Tag Archive for religious

Wrapped In The Flag; Carrying A Cross

Let’s face it, folks; the year 2020 sucks! The events of the last two weeks (not to mention the last three years) have profoundly disturbed and shook us, which is why we had to recently post some old photo-toons so we could wrap our heads about the ugliness of it all. First, there was the repugnant murder of an unarmed black civilian, George Floyd, by Minneapolis police officers. If you’re any kind of sentient, sane, compassionate, sympathetic human being, the video of the police officer with his knee on Mr. Floyd’s neck was nauseating to watch. Predictably and justifiably, protests broke out, not only in cities across America but in other countries around the world. Unfortunately, our Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump, decided to play authoritarian strongman and chose to throw gasoline on the fire by egging police and military forces to take harsh actions against any and all protesters. He called for governors in each state to ‘dominate’. It’s kind of ironic that just a couple weeks ago, when the MÆGAMorons protested not being able to get manicures because of the coronavirus shutdown, Trump was all for protesters to liberate their states.

The examples of brutality have become legion in the past week alone. Certainly, the most visible is the one Trump and his droopy-faced hound dog Attorney General William Barr instigated by scheduling a photo-op and sending tear gas into a crowd so Trump could waltz across the street from his White House bunker to St. John’s church so he could hold a bible upside down and proclaim that he’s doing God’s work. Really convincing, eh? Even religious leaders criticized Trump for his using the bible as a prop. Of course, Trump and his fascist gaslighters have denied using tear gas despite the evidence. Also notable at this incident, were several unidentified armored officers. Could these secretive security forces possibly be Trump’s version of brownshirts showing up to enforce the will of dear Leader Trump? It certainly seems like it.

We’ve commented many times about fascism and fascists, especially the prediction credited to Sinclair Lewis that when it comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross. We even posted, before Trump was even elected, a handy dandy checklist comparing the NSDAP Party of 1930s Germany with 21st century Republicans. You know why? We’ve read a lot about the subject and when we see similarities we mention them. Like in Naomi Klein’s excellent book, The Shock Doctrine, Trump is following the playbook of authoritarian leaders who shock their own citizens into accepting their ideology and economic world view. The GOP has been planning this for the past twenty years. We even posted about it after Trump’s sham of an impeachment trial; it’s Trump über alles. Trump has been shocking us on a daily basis with a Twitter blitzkrieg for the last three years to crush our will and depress us. And what are the Republicans in Congress doing? They’re letting him get away with it because this is their plan. They’re goosestepping right behind him, pushing through laws that favor corporations and plutocrats while destroying the middle class as Trumpty Dumpty and Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican propaganda network, distract and gaslight us to death. Could these latest acts of authoritarianism and police brutality be the breaking point? We certainly hope so. We must continue to protest this clusterf*ck of a presidency and stand up against authoritarian rule. Fascism is unacceptable in America. Democracy and rule of law are what this country is all about. Freedom of speech is one of our most cherished freedoms. This is a country, by the people for the people; not by the corporation for the corporation. We the people must vote Trump and his fascist cohorts out of office in November!

Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump demonstrates that fascism has arrived in America by sexually abusing a flag (wrapped in the flag) and displaying an upside down bible (carrying a cross).
Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump demonstrates that fascism has arrived in America by sexually abusing a flag (wrapped in the flag) and displaying an upside down bible (carrying a cross).

The Virus Whisperer

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump ratcheted up his audacity to yet another level of absurdity this past week. Upset that his precious stock market gains were being erased by the coronavirus, our grown-up Bart Simpson President proclaimed that things will officially be back to normal by Easter, which caused countless simultaneous facepalms by health professionals throughout the world. This shouldn’t be surprising since Trump was pretty pissed off that Hurricane Dorian changed course last year and made dear Leader look bad.

Trump’s colossal ego and narcissism is not only boundless but dangerous. His delusion that he’s somehow on equal footing as scientists and doctors produced a drastic result this past week as an Arizona man died taking chloroquine phosphate, a derivative of an anti-malaria drug cholorquine that Trump touted as being a possible cure for coronavirus, which again prompted a multitude of facepalms from science professionals. You can’t just tell a virus what to do no more than you can tell a hurricane what to do, but don’t tell that to ‘master scientist’ Trump. Apparently, he thinks he’s some kind of virus whisperer. Fortunately, Dr. Anthony Fauci, one the country’s leading disease experts and a member of Trump’s coronavirus team, stepped up and said that the virus makes the timeline not humans. We’re predicting that with that kind of attitude toward facts, truth and honesty, Dr. Fauci may not be on Trump’s team much longer.

