Archive for Holy Huckster Hijinx

Hurricane Devastation = God’s Love

The 2017 Atlantic hurricane season has been one for the record books. It has been one of the most active in recorded history and has produced some record breaking hurricanes. Unfortunately, much damage and loss of life accompanies these monstrous storms. They can also shed light on people in power as well.

George W. Bush completely botched the recovery effort for Hurricane Katrina in 2005 and it harmed his presidency irrevocably. The same is happening now with American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s response to the damage from Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico. He has gotten pretty much a free pass from corporate media for the responses to Harvey and Irma, but he’s been receiving a lot of bad press with his war of words with San Juan mayor, Carmen Yulín Cruz. His appearance in Puerto Rico where he threw paper towels to the crowd was also quite strange, as he oddly stated that “I was having fun, they were having fun”. But a common thread among all the hurricane responses has been him talking to stricken people and telling them, “Have a good time.”(links here and here) Rex Tillerson was right about one thing, these are the actions of an absolute moron!  Does he go to funerals and tell the grieving family members, “I can’t make it to the wake, but have a good time.” No, he actually tells a grieving widow of a military serviceman that “he knew what he signed up for.” Clueless, absolutely clueless!

Speaking of clueless, then there is the story of Joel Osteen, who perceives himself as Jesus’ very own favorite son; very own fabulously rich son (check out Osteen’s $10 million dollar mansion). Most of America knows of his latency in opening up his gargantuan church for people seeking refuge from the flooding from Hurricane Harvey. But then this numbnuts has the stupidity to say that the hurricane is actually a sign of God’s love. So God must really love humans this year to the tune of $188 billion dollars in damage and 425 lives lost, not to mention all the people injured and lives disrupted or destroyed. The people in Barbuda, Dominica and Puerto Rico have had their islands completely devastated. It will take years for them to recover. Houston is still dealing with toxic waste issues from their leaking Superfund sites. But don’t worry folks; this is all because God loves you. Gee, we wonder what would happen if God hated us.

But of course the most unbelievable things is that after Osteen uttered his inane words, people still send him money and support his ‘ministries’. These are the same idiotic sheeple that support Trump, folks and unfortunately, they’ve got the ears of most Republicans, who unfortunately, control this country.

Holy huckster extraordinaire, Joel Osteen, compassionately lectures a completely devastated hurricane victim that her loss is just proof that God cares and that she should donate handsomely to his church to show appreciation for God's undying love.

Holy huckster extraordinaire, Joel Osteen, compassionately lectures a completely devastated hurricane victim that her loss is just proof that God cares and that she should donate handsomely to his church to show appreciation for God’s undying love.

Take A Knee America

We’re back from our longer than expected respite from TFS(Trump Fatigue Syndrome)…for how long, we don’t know. Under normal circumstances, with a normal President, not that much would have happened in a month. But America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump does more stupid things in a month than most people do in a lifetime. Add to that the incompetence, cowardice, corruption and greed of the Republicans in congress, the invisibility of the Democrats, and the normalization of the right wing by the corporate media and we just don’t have much hope left for this country. We just may fold up our tent and move to a remote island somewhere in the South Pacific, far away from the selfish, egotistical, greedy, ultra-materialistic, ultra-competitive assholes who now seem to proliferate and run this country.

We’ve got some posts readied for the hurricane responses, but first we’ll take a look at the ‘feud’ between Trump and the NFL over players taking a knee during the national anthem, which culminated with Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence leaving the stadium during the Colts-49ers game because some of San Francisco’s players kneeled during the national anthem in protest of racial discrimination in America. Trump admitted that this was a planned stunt. Not only that, but the cheap political stunt was at the taxpayers’ expense. We don’t care much for the NFL or any professional sports for that matter. Both the owners and players make WAY too much money and have WAY too much influence on modern culture. But that being said, players have the right to kneel in protest because…THIS IS AMERICA. We have a thing here which separates us from other countries called freedom of speech. The players were kneeling as a way to draw awareness to racial discrimination which still plagues this country. Their protest in no way was to disrespect the flag or those who fought for it. But the poor ‘widdle’ rich guys in the NFL executive front offices and the poor ‘widdle’ rich guys in the Republican party see it as an affront to their authority, which in their puny, narrow minded, conservative mind set is absolute. I mean how dare any one with less money criticize the actions of the people in charge. Of course, they had quite a different opinion during the Obama era.

