Archive for Holy Huckster Hijinx

London Bawling

America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump just returned from a trip across the pond and to hear our man-baby-in-chief talk about it, it was a smashing success. Of course, the truth is somewhat different. As usual, Trump made many gaffes and ridiculous claims. He even had time to trash Bette Midler on Twitter, the platform of twits. The orange haired megalomaniac looked like Al Bundy in his tuxedo at a formal dinner. But probably the most egregious is the utter delusion he had of his own popularity. There were thousands who came out and protested Trump, complete with the Trump baby balloon, which accurately depicts our petulant toddler in all his diapered glory. But Trump said that they weren’t protesters; they were ‘fake news’.

We also have no doubt that with Trump’s colossal ego, he somehow thought D-day meant Donald’s Day and that everyone in the world was there to celebrate all the glory and wonder that is Donald Trump. As we’ve noted before, to think that in the span of fifty years, the Republican party has gone from a true hero in Dwight D. Eisenhower, to a world leader pretend like Donald Trump is nauseating, excruciating and revolting.

America's CEO/Dictator and petulant man-baby, Donald Trump, whines that the protesters that greeted him in London were actually fans there to celebrate D-Day, which of course means Donald's Day.
America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man-baby, Donald Trump, whines that the protesters that greeted him in London were actually fans there to celebrate D-Day, which of course means Donald’s Day.

Stable Genius

As usual, America’s CEO/Dictator provided more aggravation for sane Americans during the past week. This time he abruptly left a meeting with Democrats over infrastructure because Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi mentioned before the meeting that Trump was trying to cover up things about the Mueller investigation by ducking congressional subpoenas. According to most accounts, Trump threw another hissy fit because he didn’t get his way and stormed out like the petulant man child he is.

This prompted our orange haired, megalomaniac liar-in-chief to hold a press CONference to proclaim for the umpty-ninth time what a stable genius he was. Then he bizarrely called many of his sycophants, like Kellyanne Conway and Sarah *uckabee Sanders, who lie almost as frequently as Trump, to recite how calm Trump was and that all the news of his bluster was all fake news. The only way Trump is a stable genius is if you’re referring to the way he shovels the horse shit to the masses. Then we’d say he is an expert without peer.

America's CEO/Dictator and stable genius, Donald Trump, proclaims to every one within earshot how masterful he is at shoveling **it to the masses.
America’s CEO/Dictator and stable genius, Donald Trump, proclaims to every one within earshot how masterful he is at shoveling **it to the masses.

Oreo Dreams

This past week an event took place that looked like it came from a Three Stooges movie involving Housing and Urban Development Secretary and snoozing aficionado, Ben Carson. During questioning at a recent congressional oversight hearing with the House Financial Services Committee, California Representative Katie Porter asked Carson about the rates for an REO(real estate owned) home, to which Carson replied like he was doing vaudeville schtick, “An Oreo?” Yeah, that’s right, Ben. It’s a hearing on housing and she’s asking you about cookies. You could tell from the smirk on his face he was having fun trolling Congress. He also did the same kind thing with Ohio Representative Joyce Beatty on the term OMWI (Office of Minority and Women Inclusion) in which Carson replied “Amway?” We’d expect this kind of “what? where?” foolishness from Vinnie Barbarino and the Sweathogs, not the head of HUD. Watch the videos in the link and see what a clown this man is.

This tomfoolery shows without a shadow of a doubt that he has no business being the secretary of housing. Of course, from what we’ve seen from Carson the last five years, we’re wondering how he ever became a neurosurgeon. We’re guessing he probably spends his time at HUD taking some naps and dreaming of those sweet, sweet Oreo cookies and a big glass of milk. mmmmm. . .zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

HUD Secretary and snoozing aficionado Ben Carson skillfully deflects questioning by congresswoman Katie Porter by proclaiming nap time so he can dream of those sweet, sweet Oreo cookies and a big glass of milk.
HUD Secretary and snoozing aficionado Ben Carson skillfully deflects questioning by congresswoman Katie Porter by proclaiming nap time so he can dream of those sweet, sweet Oreo cookies and a big glass of milk.

Ban Alabama

As if we didn’t know their viewpoint already, the right wing, conservative, christian Republicans have officially declared war on women. Twenty five Republican males in that hot bed of compassionate christianity, Alabama, have decided to make abortion illegal, even in cases of rape and incest, thus placing it directly in conflict with the 1973 decision of Roe v. Wade and almost guaranteeing a decision in the Supreme Court where ‘compassionate’ christians of all denominations are hoping über-Catholic Brett Kavanaugh will overturn the abortion law and relegate women officially to second class citizens who are nothing more than baby factories just like they were in the bible, two thousand years ago.

