Archive for Coming Soon To A Theater Near You

The Three Stooges: Slinging in Ukraine

The impeachment inquiry rolls on and more disturbing evidence is surfacing about America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s shakedown on Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky for information about Democratic rival and former Obama administration Vice President Joe Biden. Damning testimonies like those of William B. Taylor portray our orange-haired, megalomaniac man child in the White House as some kind of mafioso wise guy trying to put the screws to Zelensky whose country needs help from western NATO nations but is also being squeezed from the east by Putin’s Russia.

The whole operation sounds fubarred from the very beginning. Supposedly, Trump’s carny barker and chief of staff Mick Mulvaney brought in the Donald’s three amigos, or in this case, the three stooges to coordinate the action. Slick Mick thought that Kurt Volker, Gordon Sondland and Rick Perry could convince various people in the Ukraine to arrange a deal for information on Joe Biden’s son Hunter’s business dealings which might help Trump in the 2020 election. Volker and Sondland have both testified before the House with Sondland stating that there was some kind of quid pro quo involved.

The really funny thing about this is that Rudy ‘Captain Colludiani’ Giuliani became involved with his now arrested henchman Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, who look like they came directly from central casting, and allegedly used them to try and dig up dirt on Biden, thus fubarring the operation even more. Add Mick Mulvaney’s confession of a quid pro quo agreement and impeachment is looking now like a done deal even without the ten cases of obstruction laid out by the Mueller report. (Helpful reminder and hint: the Mueller report wasn’t a witch hunt because it produced 37 indictments. We repeat 37 INDICTMENTS!!! Please, corporate media – mention this FACT next time poor, little victim Trump cries that he is being persecuted or lynched!)

Which is why Trump desperately tried a little tail wagging the dog action this past weekend by announcing that terrorist ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi  was killed by special op forces. This is a good thing and we should be able to pat Trump on the back. . . but he made it impossible to do even that. In true Trumpian fashion, he made the operation all about him. He bragged about the killing and morbidly regaled the press with how al-Baghdadi cried and died like a dog. Many people have even compared Obama’s address when Osama bin Laden was killed to Trump’s and well. . . there’s no comparison: Obama is the adult and Trump is the arrogant, spoiled little child looking for attention. Trump even got royally booed at game 5 of the Astros-Nationals World Series as the crowd broke into chants of “Lock him up!” Oh, the irony! So Trump’s little distraction action failed miserably and it looks like Nancy Pelosi is bringing forth a vote to formalize the impeachment inquiries.

But at least we can enjoy Donald Trump’s latest film about all the hilarious hijinx that happened (or didn’t happen) The Three Stooges: Slinging in Ukraine, featuring, of course, the very best people: Kurt Volker as Larry, Gordon Sondland as Curly, Rick Perry as Moe and Rudy Giuliani as Captain Colludiani, rated I for Impeachable.

The Three Stooges - Slinging in Ukraine: American CEO/Dictator and master dealer Donald Trump needs some mud for slinging at his chief political rival Joe Biden. But because of stupid democratic laws in America he needs to put the squeeze on foreign governments like Ukraine. So he sends his best stooges to dig up some dirt. Hilarity ensues when Rudy Giuliani appears as Captain Colludiani and fubars the whole secret quid pro quo operation. Rated I for Impeachable.
The Three Stooges – Slinging in Ukraine: American CEO/Dictator and master dealer Donald Trump needs some mud for slinging at his chief political rival Joe Biden. But because of stupid democratic laws in America he needs to put the squeeze on foreign governments like Ukraine. So he sends his best stooges to dig up some dirt. Hilarity ensues when Rudy Giuliani appears as Captain Colludiani and fubars the whole secret quid pro quo operation. Rated I for Impeachable.

The Joker

Joaquin Phoenix’s new movie Joker has opened to rave reviews and large box office projections for his performance as a mentally defective wanna-be comedian who becomes a psychotic super villain spreading chaos and disorder everywhere he goes.

In eerily parallel reality, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump continues to be a mentally defective wanna-be world leader who has led America into a world of chaos that threatens the very tenets of democracy and is ripping this country to shreds while simultaneously ruining our country’s standing on the world stage.

Apparently these days, Americans seem to be obsessed with psychotic sociopaths who want to create chaos.

