Rewind: WMDs In North Dakota?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Here’s our very first article from our May 19, 2003 issue. Back then the Republicans had just invaded Iraq on the false claim that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction. This gave rise to the imperialistic Bush Doctrine which states that the United States has the right to invade a country if they are suspected of having WMDs or being a threat in any way, which opens up a host of possibilities for abuse of power and violation of civil liberties. But that doesn’t matter to the authoritarian Republicans as Bush Press Secretary Ari Fleischer proved by repeatedly doing his impersonation of a Stasi agent telling people they should watch what they say. So basically, the Republicans haven’t changed since 2003, they’re just exposed thanks to Trump and the attempted Jan. 6th insurrection to overthrow the government.

Bush Says North Dakota Has Weapons of Mass Destruction

President George Bush said today in an emergency press conference that he suspects North Dakota may have weapons of mass destruction and that he will push for complete disarmament or he will invade.

“Our intelligence has detected missile silos in North Dakota,” said Bush. “They have become a menace to the world. Their leader is worst than Hitler! I’ve seen footage of people being fed into wood chippers. If we do not stop them, a nuculyar castastr…catatat…boom-boom could happen. If they do not disarm, we will invade in twenty four hours.”

Jarrod Dayson, an alert reporter from Newsblog then reminded the president that North Dakota was in the United States and that the missile silos housed American nuclear weapons. Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, then interrupted the president, whispered into his ear and rushed him from the stage. He then commandeered the press conference explaining, “I apologize for the president’s latest statements. He awoke early from his nap and was having nightmares after watching the movie Fargo last night. North Dakota is a wonderful state and Governor Hoeven is not worse than Hitler. He was just repeating statements that he heard Bill Clinton say when he was president. Thank you.”

Fleischer then barred Dayson from any further press conferences stating in an irritated tone, “How dare he question the president of the United States! He must be for terrorism!” Forces from Homeland Security appeared and ushered Dayson on a plane to Guantanamo Bay.

Headlines Revisited

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

From 2003 to 2009, we featured many great headlines in our webzine. We’ve already posted many in our Headlines category. Here are a few more we’ve dug up from the year 2003.

Self Absorbed Actress Smitten By Self Absorbed Actor
Dr. Phil Loses It: Advises Couple To Kill Each Other
Loser Laments Being Hated: Vows To Eat Some Worms
Scientists Clone A Horse, Of Course, Of Course
Iraq News: Ba’ath Party Out, Shower Party In

Rewind: The First Photo-Toons

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Our first post in our retrospective features our first two photo-toons from 2003. If you remember, we had just invaded and taken over Iraq. Saddam Hussein had eluded American forces and was on the run. On the legal front, the Patriot Act had been passed after 9/11 and was threatening all sorts of freedoms in the name of national security. The first toon from our June 19, 2003 issue features former Attorney General from the Bush era, authoritarian bible-thumper and Patriot Act cheerleader John Ashcroft showing off a proud purchase he made on that new website called E-bay. The second from our July 3, 2003 issue features former President and super sleuth George W. Bush boldly stating that he’ll leave no stone unturned in pursuit of Saddam Hussein, at least as long as Iraq’s leader isn’t in the same room. As you can see, our first photo-toons were simple photoshop jobbies with no word bubbles and basic, mildly humorous jabs. We’ve come a long ways since then.

Attorney General and bible thumper extraordinaire John Ashcroft shows off the Vintage 1973 Playboy he won on eBay.
Attorney General and bible thumper extraordinaire John Ashcroft shows off the Vintage 1973 Playboy he won on eBay.
President Bush vows to leave no stone unturned in his quest to find Saddam Hussein.
President Bush vows to leave no stone unturned in his quest to find Saddam Hussein.

20 Years Of Shoveling It To The Public

The new year has started and already the Republicans have restored dysfunction to the House of Representatives. We’re actually getting sick of pointing out the stupidity of the GOP because we’ve been doing it for the past twenty years. That’s right, folks. The Bilge Bucket Gazette, the site that shovels it to the public just like the regular corporate media, celebrates its 20th anniversary this year. Of course, back when we started on May 19, 2003 (or aught 3 as old codger staff member Chester Einstein puts it) it was Dubya, Uncle Dick, Rummy and their cast of greedy, neoconservative corporate lackeys who were causing the chaos on the world stage by setting America up for the quagmire in Afghanistan and the clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War while simultaneously helping bring about the Great Recession with little to no opposition from the Democrats. Since then, Republicans have lurched so far to the right that they brag about being fascist, are open in their admiration of Nazis and have openly tried to overturn legitimate democratic elections. We’ve made many a satirical photo-toon over the years blasting them about their greed, corporatism, racism, fascism, white christian nationalism and now they’re exposed, openly proud of the fact they want to rid America of democracy. They have truly broken satire.

When we first started out we wanted to be a poor man’s Onion. We wanted to be a web site that offered a wide spectrum of irreverent social, corporate, political, sports, religion and celebrity satire and humor that would be, as editor Dex Rexter put it, “1/20th as funny as the Onion”. But the Republicans were so bad that we morphed into being mostly an anti-Republican, anti-conservative, anti-religion, anti-racist and anti-fascist web site.

Since we’re sick of the current asshole Republicans, the Democrats seem to be letting the GOP getting away with overturning democracy and it’s our 20th anniversary, we’ve decided that in the coming months we’d retrospectively look at the spectacular debacle that was the Dubya years – the disastrous administration that started the Republican’s slide into insanity. We’re also going to honor our original humble intentions and repost some our non- political articles, photo-toons, polls, lists and other scchhttufffff. Back in aught 3, we had a basic html site as you can see by our posted screenshot below (there’s elegance in simplicity). The first two issues were only articles and headlines – our first photo-toon didn’t appear until our third issue. We also released more regularly, mostly on an every other week basis. We changed the look-and-feel in late 2005. After Obama won in 2008, we took a two year hiatus starting in June 2009. Then in July 2011 we converted everything to a much more convenient WordPress blog format that we still have today. But our original material was archived and we’ve only reposted selected articles, headlines, photo-toons and other material from the early years since then. We’ve also had staff come and go and we’ll repost some of their articles and contributions as well.

So, let’s enjoy the trip down memory lane as we look back at the Dubya years (2003-2009) on the 20th anniversary of the Bilge Bucket Gazette.

Behold! A screenshot of the very first issue of the BilgeBucket Gazette on May 19, 2003 - a day that will live in infamy.
Behold! A screenshot of the very first issue of the BilgeBucket Gazette on May 19, 2003 – a day that will live in infamy.