Tag Archive for Republican

Rewind: GOP – The Party Of Moral Values?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

The whole purpose of our 20th anniversary retrospective is to show that the Republicans haven’t just shifted to the right with TFG. They’ve been trying to make America a christian theocracy ruled by corporate America since the Bush administration. The leaders of the GOP want people to be mindless sheeple who blindly obey their leaders, work without complaint no matter what the hours, and consume corporate America’s products like automatons until they drop dead, broke and drowning in debt. So bible thumper creationist Mike Johnson coming to the fore should not be a surprise. It’s business as usual for the Republican syndicate. But it’s business as usual for Democrats as well as they’re doing now what they did in 2006; standing by and watching the Republicans self-destruct and hoping that the electorate will notice.

This article is from our July 7, 2006 edition.

House GOP Ready To Shove Values Agenda Down America’s Throat

Republican members of the House of Representatives recently released a series of bills it is calling ‘The American Values Agenda’ in hopes of energizing it’s conservative base for the fall 2006 elections. Already the first item, protecting the word ‘under God’ in the pledge of allegiance, has already gone down to defeat.

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert commented on the initiative. “We feel that this is a necessity as a signal to our conservative base that we’re ready to ram the ideology of a minority of wealthy, religious individuals down the throats of the rest of America. And since this minority has a lot of bucks, we’re going to basically push these items through and character assassinate anyone who stands in our way.”

Among the gritty, pressing issues tackled by House Republicans; a vital flag-burning amendment, a crucial anti-gay marriage amendment, and an urgent cracking down on Internet gambling. Other serious topics to be considered include: protecting insurance companies from frivolous claims from greedy hurricane victims; protecting frozen embryos from evil stem cell researchers; abolishing the completely unfair estate tax which affects a whopping one percent of the population; making sure that every citizen can own and properly use an AK-47; making sure the Arctic Wildlife Refuge is drilled for that precious nine month supply of oil; and making sure that the United States of America becomes a full fledged Christian theocracy.

Democratic congresswoman from California Nancy Pelosi said that this is nothing but pandering by House Republicans. “They are taking radical right wing values and touting them as America’s values. This is nothing more than their age old tactic of distract, distort and divide. Meanwhile, the Democrats have a clear message to the American people and that is . . .we’re just going to stand by and watch Republicans self destruct.”

Vice President Dick Cheney said, “All have to say is that if you don’t support these issues, then you’re not much of an American. I mean if you voted to take the words ‘under God’ out of the pledge of allegiance, you probably watch Al-Jezeera and root for Al-Qaeda. You probably even cried when Al-Zarqawi died.” When it was pointed out that the words ‘under God’ were added to the pledge in 1954, Cheney shook his head vigorously and responded, “See! This is just another example of the biased liberal media spreading misinformation to the good sheeple . . . I mean, people of America. Where’s my shotgun?”

People expressed mixed views about the series of bills. Joe Nelson of Brighton, Massachusetts, said, “I don’t think these bills really help anyone. We’ve got huge problems in Iraq, our deficit is skyrocketing, affordable healthcare is a joke and people in New Orleans still need assistance. I think we need to solve these problems first, although I agree that we should stop Internet gambling. You should only be able to blow your money at a regular casino like normal people.”

Gladys Clary of Dennison, Iowa said, “We need to reduce our dependency on foreign oil and the only way to do that is to drill the hell out of all the available land and coastlines that we have. I don’t care about the Earth’s future. I’m old and my hummer needs gas now!”

Tom Miles of Fetid Gulch, Texas, said, “If we don’t pass these bills now, illegal immigrants will pour over our borders, burn our flags, marry farm animals and use stem cells to cure Alzheimers.”

Rewind: Dubya Caesar

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

The Republicans’ embrace of authoritarianism over democracy is no longer in doubt with the recent GOP support of TFG even despite the overwhelming evidence presented in his four indictments, especially the federal case against him for the January 6th insurrection and attempted coup. Trump wants a fascist takeover of this country but so did his Republican predecessor, George W. Bush. Fortunately, for most Americans, the GOP is quite inept at governing so their attempts of hostile takeovers have failed . . . so far. But there were several events during the Bush administration where Dubya pushed to envelope in trying to become Dubya Caesar.