Well if Trump and Pence are so sensitive to people taking a knee, we wonder what would happen if all of America took a knee during the national anthem. Would they leave the country? Hey, it’s worth a try, folks. We have no doubt, Trump and Pence could crash with their pal Vlad in Russia.

Maybe if all Americans took a knee during the national anthem, easily offended American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his Puritan Vice President Mike Pence would leave the country and stay with their old buddy Vlad Putin in Russia.

Maybe if all Americans took a knee during the national anthem, easily offended American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his Puritan Vice President Mike Pence would leave the country and stay with their old buddy Vlad Putin in Russia.

Phony Feckless Flake

We’ve commented many times before about Arizona’s junior Senator Jeff Flake. Why? Well, we live in Arizona for one thing and it’s our duty and right to comment about our government representatives. We also happen to think he has Mitt Romney-esque used car salesman abilities. He was for and against gun control. He claims to be a champion of the people, and yet continually votes in favor of corporate interests. He claims to be Mr. Bipartisan, but continually votes with along party lines with his Republican colleagues. If you’re looking for a hypocrite of the first order, look no further than Flake.

Flake made a big deal about not endorsing Donald Trump for President. Even now he’s come forward stating that Republicans need to stand up to him. Of course, in true salesman fashion, he’s also plugging his new book, which we will not provide a link to because we have no doubt it’s loaded with self serving bullshit. While stating how against Trump he is, he’s voted for most of Trump’s agenda 95% of the time, including his horrendous health care bill, which didn’t pass because Arizona’s senior Senator (in more ways than one) voted against it. Flake’s behavior is pretty much the actions of a feckless enabler.

To show you how much he’s in step with Trump, here’s a statement by orange haired rage monster’s about rolling back ‘job killing’ regulations for the polluting oil, gas and coal industries:

…We’re going to get real results when it comes to removing job-killing regulations and unleashing economic opportunity

Compare them to a blurb from Flake‘s own newsletter that he mails out to Arizona constituents touting his great actions:

Arizona ratepayers and businesses shouldn’t be forced to shoulder the burden of EPA’s costly, convoluted regulations. By holding EPA accountable for its actions, we can keep our air clean without creating job-killing regulatory uncertainty.

Yes those nasty ‘job-killing regulations’, what an annoyance they are. Why not just get rid of all of them, then industry can dump their waste where ever they want and pollute the air just like China. But the point is made; Trump and Flake are on the same page, just like all the other Republicans. The GOP’s so called opposition to Trump is nothing but bullshit!

It’s no secret that Flake supports corporate America over average Americans. But he is also a big time corporate lackey, like most Republicans are, of the big polluting industries in this country. As a matter of fact, Flake has a career 9% lifetime score on the League of Conservation Voters Environmental Scorecard. So we ask Mr. Flake, what’s the point of repealing ‘job killing’ regulations if those said jobs end up killing people with the resultant pollution and poisonous wastes and by products?

Finally, Trump has launched attacks on Flake because of what he’s said about Trump in his book. Trump has announced support for nutty Teabagger patriot Kelli Ward (known by her moniker ‘Chemtrail Kelli’) in the upcoming 2018 senate race. But again, this is just political theater because Flake has sided with Trump 95% of the time like this article at FactCheck.org states. So now, not only is Flake being attacked by the Democrats, but the radical right wingers in his own party are attacking him as well.

So we implore Arizonans to send Mr. Flake back to his hometown of Snowflake, AZ, which is a truly appropriate place for this Republican to live. We certainly hope the Democrats in Arizona get their act together and put forth a decent candidate to run against this hypocritical used car salesman in 2018.

