Tag Archive for caucus

Iowa Caucus: There’s Not An App For That

The election primary season is kicking off and the Democratic needed a solid beginning to send a strong message to America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump that his days as ‘dear Leader’ of this country are numbered. But instead of serving up a caucus the Iowa Democrats served up a caucusf*ck. Apparently, an app the administrators had a “reporting issue” and wasn’t functioning properly and brought the integrity of the results into question. It’s the weekend but the precise results are still in doubt with Pete Buttigieg and Bernie Sanders both claiming victories. Talk about serving up red meat to Trump. You just know that the orange haired megalomaniac and his flying monkey sycophants at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, will continually point to the incompetence displayed during the caucus as proof that Democrats will do anything to ‘rig an election’ and cannot be trusted. And all this after a superb performance by House Democrats, led by Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler, in proving the guilt of Trump in his impeachment trial.

At least the Iowa fiasco is pushing forth a movement that just might get rid of the troublesome caucus forever and install a primary system in its stead just like almost every other state. There are several annoying anomalies on the Democratic primary side (superdelegates, anyone), and if the Dems finally decide to move into the 21st century and kill off the caucus and superdelegates, then that would probably increase their chances in future elections. Plus, there’s no way Iowa should be the first voting event of the presidential elections season since its demographics are so homogeneous. Here’s hoping at least that the Democrats learn something from this debacle.

America's CEO/Dictator and geography genius Donald Trump offers the administrators of the Iowa caucus app that clusterf*cked spectacularly a special reward for helping him in his re-election effort; annexation to Kansas City.
America’s CEO/Dictator and geography genius Donald Trump offers the administrators of the Iowa caucus app that clusterf*cked spectacularly a special reward for helping him in his re-election effort; annexation to Kansas City.

We’re Not Living On Tulsi Time

With all the drama of the impeachment unfolding on a day to day basis, the Democratic presidential primaries have been pushed to the back burner.
Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden and Elizabeth Warren continue to be the front runners, with Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Michael Bloomberg, Andrew Yang and Amy Klobuchar still hanging on with the Iowa caucuses just a week away.

One name that is amazingly still in the race despite anemic poll numbers is the curious case of Tulsi Gabbard. It has been suggested by Hillary Clinton that she’s a Russian agent, which has caused Gabbard to sue Clinton for defamation. Former candidate Kamala Harris scolded her for her criticism of Obama and her fellow Democrats. Is she a Russian plant? We don’t know, but her vote of ‘Present’ during the historic impeachment vote certainly didn’t quash the rumors and she announced she won’t seek re-election for her congressional seat in heavily Democratic Hawaii. As a matter of fact, Ms. Gabbard is now the most disliked Democrat. Why would any sane, rational person who has been conscious the past three years vote against impeachment, especially when the evidence is so overwhelming that the President abused his power and obstructed Congress (not to mention obstructed justice as the Mueller report volume 2 concluded)? Trump certainly approved of her vote.

So, what’s Tulsi’s game then? Is she a contrarian who just likes to criticize others in her party to bring attention to herself? She does support Bernie Sanders, who is a social democrat. She has strongly advocated most of the progressive Democrat’s issues in the past. But then again lately, she does seem to talk a lot like a Republican. She has also been sympathetic to Syrian dictator Bashar Assad. Ms. Gabbard appeared regularly on Fox News during the Obama administration and cozied up to Trump and Steve Bannon.

So, really . . . what is Ms. Gabbard’s deal? What’s her motivation? What the hell is she up to? We here at the Bucket think it’s something more egotistical. We think that the enigma that is Ms. Gabbard sees that the stairwell to the Democratic nomination is blocked and will be for many years to come with every Democrat currently still running polling well ahead of her. Like Reagan and Trump, (both former Democrats), the possibility exists that she could get the Republican nomination if she switches parties. Her vote against Trump’s impeachment certainly endeared her to Trump’s nutbag supporters and her approval is very strong from conservative males (gee, go figure that! . . . see the saga of Sarah Palin). Plus, she’s from a heavily Democratic state. Look at all the fawning Democrats do over moderate Republicans from heavily Republican states who side (or appear to side) with Dems (the late John McCain, Susan Collins, Spiff Romney) and you’ll get it. You have to have a gynormous ego to run for president, and Ms. Gabbard certainly is developing a colossal one. Since she has absolutely no chance to win the Democratic nomination in 2020, here’s our bold and fearless, purely comedic conjecture prediction for Ms. Gabbard: she runs for President as a Republican in 2024. Remember: we predicted a Ralph Nader landslide in the 2004 election so . . . yeah . . . we’re . . . probably . . . wrong.

