Rewind: Ashcroft’s Great Cover Up

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

After George W. Bush somehow won re-election in 2004, his Attorney General, bible thumper extraordinaire John Ashcroft, decided to call it quits. As he left the Bush administration, we pondered in our November 21, 2004 issue over his greatest accomplishment (or embarrassment). This man is the only man to lose an election to a dead man in the Senate. Ashcroft championed the Patriot Act and warrantless wiretapping. But his prudishness was unbelievable. Ashcroft was just as uptight as ol’ Puritan Pants Mike Pence. Ashcroft spent eight thousand dollars to shield the Spirit of Justice statue in the Hall of Justice because it showed a boob and he didn’t want to be pictured in front of such a display. American Taliban, indeed! We have no doubt that Ashcroft probably bathes in his long johns so as not to offend himself. What a priggish tool!

John Ashcroft's greatest accomplishment during his tenure as Attorney General was his spending $8,000 dollars to cover up the disgraceful nudity of the Spirit of Justice statue in the Hall of Justice.
John Ashcroft’s greatest accomplishment during his tenure as Attorney General was his spending $8,000 dollars to cover up the disgraceful nudity of the Spirit of Justice statue in the Hall of Justice.

Blake Masters’ Race

A few posts ago we commented on the newsreader who wants to be guvnah in Arizona, the woefully unqualified Trump acolyte Kari Lake. In this post, we’ll discuss the AZ GOP’s candidate for Senator, another Trump Humper named Blake Masters.

Masters is a young venture capitalist who wants to privatize everything like a good, conservative, christian capitalist. His mentor is billionaire venture capitalist Peter Thiel who’s about as right wing as they come. Masters is completely drunk on the election fraud nonsense and has stated that abortion should be banned nationally. He wants to eliminate critical race theory from being taught and blames gun violence on black people. He’s openly suggested that maybe social security should be privatized; not a wise move in a state filled with retired senior citizens. He’s anti-LGBTQ despite his buddy Thiel being a married gay man. We’d say without hesitation that Masters is a right wing, authoritarian, white nationalist fascist. He checks all the boxes and what’s more he’s very proud of it.

We’ve mentioned before about America becoming a corporate theocracy; a Holy Corporate Empire, if you will – and Blake Masters is one hundred percent on board with this kind of transformation. Corporations are authoritarian environments. Corporations are like little dictatorships. The corporation has a CEO and small board of advisers who make all the decisions for the company. If you don’t like the decision, you’re fired. Churches are authoritarian environments. The church has its leader who claims infallibility because he or she talks to God. If you don’t like what the leader has proclaimed, you are evil and one with the devil. Both institutions have very fascist tendencies – do what the leaders say or else. It’s no surprise that the Republican party is filled with these corporatist and religious zealots. They’ve been pushing since the Reagan administration to try and make the government like a corporation. The evangelicals have pretty much taken over the Republican party with their embrace of TFG and planting right wing zealots on the Supreme Court to overturn abortion. We have no doubt if given the chance, Masters would do everything possible to join church and state and corporate America together into a modern day feudal society because . . . you know . . . the Middle Ages were so enlightening and full of freedom for everyone. That’s right, you work during the day, go to church on Sunday and don’t ask questions like good little sheeple until the day you drop dead. Maybe, just maybe, our autocrat overlords will throw a pittance your way as a reward for allowing them to buy yet another car, boat or luxury property. Ahhhh! Unregulated capitalism!

Fortunately, at least for Arizona, he’s running against centrist Democrat Mark Kelly who’s about as likable as they come. Independents love him and moderate Republicans do, too. And what’s not to like; he’s an ex-Navy pilot, an engineer and he’s an ex-astronaut. Not only that, he’s done an impressive job in his two years as Senator helping get many legislative packages through Congress. And he’s voted with Republicans enough so that he’s not viewed as completely partisan.

Masters is behind in the polls and he’s desperately trying to backtrack on his abortion , election fraud and social security comments. With the DOJ’s case against TFG becoming more evident, it looks like his attraction to the crooked and traitorous Trump could sink him like a stone. Of course, there are a lot of MAGA morons here in Arizona which could make the race closer than it should be. Hopefully, there are enough competent election officials with ethics and morals who will make sure that radical right wing Republicans don’t try some kind of Trumpf*ckery to get MAGA candidates elected.

Arizona GOP Senate candidate Blake Masters states America should be a corporate theocracy, a.k.a. a Holy Corporate Empire, so that we can all make money for our capitalist masters until the day we drop dead.
Arizona GOP Senate candidate Blake Masters states America should be a corporate theocracy, a.k.a. a Holy Corporate Empire, so that we can all make money for our capitalist masters until the day we drop dead.

Go Nuts, Women!

