Archive for June 30, 2016

The Sun Is Setting On John McCain

Arizona’s Senior Senator John McCain keeps losing more and more respect by the day. Recently, he made headlines by boldly claiming that President Obama was ‘directly responsible’ for the Orlando shootings. In trying to clarify his fallacious statement he completely forgot that it was George W. Bush who created the power vacuum in the Middle East by invading Iraq, which allowed not only Al-Qaeda to thrive but also allowed the ISIS movement to be born.

Then McCain turned the ‘crazy’ knob to eleven and endorsed Donald Trump. If you remember, last year Trump questioned McCain’s war hero credentials and criticized McCain for getting captured. Now, almost a year later, McCain is going to endorse the man who insulted him. This (and his stubborn refusal to vote on a new Supreme Court justice) is apparently why support for his Democratic opponent, Ann Kirkpatrick has surged in recent polls, and even has her ahead in one. Our advice to Senator McCain(like he’s asking us): you’ve had a good run, but it’s time to retire to one of your seven or eight or twenty houses you own and start shooing kids off your lawn and away from your precious gold. We have no doubt you’ll be great at it.

Senator and crusty old coot, John McCain, blames Obama for the Orlando shooting and promptly endorses Donald Trump for President.

Arizona’s Senior Senator and crusty old coot, John McCain, demonstrates why he should retire from politics and start a successful new career of keeping kids off his lawn and away from his gold.

 

The Sun Sets On The British Empire

And we thought things were strange in America…

Great Britain took the unbelievable step and decided to exit the European Union yesterday in a stunning move which sent financial markets plummeting around the world. John Oliver gave a humorous yet poignant explanation of Brexit last week and explained why the United Kingdom should stay in the EU even though it can be incredibly frustrating at times. But the British are apparently afflicted by the same illness that plagues America and an increasing number of countries throughout Europe…radical right wing conservatism. Yes, fearmongering and anti-intellectualism is a mighty powerful combination and insidiously effects some people, especially the elderly and the lesser educated, who according to most polls, supported the Brexit. As a matter of fact, Boris Johnson, the Donald Trump of Britain, has hailed Britain stepping into the abyss as a victory. Even Donald Trump, who is visiting one of his golf courses in Scotland, approves. Most analysts concur that this move toward isolationism could have serious consequences for Britain and the rest of the world.

A common theme from all these right wing radicals in Europe and the  United States is that they all want to ‘make their country great again’. And apparently, in the mind set of right wing conservatives, making one’s country great again, means isolating itself from other countries and promoting nationalistic tendencies, denigrating immigrants and obliterating multi-culturalism, a policy which wreaked havoc in the 20th century. Britain used to be the biggest, most powerful empire on the planet, with colonies on every continent. However with the Brexit vote, one thing’s for sure: it seems that the sun has finally set on the British Empire.

P.S. If any Brit sees this photo-toon and is offended by it…bugger off! Quite frankly, we feel that you’ve lost any right to look down your noses at Americans after this blunder. Cheerio!

According to a Pythonesque British pepperpot Brexit spokesperson, Britain doesn't like anyone and is just going to take their quids home, have a banger or two and watch the tele which impresses a visiting Donald Trump so much he asks her to be his campaign manager.

A Pythonesque British pepperpot and Brexit spokesperson thoughtfully summarizes the subject, which thoroughly impresses a visiting Donald Trump.

Rewind: Stay The Course!

From the unfrigginbelievable file…

It was just announced that none other than ol’ Dubya, George W. Bush, has come out of retirement to help GOP Senators who are having trouble with their failing campaigns this fall because of the toxicity of the Republican nominee for President, Donald Trump. Isn’t that like calling in an arsonist to put out a fire? It’s amazing that just ten years ago, most sane Americans were thinking the Republican party couldn’t get much worse than good ol’ Dubya and the Bush administration. For those of you with anemic memories who actually have forgotten how horrible George W. Bush was, here’s a short list and a longer list to remind you that he’s the worst President since Herbert Hoover.