Joker: Not to be outdone by Joaquin Phoenix, American CEO/Dictator and 'stable genius' Donald Trump releases his own Joker movie where he promises law and order but delivers chaos that promotes hatred and violence thus threatening to rip apart the democratic institutions on which the nation was founded. Rated R for Repulsive.
Joker: Not to be outdone by Joaquin Phoenix, American CEO/Dictator and ‘stable genius’ Donald Trump releases his own Joker movie where he promises law and order but delivers chaos that promotes hatred and violence thus threatening to rip apart the democratic institutions on which the nation was founded. Rated R for Repulsive.

Don Quixote Trump


America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and the Republicans have had an absolute conniption fit recently over the Green New Deal and it’s main proponent, freshman congressperson from New York Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC). Last week Don Quixote Trump attacked windmills because…you know…noise from the evil windmills causes cancer and kills birds and stuff. He even did some windmill impersonations at one of his authoritarian ‘Nuremberg’ rallies last week. But let’s face it folks; the only birdies Trump cares about are the ones he’d wish he could get on the golf course because according to sources, he cheats a lot.

So why are the Republicans throwing hissy fits and temper tantrums over AOC and her bold environmental plan? Because the Republicans are lackeys for the fossil fuel industries: coal, oil, gas and mining. These corporations, who don’t give a rat’s patoot about the environment only want to continue their profitable ride on the gravy train. Their industries have been undisputed kings of the world since the late 19th century. They’ve got money and power and they’ll be damned if they’re going to lose their empire to clean renewable energy. That’s why the appointment of former fossil fuel industry lobbyist Andrew Wheeler as head of the EPA has been greeted so favorably by the smokestack and tailpipe suckers; he’s one of them. It’s like putting the fox in charge of the hen house. In short; the chickens(us) are doomed. Hence, all the attacks on AOC and the Green New Deal.

We have no doubt that the kingpins of pollution and environmental destruction will promote Trump as a noble capitalist on a quixotic quest to rid the world of these horrible, energy efficient, evil, killer windmills and their dastardly queen, AOC. It fits right in with the insane, right wing narrative that Trump is somehow making America great again. Perhaps a movie is forthcoming? We present below what that blockbuster may look like.

Don Quixote Trump: The fossil fuel companies send noble capitalist and stable genius Donald Trump on a quest to save their dying, inefficient industries. Trump, together with his EPA stooge Sancho Scienza (played by Andew Wheeler) and God (played by Mike Pence) battle the Evil Windmill Queen (played by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez) and try to destroy her vast, horrible, energy efficient windmill army. Rated R for Regressive.

Don Quixote Trump: The fossil fuel companies send noble capitalist and stable genius Donald Trump on a quest to save their dying, inefficient industries. Trump, together with his EPA stooge Sancho Scienza (played by Andew Wheeler) and God (played by Mike Pence) battle the Evil Windmill Queen (played by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez) and try to destroy her vast, horrible, energy efficient windmill army. Rated R for Regressive.

The Singing Rat

The big news the past week was the explosive testimony given by Michael Cohen, the former personal lawyer and ‘fixer’ for American CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump.  In a hearing before the House Oversight committee, the rat Michael Cohen sang like a canary much to the chagrin of the House Republicans like Jim Jordan, Mark Meadows and Paul Gosar, who made absolute asses of themselves during the ‘interrogation’. They never questioned him but chose, in typical Republican fashion, only to assassinate his character, which we’ve all already surmised is abysmal. Even Cohen admitted he was a fool. The GOP logic: “You can’t trust a liar”.  The Republicans are also considerably irony impaired considering Cohen was the RNC’s deputy finance chairman up until eight months ago. Oh yeah…and then there’s the fact that Trump’s lie count is over 9,000.

One colossal buffoon was GOP Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan, who said Cohen was testifying against Trump only because he had ‘sour grapes’ for not getting a White House job. Then Jordan pulled another typical Republican prank of trying to twist Cohen’s words, which caused Cohen to reply, “Shame on you, Mr. Jordan.” This is the same Jim Jordan, who kept quiet about alleged sexual abuse at Ohio State. So, Jordan is certainly not someone who should throw stones.

Another mammoth idiot was Arizona’s own Paul Gosar, who embarrassingly resorted to playground taunts of “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” and even had a poster with the same next to him at the hearing to which Cohen responded to Gosar, “Are you referring to me or the President?” Gosar  is famous for having six of his siblings take out an ad to vote against their brother in Arizona’s 4th district election in 2018. The fact that Gosar still won speaks more to the conservative loons in the 4th district who put this nutbag back into office. Maybe Gosar and Trump can retire and hang out at a grade school playground where they can ply their bullying tactics and be undisputed ‘kings’.

