Tag Archive for Democrat

Mueller Passes Impeachment Buck To Dems

Finally, Robert Mueller broke his silence and made a statement concerning the report bearing his name investigating Russian interference and possible obstruction of justice by America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump. He really didn’t say much other than reiterate the main talking points of the report, which also refute what Attorney General and Republican fixer Bill Barr claimed: that the report exonerates Trump on all matters. First, he said that Russia clearly interfered with the 2016 elections and that all Americans should be concerned by this. Then, Mueller said that according to DOJ criteria, it was impossible for him to indict Trump (which we think is a crock of crap – it’s not a law; if he’s guilty, charge him – you’re an officer of the law). But he also couldn’t say Trump was innocent of crimes. As a matter of fact, he laid out ten cases in Volume II of his report where Trump indeed obstructed justice. In a nutshell, he’s not only passing the buck, he’s telling Congress that it’s up to them to pursue the matter further by impeaching the president.

Since Americans are a football obsessed country, let’s explain this in football-ese. Robert Mueller takes the kickoff and drives down the field of impeachment so that it’s first and goal at the five yard line. He hands the ball off to the Congressional House of Representatives, which is controlled by Democrats. So what do some Democrats want to do? They want to wait until the 2020 election a year and a half from now to let the people decide. So again, in football-ese, they’ve got a the ball on the five yard line, first and goal, and some Democrats. . . want to punt! We kind of understand why Dems are so reluctant. Even if they impeach him, the Republican Senate, led by feckless Turtle Boy Mitch McConnell, would no doubt acquit him along partisan lines. But it’s also a risk not to impeach, because Trumpty-Dumpty no doubt will accuse Democrats of being weak and proclaim that he’s truly innocent when he’s clearly not. It also opens up the 2020 election for another round of meddling by Russia. In short, he’s going to bully his way into getting away with it all.

We’ve got one thing to say to the Dems – do your jobs and impeach this insane, megalomaniac, petulant man child before he starts another trade war and some real wars in Venezuela, Iran and North Korea. Channel FDR and get tough with these bastards. Donald Trump is not only a danger to democracy and rule of law in this country but to democracy in every other country on this planet.

Despite former Special Counsel Robert Mueller handing the ball to them on the field of impeachment 1st and goal at the five yard line, some Democrats want to punt, thus again snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and letting Republicans get away with their costly, authoritarian shenanigans.
Despite former Special Counsel Robert Mueller handing the ball to them on the field of impeachment 1st and goal at the five yard line, some Democrats want to punt, thus again snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and letting Republicans get away with their costly, authoritarian shenanigans.

Wagging The Rapture Dog

The news is out that the Democrats are pushing for Robert Mueller to testify before Congress and the Trump administration and Republicans are not happy about that. Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell tried using Jedi mind tricks in the Senate by repeatedly uttering “Case closed….Case closed.” And of course, America’s CEO/Dictator and delusional man child, Donald Trump, continued his pathological prevaricating on Twitter and on his right wing echo chamber Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network. But there were some other disturbing developments on the international front that show that the Republicans might take an insane, catastrophic step in order to protect Trump from the fallout of Mueller testifying.