Could it be that Tulsi Gabbard's presidential ambitions may be so great that she'd switch parties in 2024, and because of her impeachment vote, she'd get the blessings of America's current CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his following of nutcase supporters? Stay tuned, folks!
Could it be that Tulsi Gabbard’s presidential ambitions may be so great that she’d switch parties in 2024, and because of her impeachment vote, she’d get the blessings of America’s current CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his following of nutcase supporters? Stay tuned, folks!

Republicans Receive Iowa Participation Trophies; They’re All ‘Winners’

Well, the Iowa Caucus BS is mercifully over and as predicted, the Republican Clown Car has gotten a lot roomier in the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016.

On the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton finished in a virtual tie and nice guy, Martin O’Malley, wisely decided to end his campaign and devote his time to playing more guitar and doing ab crunches. We’re wondering if Sanders’ strong performance might mean that the ‘liberal’ media might actually start covering his campaign.

On the GOP side, the smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, pulled a surprise and upset frontrunner Donald Trump, mostly by huckstering  the evangelical christian vote. The funny thing about the Republican results is that despite not winning, Donald Trump and third place finisher, Marco Rubio, proudly declared that they were winners, too. Of course, all the egotistical Republicans think they’re winners, even Rand Paul, Mike *uckabee, and Rick Santorum, who all suspended their campaigns due to a complete lack of interest from voters. Then there’s Jeb Bush who finished a distant sixth. But then again, Jeb Bush said several weeks ago, they he prefers being in the back of the pack. Yep, there’s nothing like leading from behind. If he’s not careful he’ll be conducting his campaign from his couch.

It’s interesting to note that *uckabee won Iowa in 2008 and Santorum won in 2012 and of course they went on to…lose badly. Hmmm…we’re hoping that this trend continues in 2016 and Cruz plummets before too long.

Despite losing the Iowa Caucuses  GOP candidates, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee and Jeb Bush all proudly proclaim they're winners.

Despite losing the Iowa Caucuses, GOP candidates and extraordinary con artists, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee and Jeb Bush all proudly proclaim they’re winners.

Trump’s Trumpeters

The first election of the sham that is Con-a-thon 2016 is coming up this Monday and everyone is getting in some late minute BS slinging before Iowans go to the polls in the Iowa Caucuses. Donald Trump made quite a ruckus (what else is new!) this past week by bypassing the Fox News Republican debate this past Thursday because Donald Trump doesn’t like Megyn Kelly. Geez! For a tough guy, Trump sure is acting like a baby. But again, what else is new for this megalomaniac who recently bragged that he could shoot people in the middle of New York and still not lose voters.  While this statement shows how dangerously psychotic Trump is, it says more about how insane Trump’s supporters are because he’s actually right. Donald Trump could murder innocent people and his demented supporters would still vote for him.

Speaking of people supporting Trump, he’s got quite an eclectic list of celebrity endorsements heading into Iowa. Rolling Stone has another list. If you look at the lists, there are a lot of authoritarian, tough guy, manly men like Arizona’s own Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio, Hulk Hogan, Mike Tyson and Russian President Vladimir Putin who said of Trump “he’s a bright and talented person”. We guess it takes a tyrant to know a tyrant. We’re sure that Putin and Trump could team up and subjugate the hell out of the rest of the world just like Stalin and Hitler did. Of course, all of these aggressive egotists would rather fight and kill than use something peaceful like diplomacy.

On the female side, there’s Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin, who gave the strangest endorsement speech of all time (we like Stephen Colbert’s mockery of it). Conservative harpie and living skeleton Ann Coulter, anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly and empty headed reality star Tila Tequila all are Trumpeters on Trump’s solid gold bandwagon.

But probably the strangest endorsement was by John Wayne. Although the Duke has been dead since 1979 , his daughter Aissa said that if John Wayne were alive today, he would endorse the Donald. You see Donald Trump’s 19th century mindset sits perfectly with the cowboy image embodied by the Duke. So to make America great again, we just have to make everything like it was back in the days of the Wild West (everybody’s got a gun; shoot first, ask questions later; tough, tough, tough; kill, kill, kill, etc…). We think Donald Trump’s motto should be, “We’re Going Back To The Future”.

Vladimir Putin, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, the ghost of John Wayne and Donald Trump all think that Donald Trump is great.

Megalomaniac GOP candidate Donald Trump modestly acknowledges his ‘greatness’ to his adoring fans like Vladimir Putin, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter and the ghost of John Wayne.