Dressed in his finest used car salesman ensemble, Arizona Senator Jeff Flake tries to sell people that he's against America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, when actually he has supported nearly everything he's done, to which Arizona voters call him on his hypocrisy and suggest he move back to his hometown of Snowflake, AZ.

Dressed in his finest used car salesman ensemble, Arizona Senator Jeff Flake tries to sell people that he’s against America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, when actually he has supported nearly everything he’s done.

One Fine Nazi

America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump gave a ‘rally’ speech Tuesday night here in Phoenix, Arizona which drew thousands of protesters despite the 107 degree heat. Inside the rally, an unhinged Trump ranted about how victimized he was by the press while conveniently forgetting his claim of there being ‘fine Nazis’ and both sides being at fault at Charlottesville. He again blamed everything again on the media because that’s what conservatives do: they never take responsibility for their actions and always blame somebody else because in the conservative mindset, they never make mistakes.

Once again, Trump exaggerated the crowd size just like he did in July 2015 and certainly the local media, which has a strong Republican bias, did their part to build up the crowd size, which thinned out as the night wore on. Trump supporters even posted false photos of the crowd size as real photos and videos showed the room half empty.

We have no doubt in Trump’s media addled mind that when he’s speaking of ‘fine Nazis’, he’s thinking of Sgt. Schultz from the 60s sitcom Hogan’s Heroes. Who knows, Trump may even name Schultz to be the new press secretary.

One fine Nazi, Sergeant Schultz, who 'knows nothing' will make a perfect press secretary for American CEO/Dictator and Nazi sympathizer Donald Trump.

Rumor has it that American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, will name ‘one fine Nazi’, Sergeant Schultz, as his new press secretary.

A Hair Raising Predicament

Things haven’t been going well for America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump lately. Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller has been pushing forth on the Russia investigation and has impaneled a grand jury, which may or may not indicate an indictment is near. Not only that, Trump’s approval ratings continue to drop. So, as it so often goes when things go south for world leaders and they need a distraction, the one thing that can change everything around in a hurry is a war. And Trump has a very convenient obnoxious opponent waiting in the wings to give Trump a boost.

Kim Jong Un has been saber rattling…or shall we say…missile rattling ever since he came to power in 2011. He tried to rattle Obama, but failed. But Trump has a man-child mentality exactly like Kim Jong Un does (which is why Jong-Un supported Trump for President). When the North Korean leader started boasting that he was going to hit the United States, instead of a calm, even, adult response, Trump acted like any eighth grader would and stoked the nuclear fires with promises of ‘fire and fury’. Then Kim Jong Un responded by threatening to hit Guam, which is a U.S. territory in the Pacific Ocean.

So now it’s game on, much to the horror of every living thing on this planet. The two most infantile leaders on Earth have exchanged barbs over who has the biggest missiles. Now every nation on edge thanks to the little boy in North Korea with a bad hair cut, who wants to prove what a manly man he is by picking a fight with the most powerful country in the world, whose leader is an unstable megalomaniac, who openly wondered why we didn’t use nuclear weapons. We just hope the subject doesn’t change to who has the wackiest hair; then it’s game over.

The two most infantile leaders in the world, North Korea's Kim Jong Un and America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, have decided to start a nuclear war over who has the wackiest hair because...you know...they're insane.

The two most infantile leaders in the world, North Korea’s Kim Jong Un and America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, have decided to start a nuclear war over who has the wackiest hair because…you know…they’re insane.

Trumpf Youth

A strange thing happened recently on the campaign trail with Donald Trump. Normally, the previous sentence would have people scratching their heads in befuddlement. Campaign trail? It’s mid 2017; the election is over. But this is the Trump administration, where absurdity is the new normal. Trump is already campaigning for 2020 and this is a prime opportunity to try and strengthen the Trump authoritarian, fascist brand.

