Tag Archive for election

Perjurious Sessions

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III is certainly living up to his low expectations that we set for him. It has just been revealed that the new Attorney General lied under oath about communications with the Russians during the 2016 election. Sessions said that he didn’t but new reports confirm that he did talk with Russian the ambassador. Of course, in true Republican fashion, he blamed the people who asked the questions not his own impeccable self. But he did recuse himself from any inquiry into any interference from Russia during the 2016 election.

Of course, America’s new CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump defended his attorney general saying he did nothing wrong. Trump has also started practicing another typical GOP canard; blaming the previous Democratic president. The incompetent Bush Administration took delight in blaming all their mistakes on Bill Clinton. Now, Trump is doing the same to Obama. He’s even gone as far as accusing Obama of wiretapping him during the election, without proof of course. We almost wish Obama did wiretap Trump and an investigation would commence. Then at least we’d hear about the conversations Trump and his lackeys may have had with the Russians.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, receives instructions from his boss, CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, that his perjury about his conversations with the Russian ambassador during the 2016 election at his confirmation hearings was actually all Barack Obama's fault.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, receives instructions from his boss, CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, that his perjury about his conversations with the Russian ambassador during the 2016 election at his confirmation hearings was actually all Barack Obama’s fault.

Restocking The Swamp

New American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, has been busy making his cabinet picks and guess what folks…surprise, surprise he’s going back on his promises already. During his campaign he promised to drain the swamp of corrupt influences. So who does he appoint to his cabinet? – His fellow plutocrats and fat cats who collectively have wealth over 14 billion dollars. He’s not draining the swamp, he’s restocking it.

Some of the more high profile selections are Exxon-Mobil CEO and Vladimir Putin pal Rex Tillerson($500 million in assets), former Goldman Sachs partner Steve Mnuchin($655 million), Wall Street insider Wilbur Ross($2.5 billion), charter school activist Betsy DeVos($5 billion) and former Wrestling tycoon Linda McMahon($1.2 billon). These people, like Trump, are only interested in money and making money at the expense of everything else. In other words, they only speak the language of money. And if you take a look at some of their pictures online, you always see them hanging out at fancy soirees, elite dinners, plutocrat love fests at exclusive country clubs and other events meant only for the 1% percenters. So unfortunately for red state Republicans who voted for Trump… these guys aren’t men or women of the people. They’re not going to have a beer with them. As a matter of fact, they wouldn’t be caught dead with them. But they’ll sure take their money.

American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump drained the swamp and restocked it with his millionaire and billionaire plutocrat pals who speak the language of money, like Wilbur Ross, Steve Mnuchin and Rex Tillerson.

American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump drained the swamp and restocked it with his millionaire and billionaire plutocrat pals who speak the language of money, like Wilbur Ross, Steve Mnuchin and Rex Tillerson.

Trump’s Z-List Inaugural Jamboree

Much is being said about Donald Trump’s upcoming inauguration as the 45th President of the United States and the lack of star power he has so far attracted to the event. Much like the GOP convention, it looks like there will be a dearth of A-list entertainment options despite claims to the contrary by Trump and all his pals. About the only celebrities willing to perform are Kid Rock and Ted Nugent. We’re also sure Scott Baio is probably available. Maybe he could play some songs off of his albums. Actually, Alec Baldwin, who has been comically portraying Trump on SNL, has offered to perform at the inauguration if he can sing AC/DC’s Highway to Hell.

We think that maybe Trump will have to turn to the animal kingdom for performers. Maybe some YouTube cats, or some drum playing hound or maybe a piano playing squirrel. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Donald Trump is attracting top notch, A-List entertainers to perform at his inauguration like Nutsy, the piano playing squirrel.

Donald Trump is attracting top notch, A-List entertainers to perform at his inauguration like Nutsy, the piano playing squirrel.

McConnell’s Treasonous Turtle Act

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell pulled his patented turtle act again for Con-a-thon 2016. It was recently revealed that McConnell knew about the Russians hacking the election but decided to keep quiet about it. Wow! What integrity! A foreign, hostile government hacked the U.S. elections and he wanted to keep it quiet because it benefited his party. A man like that should be shoveling elephant manure in a circus. Wait a second…that’s what he already does.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a 'The Turtle', boldly performs his turtle act and allows a foreign, hostile government to hack the U.S. elections allowing his fellow Republicans to commit treason and take complete control of the government.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘The Turtle’, boldly performs his turtle act and allows a foreign, hostile government to hack the U.S. elections allowing his fellow Republicans to commit treason and take complete control of the government.

