Archive for September 29, 2013

Snooze Cruz

The talk of this past week is all about Texas junior Senator Ted Cruz’s 21 hour filibuster (or filibluster) to oppose Obamacare. Jon Stewart humorously covered the filibuster fiasco quite nicely on the Daily Show. Ted Cruz is the perfect picture of today’s modern Republican Teabagger: smug, self-satisfied and completely clueless. Look at his pictures on the internet. Have you ever seen a smugger puss in your life?   Even Republicans aren’t fond of this guy. And this former Canadian has Presidential ambitions, too. We here at the Bucket have a solution. Why doesn’t Texas secede from the United States and Ted Cruz can be President of the new Lone Star Republic. It’s win-win for everybody. Texas becomes it’s own country with one of it’s own as it’s God-fearing, conservative leader and America gets rid of one seriously crazy, wack-a-doodle politician and the irritating state that gave us Dubya, Rick Perry and the most annoying slogan of all time, “Don’t Mess With Texas”.

Texas Senator and Tea Party darling, Ted Cruz, impresses some admiring Teabaggers with his compassionate words of wisdom.

Rewind: Condi’s Hot Tub

Have you ever noticed that you rarely see a conservative, christian Republican male not dressed in a suit and tie. Sure there have been exceptions: St. Ronald Reagan photo-oping himself as the Marlboro Man out on his California ranch; Dubya photo-oping himself riding around in his pick up truck, wearing a t-shirt, jeans and cowboy hat ‘clearing brush’ (because that’s what all manly men like to do on their vacations); and of course Spiff Romney photo-oping, wearing his blue denim button down shirt with the top button opened up just enough so we can see the top of his t-shirt (or it might have been his magic, Mormon undergarment). It’s no secret that many religious conservatives (not only christians) are repressed about sex and about their bodies. Some can’t even say the words penis or vagina without turning fifteen shades of crimson. Some even cover themselves up at all times…even in the hot tub???

Here’s a photo-toon from our April 11, 2004 issue just after Condoleezza Rice bamboozled the 9/11 commission, showing what kind of wanton antics happen when conservatives get their phreak on. Just don’t get your ties too wet guys.

Condoleezza Rice celebrates her bamboozling of the 9/11 commission by relaxing in the hot tub, conservative style, with other members of the Bush Administration. From left: Rice, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz. Front: President Bush.

Poor Wittle Baby

Georgia GOP Representative Phil Gingrey whined recently in a meeting about being stuck in Congress making $172k a year, while his staff can go out and get rich as lobbyists. All together now…Aaaaahhhhhhh! Poor wittle Phillie Gingrey!!! He can’t make it on just $172,000 a year! This would normally just be another of the myriads of examples of crybaby Republicans not getting their way, but what makes this even more profoundly disturbing is that these so called ‘compassionate conservatives’ just voted to cut funding for food stamps. So to review from events this past week: House Republicans say we’ve got money to go to war in Syria, but no money to feed our own citizens. Yessirree, that Jesus-like compassion is shining right through.

GOP Representative and well known pauper, Phil Gingrey, shows Jesus-like compassion for the poor and downtrodden.

McCain’s Poker Face

Arizona Senator John McCain, the man who gave us Sarah Palin, was caught last week playing online poker on his iPhone. What’s the big deal right? Well, it happened to be during a hearing about military intervention in Syria. But the kicker was that, later in the week, he had the audacity to suggest that Obama could be impeached for putting ‘boots on the ground’ in Syria. This from an ex-military man who has supported not only military intervention in Syria, but bombing Iran (to a Beach Boys tune no less) and the clusterf*ck that was the Iraq War. Talk about your mixed messages. Just think if McCain would’ve gotten into office. We might have our military in four, five or six different countries in the Middle East by now. We’re thinking that maybe it’s time for the good Senator to retire to one of his eight or ten or twenty houses that he owns so he can play online poker full time.

Senator John McCain shows off his only discernible remaining skill: playing online poker.

Diplomacy Is So Wimpy

President Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry are making the case for taking limited military action against Syria for allegedly using chemical weapons on it’s own people. We’re not sure more military action in the Middle East is wise at this time but what’s most disturbing is one of the reasons stated by our illustrious Democratic and Republican leaders: that we need to take action because we don’t want to look wimpy. Really? This is an important reason for taking military action in a hotbed of civil unrest? We don’t want to look wimpy???!!!  Right, diplomacy is so wimpy. Gee, don’t forget we want to impress the cheerleaders and cool kids, too. We’ve come to expect this grade school reasoning from Republicans, but come on President Obama and John Kerry! Screw using our tax money on jobs, employment, infrastructure and education IN THIS COUNTRY!!! Let’s get into another Middle Eastern quagmire, because we don’t want to look wimpy. Geez, you can almost see the marionette strings on our leaders as they are being manipulated by the military industrial complex.

President Obama explains the importance of looking tough to avoid the painful wedgies and swirlies which may follow from trying to use wimpy diplomacy.



The Whole System Is Out Of Order

Another one from the “You’ve Got to be Kidding” file. It appears that President Obama’s new idols are the members of the Bush Administration. Recently, it was reported that the Obama Administration’s Department of Justice wants to grant immunity to the Bush Administration for war crimes in Iraq even though the Republicans will no doubt continue to kick the President in the teeth on anything he may want to accomplish. Something is rotten in Washington and in the media (as if we didn’t know already). In the past year, we’ve seen Dubya re-emerge into the public spotlight as an ‘enlightened’ artist, polls that indicate that people are starting to view the Bush presidency favorably, and even that more Republicans in Louisiana are blaming Obama for the sad response to Hurricane Katrina (see previous post), even though it was three and half years before he took office. Not only that, whistleblower Bradley/Chelsea Manning is a criminal for exposing government lies and the Bush Administration is getting a free pass for lying to the public and getting us involved in the clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War. The next thing you know, the Obama Administration will want to go to war with another country in the Middle East because, based on intelligence, they may have weapons of mass destruction. Oh….right….Syria. Didn’t we do this crap already and it ended badly for us? Like a trillion dollars in the hole, bad. Oh well, chalk up another win for the military-industrial complex. War is just good business!

President Obama shows his unrequited love for the Bush Administration.