Tag Archive for terrorist

Ratcheting Up The Fear Machine To Eleven

It’s almost election day and America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, is ratcheting up the fear machine to – in Spinal Tap language – eleven. With the unstoppable force that is the migrant caravan still ambling ever so slowly eight hundred miles away from the nearest American border, America’s orange haired, megalomaniac rage monster has sent 5,000 troops to the border with promises of 15,000 to defend us against a group of mostly unarmed, poor men, women and children seeking asylum from brutal governments in Central America.

We discussed previously the lunacy of the right wing coverage of the caravan on Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, and the more that is revealed about this caravan, the more it just doesn’t make sense. Why would weary, dejected people filled with despair purposely walk several more hundred miles than necessary to a border where they know they’ll be harassed and treated badly when Mexico is offering everything they are looking for? Not only that, they wouldn’t have to learn a new language; they could just keep on speaking Spanish. Talk about your false flag operation. If the Republicans can duplicitously collude with Russians to sway the 2016 election, they’re capable of this piece of deception as well. Plus, Trump is a pathological liar.

We just wonder what kind of confrontation will occur between the armed to the teeth American military machine against those ‘dangerous’ migrant families.

Just in time for the midterm elections, American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, has ordered a gazillion troops to the border to welcome the poor, unarmed, asylum seeking migrants to America, christian style.

Just in time for the midterm elections, American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, has ordered a gazillion troops to the border to welcome the poor, unarmed, asylum seeking migrants to America, christian style.

The King And Queen Of Pain

Gina Haspel was narrowly approved by the Senate last week to be the new CIA director despite being grilled for being a supposed proponent of torture during the Bush Administration. Lawmakers repeatedly asked her if she would protest if perhaps Trump wanted to restart interrogation techniques such as waterboarding to which she basically did what all conservative Republicans do; avoid answering the question. You know it’s bad when Dick Cheney reemerges from his lair and states with Haspel in charge, the U.S. should restart harsh interrogations.

Of course, the Trump administration denies that Trump wants to resume the torture program, despite stating many times that he would definitely reinstate the method because “it works”. Perhaps Haspel can initiate a new torture method involving spanking with a Forbes magazine. We’re sure our megalomaniac, liar-in-chief would volunteer for that and maybe confess everything about lying on his taxes, his affair with Stormy Daniels, any collusion with Russia and the 3001 other deceptions he’s thrown at the public since his inauguration.

New CIA director and torture aficionado, Gina Haspel, has announced a new method of interrogation that meets with overwhelming approval from American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

New CIA director and torture aficionado, Gina Haspel, has announced a new method of interrogation that meets with overwhelming approval from American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

Only The Powah of Prayer Can Help

Another day, another shooting…aaaah, life in 21st century America. This time, instead of radical christian terrorists, it was radical islamic terrorists…but still radical religious terrorists. This husband and wife team killed 14 people and injured 21 with assault weapons, which according to every gun enthusiast, is vital to living a happy life in this country. Again the response by Republicans has been pathetic. GOP presidential candidate, Marco Rubio, proclaimed that gun control legislation won’t help and many Republicans, including the smuggest Senator alive and GOP candidate, Ted Cruz, said they’re sending their prayers to the victims. In fact, President Obama caused quite a ruckus when he rightfully said “God isn’t fixing this” and correctly pushed for gun control legislation. The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a. Fox News, jumped in and offered the insipid response that if you’re not praying you’re for the terrorists.(That’s sounds a lot like Dubya’s old catchphrase). And of course, the NRA High Priest, Wayne LaPierre, made a video designed to make everyone want to go out, buy a gun and join in the melee, in the name of national security. At least The New York Daily News came out with a full page headline blasting Republicans on their inaction. Maybe this will light a match under the Republicans to grow a pair and stand up to the special interest groups like the NRA and the gun industry, who control them like they’re puppets. Will it work? Let’s just put it this way; we wonder where the next shooting is going to be.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American's sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, which gets an amen and hallelujah from NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American’s sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, much to the evangelical delight of NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.

Christian Terrorists? What Christian Terrorists?