The Master Bait And Switcher

One of the most astonishing things about Con-a-thon 2016 that we just can’t believe was that so many old, white Teabagger patriots voted for Donald Trump and voted to keep a Republican majority in Congress. Although he claims that he won’t cut Social Security and Medicare (like we can believe anything he says) conservative Republicans have wanted to cut Social Security and Medicare since their inception and privatize everything. In ‘bidness’ terms, it’s called the old bait and switch. Yes, CONservative Republicans ‘compassionately’ want humans to suffer and die in horrible ways in their old age like in the good old days before the Great Depression when robber barons could work you more than eight hours a day, often for seven days a week and children didn’t waste precious energy playing, they worked for pennies a day. Does anybody honestly think Donald Trump would side with poor people instead of his fellow billionaires? It’s all about greed and making more money, more money, MORE MONEY.  He’s already stocking his cabinet with billionaires and corporatists. Why would so many low income people vote against their own interests and elect someone who will destroy their lives by getting rid of their safety net that enables them to live? Oh yeah…that’s right…Hillary Clinton used a private email server like Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice and the George W. Bush White House did.

Master bait and switcher and American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump vows to cut Social Security and Medicare to get those lazy mooching freeloading Senior Citizens back to work.

Older Teabagger patriots are experiencing a bit of regret about casting their vote for master bait and switcher and new American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump

Pence’s Inspiration

We’ve commented before about Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence’s admiration for former Bush administration VP Dick Cheney.  Yes, Pence wants to be just like the lying, disingenuous architect of the clusterf*ck called the Iraq War in every phase including garnering an inspirational 13 percent approval rating. Way to aim high, Puritan Pence! We have no doubt that with his 17th century mindset, he’ll achieve his goal.

Vice President elect and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, vows to achieve the same lofty 13% approval ratings as his idol, Bush administration Vice President Dick Cheney.

Vice President elect and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, vows to achieve the same lofty 13% approval ratings as his idol, Bush administration Vice President Dick Cheney.

Election Truth: 54% Of Americans Don’t Want Trump As President

We’re back from our break from Con-a-thon 2016 and like most other sane Americans, we’re slowly coming to grips with the agonizing truth that Donald Trump will be this nation’s 45th President.

But votes are still rolling in and Hillary Clinton keeps adding to her popular vote lead which makes Trump’s ‘victory’ more illegitimate. As of today, Clinton has 65,224,885 votes to Trump’s 62,679,299 (a difference of 2,545,586.) The truth from this election is if you include the votes for the third party candidates, an overwhelming majority of 54% of Americans don’t want Trump to be President. And this doesn’t even include the voters that were successfully suppressed from voting by changes in the Voters Rights act. Green Party candidate Jill Stein is pushing for recounts in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania and the Clinton campaign is joining in in Wisconsin. What’s interesting is that errors have been found in all three states where Trump got votes he shouldn’t have. Did something fishy occur in these three battleground states that should have gone easily to Clinton? Was the fix in? We’re not sure but we recall now that just after James Comey did his bit of election rigging, certain media outlets were commenting that Trump had a path to victory that included those three states that according to polls, were strongly favoring Clinton. Generally we’re not confident at all that anything will come of this effort at getting a recount. But we do find it interesting that despite winning, Trump is claiming election fraud, stating erroneously that millions of illegal voters voted which means in that in his mind, he actually won the popular vote. Maybe he’ll agree to a nation wide recount, especially in swing states, under the watchful eye of a majority of citizenry who don’t want him to be President.  Hey…we can hope can’t we.

Despite winning the election, American CEO/Dictator and massive egotist, Donald Trump, is so steamed that he didn't win the popular vote that he has demanded a recount, much to the delight of Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton.

Despite winning the election, American CEO/Dictator and massive egotist, Donald Trump, is so steamed that he didn’t win the popular vote that he has demanded a recount, much to the delight of Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton.

Takin’ A Break

While American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, assembles his cabinet from hell, we’re taking a little reprieve. Eighteen months of Con-a-thon 2016 has left us exhausted and we need to recharge our batteries a little. We recommend everyone do the same. We’re going to need a lot of energy to deal with the enormous loads of crap that’s going to be coming down the pike in the near future. We’ll be back soon with our humorous take on Trump’s cabinet picks. Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!

Gone Fishin' - Be Back Soon!

We’re taking a break America. We’ll be back real soon.

Con Artists Revealed

We’re still coming to grips with this election but the initial shock is worn off. While it was pretty much a disaster for sanity, science and intelligent people everywhere, there were some minor victories, especially here in Arizona. While grouchy curmudgeon John McCain unfortunately retained his seat, there were some good things happening: Democrats made pickups in the Arizona House and Senate; Democrats maintained their seats in the U.S. House of Representatives; there was an increase in the minimum wage; one of the people responsible for the March primary debacle, Helen Purcell, was voted out of office; and perhaps the biggest news was that Maricopa County Sheriff Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio will finally be riding off into the Sunset after being defeated by Paul Penzone.