The United States has sent warships to the Gulf of Hormuz in response to ‘troubling’ actions by Iranians. National Security Advisor, war hawk and failed walrus impersonator John Bolton, has been beating the drums for war with Iran since the days of the Iraq War clusterf*ck, which Bolton still thinks was the right call. Now the delusional Bolton thinks starting another war in the Middle East would be another smashing idea and we’re sure the defense corporations are champing at the bit for a new avenue for profit. Therefore, Bolton and Trump are trying to create a Gulf of Tonkin incident so they can start a war with Iran.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo also seems to be supporting the idea of war with Iran but for a different reason. Pompeo is one of those looniest of loony evangelical christians called a rapturist. In the warped mind of these nutbags, the end times are a-coming which means that all good christians will be slurped up to heaven while the rest of us ‘heathens’ will be left to toil on Earth. One of the pre-cursors for the end times, according to ‘biblical scripture’, is that Jerusalem is recognized as the capital of Israel, which Donald Trump did last year. Now, according to the end times mythology, a great war will occur and Jesus Christ will come again which will facilitate the ‘rapture’. Many prominent Republicans are rapturists including Pompeo, VP Puritan Mike Pence, former Teabagger darling Sarah ‘Ubetcha’ Palin, former Attorney Confederate General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, housing secretary Ben ‘Mr. Sandman’ Carson and energy secretary and brain fart expert Rick Perry. So, with a normal, logical, reasonable Secretary of State, war is usually and wisely avoided. But with this evangelical loon, conditions are being forced that would result in a catastrophic conflict in the Middle East. This would mean that biblical prophecy would be ‘proven’ correct and all the ‘good people’ (christians) will get their just desserts in heaven and all the bad people (the rest of us) will suffer in lakes of fire here on Earth.

Of course, these wack jobs fail to consider that the people who wrote the bible lived two thousand years ago and didn’t know jack about the Earth or the universe. We’ve mentioned before that religious people connect to a tiny bronze age database while scientific people connect to a colossal, 21st century database chock full of knowledge. We’ve gained so much knowledge about everything in the last four hundred years. To ignore science, scientific inquiry and scientific methods is sheer lunacy and any person advocating radical ideology based on two thousand year old babble shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the corridors of power in this country. We guarantee to all those rapture loonies that unless you’re vaporized by a nuclear blast you’ll still be here left to toil on the Earth with the rest of us.

To distract from the possible testifying of Robet Mueller before Congress, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump has decided to 'wag the dog' with multiple wars much to the delight of National Security Advisor and war monger extraordinaire John Bolton and Secretary of State and Rapture aficionado Mike Pompeo.
To distract from the possible testifying of Robet Mueller before Congress, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump has decided to ‘wag the dog’ with multiple wars much to the delight of National Security Advisor and war monger extraordinaire John Bolton and Secretary of State and Rapture aficionado Mike Pompeo.

Handy Dandy Redaction Guide

The redacted version of the Mueller report has been released and boy is it a doozy. While Attorney General and Republican obfuscator Bill Barr has erroneously touted that the report ‘clears’ American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump of collusion and obstruction, just reading the unredacted portions paints a decisively different picture of what happened. And if the redacted report paints a damning picture of Trump can you imagine what the complete report says?

According to this article at Vox, 7.25% of the report has been redacted. After downloading and scanning through the report, we’ve come up with a handy dandy redaction guide to try and translate what the most common redaction phrase ‘Harm to Ongoing Matter'(HOM) means to the average American. The acronym appears repeatedly throughout the document, especially in Volume I dealing with the Russian conspiracy to sway the 2016 election toward Donald Trump and from what we can gather it translates to ‘Donald Trump is guilty as hell.” Why else was his initial reaction to the appointment of the special consul, “This is the end of my presidency. I’m f*cked.” Would an innocent man say that?

In Volume II of the report, Robert Mueller cited ten cases where obstruction of justice could be applied to Trump. Why did he not just come out and say he obstructed justice? According to the Department of Justice, you can’t indict a sitting president. So basically, Mueller set up the pins on a narrow lane and gave the Democrats a bowling ball the size of a beach ball so they could mow down our corrupt, megalomaniac leader. But, in true Democratic fashion, Democrat leaders are already talking about not pursuing impeachment and concentrating on the 2020 election. You know the Republicans wouldn’t hesitate to impeach if the situation was reversed. They did so with Bill Clinton twenty years ago on much lesser charges.

So lets briefly review the low-lights of the Republican party in the last 50 years: Nixon knows about the Watergate break-ins and attempts to cover them up, Gerald Ford pardons him; the Reagan administration sold arms for hostages in the Iran-Contra affair, G.H.W. Bush and Bill Barr issue pardons for those involved; Dubya and Dick Cheney knowingly deceive America about false WMDs in Iraq prompting an invasion which cost millions of lives, trillions of dollars and destabilizes the whole region and Democrats do nothing. Donald Trump obstructs justice and continuously pisses on the rule of law and Democrats are seriously considering doing nothing…again. In short: Republicans repeatedly screw the country and repeatedly get away with it. Is it any wonder this country is so botched up and people have no faith in our democratic institutions any more.