One incident was the firing of U.S, Attorneys in December 2006 which certainly appeared to be politically motivated. However, Bush explained away the dismissals by stating that  “U.S. Attorneys and others serve at the pleasure of the president .” Quite the authoritarian bent, don’t ya think? Bush even protested that Congress wanted to question his lackeys Karl Rove, Harriet Miers and Alberto Gonzales. Apparently, checks and balances aren’t appropriate when Republicans are in power. Hail Dubya Caesar!

Here’s an article about Bush’s defense of his dismissals, selected quote and lil’ Dub Toon from our March 29, 2007 edition.

Bush Defends Secret Testimonies

The recent dismissal of eight U.S. attorneys, apparently approved by Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, has shocked many Americans. The Democratic controlled Congress is now asking questions about whether the dismissals were politically motivated given that they were in mid-term and not at the beginning, when most firings occur. In an effort to shed more light on the subject, Congress has asked President Bush’s advisors Karl Rove and Harriet Miers to testify under oath before Congress on the firings. However, Bush has been resistant to any Congressional demands.

President Bush, trying to recapture the glory of the Reagan years, said, “There they go again. The Democrats in Congress are just playing politics again like they’re doing with the war on Iraq, global warming, the gargantuan deficit, the Scooter Libby trial, the Valerie Plame leak, the Abu Ghraib torture scandal, the domestic spying fiasco, the Katrina disaster, the Jack Abramoff scandal, the Tom Delay scandal, the Duke Cunningham scandal, the Enron scandal, the Mark Foley scandal, the Terri Schiavo debacle, the bleak state of health care coverage, and the growing gap between rich and poor. And now they’re gunning for ‘Fredo’ Gonzales, ‘Turd Blossom’ Rove and ‘Dirty Harriet’ Miers. According to my version of the Constitution, Congress is not the boss of me. Therefore, I have executive privileges, as do my faithful bootlicks. Karl Rove, Harriet Miers and others are no under any obligation to testify under oath to anything. Of course, I’m invoking executive privilege. I’ve been privileged my whole life, so why shouldn’t I be privileged when I’m presidenting? Heh-heh.”

President Bush then laid the ground rules for any questioning of his subordinates. “Listen folks. Here are the rules if you’re going to question my people, see. First of all, they don’t have to swear under oath. There will be no Bibles in the room, and no questioners can look them in the eye. They have to be questioned in a secret, undisclosed location, like Uncle Dick’s bunker or our torture chambers in Europe. Any questions must pertain to the following subjects: sports, Texas, or barbeque. They must be able to answer their question while sitting in a recliner, sipping on a nice, refreshing beverage like beer. A big screen TV must be provided in case there is a lull in the questioning. And most importantly, you can’t record their answers. You can’t even remember what they said. As long as these rules are followed, you can ask them anything.”

Harriet Miers said “Oh I may have suggested a few firings here and there. My memory is so hazy these days. All I know is President Bush is the smartest man in this country and I will do whatever he tells me to do. Even go to women’s prison for the rest of my life if it means I protect his privileged white ass.”

Karl Rove said, “Oh my memory is so hazy these days I can’t even remember my raucous dancing from a few nights ago at the White House correspondent’s dinner. But I’m outraged that John Edwards is using his wife’s cancer thing as a ploy to get sympathy at a time when our beloved spin secretary Tony Snow is battling cancer. The nerve of some people!”

Alberto Gonzales said, “My memory is so hazy these days. Actually, my memory is hazy going back to about 2003. I do know I am not responsible for these firings. I don’t know what was going on. I don’t know who authorized it. I don’t even know who works at the Department of Justice. What am I the Attorney General or something? But like I said, I am not responsible.”

Scooter Libby, who was recently convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice in the leaking of Valerie Plame’s secret identity, said, “Looks like I’ll be getting a new roommate soon. Alberto will make a fine stoolie. Plus, he’ll keep me warm on those cold winter nights.”

“U.S. Attorneys and others serve at the pleasure of the president.”

George W. Bush
03-14-2007

"This attorney's non-Bushiness displeases me. Send him to Guantanamo!"
“This attorney’s non-Bushiness displeases me. Send him to Guantanamo!”