Santorum, Kansas: Proudly Entering the Stone Age

It looks like Rick “Google Me” Santorum has won the Kansas caucuses in the sham that is… Con-a-thon 2012. Yes a whopping 1% of the population in Kansas cast their votes Saturday and Mr. Santorum tallied an impressive 15,000 votes. Wow! Can you feel the excitement?! It’s like the ‘Joe-Mentum’ of Joe Lieberman all over again.

Of course it’s not surprising that Santorum won Kansas given it’s recent history of supporting teaching creationism…oops…I mean ‘intelligent design’ in its schools alongside evolution. And according to creationism…oops…I mean ‘intelligent design’ the world is only a few thousand years old and stone age man roamed the earth with fun loving dinosaurs frolicking at their heels. Here’s a photo-toon from our December 7, 2005 issue. The cave man’s resemblance to Mr. Santorum is uncanny!

The U.S. Mint reissued a newly designed Kansas state quarter to reflect the Kansas Board of Education's decision to allow teaching intelligent design in science classrooms alongside evolution.

The White Knight

It’s pretty obvious by the anemic turnout for the primaries and caucuses in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2012, that there are many Republicans who aren’t too thrilled with the four candidates that have survived thus far: Spiff Romney, Rick “Google Me” Santorum, Uncle Newtie Gingrich and that gruff ol’ Prospector Ron “I’m agin’ everything” Paul. Polls also indicate that President Obama would have an easy time beating any of these candidates. There are many articles on the mainstream media sites speaking of a brokered convention and a new ‘white knight’ candidate to ride in and rescue the party from ignominious defeat in November. Well we’ve discovered that a new candidate, who reflects the values of the most extreme conservative Republicans (who just so happen to have a stranglehold on the party), has stepped forward to change the fortunes of the GOP. Finally the ‘white knight’ has arrived!

A ‘White Knight’ candidate has emerged for the Republicans who embodies everything that the extreme right wing conservatives hold dear.


Rick ‘the Dick’ Surges

The joke that is Con-a-thon 2012 continues. 122,224 Iowans (or 0.04% of the US population) have spoken and Spiff Romney has won the Iowa caucus by a whopping 8 votes over surprise runner-up Rick “Google Me” Santorum. Wily ol’ Prospector Ron “I’m agin’ everything” Paul finished a close third.

But the big news is that another once dead candidate has risen from the ashes. That’s right folks. The new flavor of the month appears to be that champion of intelligent design, anti-gay rights, anti-choice and bombing Iran, Rick Santorum. Incredible! The guy who made such of fuss about the top Google ranking of the site spreadingsantorum.com is now a front runner for the GOP nomination. Wow! Con-a-thon 2012: what an absolute farce!  What’s even more ludicrous is the media attention heaped on this ‘all important’ caucus. According to the media, this nation of 301 million must now base it’s entire decision on what 122,224 people decided. Democracy in action? We’ll see who the corporations and Super PACs (you know, BIG MONEY) get behind and support. The bs just keeps getting piled higher and deeper.

We’ve only one photo-toon of Rick Santorum from our archives. This is from our July 7, 2006 issue when Rick ‘the Dick’, enabler extraordinaire of the Bush Administration’s military adventurism in the Middle East and ace sleuth, came forward and said that the WMD’s were found in Iraq. Rick was voted out of office the following November.

Pennsylvania Senator and super sleuth Rick Santorum recently claimed that the WMDs in Iraq were found, despite intelligence officials, military officials and even the Bush administration confirming that the pre-1991 chemicals weren't the WMDs the administration cited in its argument for war and, as former weapons inspector David Kay stated, were about as harmful as household pesticides.


Prospector Paul Reckons Thar’s Gold in Them Thar Cornfields

It’s looks like there might be a new front runner in the GOP Con-a-thon 2012 Presidential race; that eternal contrarian, Ron Paul. Really? Ron Paul? The guy who’s been running since 2007 and no one takes seriously? Well, that crusty ol’ codger is leading in some polls with the Iowa caucuses only a week away. Paul has plodded along in the back of the Republican field mostly because of his libertarian views; he’s too conservative for liberals and he’s too liberal for conservatives. However, he has many staunch fans who like his cantankerous demeanor and his all-over-the-map views on issues ranging from his non-interventionist foreign policy to his vehement anti-abortion stance to his pro-prostitution views. We here at the Bucket see him as that ol’ prospector sidekick from the westerns. He’s good for comic relief and pushing discussions and issues forward, but should he really be leading the posse. Con sarn it, we’re agin’ it!

GOP candidate and crusty, contrarian curmudgeon, Ron Paul, reckons he'll rustle up some votes and vittles in ol' I-O-WAY.