This isn’t the first time the right wing christian zealots have tried it and it won’t be the last. South Dakota tried it in 2006 (we even mocked up a re-issued state quarter for them). Other states like Ohio, Kentucky, Mississippi, Georgia and Missouri have also passed Draconian measures to give precedence to the potential life of a fetus over the life of the mother who is actually alive and breathing air in the current, real world. The fetus is a part of the woman’s body and a living woman should always have control over her own body.

We’ve got a suggestion to all sane logical humans who are sick of these so-called ‘right-to-life’ hypocrites who say life is sacred but turn their heads to gun violence which kills thousands every day. Ban these states (how convenient is it that the Alabama state flag is a big red X). Don’t travel to any of these states. Don’t buy merchandise from any store in these states. Women should leave these states in droves. Let these fine examples of compassionate christianity rot. Conservatives proclaimed that they voted for Trump because he was in your face supposedly ‘telling it like it is’. Well, we’re telling it like it is, too. It’s the 21st century, not the 1st century! It’s time to update your database connections you sanctimonious, knuckle dragging troglodytes! Personally, we’d rather have Puerto Rico as a state than Alabama.

Dear Alabama lawmakers: The rest of the United States would like to ban travel and trade to your state until you start living in the 21st century.
Dear Alabama lawmakers: The rest of the United States would like to ban travel and trade to your state until you start living in the 21st century.

Wagging The Rapture Dog

The news is out that the Democrats are pushing for Robert Mueller to testify before Congress and the Trump administration and Republicans are not happy about that. Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell tried using Jedi mind tricks in the Senate by repeatedly uttering “Case closed….Case closed.” And of course, America’s CEO/Dictator and delusional man child, Donald Trump, continued his pathological prevaricating on Twitter and on his right wing echo chamber Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network. But there were some other disturbing developments on the international front that show that the Republicans might take an insane, catastrophic step in order to protect Trump from the fallout of Mueller testifying.

The United States has sent warships to the Gulf of Hormuz in response to ‘troubling’ actions by Iranians. National Security Advisor, war hawk and failed walrus impersonator John Bolton, has been beating the drums for war with Iran since the days of the Iraq War clusterf*ck, which Bolton still thinks was the right call. Now the delusional Bolton thinks starting another war in the Middle East would be another smashing idea and we’re sure the defense corporations are champing at the bit for a new avenue for profit. Therefore, Bolton and Trump are trying to create a Gulf of Tonkin incident so they can start a war with Iran.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo also seems to be supporting the idea of war with Iran but for a different reason. Pompeo is one of those looniest of loony evangelical christians called a rapturist. In the warped mind of these nutbags, the end times are a-coming which means that all good christians will be slurped up to heaven while the rest of us ‘heathens’ will be left to toil on Earth. One of the pre-cursors for the end times, according to ‘biblical scripture’, is that Jerusalem is recognized as the capital of Israel, which Donald Trump did last year. Now, according to the end times mythology, a great war will occur and Jesus Christ will come again which will facilitate the ‘rapture’. Many prominent Republicans are rapturists including Pompeo, VP Puritan Mike Pence, former Teabagger darling Sarah ‘Ubetcha’ Palin, former Attorney Confederate General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, housing secretary Ben ‘Mr. Sandman’ Carson and energy secretary and brain fart expert Rick Perry. So, with a normal, logical, reasonable Secretary of State, war is usually and wisely avoided. But with this evangelical loon, conditions are being forced that would result in a catastrophic conflict in the Middle East. This would mean that biblical prophecy would be ‘proven’ correct and all the ‘good people’ (christians) will get their just desserts in heaven and all the bad people (the rest of us) will suffer in lakes of fire here on Earth.

Of course, these wack jobs fail to consider that the people who wrote the bible lived two thousand years ago and didn’t know jack about the Earth or the universe. We’ve mentioned before that religious people connect to a tiny bronze age database while scientific people connect to a colossal, 21st century database chock full of knowledge. We’ve gained so much knowledge about everything in the last four hundred years. To ignore science, scientific inquiry and scientific methods is sheer lunacy and any person advocating radical ideology based on two thousand year old babble shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the corridors of power in this country. We guarantee to all those rapture loonies that unless you’re vaporized by a nuclear blast you’ll still be here left to toil on the Earth with the rest of us.

To distract from the possible testifying of Robet Mueller before Congress, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump has decided to 'wag the dog' with multiple wars much to the delight of National Security Advisor and war monger extraordinaire John Bolton and Secretary of State and Rapture aficionado Mike Pompeo.
To distract from the possible testifying of Robet Mueller before Congress, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump has decided to ‘wag the dog’ with multiple wars much to the delight of National Security Advisor and war monger extraordinaire John Bolton and Secretary of State and Rapture aficionado Mike Pompeo.

