to make that decision [about troops]? The Congress or the commanders? And as you know, my position is clear — I’m the commander guy.”

George W. Bush
5-2-2007

"Beware evildoers! It's Commander Guy!" — “Beware evildoers! It’s Commander Guy!”

Rewind: Dubya’s Polls Went Kablooey

For our next Lil’ DubToon, we revisit 2007 after the 2006 midterm elections where George W. Bush and the Republicans got whomped which resulted in the Democrats taking over both the House and Senate. Despite the results, Dubya continued making excuse after excuse for the failures in the Iraq War, the Afghanistan quagmire and the exploding housing market. Thus, Bush’s polls tumbled precipitously into the 20’s. But Dubya stubbornly waxed poetic, saying sometimes polls just go poof. His didn’t just go poof, they exploded massively in his face. By the end of his presidency, Bush was polling at an anemic 22 percent.

Here’s our DubToon from our June 26, 2007 issue featuring Dubya lamenting that his polls went kablooey.

“I’ve been in politics long enough to know that polls just go poof at times.”

George W. Bush
04-19-2007

President George W. Bush's polls went klabooey all over his face. — “My polls went kablooey!”

Rewind: Dubya Caesar

The Republicans’ embrace of authoritarianism over democracy is no longer in doubt with the recent GOP support of TFG even despite the overwhelming evidence presented in his four indictments, especially the federal case against him for the January 6th insurrection and attempted coup. Trump wants a fascist takeover of this country but so did his Republican predecessor, George W. Bush. Fortunately, for most Americans, the GOP is quite inept at governing so their attempts of hostile takeovers have failed . . . so far. But there were several events during the Bush administration where Dubya pushed to envelope in trying to become Dubya Caesar.

One incident was the firing of U.S, Attorneys in December 2006 which certainly appeared to be politically motivated. However, Bush explained away the dismissals by stating that “U.S. Attorneys and others serve at the pleasure of the president .” Quite the authoritarian bent, don’t ya think? Bush even protested that Congress wanted to question his lackeys Karl Rove, Harriet Miers and Alberto Gonzales. Apparently, checks and balances aren’t appropriate when Republicans are in power. Hail Dubya Caesar!

Here’s an article about Bush’s defense of his dismissals, selected quote and lil’ Dub Toon from our March 29, 2007 edition.

Bush Defends Secret Testimonies

The recent dismissal of eight U.S. attorneys, apparently approved by Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, has shocked many Americans. The Democratic controlled Congress is now asking questions about whether the dismissals were politically motivated given that they were in mid-term and not at the beginning, when most firings occur. In an effort to shed more light on the subject, Congress has asked President Bush’s advisors Karl Rove and Harriet Miers to testify under oath before Congress on the firings. However, Bush has been resistant to any Congressional demands.

President Bush, trying to recapture the glory of the Reagan years, said, “There they go again. The Democrats in Congress are just playing politics again like they’re doing with the war on Iraq, global warming, the gargantuan deficit, the Scooter Libby trial, the Valerie Plame leak, the Abu Ghraib torture scandal, the domestic spying fiasco, the Katrina disaster, the Jack Abramoff scandal, the Tom Delay scandal, the Duke Cunningham scandal, the Enron scandal, the Mark Foley scandal, the Terri Schiavo debacle, the bleak state of health care coverage, and the growing gap between rich and poor. And now they’re gunning for ‘Fredo’ Gonzales, ‘Turd Blossom’ Rove and ‘Dirty Harriet’ Miers. According to my version of the Constitution, Congress is not the boss of me. Therefore, I have executive privileges, as do my faithful bootlicks. Karl Rove, Harriet Miers and others are no under any obligation to testify under oath to anything. Of course, I’m invoking executive privilege. I’ve been privileged my whole life, so why shouldn’t I be privileged when I’m presidenting? Heh-heh.”

