Archive for Helmet Hilarity

The Fightin’ Ebolas

The college football bowl season is in full swing here in America. Yes, it seems like every poedunk town or city has a poedunk bowl game sponsored by a poedunk company. Do we really need the TaxSlayer Bowl in Jacksonville Florida or the Foster Farms Bowl in Santa Clara California? Really? What’s more, losing teams are going to bowl games now. Congratulations on your awful 5-7 season; you still get to go to a bowl game! Talk about promoting mediocrity. Oh that’s right…we forgot. College football is a business now, not a sport. It’s all about the money. Gee, do we sound jaded?

Since we’re talking about the gawdawful stupidity of collegiate and professional sports, it’s time for another edition of Helmet Hilarity. We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of obscure collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today, we present the helmet of the Elmo Hopkins Medical School Fightin’ Ebolas. Everyone’s heard of Johns Hopkins University. Well, Elmo Hopkins was Johns’ less successful third cousin twice removed, who was a ‘doctor’ in the eastern Kentucky hills and founded a ‘medical school’ back in the early 1900s to promote his ‘health elixirs’. Back in 2000, the administrators decided to update their name and mascot to something scarier, more modern and more to do with medicine (or as they put it, ‘mediciniy sounding’). It had been the Elmo Hopkins Moonshiners with their mascot XXX, a big ceramic jug of ‘health elixir’. The powers that be decided against making a fearsome, deadly animal like a bear, lion or tiger their mascot. They also decided against intimidating, murderous humans like warriors, giants or raiders. They even said no to natural, lethal forces like hurricanes, cyclones and tornadoes. Instead they chose the smallest, deadliest creature around; the ebola virus. When you think about it, it’s a wonder why more colleges don’t feature more viruses, bacteria and germs on their helmet. The ebola virus is a good example. It’s so frightening, the Republicans used the threat of it coming to America to win the House and Senate in 2014. We know, we wouldn’t want to be facing a fightin’ ebola across the line of scrimmage.

The Fightin' Ebolas of Elmo Hopkins Medical School football helmet

The football helmet of the Elmo Hopkins Medical School Fightin’ Ebolas features Ebbie, the fun loving but mischievous ebola virus.

The Capitalist Pigs

We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of little known collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present the helmet of the J. Prescott Worthington School of Financial Management Capitalist Pigs. This elite business college in the Gold Coast region of Lake Wannamoola, Connecticut really teaches their students the value of a buck and many graduates go on to successful careers bilking millions from unsuspecting rubes as brokers on Wall Street, politicians in Washington D.C and televangelists in the South.  The highlight at home games is when school mascot, Rich Uncle Oinkie, whose picture is prominently displayed on the teams helmet, roams the stadium in his chauffeured, custom designed, open top, Cadillac golf cart, lighting cigars with $100 dollar bills, sipping champagne, eating caviar and throwing cake out the window so some lucky peasants fans can scramble for the crumbs. The climax of the season is the game with their rival college across the lake, the Marx School of Liberal Arts Commie Bastards.

Speaking of capitalist pigs, be sure to check out the BilgeBucket store where you can purchase fine BilgeBucket gear just in time for Black Friday. BUY! BUY! BUY!

The football helmet of the J. Prescott Worthington School of Financial Management Capitalist Pigs features compassionate conservative school mascot, Rich Uncle Oinkie.

 

The Stoners

We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of little known collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present the helmet of the Central San Francisco State Stoners. The unfortunate thing for opponents who actually have to look at them is that the Stoner’s uniforms are tie-dyed to match the helmets. Far out, man! At home games, school mascot, Doobie the Hippie, roams the stadium spreading ‘cheer’ to all the patrons. Of course, people who attend Stoner games aren’t too interested in the football. But for some reason, they spend a lot of time at the concession stand.

The football helmet of the Central San Francisco State Stoners features a cannabis leaf and colors...Oh man!....THE COLORS!!!

The Crimson Necks

Football season is in full swing here in America. Football is arguably America’s most popular sport and we’re certainly fans here at the Bucket. The NFL is gaining popularity not only in America, but officials are contemplating locating a franchise in London in the near future. College football has grown to more than just a sport; for some regions it’s a religion. Not only that, college football has became a huge business. Football rakes in the revenue for most colleges and universities. Some teams, like Arizona State, even have several different uniforms and helmets. It’s a far cry from the ’60s, when most teams just had simple one color shirt one color pants and one color helmets with maybe a stripe and a logo on the helmet.

We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present a new feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of little known collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

You’ve no doubt heard of the Crimson Tide of Alabama, but have you heard of the Crimson Necks of South Central Alabama Tech?  And we thought the Washington Redskins team name was offensive. There’s nothing like the cackling face of the Crimson Neck mascot, Billy Ray Joe Jim Bob, to put fear into the opposing team.

The football helmet of the Crimson Necks of South Central Alabama Tech prominently features lovable school mascot, Billy Ray Joe Jim Bob.