Sinking The Middle Class

The news is out on the Trump’s tax cuts and…surprise, surprise – refunds for the middle class are down and it appears the tax cuts only benefited the top 1% percent of Americans. But how can this be? American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump promised that every one would benefit. Could it be that Trump lied? Given that he’s gone over the 10, 000 lie mark just over two years into his presidency, YES, OF COURSE HE LIED!!!

We’ve commented before about how poor people view themselves as temporarily embarrasses millionaires and are cajoled into voting against their own self-interests by right wing propagandists, like Fox News, blaming everyone else but the real culprits (plutocratic capitalists) for their conditions. The scapegoats are always the same: minorities, people of color and people of different religions other than christianity – you know, people who are ‘different’. So these right wing, racist, conservative christians, although they are in the same boat financially as blacks, hispanics, other non-whites, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and atheists, will support politicians who create laws and policies that decimate the middle class and make their own lives even tougher. For example, the Trump administration has destroyed consumer protection regulations which make it harder for Americans to stand up for their rights and easier for corporations to do whatever the hell they want with no repercussions. With higher insurance premiums and no voice to change them, we’re all getting screwed. But it doesn’t matter to the racist Trump supporters, because at least non-whites are not becoming better off than them. So much winning. . . for corporations and plutocrats!

Trump supporters, despite being in the same boat financially as non-whites, amazingly vote against their own self interest for Republican lackeys who adopt laws and policies which reward plutocrats handsomely while simultaneously sinking the middle class.
Trump supporters, despite being in the same boat financially as non-whites, amazingly vote against their own self interest for Republican lackeys who adopt laws and policies which reward plutocrats handsomely while simultaneously sinking the middle class.

Handy Dandy Redaction Guide

The redacted version of the Mueller report has been released and boy is it a doozy. While Attorney General and Republican obfuscator Bill Barr has erroneously touted that the report ‘clears’ American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump of collusion and obstruction, just reading the unredacted portions paints a decisively different picture of what happened. And if the redacted report paints a damning picture of Trump can you imagine what the complete report says?

According to this article at Vox, 7.25% of the report has been redacted. After downloading and scanning through the report, we’ve come up with a handy dandy redaction guide to try and translate what the most common redaction phrase ‘Harm to Ongoing Matter'(HOM) means to the average American. The acronym appears repeatedly throughout the document, especially in Volume I dealing with the Russian conspiracy to sway the 2016 election toward Donald Trump and from what we can gather it translates to ‘Donald Trump is guilty as hell.” Why else was his initial reaction to the appointment of the special consul, “This is the end of my presidency. I’m f*cked.” Would an innocent man say that?

In Volume II of the report, Robert Mueller cited ten cases where obstruction of justice could be applied to Trump. Why did he not just come out and say he obstructed justice? According to the Department of Justice, you can’t indict a sitting president. So basically, Mueller set up the pins on a narrow lane and gave the Democrats a bowling ball the size of a beach ball so they could mow down our corrupt, megalomaniac leader. But, in true Democratic fashion, Democrat leaders are already talking about not pursuing impeachment and concentrating on the 2020 election. You know the Republicans wouldn’t hesitate to impeach if the situation was reversed. They did so with Bill Clinton twenty years ago on much lesser charges.

So lets briefly review the low-lights of the Republican party in the last 50 years: Nixon knows about the Watergate break-ins and attempts to cover them up, Gerald Ford pardons him; the Reagan administration sold arms for hostages in the Iran-Contra affair, G.H.W. Bush and Bill Barr issue pardons for those involved; Dubya and Dick Cheney knowingly deceive America about false WMDs in Iraq prompting an invasion which cost millions of lives, trillions of dollars and destabilizes the whole region and Democrats do nothing. Donald Trump obstructs justice and continuously pisses on the rule of law and Democrats are seriously considering doing nothing…again. In short: Republicans repeatedly screw the country and repeatedly get away with it. Is it any wonder this country is so botched up and people have no faith in our democratic institutions any more.

Hopefully the Democrats will grow a spine, put justice first and impeach this lying, manipulative, con artist before he does further damage to the White House, the rule of law and the prestige of the United States. But then again, the Democrats have an uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

According to the handy dandy guide for reading the redactions of the Mueller report, the phrase 'Harm to Ongoing Matter' translates to 'Proof that Donald Trump is Guilty as Hell'.
According to the handy dandy guide for reading the redactions of the Mueller report, the phrase ‘Harm to Ongoing Matter’ translates to ‘Proof that Donald Trump is Guilty as Hell’.

Faux News Hypocrisy

The heavily redacted Mueller report is coming out today, so we’ll have more on that in future posts. But we saw this YouTube clip and we couldn’t believe how it hit things right on the head. We’ve always known that Fox News was just a propaganda outlet for the right wing, conservative christian Republicans. It was blatantly obvious during the Bush years and now with Trump in office they’re not even trying to hide it, although they do throw some flak out there, i.e. Shepard Smith, to show that they can be critical of Republicans. But when push comes to shove, they will always support the conservative Republican agenda and their nauseating sycophancy to the Trump presidency is proof.

