Archive for Meme-ries

Rewind: Diagnosis Mortar?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

We’re still rummaging through our archives and we discovered a fun little photo-toon series that we called Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors. Unfortunately, we only produced a couple pieces but the possibilities for hijinx are endless given that the Internet is the rumor mill on steroids, so we may try resurrecting it in the near future . . . that is if we don’t become a fascist authoritarian nightmare after the 2024 election. The intro for this schtick was as follows:

What’s more fun these days than trivia . . .especially trivia about America’s favorite pastime. No, it’s not baseball trivia. And no it’s not trivia on the sex life of Paris Hilton. It’s the boob tube, the idiot box . . . TV trivia! Yes, and what’s even more peachy keen is this trivia may not even be true; dare we say gossip, because you know, checking sources take a lot of time and we’ve got TV to watch. So we present to you Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors! Yes, we’re talking seconds of entertainment all in one feature.

In this photo-toon from our March 29. 2007 issue, we explore the completely not made-up authentic rumor that the original title of Diagnosis Murder was actually Diagnosis Mortar. Now that would’ve been an exciting TV show, amirite? Dick Van Dyke as a doctor moonlighting as a masonry advisor for Hollywood celebrities? Why, the jokes write themselves!

Rumor has it that this show was named Diagnosis Mortar when it was originally conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around a respected L.A. doctor, who moonlights as a masonry advisor for celebrities. Fortunately, television legend, Dick Van Dyke, realized the lameness of the premise and suggested that his character, Dr. Sloan, moonlight as a detective solving some of L.A.'s toughest murders. The result was a classic television series that lasted from 1993 to 2001. This despite having Scott Baio on the show for two years. The idea for Diagnosis Mortar was resurrected in 2004 by Fox with star Bob Villa, but was cancelled half way through the show's first commercial break.
Rumor has it that this show was named Diagnosis Mortar when it was originally conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around a respected L.A. doctor, who moonlights as a masonry advisor for celebrities. Fortunately, television legend, Dick Van Dyke, realized the lameness of the premise and suggested that his character, Dr. Sloan, moonlight as a detective solving some of L.A.’s toughest murders. The result was a classic television series that lasted from 1993 to 2001. This despite having Scott Baio on the show for two years. The idea for Diagnosis Mortar was resurrected in 2004 by Fox with star Bob Villa, but was cancelled half way through the show’s first commercial break.

Rewind: SEGUMUCA Nation Redux

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

The big news this past week is all the nineteen defendants in Georgia’s RICO case have turned themselves in and had their thugshots taken including the head thug TFG, who predictably is trying to profit off of it by offering merchandise to grift his followers. It’s been a horrible eight years since TFG first came down the escalators to announce his candidacy and the American people’s sanity has gone down the drain because of him. The petulant, megalomaniacal man-child has dominated the corporate media because the corporate media loves him. Even liberal sites cover him because he boosts their ratings. If there’s one thing that has become self-evident during the Trump era is that greed, avarice, materialism, ratings, followers and likes are the most important things in the world now, which is probably why democracy is on the brink of destruction.

We’re reposting a photo-toon from our May 17, 2016 post where we lamented our predicament with candidate Trump and unfortunately things have worsened since then. Our analysis then still rings true today. Most Americans who have been raised on the belief that capitalism is the only sensible economy for this planet, look to the self-aggrandizing, megalomaniac billionaire, who has had three trophy wives and scores of material possessions like houses, cars, planes, etc… and say “Hey! I want to be like him.” That’s the American way.  Add to the fact that conservative evangelicals now view Trump as a better role model than Jesus and we’ve got a hell of a problem on our hands. So what do we do? We’ll just repeat our final paragraph from that post for simplicity’s sake.

We think it’s time that all Americans do a bit of self-introspection, especially conservatives. Conservatives generally don’t do this because in the conservative mindset, they are always right, hence no need to look at oneself in the mirror. Questioning your actions is bad and a sign of weakness. One must do what has been traditionally done forever and ever. And don’t even think of apologizing; that is absolute weakness and worthy of death. But is Donald Trump really who were are as a nation? Are we really like Trump? Are we a SEGUMUCA nation: a nation of Selfish, Egotistical, Greedy, Ultra-Materialistic, Ultra-Competitive Assholes? (Catchy eh?…[sound of crickets chirping]…hellllooooo) Isn’t it time we put the people’s health and welfare, the public good and the environment above profits and selfish, greedy materialistic desires? Maybe if we do that, we won’t look in the mirror, see Donald Trump snarling back and say to ourselves, “Holy Shit! How did we get so fugly!”