So what’s next for Michael Cohen besides much deserved jail time? How about a thrilling crime drama about an everyday goombah for a national criminal organization who turns state evidence against his crooked boss called ‘The Singing Rat’, rated T for Trumptastic.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

The Untouchables: 2018

Paul Manafort is the latest former associate of Donald Trump to flip and it has many speculating as to whether this is the beginning of the end for the orange haired man child who is America’s CEO/Dictator. Most people agree that things aren’t looking good for Trump, but then again things have never looked good for the Donald during his entire disastrous presidency and yet he is still — unfrickingbelievably — president.

This whole clusterf*cked trauma brings to mind for us old farts here at the Bucket, the early 1960s crime drama The Untouchables starring Robert Stack as Eliot Ness, which has been constantly played in syndication on TV for the last fifty years. In the episodes, Ness and his band of incorruptible G-men pursued noted criminal gangsters like Dutch Schultz, Frank Nitti and the kingpin, Al Capone.  The lead-in and ending graphic for the show was very stylistic and combined with the iconic theme music, set the mood perfectly for the drama. We can just imagine a possible reality reboot of the show with Robert Mueller leading his intrepid team of FBI agents as they descend on Trump Tower to bring to justice members of the Republican crime syndicate like Manafort, Michael Cohen and of course, the dear leader, the real Alphonse Capone of the 21st century, Donald Trump.

A reality reboot of the fantastic early 1960s crime drama. The Untouchables, is in the works with Robert Mueller leading his intrepid squad of FBI agents as they descend upon Trump Tower trying to bring to justice members of the current Republican crime syndicate like Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen and dear leader, Donald Trump.

A reality reboot of the fantastic early 1960s crime drama. The Untouchables, is in the works with Robert Mueller leading his intrepid squad of FBI agents as they descend upon Trump Tower trying to bring to justice members of the current Republican crime syndicate like Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen and dear leader, Donald Trump.

Rewind: 3:16 To Tehran

This is our final post in our brief Coming Soon To A Theater Near You retrospective…

Here’s a theater poster from our October 28, 2007 edition highlighting the Neocon Production 3:16 to Tehran starring George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as Mo. Yep, the conservative christian Republicans, led by John McCain are still banging the drums for war against Iran and the rest of the Islamic world. If only those Muslims would convert to christianity…

George W. Bush is on a mission from God to spread christian love to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Iran in missile form.

3:16 to Tehran: Super christian George W. Bush is on a mission from God as he and fellow neocon Dick Cheney try to convert Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Iran to christianity. Will his message of love from the book of John work in missile form? All aboard for the 3:16 to Tehran! Rated R for Rapturous.

Rewind: Transformers Of The Middle East

Continuing with our brief Coming Soon To A Theater Near You retrospective…

Here’s a theater poster from our July19, 2007 edition highlighting the Neocon Production Transformers of the Middle East starring Dick ‘Rustbucket’ Cheney, Condoleezza ‘Chevtron ‘ Rice and George W. Bush as Lil’ DubDub, the chief Neocon transformer of that clusterf*ck called the Iraq War.

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice invade Iraq with one mission: to transform the Middle East come Hell or the Apocalypse. Let the Quagmire Commence!

Transformers of the Middle East: Neocon transformers George W. Bush (Lil' DubDub), Dick Cheney(Rustbucket) and Condoleeza Rice(Chevtron) invade Iraq to transform it and the rest of the Middle East into an oil producing heaven for the west. Will they succeed or will they fan the flames of hatred and start an apocalyptic quagmire from which America will never recover. Rated R for Reprehensible.

Rewind: Republican Without A Clue

Back in the day, we had a feature here at the Bucket called Coming Soon To A Theater Near You, where we’d showcase upcoming movies you may not have heard about from that nasty, liberal media. We’ve decided to showcase these gems again, mostly our own entertainment…but hopefully you readers will enjoy them as well.

Here’s a theater poster from our April 21, 2007 edition highlighting the Neocon Production Republican Without A Clue starring good ol’ Dubya, the chief decider of that clusterf*ck called the Iraq War.

Republican Without A Clue: Blue blooded frat boy, George W. Bush, becomes President thanks to some shenanigans by his governor brother Jeb. Now, Dubya's the decider and hilarity ensues when he decides to invade Iraq against the advice of everyone with half a brain.

Republican Without A Clue: Blue blooded frat boy, George W. Bush, becomes President thanks to some shenanigans by his governor brother Jeb. Now, Dubya's the decider and hilarity ensues when he decides to invade Iraq against the advice of everyone with half a brain. Starring George W. Bush. Filmed in Neoconvision. Rated PG for Pretty Gawdawful.