We don’t usually post YouTube videos but this one is so damning of the right wing hypocrisy of the so called ‘journalists’ employed there that we feel we must link to it. For eight years, the personnel at Fox News, just like their right wing cohorts in Congress, vilified Barack Obama and treated him and his family like dirt every chance they got – and it’s all on display in this video. For example, the whiners complain that Obama golfed too much, but Trump is on track to golf on the taxpayer’s dime much more that Obama. And neither is close to Woodrow Wilson. Not only that, Trump supposedly cheats like hell. Anyway, watch the clip and try not to punch out your monitor.

Don Quixote Trump

America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and the Republicans have had an absolute conniption fit recently over the Green New Deal and it’s main proponent, freshman congressperson from New York Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC). Last week Don Quixote Trump attacked windmills because…you know…noise from the evil windmills causes cancer and kills birds and stuff. He even did some windmill impersonations at one of his authoritarian ‘Nuremberg’ rallies last week. But let’s face it folks; the only birdies Trump cares about are the ones he’d wish he could get on the golf course because according to sources, he cheats a lot.

So why are the Republicans throwing hissy fits and temper tantrums over AOC and her bold environmental plan? Because the Republicans are lackeys for the fossil fuel industries: coal, oil, gas and mining. These corporations, who don’t give a rat’s patoot about the environment only want to continue their profitable ride on the gravy train. Their industries have been undisputed kings of the world since the late 19th century. They’ve got money and power and they’ll be damned if they’re going to lose their empire to clean renewable energy. That’s why the appointment of former fossil fuel industry lobbyist Andrew Wheeler as head of the EPA has been greeted so favorably by the smokestack and tailpipe suckers; he’s one of them. It’s like putting the fox in charge of the hen house. In short; the chickens(us) are doomed. Hence, all the attacks on AOC and the Green New Deal.

We have no doubt that the kingpins of pollution and environmental destruction will promote Trump as a noble capitalist on a quixotic quest to rid the world of these horrible, energy efficient, evil, killer windmills and their dastardly queen, AOC. It fits right in with the insane, right wing narrative that Trump is somehow making America great again. Perhaps a movie is forthcoming? We present below what that blockbuster may look like.

Don Quixote Trump: The fossil fuel companies send noble capitalist and stable genius Donald Trump on a quest to save their dying, inefficient industries. Trump, together with his EPA stooge Sancho Scienza (played by Andew Wheeler) and God (played by Mike Pence) battle the Evil Windmill Queen (played by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez) and try to destroy her vast, horrible, energy efficient windmill army. Rated R for Regressive.

Don Quixote Trump: The fossil fuel companies send noble capitalist and stable genius Donald Trump on a quest to save their dying, inefficient industries. Trump, together with his EPA stooge Sancho Scienza (played by Andew Wheeler) and God (played by Mike Pence) battle the Evil Windmill Queen (played by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez) and try to destroy her vast, horrible, energy efficient windmill army. Rated R for Regressive.

The Indictment Score: Benghazi 0, Mueller 37

The fallout from the release of the Mueller report (or should we say, Bill Barr’s Cliff’s notes of the Mueller report) continues and more and more questions have arisen. The majority of Americans want the entire report released, not the redacted ‘yada, yada, yada’ version offered by Attorney General and Republican obfuscator Bill Barr. The ‘journalists’ at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, have been screaming their heads off about how other ‘fake news’ media should be apologizing for their treatment of the president. And of course, America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has been his usual obnoxious self, proclaiming that everyone who said that there was collusion, especially the MSM or the ‘enemy of the people’, be fired or worse. Furthermore, the fine, right wing propagandists at Fox are clamoring for retaliatory investigations directed at Trump’s enemies.

As usual, conservative Republicans have a very short memory. Did they forget already about the Benghazi hearings which lasted two years and produced zero indictments; the very definition of a witch hunt. And conservative Republicans never apologized once for their treatment of Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama for that matter. Like we said on our previous post, the Mueller investigation was hardly a ‘witch hunt’ as it produced 37 indictments.  Because Barr has been so secretive about the report, of course the public is wondering what it really says, especially when even in Barr’s summary ‘fer idjits’  – “While this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.” – , Trump clearly wasn’t exonerated on the charge of obstruction of justice, which was the most likely offense that would have resulted from the investigation anyway.

So, in a nutshell: Benghazi, 2 years – 0 indictments; Mueller investigation, 2 years – 37 indictments.

Republicans can STFU!!! 

The indictment scoreboard: Benghazi investigation - 0; Mueller 'witch hunt' investigation - 37.

The indictment scoreboard: Benghazi investigation – 0; Mueller ‘witch hunt’ investigation – 37.