So anyway, Trump made an appearance at the annual Boy Scout Jamboree, an event where all the Boy Scouts get together and celebrate scouting. But when America’s CEO/Dictator showed up, he made  it all about…(drumroll please)…himself. Big surprise, right. Well, the orange rage monster decided to smear his political rivals as well…to a bunch of pre-teens and teens. They were there to talk about camping, scouting and community service and they got a rambling rant about the ‘evils’ of Obamacare, Hillary Clinton and ‘fake news’. Obama and Hillary even got booed at the mention of their names.

Trump even noted how big the crowd was and how wonderful it was that 40,000 people showed up. But they showed up for the jamboree, not Donald Trump. It’s an annual event. Like Stephen Colbert pointed out, it’s like Trump showing up for the Super Bowl and commenting how many people were there to see him. They would be there to see the football game, not some orange haired megalomaniac dictator bloviate and self aggrandize. The Boy Scouts of America officially issued an apology for Trump’s remarks.

What’s so unnerving about this is that Donald Trump seems to be following the strategy of another cultish, right wing conservative buffoon named Adolf Hitler. Yeah, yeah we know all about Godwin’s Law. And if you follow the above link and take a look at our handy dandy fascist checklist, you’ll see the modern day Republicans have a frightening similarity to the NSDAP party from 1930’s Germany. Trump is staging campaign rallies around the United States in non-election years to push conservative propaganda and build up support for his brand. Now he is trying to lure the youth of America into following his party’s narrow minded ideology. The best time to brainwash a mind is when it is young, innocent and impressionable as all religions, cults and authoritarian regimes know. We wouldn’t be surprised at all if Trump starts a Trump Youth or a Trump Scouts organization because it’s right in line with the GOP’s brand of right wing authoritarianism.

P.S. We make fun of our own Senator John McCain here…a lot. But we have to give him props for voting against the ‘skinny’ Obamacare repeal last night along with GOP moderates Susan Collins(ME) and Linda Murkowski(AK), thus putting an end to the Republicans horrible healthcare repeal bill. Jeff Flake, however… well Mr. Flake will get his comeuppance in the November 2018 election.

America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump is now recruiting impressionable kids to join the Trumpf Youth, where children will learn valuable skills like lying about your taxes, colluding with hostile foreign governments and grabbing women by the pussy.

America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump is now recruiting impressionable children to join the Trumpf Youth, where kids will learn valuable skills like lying about your taxes, colluding with hostile foreign governments and grabbing women by the pussy.

Trump Fatigue Syndrome

The dog days of summer are here in America and people are sweating their arsenals off in every corner of the U.S. The monsoon season is upon us here in Arizona which means the normally dry air with <10% humidity, is now a swamp like 30-50%. Our energy levels are zilch. While we’re feeling the draining effects of the heat and humidity, we’re also suffering from something more insidious: Trump Fatigue Syndrome. Yes, we are so god damn sick and tired of this stupid President and his daily scandals, lies, deception and bullshit, that even hilarious commentary from comedians like Stephen Colbert, John Oliver and Samantha Bee isn’t helping. Even the news that Sean Spicer is resigning brings us no joy.

One reason is that we keep hearing that the shit is going to hit the fan real soon. But we’ve been hearing that for five months now. Nothing is happening, which gives us a nauseous feeling that justice will not be served. We just hope the scenario depicted in this photo-toon Meme-rie eventually plays out. It was originally a photo-toon featuring disgraced Bush administration member Scooter Libby from our March 11th issue in 2007. But we like to recycle here at the Bucket, so voila…here’s the Donald getting a special welcoming from his new bunkmate. In short: LOCK HIM UP!!!!  

P.S. If you’re thinking of visiting Arizona, do not come in July and August. See our old Cactus Corners Forecast category posts for clarification.

Donald Trump's new cellmate and friendly, loyal assistant asks if he likes spooning.

The only cure for Trump Fatigue Syndrome is placing the Donald in a new luxury residence complete with a friendly, loyal assistant.

Pepe Trump’s War On Truth

American CEO/Dictator Donald ‘Pepe’ Trump started a war on the press when he was a candidate. He proclaimed that he was the only one America could trust and that the media was biased against him. The sheeple who voted for him bought his bullshit hook, line and sinker. What’s amazing is that it’s been two years since Trump officially started campaigning for President and some people are still buying his bullshit; that’s he’s the bastion for truth, justice and the American way. He’s claiming that the press, especially CNN, is out to get him and that the real enemy of the people is the media.