Uncle Sam recoils in horror as he looks in the mirror and sees that he has become a Selfish, Egotistical, Greedy, Ultra-Materialistic, Ultra-Competitive Asshole.
Uncle Sam recoils in horror as he looks in the mirror and sees that he has become a Selfish, Egotistical, Greedy, Ultra-Materialistic, Ultra-Competitive Asshole.

Finally . . . Justice

We interrupt our 20th anniversary retrospective for some great news. It seems that the Grand Jury in New York has chosen justice and indicted the twice-impeached, former CEO/Dictator of the United States Donald J. Trump on his illicit payments to cover up his affair with porn star Stormy Daniels. While we’d prefer he get indicted for trying to overthrow a legitimate election and inciting an attempted coup, we’ll gladly take this. Will TFG actually have to serve time in prison. Probably not, but we can always hope and dream can’t we. We’ll have to wait and see but then again we’ve become accustomed to waiting haven’t we.

We’ve altered a photo-toon from our July 21, 2017 post to show that Trump may actually have to pay the piper for once in his overprivileged, corrupt life.

For once in his overprivileged, corrupt life, twice-impeached former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump will actually have to pay the piper.
For once in his overprivileged, corrupt life, twice-impeached former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump will actually have to pay the piper.

GOP: Iron Fist Fascism Rule

We’ve noted with alarm over the last twenty years the Republican party’s slide to authoritarian fascism and yes it started during the Bush administration. Remember after 9/11, Press Secretary Ari Fleischer spewed forth these chilling words that all Americans need to “watch what they say, watch what they do”, forgetting about free speech and stepping toward a big brother-esque society. The the Patriot Act was passed as if to provide an exclamation point. Of course, the crowning point of the Dubya and Dick Cheney’s presidency was the clusterf*ck quagmire in Iraq which was shoved down American’s throat with gusto by the corporate media costing us trillions of dollars over the long haul. So yeah — the Republicans have been at this kind of iron-fisted power grab for some time now.

This coming election is startling and the most dangerous of the 21st century. There are 299 out of 569 Republicans running for office who are fully on board with the Big Lie pushed by the twice impeached, classified document stealer TFG. Many of these people are guaranteed to win because of the districts, counties and states where they live. If this happens, then democracy is doomed in these places because these fascists will never allow a non-conservative, non-Republican to ever win an election again. Period. This is why we’ve highlighted the important races of Senator, Governor and Secretary of State here in Arizona, our home state. These QAnon loving loons are drunk with the Trump Kool-Aid and will no doubt push their agenda with an iron fist backed by TFG and his MAGA Moron militias, not to mention his enablers in Congress.

Republicans don't want to govern, they want to rule with an iron fist.
Republicans don’t want to govern, they want to rule with an iron fist.

Cannon Misfires

We’re taking another brief interlude from our coverage of whack job Arizona GOP candidates to post about the absolutely unscrupulous and feckless U.S. District Court Judge Aileen Cannon, who was confirmed in the waning days of the Trump administration and nominated by the twice impeached megalomaniac man child himself and is also a member of the right wing conservative Federalist Society.

It appears that Cannon is staying loyal to her master by agreeing that a special master be chosen to review the classified documents retrieved by the FBI at TFG’s palatial estate Mar-a-lago in August which is precisely what Trump wanted. Then she appointed Raymond Dearie as the special master who is also one of the judges Trump wanted. Hmmmmm. See a pattern here? Can you say corrupt? Both Democrats and Republicans say that Dearle is honorable and above reproach so we’ll wait and see what happens in the coming weeks. But given that Trump always seems to get his way, we’re incredibly skeptical that justice will prevail.

Anyway judicial pundits have jumped all over Cannon and her fealty to her special master Trump essentially granting him the delay he wanted. These are ultra classified documents that Trump should not have. Those documents belong to the people of the United States not Donald Trump. Doesn’t the national security of 332 million Americans come before Trump’s reputation or feelings? Apparently not, as Cannon, in her briefing, basically stated that the reputation of TFG is paramount and that she doesn’t believe the FBI and the DOJ when they say the documents were classified. The FBI took pictures of the documents! They were classified! This is not a witch hunt! Trump took classified documents and his appointed lackey judge is trying to cover it up. Judge Cannon is utterly corrupt! She should be removed from office and barred from practicing law in the United States! Maybe she could move to Russia? Putin could use a good sycophant to support his crimes these days.