This past weekend, an anti-choice, conservative, religious zealot, Robert Dear, barricaded himself inside a Planned Parenthood clinic and killed three people and injured nine others. If that wasn’t unsettling enough, take into account the aftermath of this tragedy. As one could predict, the media is being incredibly stupid, postulating on what his possible motive could be despite his grumbling the phrase “no more baby parts” as he was being jailed. This was in line with Republicans, who also took the Sgt. Schultz approach. (Christian Terrorists? What christian terrorists?) Probably the most inane comment was by the smuggest Senator alive and GOP candidate, Ted Cruz, who said there was nothing linking him to the anti-abortion stance (pay no attention to the “no more baby parts” statement) and that he was a “transgendered leftist activist” and not a crazed anti-abortionist, right wing, christian terrorist. The wife of Dear even said he was conservative , religious and anti-abortion. But in Ted Cruz’s demented world vision, we need to be very afraid of people like Laverne Cox, Kaitlyn Jenner and Chaz Bono, who seem to be pretty docile and friendly people. And this clown, Cruz, wants to be President.

This was obviously a politically motivated shooting and it shows how the Republican rhetoric toward defunding Planned Parenthood has created a toxic attitude toward the important organization, which provides vital reproductive and counseling services to women. We’ve mentioned before the lies and deceptions by the conservative media and Carly Fiorina concerning Planned Parenthood.  When the media and right wing conservative politicians fail to quell the hatred but instead incite it, then they should be held accountable. For instance, Ted Cruz recently crowed about an endorsement for his campaign from Troy Newman,who has openly endorsed violence against abortion providers. Another wack-a-doodle GOP candidate, Mike Huckabee, likened Planned Parenthood to ISIS. Of course, everyone of these ‘pro-lifers’ are totally for starting wars in the Middle East, which will kill thousands of people in the process. Pro-life indeed! And everyone of these ‘freedom loving conservatives’ are for getting government out people’s lives, except when it comes to women’s reproductive systems, then by all means let’s monitor their vaginas and uteri 24/7. Hypocrites indeed!

Ted Cruz says Robert Dear was a trangendered activist, while the media remains clueless about his motivation despite the shooter saying 'no more baby parts.'

Top notch sleuth and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, offers the pliant media a possible solution to the mystery of why Robert Dear attacked Planned Parenthood.

Do Unto Your Brother; But Only If He’s Christian

The big news lately in the wake of the Paris terrorists’ attack last week is what to do with the Syrian refugees. Many Americans are against letting them into the country at all, while others are demanding stricter standards for allowing them into the country. While we think sending troops to Syria is a knee jerk reaction, we  think stricter vetting of the refugees isn’t such a bad idea. We should use the same solid background checks that we use for any American who wants to purchase a gun. What could possibly go wrong with that plan? (Side note:Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin, recently piped up and said Jesus would have loved guns.)

We also find it a bit odd that the most christian of the christians of the Republican candidates are saying that only christian refugees should be allowed into the country. Hmmmm…what would Capitalist Jesus have to say about that?

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, confesses his love for guns and suggests to use them on Syrian refugees because Christians rule.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, confesses his love for guns and suggests a use for them to his gun loving Christian followers.

 

Peace

 

The Eiffel Tower in Paris France.

Vive la France!

Bush’s Greatest Masterpiece: The Iraq Quagmire

Former Republican President and the Picasso of the conservative GOP world, George W. Bush, recently popped his head up to provide his great wisdom on the subject of the ISIS/ISIL terrorists fighting in Iraq and Syria. Yes, in an interview with Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, it seems that Bush thinks that we never should have left Iraq in 2011 even though he agreed before he left office that troops should leave at that time. Remember folks, this from the man who dressed up in May 2003 in a flight suit and announced ‘Mission Accomplished’ in Iraq. This man boldly proclaimed that Iraq was a slam dunk and we’d be in and out in no time. Does he really think he holds any kind of credibility at all anymore? No wonder Obama doesn’t call him for advice. We think that good ol’ Dubya should just keep to painting pictures of himself in the tub.

George W. Bush proclaims people should be self sufficient except when it comes to Iraq, who should get our military and tax dollars for years to come.