Trump’s choice of Easter is also very telling of another group in his base that he’s trying to appease; the evangelical christians. Remember: he’s got holier-than-thou rapture freaks Mike Pence, Mike Pompeo and Bill Barr in his administration. What better symbolism could you ask for than having America reborn from a horrible scourge on Easter, the day Jesus ‘resurrected from the dead’. Trump says he even wants to pack the churches with the faithful to celebrate. As we mentioned in our last post, we have no doubt Trump will politicize the coronavirus for the upcoming election. If everything appears to be fine by Easter then he will proclaim it to be an ‘Easter miracle’ and he will appear even more like ‘the chosen one’ to his brain dead zombie followers.

Actually, we have no problem with Trumpty Dumpty’s plan of packing the churches on Easter. Just ignore stories of pastors who thought coronavirus was a hoax and died or an entire congregation who met at a church event resulting in three dozens infections. It’s just fake news. Trump knows best. If Trump’s MAGA supporters want to defy doctors and scientists and gather together and spread the COVID-19 to other sheeple in the flock, then we here at the Bucket say go right ahead. Let Jesus take the wheel. When you get sick, just don’t go to the ‘evil’ scientists or doctors for help; just hunker down and pray to God or Donald Trump to be magically cured. Yeah . . . that will work well.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it's killing and endangering innocent people, but because it's lowering his precious stock market gains.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it’s killing and endangering innocent people, but because it’s lowering his precious stock market gains.

Look…Over There…War!

Gee . . . we couldn’t have seen this coming. America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has decided to start a war with Iran because he needs a distraction from being the third president in U.S. history to be impeached. This week, on the orders of our megalomaniac-in-chief, Qassem Soleimani, the highest ranking General in the Iranian military was killed by U.S. bombing in Baghdad. Iran, not surprisingly, has vowed vengeance which pretty much means that another war in the Middle East is inevitable.

We’ve observed quite a few wars in the past sixty years and we already recognize the corporate media falling in line with the warmongering Republican’s position and the military industrial complex’s ‘war is good business’ mantra. The media is touting the ‘elite’ Iranian military groups like Soleimani’s Quds Force, a part of their Revolutionary Guard, much in the same way they touted the ‘elite’ Republican guards in Iraq during the lead up to the Gulf War and the Iraq War; fearsome dangerous forces akin to the Nazi stormtroopers. However, in both wars, American troops had little trouble dispatching the ‘elite’ forces in short term armed conflict. It was the long protracted stays in Iraq and Afghanistan, the quagmires, which created problems. But at the same time, it also made many defense and military contractors very wealthy.

What’s especially frustrating is that with the U.S. at war, it’s pretty much guaranteed that impeaching Trump will be a difficult proposition. Many presidents, (including Bill Clinton during his impeachment in 1998), have pulled this kind of shenanigan as a distraction to impending domestic political crisis. This might also help Trump in the 2020 election since the general rule of thumb is that you never change presidents in the middle of a war, which is why Dubya won a second term, despite being a disastrous president. Bush’s repetitive screed of ‘9/11, terror, war, re-elect me’ certainly scared his conservative Republican sheeple to vote for him again in 2004, which is the only time since 1988 a Republican has won the popular vote for president.

Maybe this will be the event that finally breaks the enigmatic bond between Trump and his sheeple followers. After all, he did promise no more wars and to reduce American troops in the Middle East. However, we have no doubt that the evangelicals will view this action as joyous because it puts them one step closer to their precious rapture. Of course, sane, reasonable, intelligent people worldwide will view it quite differently; yet another reprehensible action by a deranged sociopath and his delusional followers who shouldn’t be anywhere close to the corridors of power.