President Bush then laid the ground rules for any questioning of his subordinates. “Listen folks. Here are the rules if you’re going to question my people, see. First of all, they don’t have to swear under oath. There will be no Bibles in the room, and no questioners can look them in the eye. They have to be questioned in a secret, undisclosed location, like Uncle Dick’s bunker or our torture chambers in Europe. Any questions must pertain to the following subjects: sports, Texas, or barbeque. They must be able to answer their question while sitting in a recliner, sipping on a nice, refreshing beverage like beer. A big screen TV must be provided in case there is a lull in the questioning. And most importantly, you can’t record their answers. You can’t even remember what they said. As long as these rules are followed, you can ask them anything.”

Harriet Miers said “Oh I may have suggested a few firings here and there. My memory is so hazy these days. All I know is President Bush is the smartest man in this country and I will do whatever he tells me to do. Even go to women’s prison for the rest of my life if it means I protect his privileged white ass.”

Karl Rove said, “Oh my memory is so hazy these days I can’t even remember my raucous dancing from a few nights ago at the White House correspondent’s dinner. But I’m outraged that John Edwards is using his wife’s cancer thing as a ploy to get sympathy at a time when our beloved spin secretary Tony Snow is battling cancer. The nerve of some people!”

Alberto Gonzales said, “My memory is so hazy these days. Actually, my memory is hazy going back to about 2003. I do know I am not responsible for these firings. I don’t know what was going on. I don’t know who authorized it. I don’t even know who works at the Department of Justice. What am I the Attorney General or something? But like I said, I am not responsible.”

Scooter Libby, who was recently convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice in the leaking of Valerie Plame’s secret identity, said, “Looks like I’ll be getting a new roommate soon. Alberto will make a fine stoolie. Plus, he’ll keep me warm on those cold winter nights.”

“U.S. Attorneys and others serve at the pleasure of the president.”

George W. Bush
03-14-2007

"This attorney's non-Bushiness displeases me. Send him to Guantanamo!" — “This attorney’s non-Bushiness displeases me. Send him to Guantanamo!”

Rewind: Dubya’s Duplicity On Iraq

Currently the Republicans are trying to gaslight their way to trying to get TFG elected in 2024 by claiming that all those indictments are a nothing burger. One might think that their duplicity is new, dating back only to the rise of Trump. But the GOP’s dishonesty goes way back. Remember Nixon(Watergate), Reagan(Iran-Contra) and both Bushes(Gulf War, Iraq War, Afghanistan War)? Volumes of lies, deception and propaganda to go around. Since most Americans seem to have the memory of a gnat (somehow, people actually approve of Dubya now), let’s revisit a fairly recent event of GOP gaslighting in 2006 when Dubya tried to spin our reasons for continuing the clusterf*ck in Iraq. The Bush administration repeatedly used the phrase ‘stay the course’ in the early phases of the war and then promptly did an about face, actually gaslighting the people saying that they didn’t use the phrase. That’s so Republican!

Here’s an article, selected quotes and lil’ Dub Toon from our October 28, 2006 edition.

Bush Revises Iraq War Rationale Again

President Bush recently held a press conference stating that the war in Iraq is all about oil and the new reason for staying the course in Iraq is that we need to save civilization. Previous reasons included finding weapons of mass destruction, liberating Iraqis from dictator Saddam Hussein, establishing democracy throughout the Middle East, training the Iraqis to police their own country, making sure the new Baghdad KFC and Pizza Hut’s were safe, and because ‘Uncle Dick and Rummy said so – so there’.

“You see my fellow Americans,” said President Bush. “If them Iraqians actually start using some of that oil under their country that’s rightfully ours – because we’re Americans –the price of gas will skyrocket. Everybody was bellyaching about the price of gas this past summer, but if you think that was bad, wait until we leave Iraq and let the Iraqians run things. We must stay to keep gas prices low. You could say we came for the WMDs and stayed for the oil. Hey! That’s pretty funny.” Bush then chuckled to himself for two minutes.

Vice President Cheney emerged from his secret undisclosed lair, brushed the President aside and said, “Out of my way monkey boy! This isn’t about oil at all. This is the last chance for Western Civilization as we know it. It’s up to me and Rumsfeld to save the world. We’re the only ones who know how to exploit the region for fun and profit. I ask you my fellow Americans. Do you really want to take food out of the mouths of innocent Halliburton employees? That’s why we must win the war in Iraq and you must elect Republicans in this upcoming election. Because if you don’t, the next thing you know, we’ll be riding in ox carts, eating dates and drinking camel’s milk. Terror. Terror. Terror. Fear. Fear. Fear. God Bless Me and Rumsfeld!”