But several interesting and revealing things are happening in the post-election trauma. We’ll address just one in this post and that is the stock market has taken off with Donald Trump taking office. Initially, stocks plunged worldwide and people around the world started to freak out. But the United States stock market stabilized quickly…almost too quickly. That quick recovery and the fact that it’s taken off since then speaks volumes. The sectors soaring are dirty energy companies (coal, oil, gas), pharmaceuticals and banking and financial services.This pretty much confirms what we’ve known all along; America is no longer a democracy, it’s a corporate oligarchy. As long as the President (even if it was Clinton) is friendly to Corporate America and Wall Street has it’s money, then all is fine. The stock market hangs over America’s head like a Damocles sword: Please Wall Street and its investors or else!

This is where the con comes in. Although Trump claimed to be on the side of the little guy, he is a big time supporter of corporatism. He loves money and other people with money…and that doesn’t mean most of us in the middle and lower classes. In any given conflict between corporate America and individuals, Trump will side with corporate America every time. Trump is a plutocrat! Red state Americans have been royally conned! Unfortunately, Trump voters won’t realize they’ve been screwed until after Social Security and Medicare have been taken away (the Republicans have wanted SS repealed since World War II) or they’re paying higher prices for prescription drugs because protective consumer regulations have been stripped (good times coming for the Pharma bros) or they don’t receive assistance after a natural disaster ripped up their property because the austerity crazed Republican government doesn’t want to spend money to bail them out (remember Hurricane Katrina). But then they’ll probably blame it on the Democrats, who instituted these safety net programs and protective regulations in the first place, because Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network and our new CEO/Dictator Trump tell them it is so.

Fasten your seatbelts America…it’s going to be a bumpy and nauseating ride.

New American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump celebrates his massive job of con artistry on the American people with one of his fellow plutocrats.

New American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump celebrates his massive job of con artistry on the American people with one of his fellow plutocrats.

Rewind: America Chooses Insanity…Again

We’re shocked and in mourning for a sane, intelligent America. Words escape us at the moment so we’re reprinting an article from when America chose a similar path of insanity back in 2004 and re-elected George W. Bush. Yeah…that turned out well didn’t it. One things for sure; conservative Republicans never learn.

This article is from our November 7, 2004 post-election issue.

America Speaks: “51% Of Us Are Fucking Idiots!”

America went to the polls last week and re-elected George W. Bush as president even though he’s started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that has lost almost a million jobs, underfunded the ‘No Children Left Behind’ program, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which does nothing to alleviate high costs and performed anemically in all three televised debates.

Bush supporters spoke out and explained why they voted for him. Dale Gilman of Empty Noggin, Georgia, said, “I voted for him because he’s the one I’d rather drink a beer with. That’s my only criteria for president. I’ll have to invite him over to my trailer for a beer one of these days. It’s not quite the country club he’s used to, but I think my gun collection adds a certain redneck ambiance.”

Betsy Moeller, of Cornshoot, Ohio, said, “I was undecided until the very end, but what made me vote for the President was that he’s just so moral. Even when he lies to us repeatedly, he’s just so moral.”

Kirby Tucker, of Cracked Nut, North Carolina, said, “All I knows is I don’t want no wolves to catch me and eats me.”

Durwood Dunndoody, of Oozing Bed Sore, Texas said, “The big issue of this campaign was gay marriage. No doubt about it. Thank God, the President is going to make a stand agin’ those hell bound fruitcakes. They’re worst than the terrorists you know.”

Dwight Stevenson, of Ostrich Neck, Oklahoma, said, “I know the president has made some mistakes, but he’s a known quantity. I’m comfortable with his ineptitude.”

Rev. Fred Campbell, pastor of the Fifth Evangelical Church of the Backwoods in Dunceville, Tennessee, said, “Praise be to God! The rapture is so close I can smell it!”

Dave and Karen Lydell, of Dullardton, Iowa, said, “We believe in secretive Orwellian government. We completely trust President Bush to do what’s right, because it’s really none of our business to know or question what they’re doing. We don’t mind if our government monitors our every movement. It’s a small price to pay for freedom.”

Kerry supporters expressed extreme shock and disappointment. Mark Barry, of Tempe, Arizona, said while banging his head with a frying pan, “This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!”

Donna Beacham, of Salem, Oregon, said while booking a flight to Vancouver, Canada, “The choice was so obvious. It’s like we’re speeding for the edge of a cliff in a gas guzzling hummer, and the passengers vote to drive off. Un-fucking-believable!”

College student, Craig Kaster, of Santa Bonita, California, said, “I’m so voting for that Kerry dude. What? The elections were last week. Oh man! I like so spaced that off.”

Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, said. “This is great! Al-Qaeda will get stronger, America will go bankrupt and I’ll get to live four more years. That chimp Bush is playing right into my hands. Allah Akbar!”