Of course, conservative Republicans being conservative Republicans, can never admit that they’re ever wrong about anything. So rather than change direction, they just plow over the cliff and into the abyss. Good luck with that Dubya thingee, GOP.

Here’s a photo-toon from our December 7, 2005 issue.

President Bush shouts his mantra 'Stay the course!', while joyriding his Republican made vehicle, America, off a cliff with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.

President Bush shouts his mantra while joyriding his Republican made vehicle, America, off a cliff with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.

In Guns We Trust

Another day, another mass shooting. With the Orlando shooting last weekend, we’ve had 182 mass shootings alone in the U.S. this year. Ahhh…life in 21st century America. We’ve commented ad infinitum about the need for gun control in this country, especially for assault weapons (just do a search for gun on this website). But our feckless, craven, Republican congressmen and senators are too beholden to the NRA and the gun lobby to do anything about it. Apparently, this is what our ‘compassionate’ conservative, GOP leaders want for this nation; people loving guns more than they do other people. This is the new norm. We might as well mint a new $1 dollar coin announcing our new national motto, “In Guns We Trust”.

Republican senators and congressmen, in conjunction with the NRA, have authorized the minting of a new $1 coin with the new national motto, 'In Guns We Trust' emblazoned on the obverse side, to show the world that in America, guns are more important than people.

Republican senators and congressmen, in conjunction with the NRA, have authorized the minting of a new $1 coin with the new national motto, ‘In Guns We Trust’ emblazoned on the obverse side, to show the world that in America, guns are more important than people.

America’s Obsession With Rude Assholes

We were rummaging through our archives and came across an article ten years ago written by the Bucket’s resident crusty curmudgeon, Chester Einstein. In it, he laments how America seems to be fancying rude assholes and politeness and manners seem to be a thing of the past. Ten years on, with the rise of the King of Rudeness, Donald Trump, things seems to be getting worse rather than better.

This is from our June 19, 2006 issue.

Chester Einstein’s Words of Wisdom

Chester Einstein - BilgeBucket GazetteAmerica Seems To Be Fancying Rude Assholes These Days

Recently, as I was watching the incredible duel between that Tyler Hick and Nanny McPhee on American Idol, it occurred to me; it seems that people in America seem to be infatuated with rude assholes lately. Not that Tyler or Nanny are assholes. On the contrary; they were delightful breaths of fresh, Mentos flavored air wafting through a flowery meadow. It’s that asshole Simon Cowell that gets my dander boiling! And it seems that every show these days has to have a resident asshole spewing forth offensive expletives and rude commentary. Look at that new cooking show, Hell’s Kitchen. Those people are just trying to cook food for pete’s sake and this chef rips ‘em a new one. Of course, that’s because nothing in America these days is entertaining unless it’s IN YOUR FACE!

Now I know a lot of you are saying, “Well geeeeeeeez Chester! Aren’t you in my face right now?” Well con sarn it, this is different! I’m in your face because I’m old and I’m supposed to be mad at you whippersnappers. I swear if I see one more youngun’ talking on a cell phone while driving… Dag nab it! Now I’m all discombobulated! What was I ranting about?… Oh yeah, America’s fancying of rude assholes. Well folks, this phenomenon goes beyond T.V.; it’s trickling down into every phase of life. I guess you could call it trickle-down insolence.

Look at the music young people are grooving to nowadays; that hippety-hop rappity crap that’s all the rage. Now the beat ain’t all that bad. I have to confess, I’ve tapped a foot or two listening to that Snoopy Dog fella, but the lyrics are down right frightening. Everybody’s capping each other’s asses, slapping their hos and killing cops. Back in my day, we rebelled, but we did it subtly; like taking an extra cookie, or dipping pigtails in ink wells, or giving swirlies to that geeky kid who was always answering teacher’s question. Poor Howie Hughes! I wonder what ever happened to that little nerd. But you don’t see gentle rebellion like that anymore. Now it’s drive-bys, shoot-em-ups and extreme payback. Everybody is all IN YOUR FACE! I’m scared to watch MTV anymore.