Corrupt Trump appointee Judge Aileen Cannon has decided that twice impeached former President Donald Trump's feelings are more important than the national security of 332 million Americans.
Corrupt Trump appointee Judge Aileen Cannon has decided that twice impeached former President Donald Trump’s feelings are more important than the national security of 332 million Americans.

Rewind: Fascist Checklist

We’re taking another brief detour from our review of insane, Arizona GOP, Trumphumper candidates to talk about President Biden’s recent speech on the MAGA Republicans embracing ‘semi-fascism’. We thought it was mostly correct but ‘semi-fascism’? Really? Because the Republicans have been embracing full on fascism for some time now. And now they’ve been openly proving it every day since TFG took office in 2017 and then incited an insurrection on Jan. 6th 2021 because they didn’t win. In their typical whiny, cry-baby manner, Republicans wailed that Biden was being divisive while forgetting about how Trump vilified anyone who disagreed with him during his excruciating tenure as CEO/Dictator.

We also thought it was interesting that no major networks like ABC, NBC or CBS covered Biden’s important speech. This reminds us of other occasions like when Obama gave a speech about his executive order on immigration in December 2014 and nobody bothered to cover it. If the media were truly liberal like the conservative Republicans always claim, then all those networks would have covered Biden’s speech. Liberal Media My Ass!!! It’s just more hypocrisy and deception from the well funded propaganda machine operated by corporate conservative Republicans.

As a courtesy we’re reposting a photo-toon from December 15, 2015 post which depicts a checklist comparing the fascists of the NSDAP(Nazis) party of 1930’s Germany and the 21st century Republican party (or more appropriately, crime syndicate!). As you can see, there’s not much difference and hey, looky there . . . both had a well funded propaganda machine. So if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck . . . We repeat folks; the Republicans are full on fascists and every TFG enabler running for office needs to be voted out of office or we will lose our democracy just like Germany lost theirs in the 1930s!

The Republican Party has some eerie similarities to a certain right wing conservative fascist party from 20th century Germany.

Trump In The Toidy

Words can’t express the glee we’ve had this week with the news of the FBI issuing a search warrant at TFG’s palatial residence Mar-a-lago in Florida. With unsealing of the warrant today, we’ve learned that the twice impeached orange haired megalomaniac man child is under investigation for possible violating of the Espionage Act. We’ve been critical of Merrick Garland and the DOJ for seemingly doing nothing to bring the former CEO/Dictator to justice but we stand corrected. Garland has handled everything masterfully this week and we’ve got a huge case of schadenfreude, just like at least 81 million other Americans.

In celebration of TFG finally appearing to face some justice, we’ve decided to repost a photo-toon from December 8, 2019. It depicts what a possible Trump Memorial might look like showing TFG sitting on his favorite throne dictating to his followers on Twitter, explaining COVFEFE and stating that we should all get over the fact that he’s a crook. At least we know now why he was obsessed with toilets flushing – that’s where he tried to put his torn up documents. Let this be the crime that puts him in a jail cell with a guy named Bubba who’s fond of spoonin’.

Plans are being made for the Trump Memorial which will feature America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump sitting on his throne tweeting words of wisdom (like Covfefe) on his phone with his massive hands. The monument will be located in Washington D.C. in an alley behind a KFC next to a dumpster that frequently catches fire.
Plans are being made for the Trump Memorial which will feature America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump sitting on his throne tweeting words of wisdom (like Covfefe) on his phone with his massive hands. The monument will be located in Washington D.C. in an alley behind a KFC next to a dumpster that frequently catches fire.

SCOTUS 2022: American Taliban

The actions of the five and a half christian nationalists on the Supreme Court have shocked and disturbed not just democratic minded people in this country, but all over the world. Their recent rulings on abortion, prayer in public schools and restrictions on environmental regulations are regressing American culture back to the 19th century. In the abortion decision, Samuel Alito even cited precedence from a 17th century misogynistic jurist who believed that women were witches and property. The sanctimonious justices have also indicated that they may possibly turn back other things like LGBTQ rights, interracial marriage, birth control and even having fair and democratic elections. These authoritarian zealots want to turn America into a christian theocracy.