Hopefully the Democrats will grow a spine, put justice first and impeach this lying, manipulative, con artist before he does further damage to the White House, the rule of law and the prestige of the United States. But then again, the Democrats have an uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

According to the handy dandy guide for reading the redactions of the Mueller report, the phrase 'Harm to Ongoing Matter' translates to 'Proof that Donald Trump is Guilty as Hell'.
According to the handy dandy guide for reading the redactions of the Mueller report, the phrase ‘Harm to Ongoing Matter’ translates to ‘Proof that Donald Trump is Guilty as Hell’.

The Indictment Score: Benghazi 0, Mueller 37

The fallout from the release of the Mueller report (or should we say, Bill Barr’s Cliff’s notes of the Mueller report) continues and more and more questions have arisen. The majority of Americans want the entire report released, not the redacted ‘yada, yada, yada’ version offered by Attorney General and Republican obfuscator Bill Barr. The ‘journalists’ at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, have been screaming their heads off about how other ‘fake news’ media should be apologizing for their treatment of the president. And of course, America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has been his usual obnoxious self, proclaiming that everyone who said that there was collusion, especially the MSM or the ‘enemy of the people’, be fired or worse. Furthermore, the fine, right wing propagandists at Fox are clamoring for retaliatory investigations directed at Trump’s enemies.

As usual, conservative Republicans have a very short memory. Did they forget already about the Benghazi hearings which lasted two years and produced zero indictments; the very definition of a witch hunt. And conservative Republicans never apologized once for their treatment of Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama for that matter. Like we said on our previous post, the Mueller investigation was hardly a ‘witch hunt’ as it produced 37 indictments.  Because Barr has been so secretive about the report, of course the public is wondering what it really says, especially when even in Barr’s summary ‘fer idjits’  – “While this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.” – , Trump clearly wasn’t exonerated on the charge of obstruction of justice, which was the most likely offense that would have resulted from the investigation anyway.

So, in a nutshell: Benghazi, 2 years – 0 indictments; Mueller investigation, 2 years – 37 indictments.

Republicans can STFU!!! 

The indictment scoreboard: Benghazi investigation - 0; Mueller 'witch hunt' investigation - 37.

The indictment scoreboard: Benghazi investigation – 0; Mueller ‘witch hunt’ investigation – 37.

America. Got. Played.

Well, the big news this past weekend was the release of the Mueller report. And the news was…disappointing to say the least. We here at the Bucket, like the rest of America, bought into the narrative pushed by the corporate main stream media that Robert Mueller was this grand bastion of unimpeachable integrity. He did produce 37 indictments(34 people, 3 companies) including six former Trump advisers. This and the evidence provided by the media painted a pretty convincing picture that showed Trump and his associates did something wrong. Why did he and his subordinates lie constantly about their Russian connections if they were so innocent? Why has Trump never criticized Putin and has just about glorified him every chance he gets? Trump threatened Comey repeatedly in his tweets and claimed in videos that he fired James Comey because he didn’t want to be investigated about Russia. How many countless times did Trump threaten to end the Mueller investigation?  But after two years, Mueller claims he didn’t have enough evidence of obstruction of justice but couldn’t exonerate him either. America witnessed the obstruction of justice first hand! What a bunch of bullshit!