Rewind: SEGUMUCA Nation Redux

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

The big news this past week is all the nineteen defendants in Georgia’s RICO case have turned themselves in and had their thugshots taken including the head thug TFG, who predictably is trying to profit off of it by offering merchandise to grift his followers. It’s been a horrible eight years since TFG first came down the escalators to announce his candidacy and the American people’s sanity has gone down the drain because of him. The petulant, megalomaniacal man-child has dominated the corporate media because the corporate media loves him. Even liberal sites cover him because he boosts their ratings. If there’s one thing that has become self-evident during the Trump era is that greed, avarice, materialism, ratings, followers and likes are the most important things in the world now, which is probably why democracy is on the brink of destruction.

We’re reposting a photo-toon from our May 17, 2016 post where we lamented our predicament with candidate Trump and unfortunately things have worsened since then. Our analysis then still rings true today. Most Americans who have been raised on the belief that capitalism is the only sensible economy for this planet, look to the self-aggrandizing, megalomaniac billionaire, who has had three trophy wives and scores of material possessions like houses, cars, planes, etc… and say “Hey! I want to be like him.” That’s the American way.  Add to the fact that conservative evangelicals now view Trump as a better role model than Jesus and we’ve got a hell of a problem on our hands. So what do we do? We’ll just repeat our final paragraph from that post for simplicity’s sake.

We think it’s time that all Americans do a bit of self-introspection, especially conservatives. Conservatives generally don’t do this because in the conservative mindset, they are always right, hence no need to look at oneself in the mirror. Questioning your actions is bad and a sign of weakness. One must do what has been traditionally done forever and ever. And don’t even think of apologizing; that is absolute weakness and worthy of death. But is Donald Trump really who were are as a nation? Are we really like Trump? Are we a SEGUMUCA nation: a nation of Selfish, Egotistical, Greedy, Ultra-Materialistic, Ultra-Competitive Assholes? (Catchy eh?…[sound of crickets chirping]…hellllooooo) Isn’t it time we put the people’s health and welfare, the public good and the environment above profits and selfish, greedy materialistic desires? Maybe if we do that, we won’t look in the mirror, see Donald Trump snarling back and say to ourselves, “Holy Shit! How did we get so fugly!”

Uncle Sam recoils in horror as he looks in the mirror and sees that he has become a Selfish, Egotistical, Greedy, Ultra-Materialistic, Ultra-Competitive Asshole.
Uncle Sam recoils in horror as he looks in the mirror and sees that he has become a Selfish, Egotistical, Greedy, Ultra-Materialistic, Ultra-Competitive Asshole.

Rewind: Slavery Was A Laugh Riot!

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Big news recently out of Ron DeSantis’ fascist Florida is that the education standards in the state are being warped to such a degree that teachers are now required to teach that slavery wasn’t such a bad thing for blacks. This reminds us of a post from August 2, 2016 where we highlighted former Fox News (a.k.a. Republican Propaganda Network) blowhard Bill O’Reilly’s book about how slavery wasn’t just fun, it was a laugh riot. But Republicans have been trying to change the narrative on slavery ever since racist bigots from the South took began seizing control of the party in the 1960s. In 2015, Texas began whitewashing slavery and racism in their schools. Even Ben Carson, who is an African-American, made an ass of himself in March 2017 when he suggested that slaves were just immigrants and not coerced laborers forcibly brought against their will from Africa to work for nothing on American plantations. Florida and Texas have seemingly embraced white nationalism and institutionalized it in their educational systems.

Anyway, here’s a re-post of our photo-toon of Bill O’Reilly’s latest killing-history tome which may become required reading from now on in Florida.

Fox News talk show host Bill O'Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has released a new book that explains that slavery wasn't just fun, it was a laugh riot.
Fox News talk show host Bill O’Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has released a new book that explains that slavery wasn’t just fun, it was a laugh riot.

Rewind: Supreme Corruption

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

In our last post we recycled a photo-toon showing how corrupt the Supreme Court had become since the 2010 Citizens United decision which gave the rich unfettered power to influence politicians. We had a link to an old post with another photo-toon about the Supreme Court’s corruption which we’ve decided to repost as well.