Facing an ignominious impeachment, America's CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump decided he needed a distraction, so he started another war in the Middle East, this time with Iran, much to the delight of his sycophantic followers in the Senate, Lindsey 'The Hypocrite' Graham and Moscow Mitch McConnell, a.k.a. Turtle Boy.
Facing an ignominious impeachment, America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump decided he needed a distraction, so he started another war in the Middle East, this time with Iran, much to the delight of his sycophantic followers in the Senate, Lindsey ‘The Hypocrite’ Graham and Moscow Mitch McConnell, a.k.a. Turtle Boy.

WWTD: What Would Trump Do?

As more and more information comes to the forefront in the House’s impeachment investigation, it appears that instead of re-evaluating their support for America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and seeing the light, Trump supporters, especially those of the evangelical variety, seem to be doubling down in their almost cult-like worship of a man who is the epitome of the golden calf mentioned in the old testament of the bible. Seriously, folks . . . Jesus’ preaching smacked of socialism and yet people choose the greedy capitalist who likes to grab women by the pussy as they’re new savior?

So why are these supposedly holy people supporting the polar opposite of their lord and savior Jesus Christ? Good question. Here at the Bucket, we’ve been completely baffled for the last four years. Could it just be that they love ‘owning the libs’? How can evangelicals support bashing skulls in the name of Jesus? This one article asserts that modern evangelicals reject the reality based world in the 21st century – you know, facts, logic, reasoning and the worst taboo of all, science – and whole-heartedly embrace the world presented to them by Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network and Donald Trump. As we’ve noted here before, it’s a fusion of Nazism, corporatism and christian theocracy, a holy trinity of authoritarianism if you will, which is creating the Holy Corporate Empire in which we now live in. Thus, there is the cult-like following of the evangelicals, especially in the rural areas of the South and Midwest, who are wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross.

Unfortunately, even if Trump gets impeached, it may be quite a dilemma to remove him from office. Trump supporters, like this one MLB umpire, are even crowing that they’ll actually take up arms. Thus, we have no doubt that Trumpies from all across the nation could very well take to the streets and use thuggery and the word of Trump to impose their will on the nation. Onward christian thugs: praise the lord and pass the ammunition!

Some red state Republican voters discuss how truly christlike Donald Trump is and ponder forcefully spreading his word to some unsuspecting immigrants.
Some red state Republican voters discuss how truly christlike Donald Trump is and ponder forcefully spreading his word to some unsuspecting immigrants.

Coming Soon: The Aryan Bakery

There is so much crap happening every day with Donald Trump, that it’s impossible to keep up with all that is occurring. We’ve had this photo-toon almost ready to go for two weeks now but something new crap has been coming forth pushing this news to the back burner. Ahhhh! Life during the Trump administration.

The Supreme Court recently decided in favor of a baker who decided against baking a cake for a same sex customer. So this pretty much opens the door for a business to discriminate against the customer if said customer’s life style or beliefs offends the shop owner’s beliefs. Didn’t Jesus teach tolerance? Didn’t he teach against discrimination, you know – what so ever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me? This action and the recent activity of separating migrant children from their parents indefinitely is just another example proving today’s so called christians are nothing but hypocrites.

But this court decision just bit the right wing in the butt because it can go both ways, too. Just last week, Chief White House Lying Liar, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, was refused service by a restaurant in Virginia because she works for Trump and was asked to leave. So what goes around comes around. If the conservative Republicans want discrimination everywhere, guess what: they’ve got it. It looks like soon we’ll have stores for certain clientele only. Unfortunately, that’s not what America is supposed to be about. One thing’s for sure: Donald Trump is most definitely not uniting this country.

In Donald Trump's America, soon straight, white, christian merchants can discriminate against anyone they please, which is a bit hypocritical from the teachings of Jesus.

In Donald Trump’s America, soon straight, white, christian merchants can discriminate against anyone they please, which is a bit hypocritical from the teachings of Jesus.