This is just rinsing and repeating for the GOP. They did the same thing during the Bush administration led by the ‘truth warriors’ at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican propaganda network (at least Fox has dropped their ridiculous slogan ‘fair and balanced’.) Rush Limbaugh has made a career of railing against the ‘liberal media’ conveniently overlooking the blatant lies that he and other right wing ‘journalists’ promote as the truth.

Trump’s war on the media is insidious and incredibly dangerous for a free society. Freedom of the press is one of the cornerstones of our democracy. Everything Trump has said and done so far in his presidency has brought nothing but doubt and derision upon him from sane people, which explains why his approval ratings are so low. We have no doubt that Pepe will continue croaking his ‘fake news’ diatribe and we have no doubt that his acolytes will continue to bask in it and enable him like the sheeple they are.

When you want fake news and a never ending supply of bullshit, who you gonna call? PEPE TRUMP!!!

When you want fake news and a never ending supply of bullshit, who you gonna call? PEPE TRUMP!!!

Making Fascism Palatable

Since Donald Trump has ascended as America’s CEO/Dictator, we’ve noticed several things happening in the main stream media. One of the most obvious moves is the hiring of former Fox News personnel by main stream corporate media outlets. MSNBC has hired not only former Fox ‘journalist’ Greta Van Sustern but also Megyn Kelly. For those of you with the gnat like memory of Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, we’ll briefly recap Megyn Kelly’s rise to fame as the most palatable conservative ‘journalist’.

She made a name for herself during the 2016 Presidential campaign by drawing the ire of Donald Trump. This was of course political theater; the Republicans doing a typical good cop-bad cop routine trying to show that Republicans are capable of harshly questioning other Republicans. Megyn played her part very well and for that she was rewarded with a job at MSNBC, where she now has been given a primo spot during NBC’s prime time where she gets to interview top news makers of the the day – and by news makers we mean top conservative news makers of the day. She recently did a much ballyhooed interview with Russian president Vladimir Putin. Last week she did an interview with right wing wack job and Donald Trump chum, Alex Jones. Why is Megyn doing these interviews? One simple, obvious, transparent reason; to make conservative, right wing, authoritarian fascism more palatable to the American public.

In an encouraging piece of news, her ratings have been abysmal. But we don’t doubt that she will soon have President Trump on to boost her ratings. Together they will make America embrace fascism whether they like it or not.

Megyn Kelly's new task as most palatable conservative propagandist is to make right wing wackos like Alex Jones acceptable to the American public.

Conservative ‘journalist’ Megyn Kelly, is using her new post in the main stream media to make right wing wackos like Alex Jones more palatable to the American public.

Stonewall Sessions

One of the more annoying characters in Donald Trump’s cavalcade of sycophants is Attorney Confederate General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III. We’ve commented before about his racism and lying under oath. Well there was more deceit on display last week as our top justice did his best to obstruct justice.

During testimony last week in the investigation into the GOP’s ties with Russia during the 2016 election, Sessions stonewalled and did his best St. Ronald Reagan “I don’t recall” spiel. How did it go? Well, the Republicans, like always smirked their way through it, slapping themselves on the back at how cleverly they can deceive the American public, just like they’re doing with their healthcare plan.

But what’s bothersome is that our attorney general, who is supposed to be our top administrator of justice is obstructing justice at every turn. If he and Donald Trump did obstruct justice by firing James Comey, then that is grounds for impeachment. But Newt Gingrich already has a defense lined up. He stated this week that the President cannot possibly obstruct justice, even though he pursued Bill Clinton for two years because he lied about having sex. In a nutshell, it’s okay when Republicans obstruct justice and commit perjury and commit treason…ad infinitum.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, displays his gnat like memory while performing some Jackson-esque stonewalling.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, displays his gnat like memory while performing some truly Jackson-esque stonewalling.