Archive for Capitalist Jesus

Money, Guns, Oil Trump Justice

There’s has been much criticism of not only Saudi Arabia lately but also of America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for tepidly responding to the cover up of the death of journalist, Jamal Khashoggi, who was a vocal critic of the Saudi regime and also the Trump regime. The whole situation is very suspicious and definitely points to Saudi leaders knowingly murdering Khashoggi in Istanbul and then obfuscate any kind of justice for the slain journalist.

Our orange haired rage monster president finally acknowledged that the Saudi cover up was completely botched but didn’t seem particularly concerned about who ordered the crime or any serious punishment. Maybe this has to do with all the ambitious business projects Saudi Arabia has planned with the western countries like the United States. If Trump gets too tough in his criticism, that might jeopardize future deals for oil and arms with the enormously wealthy kingdom. It’s also par for the course for Trump, who once again is coddling an authoritarian regime much as he has Russia, North Korea and Philippines leader, Rodrigo Duterte.

As if on cue, senile evangelical preacher, Pat Robertson, entered the fray and decided to give his befuddled two cents worth. He said that the murder of a journalist just isn’t worth ruining the Saudi ties and all those sweet, sweet arms deals. Yes, Yes! That’s exactly what Jesus preached, isn’t it? Money, guns and oil come before everything else in life. We’re sure that Jesus, in retrospect, would solidly approve of Judas taking 30 pieces of silver for betraying him because… you know… money is more important than morality, justice or life itself. Cha-ching!

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends evangelical preacher, Pat Robertson, for defending American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for defending the Saudi's cover up of the murder of journalist, Jamal Khassogi, because of the significance of money, guns and oil, which are more important than life itself.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends evangelical preacher, Pat Robertson, for defending American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for defending the Saudi’s cover up of the murder of journalist, Jamal Khassogi, because of the significance of money, guns and oil, which are more important than life itself.

The Hypocritical Mulligan

We’ve commented ad infinitum over the last ten years about the unbelievable hypocrisy of the evangelical christians in this country. Well that hypocrisy was on full display last week when Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, stated that Donald Trump should get a mulligan for paying hooker Stormy Daniels hush money about an illicit rendezvous in 2006, when Trump’s wife Melania was recovering after giving birth to their son Barron.  The evangelicals had a cow when Bill Clinton had a affair, but when Donald Trump had one just after his son was born, they just turned their sanctimonious heads and look the other way. Wow! What a horde of HYPOCRITES!

And unfortunately the evangelicals will probably never be convinced on what a slime bucket Trump is. Millions of evangelicals “believe the election of President Trump represented God giving us(christians) another chance.” The Young Turks gave a thoughtful and frightening analysis of this, stating that because the ‘faithful’ believe God wanted Trump to be President and God is never wrong, the sheeple must therefore support Trump come hell or the apocalypse. So just like Donald Trump predicted on the campaign trail, he could probably murder somebody in cold blood and the sheeple would still support him. And people wonder why we’re anti-religion atheists here at the Bucket; when you can’t think critically about your leaders, or anything for that matter, you’re putting not only the entire country at risk, but with man-child Donald Trump in the White House, the entire planet.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for paying hush money to a hooker because who among us hasn't like that wild night in Jericho with Mary Magdalene.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for paying hush money to a hooker because hey…you know…who hasn’t.

GOP’s Compassionate Christian Healthcare Plan

The Republicans have released their healthcare plan that will replace the Affordable Healthcare Act (Obamacare) and surprise, surprise, it sucks. There’s plenty to hate about this plan called the American Health Care Act(AHCA or Trumpcare); so much so that the American Medical Association, American Hospital Association, American Nurses Association and AARP (among numerous others) have all come out against it. John Oliver did a brilliant and humorous analysis on the plan Sunday night.

So where millions obtained affordable healthcare under Obamacare, it is estimated by the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) that 24 million will lose access under Trumpcare and would have devastating consequences for the old and poor. Not only that, the wealthiest Americans would get enormous tax benefits from the plan. We’re wondering what Jesus would say about the Republican’s compassionate christian effort to deny basic healthcare services to the poor, sick and elderly.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, applauds the new Republican healthcare plan, which will compassionately make getting basic medical services more difficult for the poor and elderly while giving enormous tax breaks to the wealthiest Americans.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, applauds the new Republican healthcare plan, which will compassionately make getting basic medical services more difficult for the poor and elderly while giving enormous tax breaks to the wealthiest Americans.

Thou Shalt Grabbeth Her By The Pussy

The fallout from Pussygate continues for GOP nominee Donald Trump. More women have come forward with allegations of improper sexual advances. The orange haired rage monster’s polls continue to drop and he’s in full blamestorming mode, pointing fingers at everyone but himself. But the one thing that continues to astonish most people is that evangelical christians, who blather on and on and on about morality and family values, continue to support this obvious horndog. Maybe we’re missing something…Oh yeah! We completely forgot about Jesus’ little known Sermon at the Strip Club, where he told his fellow apostles “Thou shalt moveth on the bitch, and grabbeth her by the pussy.”

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends GOP candidate Donald Trump by reciting his little known Sermon at the Strip Club where "Thou shalt moveth on the bitch and grabbeth her pussy."

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends GOP candidate Donald Trump by reciting his little known Sermon at the Strip Club.