Now Bill Barr claims that “there’s nothing to see here, folks” despite two years of investigation and 37 indictments and that we should just trust his biased opinion. Let’s face it folks, Bill Barr is nothing but a Republican hatchet man and crime obfuscator. He was brought in to kill the investigation like he did with Iran/Contra and that’s what he’s trying to do right now.  America is for the people, by the people. If the FBI spent two years of the tax payers money running an investigation, then the American people have a right to see ALL of that report. Remember, how the Republicans pulled a Benghazi witch hunt on Hillary Clinton for two years and the result was zero indictments, no evidence of wrongdoing. And Republicans cried and used Benghazi to slander Clinton and Obama to win the 2014 midterms and 2016 elections. But the Mueller investigation wasn’t a witch hunt, because there has been – let us repeat – 37 indictments including several people closely associated with Donald Trump. Stephen Colbert did a brilliant assessment Monday night. Trump is still under investigation for a boatload of other things and despite Trump’s gloating, he is far from the innocent victim he proclaims himself to be.

Now, because the corporate main stream media has given constant coverage of Donald Trump and the Mueller report and all things Republican for the last three years (hell… the last twenty years), the orange haired man child just may win re-election in 2020. It’s now plainly obvious the fix has been in for the last three years. America got played! And now with Trump supposedly ‘cleared of any wrongdoing’, his knuckle dragging, racist, right wing authoritarian loving supporters will become even more emboldened. We’ve been waiting for Trump militias to form and now maybe they will with the help of Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network. Trump certainly indicated that recently with his mention that his supporters may have to get tough with Democrats. We’ve learned many things about Trump since his rise to national prominence the last twenty years and especially since he’s become president and one of the most glaring is that if you give him an inch, he will take a hundred miles.

This whole affair stinks to high heaven. We’ve lost a little respect for Mr. Mueller and have completely lost faith in the American justice system. One thing is for sure: the leadership in this country is jam packed with wealthy, white, entitled good ol’ boys who want to stay in power no matter what and they’ll do anything to preserve their hegemony. It’s all bullshit. The media, the plutocrats, the Republicans and even some of the Democrats are playing the American people for fun and profit. They don’t give a shit about real Americans, the people of the 99%.

So what should we do? Keep on fighting. It’s springtime so that means there will be good weather ahead. Maybe groups of Americans can march peacefully on Washington repeatedly over the next six months and remind these blowhards what by the people, for the people really means.

America's CEO/Dictator and 'completely exonerated' Donald Trump proudly proclaims his godliness to the masses while Attorney General and Republican crime obfuscator Bill Barr and former defender of democracy Robert Mueller passively look on.

America’s CEO/Dictator and ‘completely exonerated’ Donald Trump proudly proclaims his godliness to the masses while Attorney General and Republican crime obfuscator Bill Barr and former defender of democracy Robert Mueller passively look on.

The Singing Rat

The big news the past week was the explosive testimony given by Michael Cohen, the former personal lawyer and ‘fixer’ for American CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump.  In a hearing before the House Oversight committee, the rat Michael Cohen sang like a canary much to the chagrin of the House Republicans like Jim Jordan, Mark Meadows and Paul Gosar, who made absolute asses of themselves during the ‘interrogation’. They never questioned him but chose, in typical Republican fashion, only to assassinate his character, which we’ve all already surmised is abysmal. Even Cohen admitted he was a fool. The GOP logic: “You can’t trust a liar”.  The Republicans are also considerably irony impaired considering Cohen was the RNC’s deputy finance chairman up until eight months ago. Oh yeah…and then there’s the fact that Trump’s lie count is over 9,000.

One colossal buffoon was GOP Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan, who said Cohen was testifying against Trump only because he had ‘sour grapes’ for not getting a White House job. Then Jordan pulled another typical Republican prank of trying to twist Cohen’s words, which caused Cohen to reply, “Shame on you, Mr. Jordan.” This is the same Jim Jordan, who kept quiet about alleged sexual abuse at Ohio State. So, Jordan is certainly not someone who should throw stones.

Another mammoth idiot was Arizona’s own Paul Gosar, who embarrassingly resorted to playground taunts of “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” and even had a poster with the same next to him at the hearing to which Cohen responded to Gosar, “Are you referring to me or the President?” Gosar  is famous for having six of his siblings take out an ad to vote against their brother in Arizona’s 4th district election in 2018. The fact that Gosar still won speaks more to the conservative loons in the 4th district who put this nutbag back into office. Maybe Gosar and Trump can retire and hang out at a grade school playground where they can ply their bullying tactics and be undisputed ‘kings’.