The Jan. 6th hearings have begun and the committee members seem to be doing a good job of laying the groundwork that the Capitol riots were indeed an attempted coup (like we all know it was) and not a friendly, little tourist visit like TFG and his gaslighting Republicans sheeple claim it was. Will it lead to the lying, orange-haired megalomaniac and some of his henchman actually paying for their crimes and going to prison? Unfortunately, we’re pretty skeptical on that.

But as if on cue, the Supreme Court decided to take the attention off of Trump’s culpability by finally overturning Roe v. Wade and setting women’s rights back a half century. We’ve commented many times about a woman’s right to have autonomy over her own body. This seems straightforward to us here at the Bucket and we’re guys. Maybe if the situation is presented in a different way, then maybe the authoritarian christian conservatives who want to rule over every aspect of our lives with an iron fist will understand. Here goes! The uterus is a part of a woman’s body. The testes are parts of a man’s body. It stands to reason that if a man can control a woman’s uterus, then a woman should be able to control a man’s testes. Since the ultra conservative Supreme Court has also expanded concealed gun rights and firearms are pretty much free for the taking here in America, maybe women should start blasting some nuts of these sanctimonious assholes to make a point. Then maybe they’d understand that a person should be able to control their own bodies. We say GO NUTS, WOMEN!!!

In light of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade and expanding gun rights, it stands to reason that if a man can control a woman's uterus, then a woman can control a man's testes. Go nuts, women!
In light of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade and expanding gun rights, it stands to reason that if a man can control a woman’s uterus, then a woman can control a man’s testes. Go nuts, women!

The Ignominious MTHead

The up and coming Republicans in the House of Representative are notorious for one reason – they’re all colossally stupid. Take Matt Gaetz … please. Much like his mentor TFG, Gaetz makes ten inane comments each day before breakfast. Then there is Colorado’s answer to Sarah Palin, Lauren Boobert (misspelling intended). She thinks she’s actually in the same class as AOC, but her comments and actions say otherwise. But the biggest ass on the GOP’s team has to Marjorie Taylor Greene, a.k.a. MTG or as she should be called MTHead. This living relic of Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons mating has collected an astonishing collection of insipid statements in just less than two years of serving as a representative for Georgia’s 14th district which covers the northwest corner of the state.

Just how dumb is this woman? Here’s just a partial summary of her stupidity. MTHead stated that the 2018 California wildfires was started by Jewish space lasers. MTHead stated that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi uses her gazpacho (instead of Gestapo) police in order to spy on House members. MTHead was stripped of committee assignments because she spread QAnon conspiracy theories and incited violence against Democrats. MTHead has repeatedly called coronavirus a hoax and proudly spread anti-vaccine disinformation which won her a ban from Twitter. MTHead has been at the forefront of supporting TFG’s big lie about non-existent election fraud. MTHead has openly supported Russia’s dictator Vlad Putin in his illegal war against Ukraine. MTHead is famously pro-gun and anti-abortion. Her latest of countless gaffes is her conspiracy about Bill Gates forcing us to eat burgers made in peach tree dishes (instead of petri dishes). Holy Freaking Zeus, folks!!! This woman is a complete train wreck!!! What a MORON!!!

Unfortunately, the problem is that the district MTHead represents is heavily right wing conservative Republican. She just handily won her primary and looks to be a shoo-in for another two years despite being possibly the stupidest Congressperson in history. We know one thing: we will never visit that section of Georgia. The people who would elect this imbecile are not worth knowing.

The dull, ovine stare, Neanderthal head shape and insipid commentary on Jewish space lasers, gazpacho police and peach tree dishes indicate that Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia's 14th district may be the stupidest member of the U.S. House of Representatives ever.
The dull, ovine stare, Neanderthal head shape and insipid commentary on Jewish space lasers, gazpacho police and peach tree dishes indicate that Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia’s 14th district may be the stupidest member of the U.S. House of Representatives ever.

GOP Baby Factories – a.k.a. Women

The right-wing dominated Supreme Court has shown their true intentions about abortion rights by recently letting stand severe abortion bans in Texas and Mississippi. We’ve been screaming about their intentions for years here at the Bucket. States with Republican leadership ranging from bible thumping states like South Dakota and Alabama to our home state of Arizona have been slowly chipping away at abortion rights over the last twenty years. Religious zealots have seized control of state and federal government and forced their horribly archaic, first century viewpoints upon the citizenry of the country because these holy huckster bible thumpers still view the woman as nothing more than a baby factory. If these people were truly pro-life, they’d realize that the woman’s life should come first. But then hypocrisy does seem to be commonplace with these sheeple. They claim to be pro-life but then fervently support gun rights. They claim to be pro-life but then violently protest getting a life saving vaccine against a disease that has claimed over 800,000 people in the US and over 5 million word wide.

