Paul Ryan made big news recently by announcing that he will not be seeking re-election for his congressional seat, thus ending his reign of mediocrity as Speaker of the House. Of course, this is after he emphatically denied rumors he was going to resign. We’ve had nothing but contempt for this Ayn Rand acolyte ever since he was Spiff Romney’s vice-presidential choice back in 2012. Go ahead: check our archives. Now, claiming that he wants to ‘spend more time with his family’, it’s obvious that he wants to jump clear of the exploding clusterf*ck that is the Trump administration, which he supported despite weak and ineffectual statements to the contrary.
Ryan proudly claims that he’s achieved what he wanted to do so it’s time to go home. But his dubious achievement is a tax cut which will only benefit the wealthiest Americans, add 1.9 trillion dollars to the deficit and burden most Americans in the future with the bill that they really can’t afford. This from a supposed fiscal hawk who cried and whined that Obama was adding to the deficit with Obamacare and then when Republicans seized power, they immediately augment it. So between Bush’s idiotic war in Iraq and Trump’s tax cuts, we’re talking close to four trillion dollars added to the deficit by Republicans, who are supposed to be the masters at fiscal responsibility. What a bunch of hypocrites!
Paul Ryan has been nothing but a lackey for the plutocrats of corporate America. We here at the Bucket would just like to say good riddance and don’t let the door hit your greedy, feckless ass on the way out.
Speaker of the House and corporate lackey, Paul Ryan, has achieved his dream of giving plutocrats a huge tax break while burdening America with debilitating debt for decades to come, so he plans to jump off the sinking ship that is the Trump administration like the vile rat he is.
John Bolton Softens His Image
The obvious first choice was to make John Bolton look like the other famous Bolton in America, singer Michael Bolton. We thought the long locks, smoldering eyes and sex appeal of Michael would transfer well to John. We were wrong. Next!
Next!!!!!
We decided to try to make John Bolton more fluffy and lovable and who is more fluffy and lovable than the Easter Bunny. Well this just plain frightened our test group, which was made up of mostly children. I’m pretty sure they’ll probably have nightmares for the remainders of their lives. Next!
The makeover was going downhill quicker than Bill O’Reilly’s ‘War on Christmas’, so I called in makeover diva, Tyra Banks, as a consultant. Tyra is known for her ‘fierce’ makeovers, but this look just creeped everyone out. Next! Hurry!
WINNER! We fired Tyra immediately, but she was on the right track. Who’s more non-threatening in a masculine-feminine way than Dame Edna. This look will put his fellow ambassadors at ease and bring laughter and love to the entire United Nations.
