I’ll Have A Blue Festivus Without You

We’ll its that time of year where we trot out the Festivus Pole and air our grievances. The state of our country is similar to last year. Democracy is still alive but barely. TFG has been indicted and is up on 91 criminal counts spread over four trials and yet he is the leading GOP candidate for President. The Republicans have done absolutely nothing except fail at doing any kind of meaningful legislation which is pretty much the job of a legislator. Speaker Kevin McCarthy was dumped and the GOP finally came up with a christian nationalist named Mike Johnson to lead their circus of clowns. The economy is rumbling along and domestically things seem to be stabilizing. Infrastructure is slowly being built back up. Unemployment is down and inflation has been checked. Biden is doing a good job trying to do the impossible: juggle the Ukraine War and the never ending crises in the Middle East. But according to polls, somehow Biden is even or losing to the pathological lying crook TFG. Some MAGA Morons are even saying they want a dictatorship with the orange haired megalomaniac in charge. And yet the corporate media compliantly keeps the microphone in front of these idiots’ faces while completely ignoring sane, sensible people who think Biden and the Democrats are doing a good job of governing and want a functioning democracy and not a corporate/christian theocracy. Well, we think that we’ve filled our grievance quota for this year.

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus. And to all those Republican, MAGA Morons, TFG acolytes, QAnon nutbags and everyone who continue to support Trump and shamelessly promote a fascist takeover by christian nationalists . . . we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Top Last Minute Drug Store Xmas Gifts

The holiday season is in full swing. If you’ve got a big family and many friends you just may be in danger of overlooking somebody until the last possible minute. No worries! We’re here to help!

We’ve come up with a list of swell gifts to buy from your local drug store at five minutes to closing on Christmas Eve for that lucky someone. You’ll definitely be remembered for your . . . eh-hem . . . thoughtfulness.

  • A tube of hemorrhoid cream
  • A CD of ‘Fabio’s Greatest Christmas Hits’ (in the discount bin)
  • A pack of Marlboro Lights
  • A jar of calcium gummies
  • A ribbed condom
  • A tube of holiday gift wrap
  • A bitchin’ sphygmomanometer
  • A crazy swirly glass straw
  • A roll of toilet paper (this was like gold back in 2020)
  • Some hearing aid batteries
  • An ovulation test kit
  • A DVD of ‘Christmas with the Kranks’ (in the super discount bin)
  • A package of leopard print jeggings
  • If you’re in Texas, an AR-15
  • A ‘fifth’ of Jack Daniels

Festivus Pole, Festivus Pole, Festivus Pole Rock

We’ll its that time of year where we trot out the Festivus Pole and air our grievances. But since we always air our grievances, we’ll keep it short. Democracy is still alive but barely. The Democrats managed to maintain control of the Senate but the House is now the hands of Republicans, several of whom helped plan the Jan. 6th riots (MTG, Gosar, Biggs, etc…) but amazingly enough are still in Congress. We’re coming up on two years now since the attempted coup and all we’ve got is referrals for criminal charges against TFG. We’ll refer to our synopsis from two years ago when the pandemic was raging : American democracy is still alive, but it’s on a ventilator.

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus. And to all those Republican, MAGA Morons, TFG acolytes, QAnon nutbags and everyone who voted to end democracy and promote a fascist takeover by christian nationalists . . .we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

I’ll Be Home For Festivus

Despite the fact that the new Omicron variant of the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus is spreading like wildfire around the globe and cancelling many holiday festivities for a second straight year, we’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to all the TFG loving, QAnon nut jobs who stormed the Capitol and the conservative christian Republicans who enable and encourage their democracy threatening antics . . . we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

It’s A Festivus Miracle

We’ve been enjoying our break from commentary about current events so much that we’ve decided to extend our vacation until after New Year’s Day 2021. We’ve also thoroughly enjoyed the spectacle of the Trump machine failing and sputtering monumentally at overturning the election. But like we’ve pointed out after the election, it’s incredibly disturbing that 126 GOP lawmakers and 19 state’s Attorneys General actually signed on to overthrow the election results to keep their authoritarian leader in power. Fortunately, the Supreme Court rejected it thus preserving democracy in America at least temporarily . . . until the next lame ass Republican effort. Was it a Festivus miracle? Er . . . no . . . but democracy is not well in this country. We’ll use a coronavirus analogy to illustrate the unfortunate and inconvenient truth: American democracy is still alive, but it’s on a ventilator.

With that dismal grievance filed, we’d still like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus! And to the Trump family and all the enablers, sycophants and zombie supporters of the orange-skinned petulant man child, we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Have Yourself A Merry Little Festivus

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus! Or a given the recent news, a Merry Impeachmas!

And to Trump supporters and the conservative christian Republican enablers who claim that Trump is a better president than Abraham Lincoln, compare him to Jesus Christ and don’t support impeaching him. . .we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Nobody Knows The Trouble Trump’s Seen

America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has been impeached by the Democratic controlled House of Representatives and the Republicans are in full, whiny, crybaby persecution mode. They’ve done everything from having a moment of silence for the 63 million people who voted for Trump in 2016 (what about the 66 million who voted for Clinton or the 8 million who voted for third party candidates!) to one GOP congressman from Georgia actually comparing Trump’s impeachment to the trials and tribulations of Jesus. Jesus Christ!!! What a load of malarkey!!!!

We’ve droned on forever about how hypocritical the evangelical, conservative christian sheeple are for supporting Trump but this takes the cake. At least one christian magazine has come forward and openly supports impeaching the orange-haired megalomaniac. Maybe, just maybe, this will start a backlash that will start christians waking up and realizing that Trump is nothing more than a golden calf. Yeah right!!! But hey, it’s the supposedly ‘magical’ holiday season – we can dream can’t we!

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admits that American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's impeachment is much worse than his crucifixion and offers him some affluent advice for healing his pain and suffering.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admits that American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s impeachment is much worse than his crucifixion and offers him some affluent advice for healing his pain and suffering.

Blood Red Xmas Trees

While America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, continues to receive bad news about the Mueller investigation, he’s basically swept the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi under the carpet instead of confronting his new best friend, authoritarian Saudi Crown Prince, Mohammed bin Salman. The Senate is currently trying to put together a bipartisan bill to force sanctions on Saudi Arabia. Will they be able to do it? Pardon our skepticism but considering their past performance these past two years, probably not.

Meanwhile, Melania Trump has received some ‘attention’ concerning her unusual red xmas trees decorating the White House. We think that maybe its an homage to the Donald’s new friendship with the Saudis…you know…blood red xmas trees with bone saw ornaments. Like Melania says, “Be best, darlink.”

The Trumps reveal their artistic blood red christmas trees with innovative bone saw ornaments in honor of their authoritarian friends in Saudi Arabia.
The Trumps reveal their artistic blood red christmas trees with innovative bone saw ornaments in honor of their authoritarian friends in Saudi Arabia.