June 2020 – BilgeBucket Gazette

Mister Fitness

Things are not going well lately for America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump. His coronavirus response has been anemic as COVID-19 cases continues to escalate across the United States and the death toll mounts. His ‘comeback rally’ in Tulsa was a complete and total disaster. His poll numbers are tanking and Joe Biden has opened up a sizable lead, although we know better (see the 2016 presidential elections) than to completely trust polls especially four months before election day.

But probably the funniest thing that’s happened is the problems our fearless Leader has had with basic human motor functions. Much mockery has been made of Trump’s exit down a ramp from a West Point speech that made him appear “like a baby deer on a frozen pond”. During that same West Point speech, our orange-haired megalomaniac narcissist drank a glass of water like a toddler using his sippy cup. Normally, we wouldn’t mock elderly people who are having trouble. However, Trump has derided and mocked others every day of his clusterf*ck of a presidency while simultaneously bragging what a perfect human specimen he is. He has become so unhinged that he spent several minutes regaling the crowd of his domination of the water glass and his ramp descent like he had just single-handedly wrestled a hippo into submission in the Congo. He even drank a glass of water with one hand, to hoots and hollers from the small crowd. So, this is what it’s come to, folks; Trump supporters are cheering for and worshiping a man because he can drink a glass of water . . . with one hand. Yikes!!!

Yes, Donald Trump is Mister Fitness, America. We have no doubt that soon he’ll be boasting about running a mile under four . . . HOURS.

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, fittest President ever and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, amazes everyone with magnificent feats of derring-do like running a sub-four hour mile and drinking a glass of water with one hand.

Trump’s Tulsa Turdfest

How ’bout that rally in Tulsa? Talk about your turdfest! Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump really laid an egg Saturday night at his Nuremberg rally for his MÆGAMoron followers. The Tulsa fire department listed the attendance at 6,200, which is about 1/3 the 19,000 seat capacity for the BOK Center. Compare the actual turnout with the millions of ticket requests boasted by the Trump campaign and you can quickly surmise what a complete and total clusterf*ck this was.

What caused this hilarious debacle for the orange-haired megalomaniac narcissist? Tik-Tok users and K-pop fans are taking credit for the reduced crowd by claiming they submitted fake requests. Also contributing, the unrelenting march of COVID-19 with massive coronavirus spikes throughout the Sun Belt. Trump did himself no favors by requiring attendees to sign a liability waiver form absolving Trump of any responsibility if they get sick. Indeed, several Trump staffers tested positive for COVID-19 before and after the rally. Oooops!

Any way you slice it, Trump’s Tulsa rally was an unmitigated disaster. Or as this article puts it, Trump wanted mayhem but got meh instead. Excuse us if we have nothing but Schadenfreude about this fiasco. Could it be that the end of the Trump authoritarian regime is nigh? Only four more months to find out.

The overflow crowd at Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's massive rally in Tulsa responds to dear Leader's presence with overwhelming electric energy. — The overflow crowd at Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s massive rally in Tulsa responds to dear Leader’s presence with overwhelming electric energy.

Douchey Advice

As we’ve mentioned before, coronavirus cases have spiked throughout the Sun Belt with record numbers of cases for one day being recorded in many states. One of the hardest hit states has been our home state of Arizona. Our state was doing fine at the beginning of May. We had kept our numbers down, businesses were closed, people were social distancing and wearing masks. Then Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump visited a mask factory in Phoenix without wearing a mask. Trumpty Dumpty had some words with Arizona’s super-duper-businessman-turned-governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) and yada, yada yada, restrictions were removed and in the past two weeks COVID-19 cases have spiked dramatically, almost tripling since Memorial Day. To give you an indication of how dramatic, Arizona was holding at 23rd in the nation in mid-May, just barely ahead of Wisconsin, who just held their stupid anti-lockdown protest. Now, Arizona is 15th and on the fast track to 13th and a whopping 22,000 cases more than Wisconsin.

You’d think Ducey would reconsidering reopening or at least mandate wearing a mask in public but nooooooooooo. Our douchey governor recently stated that Arizonans are just going to have to get use to the coronavirus. Wear a mask, if you think it’s wise, or in other words, consumer beware. What a douchebag! Fortunately, for Arizonans, local municipalities are looking into mask-wearing mandates since Ducey seems reluctant to. . . you know. . . be a leader. Ducey can’t seek re-election in 2022 because of term limits. But unfortunately, we’ve got two more years of this Trump asskisser, who’s done absolutely nothing for this state other than typical Republican shit: rip away at regulations in order to privatize federal lands and services thus starving the government for the good of corporate America and the plutocrats who control it. His now dismal legacy on coronavirus may finally lift the stranglehold the GOP has had on this state since the 1960s.