So what’s next for Michael Cohen besides much deserved jail time? How about a thrilling crime drama about an everyday goombah for a national criminal organization who turns state evidence against his crooked boss called ‘The Singing Rat’, rated T for Trumptastic.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

All The Money And Power, No Responsibility

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez(AOC) has made quite a splash in Washington D.C. The freshman congressperson has managed to tick off the stodgy old corporate Democrats and Republicans while invigorating Progressives across the nation. Perhaps her biggest headline so far is her push for a 70% top marginal tax rate. This means that the top earners in this country, people who earn more than $10 million, would pay a 70% tax rate. This has made most conservative Republicans, like the fine folks over at Fox News, a.k.a. The Republican Propaganda Network, apoplectic. Republithugs and plutocrats alike have stepped forward to denounce the ‘socialist’ ideology of AOC. Former Wisconsin governor and derp-monger Scott Walker embarrassed himself by providing an inane example of the tax rate to school children. Billionaire Howard Schultz has stepped forward to proclaim, with a straight face no less, that this would not be good for him. Ahhhhh…poor little rich man!

Even people on the left have criticized AOC. Whoopi Goldberg, co-host on The View, stated that she needs to hush up and pay her dues. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (like the true corporatist she is) has pooh-poohed the Green New Deal that AOC is proposing. Whenever we hear people criticizing this young idealistic woman, we think of the words of David Bowie from his classic song Changes.

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re goin’ through

We think that the only reason these critics on the left are pissed is that they sold out to corporate or monied interests instead of vigorously pursuing the ideological dreams that AOC pushes. Of course, Hollywood is infamous for people having to ‘pay their dues’.  It takes years, sometimes decades for actors and actresses to become ‘players’, so Ms. Goldberg’s comments shouldn’t surprise anyone who has been paying attention for the last fifty years.

The fact is that the 70% top marginal tax rate has been done before very successfully. During the ’50s, the “good ol’ days” as most conservative Republicans would call them, the top marginal tax rate was well above 70% and guess what…prosperity broke out. The interstate highway system was completed. The space program was booted up which kick started numerous industries which employed millions. And it worked because Eisenhower was president and no spoiled, well-to-do corporate plutocrat had the cojones to question the leader of the D-Day invasion. Ike knew what sacrifice meant and he expected all Americans, even the rich, to participate and aid the country. Now the plutocrats and the oligarchs have an entire party, the Republicans, to do their bidding and they’ve managed to steal away the wealth from most of the citizenry of America. The richest 1% owns 40% of this nation’s wealth, the greatest wealth gap in history.

Unfortunately, in doesn’t just stop in America. Because of capitalism, on a world wide scale, just under 50 people have more wealth than the bottom 3.7 billion people in the world. That’s greed, egotism, selfishness, competitiveness and materialism gone amuck in a ‘bigly’ way.

We wish AOC all the best on her Green New Deal crusade and her political career. It’s about time politicians in Washington start giving a damn about our planet and preparing for the future of all species of life. Give ’em hell, AOC!

Modern day plutocrats and their Republican lackeys abhor a 70% Top Marginal tax rate because they want all the money and all the power, but none of the responsibility.

Modern day plutocrats and their Republican lackeys abhor a 70% Top Marginal tax rate because they want all the money and all the power, but none of the responsibility.

These Boots Were Made For Kicking Ass

We’ve decided to kick off the new year with a positive, non-Trump (or at least a minimal-Trump) post. Since the Democrats are now in charge of the House and Nancy Pelosi is set to become the Speaker of the House, we’re feeling a lot better about perhaps some justice coming to American CEO/Dictator and ill-tempered man child, Donald Trump, after two years of lies and corruption from his administration.