Good ol' Dubya demonstrates why he should forget 'presidentin' and stick to painting pictures of himself in the bathtub.

Guns, Guns, Guns

In light of the recent event in Colorado, it may be time to revisit the Assault Weapon Ban, which was signed into law in 1994 and expired in September 2004. Seriously, do we really need assault weapons to hunt quail?

Here’s an article from our September 26, 2004 issue.

Terrorists Approve Lifting Of Assault Weapon Ban

Terrorists and gun nuts alike from across the globe are applauding the expiration of the sale of assault weapons in the United States. The ban, signed into law in 1994, prevented the sale of weapons like AK-47, Colt AR15s, and UZIs from being sold over the counter at gun dealerships.

“Wow!” said Al-Qaeda operative, Abdul Al-Zaqawi. “This makes my job so much easier. Now I don’t have to worry about sneaking weapons past security checkpoints. I just enter the country through the porous borders and buy my weaponry here. What a country! I wonder if I can get a grenade launcher?”

Presidential Candidate John Kerry expressed concern about the ban lift, stating that most Americans support the ban and that the failure to renew the law is a blatant handout to the pro-Republican gun lobby led by the National Rifle Association (NRA). Kerry said, “George Bush chose to make the job of terrorists easier and make the job of America’s police officers harder, and that’s just plain wrong.”

NRA members scoffed at Kerry’s statements. Justin Martin of Plain River, Iowa, said, “America is all about owning a gun and John Kerry just doesn’t understand that. I need my assault weapon for hunting. You really can’t kill a quail effectively without an UZI.”

Darryl Cooder, of Scarlet Thorax, Texas, said, “Alls I know is that John Kerry hates America. If he thinks I’m gonna give up my assault weapon, he’s got another think coming. I’d rather sleep with my AK-47 than my wife. Hell, I’d marry my gun if I could. Maybe I’ll support that queer marriage thing after all.”

NRA president Charlton Heston, exuberantly proclaimed, “Guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!”

Al-Qaeda Terrorist Mohammed Saif Abdullah expressed not only support for the ban lift, but also for President Bush. “I don’t know why Dick Cheney thinks that Al-Qaeda wants John Kerry to win the election,” he said. “Thanks to George Bush and his invasion of Iraq, we are able to recruit more and more people every day from all over the Muslim world. We are also making progress in winning back Afghanistan. And just look at the gift George Bush just gave us! Maybe we can still get some nuclear weapons. I mean after all, he missed Pakistan giving nuclear secrets to North Korea and Iran. Four more years! Four more years!”

It’s The Size That Counts

The last photo-toon in our zany zealot retrospective features Osama Bin Laden from our October 28, 2007 issue. Yes, relive those glorious years of the Bush Administration when you proved how much you loved America by wearing a flag lapel pin at all times, even in the hot tub. Remember, in America: the bigger, the better.

Al-Qaeda leader and the world's biggest pain in the ass, Osama Bin Laden, released another tape recently where he denied that he was a terrorist.

Oh, It’s Bora Bora…

Continuing with our zany zealot retrospective…we finally switch to the biggest pain in the world’s rear, Osama Bin Laden, who like Saddam Hussein, was a monster created by the United States. He was one of the Afghan freedom fighters against the Soviet occupation that were much heralded by then President Ronald Reagan. The mastermind of the 9/11 attacks and other terrorist attacks around the globe, and the leader of the terrorist group Al-Qaeda hid successfully in Pakistan, our supposed ally, for ten years until President Barack Obama ordered the attack that killed him last year. BTW, we think President Barack Obama has a right to tout the attack. If Dubya can don an enhanced flight suit, land on aircraft carrier and use 9/11 repeatedly for political purposes for his re-election in 2004, then we have no problem with Obama doing the same.

Here’s a photo-toon from our December 5, 2004 issue, when Osama Bin Laden was supposedly hiding in the Tora Bora region in eastern Afghanistan.

Last week, Pakistan intelligence sources revealed Osama Bin Laden isn't in Tora Bora in Afghanistan, he is in Bora Bora in Tahiti.