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) receives some poignant advice from the master at ignoring problems, Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius Donald Trump.

Gamble Away Your Money and Your Life

While several nations like Australia, New Zealand, Czech Republic and Norway are kicking butt in the fight against coronavirus, the good ol’ U.S. continues to lead the world in COVID-19 cases and deaths; not something we should be proud of. But yet, despite severe spikes in many Sun Belt states, even here in Arizona, the economy continues to open up again with masks and social distancing being optional in most places. Like we pointed out several posts back, the American people must sacrifice themselves on the altar of capitalism to keep the economy and stock market going ever upward and appease our capitalist plutocrat overlords, a.k.a. the Gods of Greed.

There’s probably no better picture of the insanity of it all than the reopening of Sin City, Las Vegas. We’ve commented before back in April about Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman with her survival of the fittest scenario she laid out for casinos reopening. Well, apparently that strategy is coming to fruition as casinos have reopened with masks now optional for guests. Predictably, there’s been a bump in COVID-19 cases in the past couple of weeks. But who cares, right? Americans must have their casino fix come hell or the apocalypse. Now they can gamble away their money . . . and their lives. Who could ask for anything more!

Las Vegas has reopened its casinos beckoning tourists to come gamble away their money and their lives.

The Tone-Deaf Dictator

The protests over police brutality are continuing throughout the United States and the world. Despite the repugnant circumstances surrounding George Floyd’s death, there are already indications that maybe, just maybe, justice might prevail this time for non-white people in this nation. All four police officers involved in Mr. Floyd’s death have been charged. The Minneapolis police force has fired it’s officers and will start rebuilding the force in an effort to reform its culture. On television, the show Cops, which has glorified police chases and aggressive tactics for years, has finally been cancelled. There are also many other race-related events that have happened in the past week from Confederate statues being torn down to companies changing racist corporate cultures, that signal a positive change to our society. The topic of police reform is being brought to the nation’s forefront as people from all corners of the nation and the world are stepping forward and saying there is a deep rooted problem that needs to be fixed. Meaningful reform is needed on a federal, state and local level.

But in true Trumpian fashion, America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, master at race relations, and most empathetic human being alive, Donald Trump, turned the police brutality protests into a praise fest of . . . surprise, surprise . . . Donald Trump. If you’re shocked by this, then you haven’t been conscious in the last three years . . . or decades for that matter. Last week, he actually held a press conference and bragged about the latest unemployment figures, calling them ‘the greatest thing that could happen for race relations”. He then crowed that George Floyd would have approved of the stats, speaking as if he and Mr. Floyd had beers all the time pool side at Mar-a-Lago talking about the economy. Really???!!!! How friggin’ tone-deaf can you get! Once again, our egotistical megalomaniac-in-chief has interjected himself as the one who will cure our deep rooted societal racism with a good unemployment report and that the recently brutally murdered Floyd would approve and maybe, in a warped way, even endorse Trump for re-election. Delusion rules in Trumpland!

But the good report wasn’t all that good. According to reports, there’s a glaring error and the unemployment numbers may be as high as 20%. Wait. . . you mean Trump lied? Of course, he did! The Labor Department has fudged the numbers the last couple months so that unemployed people were actually classified as employed. This fits in perfectly with the authoritarian nature of the fascist Trump regime: all reports must reflect well on our dear Leader or be stifled. Last week, Trump even cried about a CNN poll that showed him losing badly to Biden. November can’t come soon enough so we can vote Trump and his sycophantic flying monkeys out of office! Then, maybe the healing can begin.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius at race relations, Donald Trump, proclaims that his good friend George Floyd, who was brutally murdered by racist cops, would be thrilled the recent unemployment reports. — America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius at race relations, Donald Trump, proclaims that his good friend George Floyd, who was brutally murdered by racist cops, would be thrilled the recent unemployment reports.