But in the mean time, let’s devote a little time to one of our favorite people here at the Bucket, Michelle Obama. The former First Lady has been making the rounds promoting her best selling book, Becoming. But she caused quite a sensation recently when she showed up to an event wearing a pair of $4000 designer boots. Now we adhere to the Henry David Thoreau mantra of “Simplify, Simplify” so we all think that’s a bit much to be paying for a pair of shoes. Staff member and living fossil Chester Einstein grumbles about paying $20 for a pair of loafers at Payless. But we’re also aware that conservative Republicans, who preach austerity to their sheeple, regularly go out and spend gobs of money on extravagant, expensive material possessions (see Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, The Bushes, etc…). For instance, take current First Lady Melania Trump…please. She regularly wears glitzy, lavish, ostentatious clothing: remember her ‘fashionable’ “I don’t really care, do u” jacket. But then Republicans bitch anytime Democrats spend even a little bit of money. Sean Hannity and the faux journalists at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, threw a memorable hissy fit when Barack Obama ordered spicy mustard for his burger back in 2009. Oh the humanity!!!

So although we pinch pennies better than Jack Benny, we think Michelle Obama looked fantastic and we say “Go get ’em!”  Who can forget her classy speech from the 2016 election when she said, “When they go low, we go high.” For normal, sane humans who believe in civilized society, these words are inspirational and right in line with the golden rule. But right wing, conservative, ‘christian’ Republicans only mocked and derided her. So, we’d like to suggest an minor update to our favorite First Lady for dealing with today’s Trumpian Republicans: “When they go low…put on some shiny pointy toe boots and kick their f***ing asses.”

Former First Lady Michelle Obama has updated her mantra from the 2016 election to now say when they go low just put on some shiny pointy toe boots and kick their f***king asses

Former First Lady Michelle Obama has updated her mantra from the 2016 election to include some ass kicking of modern day Trumpian Republicans.

Oval Office Follies

The big story this week was the Oval Office budget meeting between America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence and Democratic House and Senate leaders Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. We’ve had our doubts about both Pelosi and Schumer because they’re both corporatists who do their fair share of cozying up to moneyed interests and they’ve shown in the past a willingness to cave in a little too quickly to Republican demands (like many other Democrats have done in the past twenty years, i.e. the Iraq War, Patriot Act, etc…).

But we’ve got to admit that we like what we saw from Pelosi and Schumer. They made Trump look like a buffoon by getting him to take ownership of any looming government shutdown on video for the whole country to see. Meanwhile, Mike Pence sat like a bump on a log in his chair, doing absolutely zilch, zippo, nada, bupkis, diddly-squat. We love all the Pence memes that are making the rounds this past week. We like that comment that he looked like he was at a strip club. Yes, America… if Trump is impeached, then we’ll be in the stoic, ultra-conservative hands of Puritan Pence, which gives no sane person in America a warm fuzzy.

In a recent Oval Office budget meeting with Democratic House leader Nancy Pelosi, Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence tries to keep his thoughts pure while America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump tries to keep his thoughts empty.

America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence use impressive conservative skills to outmaneuver Democratic House leader Nancy Pelosi in a recent Oval Office budget meeting.

Rewind: The 2006 Blue Wave

Results are still trickling in from the 2018 midterms and the blue wave is a lot bigger than the corporate main stream media proclaimed it to be. Why is it that corporate news outlets, especially conservative ones like Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, can never admit that the Republican candidates lost and their world view is not popular with average Americans? CNN, MSNBC and other corporate media outlets all declared early on that the blue wave was more of a blue trickle. They did this during the last big ‘blue wave’ election in 2006 as well.

We dug up from our archives, an old article from that “thumpin'” in 2006 that pretty much describes the same toxic climate we have for this year’s midterm elections. We guess it’s like that old corporate media saying, “if it’s broken, don’t fix it…as long as we’re making money”.

This article is from our November 13, 2006 issue.

Holy Cow! Dems Win! Republicans Trampled, Crushed, Whupped, Clobbered, Drubbed, Thumped…They Got Beat BIG TIME!