Joan LeBlanc of the international watchdog organization, Citizens For Peace, said “This is just another example of the lies and distortions this administration doles out to the American public on a daily basis. The truth is we are stuck in Iraq, thanks to this administration’s incompetent decision to invade in 2003. If we stay we will continue to be caught in the middle of sectarian violence. If we leave, Iraq will devolve into full scale civil war. We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. The genie is out of the bottle and it won’t be going back in any time soon. Pandora’s box is opened. The can of worms is not only open, the worms are spilling out all over the place. The scab has been picked and the wound is infected and oozing with pus. Well, I’m out of cliches. I’m done.”

However, American citizens seemed okay with the White House’s latest explanation. Senior citizen Ruth Thomason of Des Égout, Mississippi said, “I believe the Vice President when he tells me we need to stay in Iraq to save civilization. I also believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy with whom I’m very upset. She hasn’t left me any money for my teeth in the last sixty years and I’m beginning to get a bit miffed.”

Fred Granger of Tuckerville, Illinois said, “Well I was damn mad at the President about everything. Damn mad, I tells ya! I was even going to vote an all Democratic ticket this election. But then the price of gas dropped. Can you believe it’s almost $2 a gallon? Well, all’s forgiven Mr. President. I’m voting Republican.”

Tom Carter of Dorfman, New Jersey said, “I know the Republicans have completely botched the situation in Iraq but I’m comfortable with their incompetence. Go GOP!”

June Amerson of Julesberg, Washington said, “I’m voting for the Republicans because they’re strong on terrorism even though that report that came out says terrorism is much worse in the world since we invaded Iraq. Wait a second. Let me think about that. No wait. Thinking is too tough. Republican it is!”

“We will stay the course. “

George W. Bush
08-30-2006

“We will stay the course, we will complete the job in Iraq. “

George W. Bush
08-04-2005

“And that’s why we’re going to stay the course in Iraq. And that’s why when we say something in Iraq, we’re going to do it.”

George W. Bush
04-16-2004

“And my message today to those in Iraq is: We’ll stay the course.”

George W. Bush
04-13-2004

“And so we’ve got tough action in Iraq. But we will stay the course.”

George W. Bush
04-05-2004

“We will stay the course until the job is done, Steve. And the temptation is to try to get the President or somebody to put a timetable on the definition of getting the job done. We’re just going to stay the course. “

George W. Bush
12-15-2003

George W. Bush's pants catch on fire after his latest prevarication about never saying 'staying the course'. — “Stay the course? Nuh uh! I never said stay the course!”

Rewind: Pickles – RAW

There weren’t many good things about the Bush administration. Let’s face it, folks: they screwed up the economy, the United States’ standing in the world and crippled us with two unwinnable wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. About the best thing about Dubya and his gang of corrupt buffoons was Laura Bush. As First Lady, she wasn’t awful. Sure she was a kowtowing christian wife who meekly demurred to her christian husband. Remember in 2006 when she said it was okay to sing the national anthem in Spanish and when she heard Dubya’s opinion differed she changed her mind to match her husband. Man do thinking – women make food, have babies. Ugggh!

But Laura Bush did have a sense of humor as evidence in 2005 at the White House correspondent’s dinner. She gave a bawdy little stand up routine that was well received by everyone across the political spectrum. Some of the jokes were even at the expense of lil’ Georgie who sat red faced while she mocked him roundly. One particular anecdote dealt with Dubya’s early attempts at ranching that thoroughly humiliated him. “George didn’t know much about ranches when we bought the place. Andover and Yale don’t have a real strong ranching program. But I’m proud of George. He’s learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What’s worse, it was a male horse. “ Yes, the imagery of ol’ Dubya whacking off a stallion is pretty damn funny. Not even Jon Stewart could have done better.

Here’s a photo-toon from our June 6, 2005 issue featuring the cover of Laura ‘Pickles’ Bush bawdy new comedy album RAW featuring horse masturbation jokes.

