Archive for March 23, 2018

Fox News: GOP Propaganda Machine

It’s hard to keep up with the flak generator that is the Trump administration, but this piece of news is straight from the DUH file.

In a bombshell, retired Army lieutenant colonel and news analyst, Ralph Peters, quit Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network. In a scathing statement, Peters said “In my view, Fox has degenerated from providing a legitimate and much-needed outlet for conservative voices to a mere propaganda machine for a destructive and ethically ruinous administration.” Peters went on to lament on how the Fox anchors now shamelessly “dismiss facts and empirical reality to launch profoundly dishonest assaults on the F.B.I., the Justice Department, the courts, the intelligence community (in which I served) and, not least, a model public servant and genuine war hero such as Robert Mueller.” Wow! And this is from an ultra conservative hawk who thought the clusterf*ck Iraq War was a good idea, and called Obama a pussy. Of course, Fox News has obviously been spewing Republican Party propaganda since it’s inception over twenty years ago. This is crystal clear to anyone with half a brain. Hence, the DUH.

We’re not saying we like Peters now…far from it. It’s just that Trump and his propaganda channel are now officially so pathetic that staunchly conservative Republicans are abandoning ship or as Peters put it, he could not “in good conscience” remain with a network that “is now wittingly harming our system of government for profit.”

Conservative pundit, Ralph Peters, a.k.a. Captain Obvious, shocks the world by declaring Fox News to be nothing more than a propaganda machine for American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his gang of Republican party lackeys hellbent on destroying the government for fun and profit.

Conservative pundit, Ralph Peters, a.k.a. Captain Obvious, shocks the world by declaring Fox News to be nothing more than a propaganda machine for American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his gang of Republican party lackeys.

DeVos: Secretary Of MisEducation

Like every week in the Trump era, there is just an ungodly amount of shit to process. We’ve had a Rexit already this week, more Stormy Daniels news and the GOP in the House completely lost all credibility by pronouncing that Russia didn’t collude with Trump in the 2016 election. But also, Secretary of Education (or MisEducation), Betsy DeVos gave a universally panned interview with 60 minutes Saturday where she exposed her incompetence for all to see. It’s truly stunning to see such ineptitude on a national level but hey…this is the Trump administration.

Trump’s cabinet is truly a clusterf*ck of clowns – Pruitt, Zinke, Perry, Carson, etc… The scary thing is that while Trump provides cover with hourly feats of colossal stupidity, the underlings, like DeVos, are quietly dismantling our government. Like we’ve said before, the Republicans don’t want small government, they want no government.

Betsy DeVos explains that funding schools less will lead to improvement is as obvious as 2+2=5, Detroit is capital of Michigan and Donald Trump is the bestest president ever.

Secretary of (Mis)Education, Betsy DeVos, explains in elementary terms how truly incompetent she is.

Rewind: John Bolton’s Image Makeover

The exodus of personnel from the disaster that is the Trump White House continues. Rumor has it that NSA advisor, H.R. McMaster, one of the few competent people in the Trump administration, is heading for the hills. The scuttlebutt is that everyone’s favorite mustachioed, hate filled, crusty curmudgeon, former United Nations Ambassador during the Bush Administration, John Bolton, is being considered for the NSA position. Bolton is an unabashed warmonger and would be disastrous not only for the country but for the world.

Back during Dubya’s days in the White House, we had a regular feature here at the Bucket called Probing Inquiries. Bolton definitely had an image problem (and still does) and desperately needed an image makeover so he’d appeal to a wider swath of Americans. How’d it turn out? You be the judge.

This is from our January 11, 2006 issue.

Probing Inquiries

Fantasticus - BilgeBucket GazetteJohn Bolton Softens His Image

The new controversial U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, recently hired a crew to completely makeover his image from a grizzled curmudgeon to a softer, more amiable statesman. Leader of the makeover team, world renowned fashion consultant Fantasticus, who is also responsible for the stylish makeovers of Katie Couric, Condoleezza Rice and Prince Charles’ polo horse Skippy, describes the different looks considered in the makeover odyssey. The final result will surely make John Bolton the most loveable U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations ever!

John Bolton with a Michael Bolton makeover.The obvious first choice was to make John Bolton look like the other famous Bolton in America, singer Michael Bolton. We thought the long locks, smoldering eyes and sex appeal of Michael would transfer well to John. We were wrong. Next!

 

 

 

 

 

John Bolton with a Donald Trump makeover.Next!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John Bolton with an Easter Bunny makeover.We decided to try to make John Bolton more fluffy and lovable and who is more fluffy and lovable than the Easter Bunny. Well this just plain frightened our test group, which was made up of mostly children. I’m pretty sure they’ll probably have nightmares for the remainders of their lives. Next!

 

 

 

 

John Bolton with a Tyra Banks makeoverThe makeover was going downhill quicker than Bill O’Reilly’s ‘War on Christmas’, so I called in makeover diva, Tyra Banks, as a consultant. Tyra is known for her ‘fierce’ makeovers, but this look just creeped everyone out. Next! Hurry!

 

 

 

 

 

John Bolton with a Dame Edna makeover.WINNER! We fired Tyra immediately, but she was on the right track. Who’s more non-threatening in a masculine-feminine way than Dame Edna. This look will put his fellow ambassadors at ease and bring laughter and love to the entire United Nations.