In a thunderous rejection of President Bush’s foreign policy in Iraq and the scandal ridden Republican controlled Congress, the American public voted Democrats into power across the board in elections held last Tuesday, November 7th. Not only did the Democrats take control of the House and the Senate for the first time since 1994, they also seized control of many state legislatures and have an edge in governorships as well. The Democratic victory has also prompted many resignations and dismissals, like Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and RNC Chairman Ken Mehlmann. Among the many high profile Republicans defeated were: Senator Rick Santorum, Senator George Allen, Katherine Harris, Representative Richard Pombo and Representative J.D. Hayworth..

The new Speaker of the House, California representative Nancy Pelosi, said, “This is a stinging rebuke for the misguided policies of the Bush Administration. The American people have spoken and they are angry. President Bush has to work with us now and in particular me. They say ‘paybacks a bitch’. Well that bitch’s name is Nancy Pelosi.”

Massachusetts Senator John Kerry said, “Well a few weeks ago I said we were like the Chicago Cubs; always snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Boy I thought I blew the election with my botched joke about being dumb and getting stuck in Iraq. But even though the media beat it into the ground and flogged me with it on a daily basis, the American people decided they were fed up with Republican shenanigans and not my loquacious, meandering, sleep inducing manner of speaking. What I’m trying to say is: Cubs win! Cubs win!”

Even though President Bush acknowledged that is was ‘a thumping’, many Republicans and neocon pundits were in denial about the loss. Arizona Representative J.D. Hayworth, who was beaten by Democrat Harry Mitchell, still hasn’t conceded even though major wire services have called the race for Mitchell and there is a four percentage point difference in the vote count. “Nuh-uh!” whined Hayworth in typical Hayworth fashion. “There is no way I lost to Mitchell. That is just pure fantasy. I’m J.D. Hayworth. I wrote a book about immigration reform. People like me. I’m J.D. Hayworth. We’re just going to count and recount those votes until I’m victorious. So there! I’m J.D. Hayworth and I approve this tantrum.”

Host of Fox News Hannity & Colmes, Sean Hannity, said, “Please! I would hardly call this a ‘Blue Wave’ like everybody in the liberal media is calling it. Sure some Democrats won some races and they took back the House and Senate, barely. It’s nothing like the glorious revolution of 1994 when the Republicans swept into power ushering in a glorious age of ass-clenched conservativism. Those days are gone my friends. The next thing you know, Osama will be invited to address Congress by that terrorist loving Nancy Pelosi. She’s probably having a sex party in her office right now with her unholy sex slaves from San Francisco. God I hate her!”

Chris Matthews, host of Hardball, said, “You know who I’m going to miss? All those guys like Tom Delay, Bob Ney and Randall Cunningham. Sure they were corrupt, but they made it exciting didn’t they? Now we’ve got Hillary and Nancy nagging at us all like mother hens. Things will probably get done now. We won’t have any fun. God I hate them!”

Many Americans felt good about the election results. Karyn Green of Teller, Virginia said, “For the first time in six years I have a feeling of hope. Maybe now Congress will check Bush and his agenda which has gotten us into nothing but hot water.”

Natalie Harrison of Chesterville, Wisconsin said, “I don’t expect miracles from this new Congress, but maybe someone can come up with a plan for exiting Iraq. The current administration certainly doesn’t have a clue.”

However, Bush supporter Derrick Armstrong of Hubley, Colorado said, “Great! Now that Pelosi woman is going make me speak Spanish, hug a tree, get an abortion, do drugs and have sex with a guy. Thank goodness, my old pastor, Ted Haggard, showed me how to do the last two.”

Living skeleton Ann Coulter proclaims the 2006 blue wave to be nothing more than a blue trickle.

Neo-conservative pundits, like living skeleton Ann Coulter, were downplaying the November 7th election results saying “Only for half-brights with absolutely no concept of yesterday is this a ‘tsunami’ — as MSNBC calls it — rather than the death throes of a dying party.”