Take a look at the political scene. Those right wing radio show hosts like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Michael Savage have made a name for themselves belittling opposing points of view, spewing forth hateful words and pouring gasoline on the fires of ignorance. Take a look at that Ann Coulter…that is if you can. My God, she’s a walking skeleton! She looks like a meth addict! Has she heard of the concept of food and eating? Anyhoo, she complains that liberals are evil, mean and rooting for the terrorists and then she calls those 9/11 widows harpies and merry widows dancing on their husbands graves! That’s about as rude and assholish as you can get! And then those so called ‘compassionate’ conservatives like David Horowitz enable her by saying stuff like “she’s a national treasure”. Oprah’s a national treasure, you moron! Ann Coulter is just a miserable excuse for a human being! How’s that for IN YOUR FACE, Ms. Coulter? I remember seeing a plaque on the wall in a brothel in Nevada once that stuck with me to this day. It said “Be sure and wear a condom”. Wait… that’s not it… okay… I got it now. It said “Be the change you want to be in the world”. What a beautiful sentiment! Well, I guess the conservatives want the world to be rude, ignorant and full of hate.

Well, I’ve gone beyond my rant limit set by Dr. Mesmer; I’m still recuperating from my latest illness don’t you know. It’s time to calm myself down with an episode of Jerry Springer. Nothing says peace and quiet like squabbling, overweight rednecks who like to make fools of themselves on national television. Jerry, you’re an American treasure, too!

Paul Ryan: Man Of Integrity

The so called GOP stalwarts, who have so brazenly yelled what a monster Donald Trump is, are falling one by one to the bullying charms of this authoritarian megalomaniac. Bold men like Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio are now sycophantic bootlickers of the orange haired menace. The latest to cave in meekly to the Donald: Republican Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan.

We’ve never really taken to Mr. Ryan. During Con-a-thon 2012, when he was Spiff Romney’s vice-presidential candidate, we noted the several times he just flat out lied or was a complete hypocrite. (Here, here and here.)

Nothing’s changed really. For months, he claimed he wasn’t interested in taking over Speaker of the House for John Boehner and then suddenly …BOOM… he’s Speaker of the House. So I guess this latest development shouldn’t come as any surprise. Paul Ryan has been boldly stating (or conning) these past several months that he just can’t support Donald Trump. But after a ‘very important’ meeting this past week, Ryan now endorses Trump. What a man of integrity! Why shucky darn…with guys like Trump and Ryan leading the way, changing their points of view every time the wind blows, America’s sure to be great again in no time.

Jug eared Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, shows what a man of integrity he is by supporting someone he can't stand like Donald Trump much to the delight of one of his plutocratic overlords.

Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, shows what a man of integrity he is by supporting someone he can’t stand like Donald Trump much to the delight of one of his plutocratic overlords.

Trump: Jesus’ Twin?

One of the more perplexing things about the rise of Donald Trump is the support he’s getting from the evangelical christians. We thought for sure they would support supposed ‘savior’ Ted Cruz, but they have overwhelmingly come out in support of someone who is thrice married; a hedonist, morally bankrupt and has at best a sketchy knowledge of the bible. We’re atheists here at the Bucket and we probably know more about the bible than Trump. Samantha Bee recently gave a hilarious analysis of the religious right evangelical’s seemingly hypocritical viewpoint. It’s definitely a lip diddler for us, folks. But then again, we can’t figure out how the hell Donald Trump is the GOP nominee for president.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admires his ideological twin, Donald Trump, for his greedy, egomaniacal, petty, self-aggrandizing, misogynistic, bombastic, materialistic, deceitful, callous, bigoted, and oppresive nature.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, is stoked that his ideological twin, Donald Trump, looks to be the GOP nominee for president.