Archive for Helmet Hilarity

The Republican Crime Syndicate

Things are heating up in the Robert Mueller investigation as more and more of Donald Trump’s cronies are being indicted or flipping on the orange haired man child. The list keeps growing of people close to Trump who are being exposed for corruption. The list includes: Paul Manafort, Trump’s former campaign chairman; Michael Flynn, Trump’s former National Security Advisor; Rick Gates, former business partner of Manafort; and Michael Cohen, Trump’s former lawyer and ‘fixer’. One of Trump’s former campaign advisors, George Papadopoulos, just received a puny 14 day sentence for lying to the FBI. In addition to these crooks, there is also one of the first GOP congressmen to support Trump, New York’s Chris Collins, who’s been indicted on insider trading and California’s Duncan Hunter, who is accused along with his wife (who he promptly blamed completely) of misusing campaign funds.  Throw in corrupt former EPA chief Scott Pruitt, former HHS Secretary Tom Price, Donald Trump Jr., who may be implicated because of his Trump Tower meeting and of course, Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s current lawyer who looks like he came straight out of a mafia movie and has done nothing but constantly lie and embarrass himself since he was hired by Trump. It’s a rogue’s gallery of con artists who could have easily rubbed elbows with the likes of Capone against the FBI G-men in the 1920s and 30s. Hey, whaddya’ know…Trump is fighting against the FBI just like those hoodlums.

The indictments are now prompting America’s CEO/Dictator to become unglued. He has accused Attorney Confederate General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III of hurting Republican chances in the midterms.  He continues his assault on the free press stating that it is the ‘enemy of the people’.  Bob Woodward’s new book release paints a pretty dismal picture of the Trump White House and has Trump champing at the bit. Now the orange megalomaniac is blowing his top with his own staff because of a recent op-ed piece in the New York Times which pretty much states that Trump is an addle-brained lunatic incapable of making sound decisions.

So, logically with all this mounting evidence of a completely incompetent and dangerous administration, why aren’t the supposedly ‘morally superior’ Republicans removing the orange haired man child from office? Like we’ve said in previous posts, the Trump administration is doing exactly what the Republican’s corporate overlords want him to do; provide daily distractions in the media while the Republican corporate lackeys in the Senate, House and the courts systematically dismantle laws and regulations therefore enabling the corporate oligarchy to reap enormous wealth in the process. If that means breaking the law, then so be it. The Republican party is no longer a party; their actions indicate they are now a crime syndicate worthy of praise from the Godfather himself.

With so many indictments of Donald Trump associates, twenty-first century Republicans can no longer call themselves a party; they're a crime syndicate.

With so many indictments of Donald Trump’s associates, twenty-first century Republicans can no longer call themselves a party; they’re a crime syndicate.

 

The Fightin’ Ebolas

The college football bowl season is in full swing here in America. Yes, it seems like every poedunk town or city has a poedunk bowl game sponsored by a poedunk company. Do we really need the TaxSlayer Bowl in Jacksonville Florida or the Foster Farms Bowl in Santa Clara California? Really? What’s more, losing teams are going to bowl games now. Congratulations on your awful 5-7 season; you still get to go to a bowl game! Talk about promoting mediocrity. Oh that’s right…we forgot. College football is a business now, not a sport. It’s all about the money. Gee, do we sound jaded?

Since we’re talking about the gawdawful stupidity of collegiate and professional sports, it’s time for another edition of Helmet Hilarity. We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of obscure collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today, we present the helmet of the Elmo Hopkins Medical School Fightin’ Ebolas. Everyone’s heard of Johns Hopkins University. Well, Elmo Hopkins was Johns’ less successful third cousin twice removed, who was a ‘doctor’ in the eastern Kentucky hills and founded a ‘medical school’ back in the early 1900s to promote his ‘health elixirs’. Back in 2000, the administrators decided to update their name and mascot to something scarier, more modern and more to do with medicine (or as they put it, ‘mediciniy sounding’). It had been the Elmo Hopkins Moonshiners with their mascot XXX, a big ceramic jug of ‘health elixir’. The powers that be decided against making a fearsome, deadly animal like a bear, lion or tiger their mascot. They also decided against intimidating, murderous humans like warriors, giants or raiders. They even said no to natural, lethal forces like hurricanes, cyclones and tornadoes. Instead they chose the smallest, deadliest creature around; the ebola virus. When you think about it, it’s a wonder why more colleges don’t feature more viruses, bacteria and germs on their helmet. The ebola virus is a good example. It’s so frightening, the Republicans used the threat of it coming to America to win the House and Senate in 2014. We know, we wouldn’t want to be facing a fightin’ ebola across the line of scrimmage.

The Fightin' Ebolas of Elmo Hopkins Medical School football helmet

The football helmet of the Elmo Hopkins Medical School Fightin’ Ebolas features Ebbie, the fun loving but mischievous ebola virus.

The Capitalist Pigs

We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of little known collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present the helmet of the J. Prescott Worthington School of Financial Management Capitalist Pigs. This elite business college in the Gold Coast region of Lake Wannamoola, Connecticut really teaches their students the value of a buck and many graduates go on to successful careers bilking millions from unsuspecting rubes as brokers on Wall Street, politicians in Washington D.C and televangelists in the South.  The highlight at home games is when school mascot, Rich Uncle Oinkie, whose picture is prominently displayed on the teams helmet, roams the stadium in his chauffeured, custom designed, open top, Cadillac golf cart, lighting cigars with $100 dollar bills, sipping champagne, eating caviar and throwing cake out the window so some lucky peasants fans can scramble for the crumbs. The climax of the season is the game with their rival college across the lake, the Marx School of Liberal Arts Commie Bastards.

Speaking of capitalist pigs, be sure to check out the BilgeBucket store where you can purchase fine BilgeBucket gear just in time for Black Friday. BUY! BUY! BUY!

The football helmet of the J. Prescott Worthington School of Financial Management Capitalist Pigs features compassionate conservative school mascot, Rich Uncle Oinkie.

 

The Stoners

We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of little known collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present the helmet of the Central San Francisco State Stoners. The unfortunate thing for opponents who actually have to look at them is that the Stoner’s uniforms are tie-dyed to match the helmets. Far out, man! At home games, school mascot, Doobie the Hippie, roams the stadium spreading ‘cheer’ to all the patrons. Of course, people who attend Stoner games aren’t too interested in the football. But for some reason, they spend a lot of time at the concession stand.

The football helmet of the Central San Francisco State Stoners features a cannabis leaf and colors...Oh man!....THE COLORS!!!

The Crimson Necks

Football season is in full swing here in America. Football is arguably America’s most popular sport and we’re certainly fans here at the Bucket. The NFL is gaining popularity not only in America, but officials are contemplating locating a franchise in London in the near future. College football has grown to more than just a sport; for some regions it’s a religion. Not only that, college football has became a huge business. Football rakes in the revenue for most colleges and universities. Some teams, like Arizona State, even have several different uniforms and helmets. It’s a far cry from the ’60s, when most teams just had simple one color shirt one color pants and one color helmets with maybe a stripe and a logo on the helmet.

We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present a new feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of little known collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

You’ve no doubt heard of the Crimson Tide of Alabama, but have you heard of the Crimson Necks of South Central Alabama Tech?  And we thought the Washington Redskins team name was offensive. There’s nothing like the cackling face of the Crimson Neck mascot, Billy Ray Joe Jim Bob, to put fear into the opposing team.

The football helmet of the Crimson Necks of South Central Alabama Tech prominently features lovable school mascot, Billy Ray Joe Jim Bob.