We’ve already talked about Clarence Thomas’ luxury trips courtesy of conservative billionaire Harlan Crow. It’s come out now that Justice Thomas has been influenced even more by an elite circle of plutocrats. Surprise, surprise! Lawrence O’Donnell gave an excellent commentary about Thomas the other night which is pretty much right on the money, pardon the pun. Is it any wonder that so many Americans have no faith in the Supreme Court. Like we’ve said before, the current Supreme Court is supremely corrupt and the justices who have accepted gifts from wealthy benefactors should resign if they are truly interested in maintaining a judicial system based on ethics and morality.

Poor Plutocrats everywhere are rejoicing now that their corporate lackeys on the Supreme Court have given them control of America.
Plutocrats everywhere are rejoicing now that their corporate lackeys on the Supreme Court have finally given them a voice in the running of America.

Rewind: Judge(s) For Sale

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Over the last three years, especially since Roe v. Wade was overturned last year, information has been revealed showing that our supposedly ethical, apolitical and morally superior Supreme Court judges may not be so noble. Apparently, all six conservative judges have ethics scandals where they have been influenced by wealthy conservative benefactors thus jeopardizing the impartiality of the justices or compromised by conflicts of interest with business deals. It was just reported that Judge Samuel Alito took luxury fishing trips with a billionaire conservative donor. Judge Clarence Thomas took luxury vacations and received tuition payments for a relative from conservative plutocrat Harlan Crow. Judge Neil Gorsuch had a suspicious property sale to a prominent law firm head nine days before his confirmation hearing. The FBI revealed that its pre-confirmation investigation into Judge Brett Kavanaugh was a complete sham. Judge Amy Coney Barret had a shady real estate deal with a religious group that filed numerous briefs before the court. Judge John Robert’s wife made over ten million dollars as a legal consultant. Even liberal leaning Sonia Sotomayor refused to recuse herself in a case with a book publisher who paid her three million dollars for a book deal.

The die was cast for what’s happening now with the Supreme Court back in 2010 when the Citizens United case was decided which basically stated that corporations are people and that these rich entities may give unlimited amounts of money to politicians and government officials in the pursuit of political power. We’ve had a few posts and photo-toons over the years indicating that the Court was now for sale to plutocrats (here and here). Our first one was a photo-toon on August 13, 2011 which basically portrayed the Supreme Court as being for sale to the highest bidding corporation that we decided to repost because it is very appropriate considering recent revelations. As we’ve noted before, the Roberts court a.k.a. the American Taliban, is a complete joke.

Supreme Court Justice John Roberts wears the new NASCAR inspired corporate logo robes because corporations are people, too - very, very , very rich people
Supreme Court Justice John Roberts wears the new NASCAR inspired logo robes which will now be worn by all conservative justices.

Rewind: Pickles – RAW

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

There weren’t many good things about the Bush administration. Let’s face it, folks: they screwed up the economy, the United States’ standing in the world and crippled us with two unwinnable wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. About the best thing about Dubya and his gang of corrupt buffoons was Laura Bush. As First Lady, she wasn’t awful. Sure she was a kowtowing christian wife who meekly demurred to her christian husband. Remember in 2006 when she said it was okay to sing the national anthem in Spanish and when she heard Dubya’s opinion differed she changed her mind to match her husband. Man do thinking – women make food, have babies. Ugggh!

But Laura Bush did have a sense of humor as evidence in 2005 at the White House correspondent’s dinner. She gave a bawdy little stand up routine that was well received by everyone across the political spectrum. Some of the jokes were even at the expense of lil’ Georgie who sat red faced while she mocked him roundly. One particular anecdote dealt with Dubya’s early attempts at ranching that thoroughly humiliated him. “George didn’t know much about ranches when we bought the place. Andover and Yale don’t have a real strong ranching program. But I’m proud of George. He’s learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What’s worse, it was a male horse. “ Yes, the imagery of ol’ Dubya whacking off a stallion is pretty damn funny. Not even Jon Stewart could have done better.

Here’s a photo-toon from our June 6, 2005 issue featuring the cover of Laura ‘Pickles’ Bush bawdy new comedy album RAW featuring horse masturbation jokes.

Emboldened by her recent success at the White House correspondents' dinner, First Lady Laura 'Pickles' Bush released her bawdy new comedy album last week.
Emboldened by her recent success at the White House correspondents’ dinner, First Lady Laura ‘Pickles’ Bush released her bawdy new comedy album last week.