Emboldened by her recent success at the White House correspondents' dinner, First Lady Laura 'Pickles' Bush released her bawdy new comedy album last week. — Emboldened by her recent success at the White House correspondents’ dinner, First Lady Laura ‘Pickles’ Bush released her bawdy new comedy album last week.

Rewind: Dubya’s Cowboy Diplomacy

We again revisit 2006 when Dubya was making excuse after excuse for the Iraq War’s less than stellar results. The Bush administration was trying to pivot away from its ‘cowboy diplomacy’ and looking for another dodge to avoid culpability for an ill-advised war while at the same time trying to con the public that America was turning the corner – or in other words, going around in circles and we should stay the course wasting trillions of dollars and killing thousands of people in the process. But in true Dubya fashion he staggered and tripped all over his tongue resulting in yet another embarrassing word salad.

Here’s our DubToon from our August 11, 2006 issue featuring big buckaroo Dubya lamenting giving up on his prized cowboy diplomacy.

“I think—tide turning—see, as I remember—I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of—it’s easy to see a tide turn—did I say those words?”

George W. Bush
06-14-2006

Big Buckaroo George W. Bush laments the ending of his cowboy diplomacy in Iraq. — “End of cowboy diplomacy? But I like being a cowboy.”

Rewind: Dubya’s Office Of Lessons Learned

Back to our 20th anniversary retrospective . . .

Let’s return to those halcyon days of 2006, not long after the Hurricane Katrina fiasco, when good ol’ Dubya gave a press conference. When asked about what lessons he’s learned in his five years in office, the eternal bumbler couldn’t even answer the question correctly because he learned absolutely nothing. Here’s an article from our August 11, 2006 edition.

Bush Office of Lessons Learned Small, Empty

Last week, a group of tourists was shocked to find that the Bush Administration’s Office of Lessons Learned, was not only empty but just a closet in the basement of an office building across from the White House.

“Wow what a shocker!” said tourist John Melbourne from Little Rock, Arkansas. “I was completely surprised. I came to Washington D.C. to see three things; the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument and this office and it’s just a dark, dank, closet full of brooms, mops and roach traps. What a gyp!”

“Oh, I was sure upset,” said Gloria Hale from Berryville, Illinois. “I figured with all the mistakes Bush has made these past five years; you know, Iraq, Afghanistan, allowing torture, illegal wiretapping, secrecy in government, the gargantuan deficit, no affordable healthcare, the Medicare drug program, high gas prices, the Hurricane Katrina fiasco, the Middle East crisis, ignoring global warming, dismantling environmental regulation, tax cuts to the rich, stacking the courts with conservative ideologues, ruining America’s standing with the rest of the world. I thought there would be a building the size of the Pentagon filled to the rafters with documents. Instead we get this little closet. There wasn’t even a waste basket in it. What a gyp!”

Dave Rogers from St. Louis, Missouri said, “I wasn’t completely disappointed. We did manage to see the director of the Office of Lessons Learned Stuart Baker get into his BMW and drive away, though. Did you know he makes over $100k a year? Who did he blow to get that job, eh? Ah, who am I kidding? What a gyp!”

When asked about the Office of Lessons Learned, President Bush said, “Oh that’s old screwy Stuey’s office. Fortunately, we haven’t had to use that office very much during my time as President, since I don’t make mistakes. But I will say old Stuey’s doing a heckuva job!”

Rewind: Master Dubya

The Iraq War was a complete clusterf*ck and the Bush Administration was responsible for everything that went wrong with that ill-advised war. One of the more unsettling events that occurred during the early days of occupation was that American soldiers tortured Iraqis at the infamous Abu-Ghraib facilities and then Bush Admin officials denied that they did. (Hmmm. Republicans f*cking up, gaslighting and avoiding consequences. Some things never change, eh.)

Here’s our DubToon from our September 17, 2006 issue featuring Master Dubya convincingly denying the use of torture.

“We do not condone torture. I have never ordered torture. I will never order torture. The values of this country are such that torture is not a part of our soul and our being.”

George W. Bush
06-22-2004

Master George W. Bush convincingly denies that America uses torture on Iraqi citizens. — “America does not torture…except for waterboarding, attack dogs, electrodes to genitals…”