Wrapped In The Flag; Carrying A Cross

Let’s face it, folks; the year 2020 sucks! The events of the last two weeks (not to mention the last three years) have profoundly disturbed and shook us, which is why we had to recently post some old photo-toons so we could wrap our heads about the ugliness of it all. First, there was the repugnant murder of an unarmed black civilian, George Floyd, by Minneapolis police officers. If you’re any kind of sentient, sane, compassionate, sympathetic human being, the video of the police officer with his knee on Mr. Floyd’s neck was nauseating to watch. Predictably and justifiably, protests broke out, not only in cities across America but in other countries around the world. Unfortunately, our Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump, decided to play authoritarian strongman and chose to throw gasoline on the fire by egging police and military forces to take harsh actions against any and all protesters. He called for governors in each state to ‘dominate’. It’s kind of ironic that just a couple weeks ago, when the MÆGAMorons protested not being able to get manicures because of the coronavirus shutdown, Trump was all for protesters to liberate their states.

The examples of brutality have become legion in the past week alone. Certainly, the most visible is the one Trump and his droopy-faced hound dog Attorney General William Barr instigated by scheduling a photo-op and sending tear gas into a crowd so Trump could waltz across the street from his White House bunker to St. John’s church so he could hold a bible upside down and proclaim that he’s doing God’s work. Really convincing, eh? Even religious leaders criticized Trump for his using the bible as a prop. Of course, Trump and his fascist gaslighters have denied using tear gas despite the evidence. Also notable at this incident, were several unidentified armored officers. Could these secretive security forces possibly be Trump’s version of brownshirts showing up to enforce the will of dear Leader Trump? It certainly seems like it.

We’ve commented many times about fascism and fascists, especially the prediction credited to Sinclair Lewis that when it comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross. We even posted, before Trump was even elected, a handy dandy checklist comparing the NSDAP Party of 1930s Germany with 21st century Republicans. You know why? We’ve read a lot about the subject and when we see similarities we mention them. Like in Naomi Klein’s excellent book, The Shock Doctrine, Trump is following the playbook of authoritarian leaders who shock their own citizens into accepting their ideology and economic world view. The GOP has been planning this for the past twenty years. We even posted about it after Trump’s sham of an impeachment trial; it’s Trump über alles. Trump has been shocking us on a daily basis with a Twitter blitzkrieg for the last three years to crush our will and depress us. And what are the Republicans in Congress doing? They’re letting him get away with it because this is their plan. They’re goosestepping right behind him, pushing through laws that favor corporations and plutocrats while destroying the middle class as Trumpty Dumpty and Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican propaganda network, distract and gaslight us to death. Could these latest acts of authoritarianism and police brutality be the breaking point? We certainly hope so. We must continue to protest this clusterf*ck of a presidency and stand up against authoritarian rule. Fascism is unacceptable in America. Democracy and rule of law are what this country is all about. Freedom of speech is one of our most cherished freedoms. This is a country, by the people for the people; not by the corporation for the corporation. We the people must vote Trump and his fascist cohorts out of office in November!

Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump demonstrates that fascism has arrived in America by sexually abusing a flag (wrapped in the flag) and displaying an upside down bible (carrying a cross).

Rocky XXV: Still Cocky

Continuing with our final installment of our brief ‘something completely different – get me the hell out of the nightmare year that is 2020’ photo-toon retrospective. . .

Sylvester Stallone has made many films in his long Hollywood career, but he is most notably known for his character Rocky Balboa and the film series franchise which has chronicled the pugilist from Philadelphia for umpty-nine movies since 1976, when Rocky won the Best Picture Academy Award. Quite honestly, in our opinion here at the Bucket, Stallone’s best acting performance was as a small town police officer uncovering corruption in the NYPD in the forgotten 1997 movie Cop Land. But Rocky has been his go-to meal ticket for over forty years, why should he stop now.

Here’s a photo-toon from our December 22, 2006 issue featuring Sylvester Stallone making yet another comeback in Rocky XXV: Still Cocky. This time the rapidly aging boxer must face off against a truly menacing cockfighting rooster.

Sylvester Stallone has decided to resurrect his meal ticket from the '70s and '80s with yet another new Rocky film, Rocky XXV: Still Cocky which features the aging boxer attempting a comeback against some new, challenging foes like a menacing cockfighting rooster. — Sylvester Stallone has decided to resurrect his meal ticket from the ’70s and ’80s with yet another new Rocky film, Rocky XXV: Still Cocky which features the aging boxer attempting a comeback against some new, challenging foes like a menacing cockfighting rooster.