Aught 7 Headlines

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

We’re going to end 2023 with another edition of our headlines retrospective, this time from the year 2007. We’d like to wish everyone a peaceful new year!

New Retro Virus Hits America: Millions Dressing In Bell Bottoms
Putin Throws Killer Banquet For Journalists
Bush Urges Graduates: “C’mon! Go To Iraq! It’s Fun!”
Sopranos Fans Furious About . . .
Bruce Willis Announces Next Movie: Die Already!
‘Spam King’ Sentenced To Thirty Years Of Answering Spam Emails
Local Man Raves About New Salsa Flavored Chips: “You Can Really Taste The Maltodextrin!”
Sting Thinks Name Is Silly: Changes It To Rum-Tug-Tugger

I’ll Have A Blue Festivus Without You

We’ll its that time of year where we trot out the Festivus Pole and air our grievances. The state of our country is similar to last year. Democracy is still alive but barely. TFG has been indicted and is up on 91 criminal counts spread over four trials and yet he is the leading GOP candidate for President. The Republicans have done absolutely nothing except fail at doing any kind of meaningful legislation which is pretty much the job of a legislator. Speaker Kevin McCarthy was dumped and the GOP finally came up with a christian nationalist named Mike Johnson to lead their circus of clowns. The economy is rumbling along and domestically things seem to be stabilizing. Infrastructure is slowly being built back up. Unemployment is down and inflation has been checked. Biden is doing a good job trying to do the impossible: juggle the Ukraine War and the never ending crises in the Middle East. But according to polls, somehow Biden is even or losing to the pathological lying crook TFG. Some MAGA Morons are even saying they want a dictatorship with the orange haired megalomaniac in charge. And yet the corporate media compliantly keeps the microphone in front of these idiots’ faces while completely ignoring sane, sensible people who think Biden and the Democrats are doing a good job of governing and want a functioning democracy and not a corporate/christian theocracy. Well, we think that we’ve filled our grievance quota for this year.

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus. And to all those Republican, MAGA Morons, TFG acolytes, QAnon nutbags and everyone who continue to support Trump and shamelessly promote a fascist takeover by christian nationalists . . . we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Top Last Minute Drug Store Xmas Gifts

The holiday season is in full swing. If you’ve got a big family and many friends you just may be in danger of overlooking somebody until the last possible minute. No worries! We’re here to help!

We’ve come up with a list of swell gifts to buy from your local drug store at five minutes to closing on Christmas Eve for that lucky someone. You’ll definitely be remembered for your . . . eh-hem . . . thoughtfulness.

  • A tube of hemorrhoid cream
  • A CD of ‘Fabio’s Greatest Christmas Hits’ (in the discount bin)
  • A pack of Marlboro Lights
  • A jar of calcium gummies
  • A ribbed condom
  • A tube of holiday gift wrap
  • A bitchin’ sphygmomanometer
  • A crazy swirly glass straw
  • A roll of toilet paper (this was like gold back in 2020)
  • Some hearing aid batteries
  • An ovulation test kit
  • A DVD of ‘Christmas with the Kranks’ (in the super discount bin)
  • A package of leopard print jeggings
  • If you’re in Texas, an AR-15
  • A ‘fifth’ of Jack Daniels