Finally . . . Justice

We interrupt our 20th anniversary retrospective for some great news. It seems that the Grand Jury in New York has chosen justice and indicted the twice-impeached, former CEO/Dictator of the United States Donald J. Trump on his illicit payments to cover up his affair with porn star Stormy Daniels. While we’d prefer he get indicted for trying to overthrow a legitimate election and inciting an attempted coup, we’ll gladly take this. Will TFG actually have to serve time in prison. Probably not, but we can always hope and dream can’t we. We’ll have to wait and see but then again we’ve become accustomed to waiting haven’t we.

We’ve altered a photo-toon from our July 21, 2017 post to show that Trump may actually have to pay the piper for once in his overprivileged, corrupt life.

For once in his overprivileged, corrupt life, twice-impeached former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump will actually have to pay the piper.
For once in his overprivileged, corrupt life, twice-impeached former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump will actually have to pay the piper.

Rewind: Lil’ DubToons

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Starting in December 2005, we reformatted our look and feel trying to make our webzine look more like a newspaper. So we introduced a three column layout under our banner with headlines, photo-toon links and other material in the left column, articles in the main center column and external links, ads and little cartoons highlighting the hypocrisy of the Bush Administration and Republicans in the right column. We called these tiny photo-toons Lil’ DubToons and we enjoyed the hell out of ’em. We’ll be reposting several of them in celebration of our 20th anniversary.

Here’s a pic of our April 10, 2006 issue featuring our changed format and the corresponding DubToon displayed in the upper right hand corner right below a corresponding quote relating the Republican hypocrisy of the week. At that time, it was reported that disgraced aide Scooter Libby said Bush and Dick Cheney were responsible for disclosing classified intelligence information as part of a counterattack against critics of the Bush Administration’s disastrous Iraq War policy. Of course, ol’ Dubya channels Alfred E. Neuman attitude in response knowing that in 2003 he was acting all tough on finding out and punishing the leakers. Well, Bush said he’d take of the leakers and he’s taking really good care of himself ever since.

A screenshot of the April 10, 2006 featuring a new format and the awesome Lil' DubToon in the upper right hand corner.
A screenshot of the April 10, 2006 featuring a new format and the awesome Lil’ DubToon in the upper right hand corner.
“And if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated law, the person will be taken care of.”
George W. Bush
9-30-2003
Dubya does his best Alfred E. Neuman impersonation deflecting criticism about leaks in his administration.
“What? Me Worry?”

Rewind: WMDs In North Dakota?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Here’s our very first article from our May 19, 2003 issue. Back then the Republicans had just invaded Iraq on the false claim that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction. This gave rise to the imperialistic Bush Doctrine which states that the United States has the right to invade a country if they are suspected of having WMDs or being a threat in any way, which opens up a host of possibilities for abuse of power and violation of civil liberties. But that doesn’t matter to the authoritarian Republicans as Bush Press Secretary Ari Fleischer proved by repeatedly doing his impersonation of a Stasi agent telling people they should watch what they say. So basically, the Republicans haven’t changed since 2003, they’re just exposed thanks to Trump and the attempted Jan. 6th insurrection to overthrow the government.

Bush Says North Dakota Has Weapons of Mass Destruction

President George Bush said today in an emergency press conference that he suspects North Dakota may have weapons of mass destruction and that he will push for complete disarmament or he will invade.

“Our intelligence has detected missile silos in North Dakota,” said Bush. “They have become a menace to the world. Their leader is worst than Hitler! I’ve seen footage of people being fed into wood chippers. If we do not stop them, a nuculyar castastr…catatat…boom-boom could happen. If they do not disarm, we will invade in twenty four hours.”

Jarrod Dayson, an alert reporter from Newsblog then reminded the president that North Dakota was in the United States and that the missile silos housed American nuclear weapons. Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, then interrupted the president, whispered into his ear and rushed him from the stage. He then commandeered the press conference explaining, “I apologize for the president’s latest statements. He awoke early from his nap and was having nightmares after watching the movie Fargo last night. North Dakota is a wonderful state and Governor Hoeven is not worse than Hitler. He was just repeating statements that he heard Bill Clinton say when he was president. Thank you.”

Fleischer then barred Dayson from any further press conferences stating in an irritated tone, “How dare he question the president of the United States! He must be for terrorism!” Forces from Homeland Security appeared and ushered Dayson on a plane to Guantanamo Bay.