We’re re-posting a photo-toon from January 11, 2006 when ol’ Dubya nominated Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. This was the beginning of the end because since then, Alito, Thomas, Kavanaugh and Coney Barrett (the Handmaiden’s Justice) have formed a staunch conservative religious bloc on the court that not only wants to force women through unwanted pregnancies but also to knock down the wall between church and state, thus forcing all of us to adhere to outdated, biblical philosophy whether we like it or not. Like we’ve stated before, we’re regressing rapidly toward America becoming the Holy Corporate Empire.

Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito displays the only tool (a wire hanger)which will enable a woman to terminate a pregnancy once he's on the bench.
Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito displays the only tool which will enable a woman to terminate a pregnancy once he’s on the bench.

The Handmaiden Justice

While many Americans need desperate relief from the disastrous effects of the on-going coronavirus pandemic, what do the Senate Republicans do? They hold confirmation hearing for their super religious handmaiden justice candidate, Amy Coney Barrett. In the first week of hearings, Ms. Barrett certainly did nothing to allay Democrats’ fears about her abolishing abortion rights, LGBTQ rights, voting rights, delaying the election, eliminating Obamacare and blocking any kind of legislation for regulating climate change. She repeated didn’t answer Democrats’ questions pertaining to these subjects. Propagandists over at Fox Propaganda Network openly proclaimed that her notebook was blank, meaning she was so sharp she didn’t need notes. Well, when you don’t answer any of the Democratic Senators’ questions, we guess you don’t need any notes. As far as we’re concerned, her brain was as blank as her notebook and her sanctimonious, holier-than-thou stare.

But there is little the Democrats can do. Ms. Barrett’s confirmation is pretty much a done deal and it will probably put her on the bench right before Election Day. Gee, how convenient! And Republicans keep stating over and over that they’re worried about Joe Biden packing the court if he gets elected when that’s exactly what they’ve done for the past twenty years. Al Gore won the popular vote in 2000 and yet George W. Bush got to pick two conservative justices (Roberts and Alito). Hillary Clinton won the popular vote in 2016 and yet Donald Trump got to pick three conservative judges (Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and now Barrett), not to mention Mitch McConnell refusing to hold confirmation hearings for Merrick Garland, who should rightfully be occupying a seat on the Court. So that’s five conservative judges where there should have been five left leaning or moderate judges; all stolen by Republican shenanigans the past twenty years.

We’ve got a lot of problems with Ms. Barrett’s confirmation and the main reason is because she is obviously very religious and will no doubt let her religious brain washing influence her decision making. Confession time: Editor-in-chief Dex Rexter was raised catholic (and is happily far removed from that ‘cult’, as he calls it) and knows very well the holier-than-thou type that Ms. Barrett obviously is. When Ms. Barrett refused to answer questions and gave the world her blank stare, this is a typical reaction of everyone who was raised catholic and is questioned about their beliefs. All christians are taught to have the victim mentality, meaning that whenever they are questioned about their beliefs or faith, they envision themselves as martyrs; St. Sebastian tied up, pierced with arrows or St. Joan of Arc being burned at the stake. The questions don’t matter because in her brain washed mind, she is doing God’s work and everyone who rightfully questions underlying motives are just heathens slinging their arrows and swinging their torches. This God Delusion (see Richard Dawkins), is enormously dangerous for sane, logical, rational people with education based on scientific facts and reasoning. We’ve mentioned this before; the people who wrote the bible knew nothing compared to what we modern day humans know. The biblical 1st century database is minute compared to the colossal 21st century database chock full of scientific facts and data. Why anyone would still let dogma written before the 19th century influence their lives is beyond comprehension. The only behavioral rule people need to follow is the law of reciprocity or the golden rule, which pre-dates the foundations of judasim, chrisitianity and islam. The ten commandments are just the golden rule stated ten times.

So there you have it. The modern day handmaiden Amy Coney Barrett will stomp all over Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s legacy and more than likely mark the return of back alley abortions, make it tougher for people to afford healthcare, ignore and vilify scientific consensus and make it difficult for any person who is different (translation: anyone who isn’t a straight christian) to get a break in America. Of course, if she is confirmed before election day, she may even rule, with her fellow religious, conservative zealots on the bench, that Donald Trump will somehow get to stay President even though he and all his Republican sycophants are getting slammed in the polls and could be in for a blood bath on election day. Like we’ve said before; get ready for the Holy Corporate Empire, folks.

With a blank notebook, stare and brain, Supreme Court nominee and modern day handmaiden Amy Coney Barrett proudly announces her desire to implement outdated, regressive 1st century dogma on a 21st century society as Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence becomes overstimulated.
With a blank notebook, stare and brain, Supreme Court nominee and modern day handmaiden Amy Coney Barrett proudly announces her desire to implement outdated, regressive 1st century dogma on a 21st century society as Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence becomes overstimulated.