 

Trump: Jesus’ Twin?

One of the more perplexing things about the rise of Donald Trump is the support he’s getting from the evangelical christians. We thought for sure they would support supposed ‘savior’ Ted Cruz, but they have overwhelmingly come out in support of someone who is thrice married; a hedonist, morally bankrupt and has at best a sketchy knowledge of the bible. We’re atheists here at the Bucket and we probably know more about the bible than Trump. Samantha Bee recently gave a hilarious analysis of the religious right evangelical’s seemingly hypocritical viewpoint. It’s definitely a lip diddler for us, folks. But then again, we can’t figure out how the hell Donald Trump is the GOP nominee for president.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admires his ideological twin, Donald Trump, for his greedy, egomaniacal, petty, self-aggrandizing, misogynistic, bombastic, materialistic, deceitful, callous, bigoted, and oppresive nature.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, is stoked that his ideological twin, Donald Trump, looks to be the GOP nominee for president.

Do Unto Your Brother; But Only If He’s Christian

The big news lately in the wake of the Paris terrorists’ attack last week is what to do with the Syrian refugees. Many Americans are against letting them into the country at all, while others are demanding stricter standards for allowing them into the country. While we think sending troops to Syria is a knee jerk reaction, we  think stricter vetting of the refugees isn’t such a bad idea. We should use the same solid background checks that we use for any American who wants to purchase a gun. What could possibly go wrong with that plan? (Side note:Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin, recently piped up and said Jesus would have loved guns.)

We also find it a bit odd that the most christian of the christians of the Republican candidates are saying that only christian refugees should be allowed into the country. Hmmmm…what would Capitalist Jesus have to say about that?

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, confesses his love for guns and suggests to use them on Syrian refugees because Christians rule.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, confesses his love for guns and suggests a use for them to his gun loving Christian followers.

 

They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Discrimination And Intolerance

The nation’s outrage over Indiana’s recent law guaranteeing ‘religious freedom’ and condoning discrimination and intolerance is growing. Boycotts have been announced. Even corporations have announced that they’ll be changing their business relations with the state; which is very serious because this nation is a corporate oligarchy and business is the golden calf here. So you think with all the economic pressure coming to bear on Indiana, do you think conservative christian stalwart, Governor Mike Pence, is going to relent? Hah! No way! He stands firmly behind his decidedly non-christian behavior. Not only that, other leading candidates for the Republican nomination like Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz have announced support for Pence. Because you see, admitting that you’re wrong on anything is not something that conservative christian Republicans do. But as the christians have always stated throughout history(see Spanish Inquisition, Meso-America conquest, Native American conquest, Pacific Islander conquest, Galileo’s scientific discoveries, etc…), it’s not discrimination or intolerance when we do it; it’s God’s will. It reminds us of that old song we learned in church “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love”, which has been conveniently updated in our photo-toon to reflect the state of modern christianity.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence's new slogan "They'll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance".

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence's new slogan "They'll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance".

Let The Children Suffer

Hold onto your hats everyone. Conservative christian Republicans are upset at President Obama! Shocking right? Unaccompanied immigrant children have been crossing the border in record numbers this year and who’s fault is it according to the right wing christians? Obama’s of course, even though the surge is related to law to curb child trafficking passed in 2008 and signed into law by….George W. Bush. What should we do with all these children? Conservative christians have been screaming loudly about the only obvious solution…send the little varmints back. What a great christian attitude! That’s certainly what Jesus would have done…or at least Capitalist Jesus would have done it. Just let holier than thou Bill O’Reilly explain it to you. The new updated Jesus message on little urchins now reads ‘Let the Children Suffer’.

Capitalist Jesus says that the immigrant children should go back to Mexico or rot.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, updates his message on little urchins to now say 'Let the children suffer'.

The Gospel According To Sarah

Hey everyone…Sarah Palin’s back in the news. Yay!!!

We don’t waste much time on the Tea Party Princess anymore because…well…she’s a waste of time. But Ms. Ubetcha was out recently promoting her book on the ‘War on Christmas’ when she made comments about how Pope Francis was sounding kind of liberal lately. Really? Imagine that. Bill Maher’s reply to her ‘insightful’ comment hit the nail on the head.  Maybe she would like our ‘Jesus was a Liberal’ t-shirt as a gift for Xmas.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, offers his support for Sarah Palin, advice on dealing with people of different religious persuasions, and suggestions for a great stocking stuffer this holiday season.

 


Tolerance Is Sooooooo Overrated

Recently, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus stated in an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) “I don’t know if I’ve used the word ‘tolerance,’ I don’t really care for that word myself”.

It’s stunning that today’s christian conservative Republicans are such blatant hypocrites. Let’s review a little: today’s modern, conservative, christian Republican, should not want their neighbors to have affordable healthcare; should not give any kind of opportunity to anyone from another country who has come to this country in search of a better life; should mistrust anyone who has a different skin color; should hate anyone who has a different religious point of view; should not allow a woman to make her own health decisions in regard to her reproductive system; should despise people who have different sexual orientation; and should own several guns and use them if they are EVER threatened by the aforementioned groups of people. Yep, tolerance is very overrated. Jesus would surely be proud of today’s christians.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, lends support to his disciple, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, on how overrated tolerance is in today’s overpopulated world.