Festivus is officially celebrated on December 23rd…so we’re late a couple days. Happy Festivus to everyone, especially Bill O’Reilly!
Month: December 2013
Celebrate Christmas or Die!
Do you need a last minute holiday gift? You came to the right place! Fox News talk show host Bill O’Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has released a new book just in time for you to buy it and stuff it… in your stocking for Christmas, Festivus or whatever the hell holiday you celebrate this time of year. He gives key strategies on dealing with people who have non-Christian ideologies and how to beat the holy hell out them, all in the joyous spirit of the season. And with a foreward by Ms. Ubetcha, how can anyone refuse!
Top Holiday Gifts For 2013
The holiday season is in full swing. If you haven’t spent yourself into bankruptcy yet and are still looking for the right gift for that special someone in your life, look no further. Our intrepid staff has conveniently compiled a list of the hot “gotta have it” items for this years holiday season. Take this to the mall and don’t forget your helmet, spiked gloves and shoulder pads. Holiday shopping is dangerous!
- An Official Miley Cyrus Foam Finger
- A painting by George W. Bush of George W. Bush in the bathtub
- ‘Moby Dick’ by Rand Paul
- The NSA Super Snooper Spy Kit – For Kids
- Ted Cruz’s new fragrance: Arrogant Ass
- A lump of coal autographed by Dick Cheney
- ‘The Great Gatsby’ by Rand Paul
- Sarah Palin’s Book ‘Good Tidings and Great Joy’ Yule Log
- ‘Kwanzaa For Dummies’ by Paula Deen
- A Carlos Danger Action Figure with Realistic Twerkin’ Motion
- Walter White’s Meth Starter Kit – For Kids
- ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Rand Paul
- A ‘Jesus was a Liberal’ T-Shirt (blatant capitalistic plug)
- Guns, guns and more guns
- Healthcare
Holiday Conversations At The Mall
iPads, iPhones, Androids and other mobile devices are everywhere and you can really observe this when you go xmas shopping your nearest mall. In the olden days, one might turn to the person shopping next to them or standing in line and start a conversation. Now, everyone is having conversations… on their cell phones. They’re chatting with their best friends about the bargains they’re seeing or they’ve got their heads down gazing at their smart phones checking their all important Facebook status. Happy Holidays folks, but please don’t talk to us…we’re playing Angry Birds.
Baby Talk, Baby Talk
Well it’s the holiday season so that means that it’s time to go out and shop for all your loved ones. So what should you get your baby or toddler this year. Skip the toys, dolls and stuffed animals. We think there’s no better gift to give your infant than a cell phone and bluetooth. Mobile devices are ubiquitous these days and you might as well get your little one wired up as soon as possible because there is nothing more important in life than staying connected to the grid.
