Archive for Headlines

More Aught 5 Headlines

More headlines from aught 5. No groaning, please.

Martha Stewart Released From Prison: Terror Alert Raised To Red
Local Couple Vacations In Des Moines: Sez “We’ve Been Craving Boredom”
Lil’ Kim To Do A Lil’ Time
Chicken Rancher Crows About Prize Winning Cock
Bush Enlists Shark Boy and Lava Girl To Fight Terrorists

Aught 5 Headlines

More headlines, this time from ’05 (or aught 5 as us grizzled old desert rats say).

Aniston, Pitt Split: Life As We Know It Likely Over
Meaning Of Life Revealed In Ashlee Simpson Song
Bush Proposes $80 Gazillion More Dollars For Iraq: Vows To Remove Troops By 22nd Century
Rumsfeld Launches New Fragrance: Rummy
MLB’s Angels Rename Team: Now Called The Amazing Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Located In The Trendy California County Of Orange In The Awesome Country Of The United States Of America

Headlines, Get Your Headlines

More headlines from that glorious year 2004.

New Clinton Library Has Smokin’ Hot Adult Section
BilgeBucket Gazette Predicts Nader Landslide
Local Tabby Gets Cat Scan
Intelligence Is Major Concern For Bush
Dan Quayle Endorses Bush: Sez “He’s Smarte!”

Headline Hit Parade

Continuing with the headline hit parade from 2004.

Bush’s Solution For Rising Healthcare Costs: Don’t Get Sick
Goodfellas Cast Reunites For Nostalgic Dinner And Whacking
Gambling Vampire Dreads High Stakes Poker
Local Nerd Spends Weekend Playing With Palm
Cheney Jealous Of Trump Nickname: Wants To Be Called ‘The Dick’

It’s Time for Headlines

Here are even more thought provoking headlines from 2004.

Rumsfeld Reveals His Idol Is Cody Banks
Method Man Method Acts
Porn Industry Could Be Screwed
Local Tinker Gives A Damn
Shocking News: Baghdad Tourism Lagging

Headlines Again

Here are some more hilarious, funny, mildly smile-inducing headlines from 2004.

Bush Outsources Presidency To India
Local Man Puts Off Procrastinating Until Tomorrow
Shocking News: Oprah On Cover Of O Magazine!!!
Poll Shows Americans Hate Polls
Local Man Hangs Out At Nudist Beach

Headlines Circa 2004

Here are some headlines from 2004…

Tony Robbins Infomercial Motivates Man To Change Channels
Pyromaniac Starts Dating Old Flame
Congress Passes Resolution That God Bless America Only
Shelter Opens For Battered Fish
Pete Rose Bets That Baseball Reinstates Him

Even More Headlines

Even more amusing headlines from 2003…

Local Locksmith Concocts Lame-Ass ‘Locktoberfest’ Promotion
Fun Size Candy Bar Not All That Fun
Local Visigoth Sacks Groceries
Tennis Star Indicted For Racketeering
Kalamazoo Man Doesn’t Love Raymond

More Headlines

More headline fun from 2003…

Bush Invites Other Countries To Join The Fun In Iraq
Taco Stand Suspiciously Located Next To Pet Cemetery
Equipment Manager Missing Balls
Inquisitive Boss To Probe Secretary
Michael Savage Creates Line Of Hello Kitty Greeting Cards

Headlines, We Got Headlines

From 2003 to 2009, we featured many great headlines in our webzine. We’re going to present some of our favorites again for old times sake this summer. Here are a few we like from the year 2003.

Local Man Swears to God He’s Atheist
Local Dog Farts: Blames It On Master
Local Cat Needs Rest After Brutal Nap
Clueless Man Wipes Hole In The Ground
Yankees Pitcher Refutes Claims Of Belly Itching