Only The Powah of Prayer Can Help

Another day, another shooting…aaaah, life in 21st century America. This time, instead of radical christian terrorists, it was radical islamic terrorists…but still radical religious terrorists. This husband and wife team killed 14 people and injured 21 with assault weapons, which according to every gun enthusiast, is vital to living a happy life in this country. Again the response by Republicans has been pathetic. GOP presidential candidate, Marco Rubio, proclaimed that gun control legislation won’t help and many Republicans, including the smuggest Senator alive and GOP candidate, Ted Cruz, said they’re sending their prayers to the victims. In fact, President Obama caused quite a ruckus when he rightfully said “God isn’t fixing this” and correctly pushed for gun control legislation. The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a. Fox News, jumped in and offered the insipid response that if you’re not praying you’re for the terrorists.(That’s sounds a lot like Dubya’s old catchphrase). And of course, the NRA High Priest, Wayne LaPierre, made a video designed to make everyone want to go out, buy a gun and join in the melee, in the name of national security. At least The New York Daily News came out with a full page headline blasting Republicans on their inaction. Maybe this will light a match under the Republicans to grow a pair and stand up to the special interest groups like the NRA and the gun industry, who control them like they’re puppets. Will it work? Let’s just put it this way; we wonder where the next shooting is going to be.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American's sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, which gets an amen and hallelujah from NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American’s sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, much to the evangelical delight of NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.

Holy Shit!

It’s been awhile since we’ve posted some of our old satire articles from 2003-2009. So we’re going to start posting them more often, maybe a couple times a week. To start things off, in the wake of the religious fallout from the Charlie Hebdo attacks, here’s one from our Religious BS file dated June 2, 2003.

Holy Shit: Man Has Feces Shaped Like Virgin Mary

Local man Hector Torres has claimed that the Virgin Mary has visited and blessed him in the form of feces in his toilet.

“I was taking a dump,” said Torres. “And I look down into the bowl and there was this turd shaped exactly like the Virgin Mary. So I call my wife Maria into the bathroom, you know, and I’m like ‘Look in the bowl’ and she said ‘I don’t want to look at your shit! What are you? Some sort of weirdo!’ and I’m like ‘No, look at that turd. It looks just like the Virgin Mary’ and she squints down into the bowl and says ‘Dios Mio! It’s a miracle!'”

Many people are now making pilgrimages to the Torres household to view the blessed turd. Last weekend, lines went out the front door as people clamored for a glimpse.

“I think Our Holy Mother is speaking to us through Hector’s shit,” said Maria Torres. “It’s like she is saying to us, ‘Even though you are dumped on, keep believing.’ We are truly blessed!”

Hector’s brother, Miguel, who also lives there with his wife and two kids, is tired of the attention. “The whole house smells like Tijuana, man. I can’t sleep at night. We can’t take baths or brush our teeth because we start gagging.”

Hector’s other brother, Pablo, who also lives there with his wife and daughter, said, “I’m tired of going down to the gas station to use the bathroom. This house only has one bathroom. What happens if I get the runs? Do I use a bucket or something? Should I go on the rug like the dog? And don’t get me started about all the people. What happened to our privacy? I miss my… quiet time.” He paused, wiped a tear from his eye and then added, “I may go to Hell, but if Hector don’t flush that thing soon, I’m going to flush it myself!”

We Are Charlie

What a way to start out the new year. The recent shootings at the Charlie Hebdo headquarters in Paris has struck a raw nerve with us here at the Bucket. We’re all atheists here. We tend to agree with Bill Maher’s statement on Jimmy Kimmel’s show that ‘“there are no great religions, they’re all stupid and dangerous,” Some people just do not seem to possess a sense of humor, especially religious fundamentalists. And isn’t it funny that religious fundamentalists seem to be…drum roll please…extreme conservatives. Go figure.  One of the most important lessons in life we have learned is the ability to laugh at one’s self. Obviously, religious fundamentalists in all major organized religions seemed to have missed that lesson. Once again, fundamentalists in Islam have gotten upset over cartoons. CARTOONS!!!! We’d just like to say to all fundamentalists in every major religion on this planet… LIGHTEN UP!!!! LEARN HOW TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF!!! GET A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!

Ahhh! We’re just messing with you. We can’t tell you ‘holy guys’ what to do. Go ahead and keep killing all the people who don’t believe what you believe. That’s worked so well for the past couple thousand years. There’s nothing like the status quo.

Jewish, Islamic, and Christian fundamentalists seem to get all pissy when someone points out the outdated silliness of their doctrines.

Fundamentalists from the major religions on Planet Earth agree on one thing: their senses of humor suck.