We’ve already seen how repressive islamic theocracies are. Take the Taliban in Afghanistan. Women are treated like they were in ancient times; like second class citizens. Basic human rights are pretty much limited to straight islamic men. The clerics run the country with an iron fist. Do we really want to turn our nation into a christian version of Afghanistan? Do we really want the American Taliban on the Supreme Court to dictate every aspect of our private lives? We thought the right wing wanted government out of our lives? Recent polls have indicated that Americans have little confidence in the current Supreme Court after their latest decisions.

Let’s face it, folks – the right wing justices are clowns. The Roberts court is a complete and total joke. Brett Kavanaugh will forever be remembered for his bold proclamation of liking beer, his unhinged rant against Clinton and the Democrats and his tearful, whiney defense of his dubious actions with Christine Blasey-Ford. The handmaiden justice Amy Coney Barrett’s confirmation was jammed through despite it being an election year. Neil Gorsuch’s mother wreaked havoc on the EPA and now it’s his turn. Kavanaugh and Gorsuch committed perjury during their confirmation hearings when they stated that Roe was settled precedent. Clarence Thomas should be dismissed from the bench for his obstruction in the investigation of the Jan. 6th hearings. Why’s that? Because his wife Ginni was involved in trying to overthrow the election. And Samuel Alito should be disbarred for even thinking about quoting a 17th century jurist who believed in witches. And what’s a common thread amongst these jokers beside their holier-than-thou christianity? They’re all anti-science. They’re all skeptical of climate change, green energy, vaccines, gender science and evolution because it counters their close-minded, archaic views of the world.

The Supreme Court should not be political, but if these christian nationalists persist then the constitution much be changed so that the justices should be elected by popular vote. Therefore they should not have life time appointments – maybe just a six year term like Senators. The Democrats need to step up to the plate and check these zealot’s power while they still have some power. Maybe they need to channel their inner FDR and stack the court. The freedom loving American people will not accept an American version of the Taliban ruling over every aspect of their personal lives. We don’t want America to be a Holy Corporate Empire. This is the 21st century. Like we’ve said before many times, Americans need to connect to a 21st century database, not a 1st century database.

With their recent repressive and regressive decisions concerning abortion, guns, prayer and the environment, the justices of the Roberts court have established themselves as the American Taliban and a complete joke.
With their recent repressive and regressive decisions concerning abortion, guns, prayer and the environment, the justices of the Roberts court have established themselves as the American Taliban and a complete joke.

Go Nuts, Women!

The Jan. 6th hearings have begun and the committee members seem to be doing a good job of laying the groundwork that the Capitol riots were indeed an attempted coup (like we all know it was) and not a friendly, little tourist visit like TFG and his gaslighting Republicans sheeple claim it was. Will it lead to the lying, orange-haired megalomaniac and some of his henchman actually paying for their crimes and going to prison? Unfortunately, we’re pretty skeptical on that.

But as if on cue, the Supreme Court decided to take the attention off of Trump’s culpability by finally overturning Roe v. Wade and setting women’s rights back a half century. We’ve commented many times about a woman’s right to have autonomy over her own body. This seems straightforward to us here at the Bucket and we’re guys. Maybe if the situation is presented in a different way, then maybe the authoritarian christian conservatives who want to rule over every aspect of our lives with an iron fist will understand. Here goes! The uterus is a part of a woman’s body. The testes are parts of a man’s body. It stands to reason that if a man can control a woman’s uterus, then a woman should be able to control a man’s testes. Since the ultra conservative Supreme Court has also expanded concealed gun rights and firearms are pretty much free for the taking here in America, maybe women should start blasting some nuts of these sanctimonious assholes to make a point. Then maybe they’d understand that a person should be able to control their own bodies. We say GO NUTS, WOMEN!!!

In light of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade and expanding gun rights, it stands to reason that if a man can control a woman's uterus, then a woman can control a man's testes. Go nuts, women!
In light of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade and expanding gun rights, it stands to reason that if a man can control a woman’s uterus, then a woman can control a man’s testes. Go nuts, women!

The Ignominious MTHead

The up and coming Republicans in the House of Representative are notorious for one reason – they’re all colossally stupid. Take Matt Gaetz … please. Much like his mentor TFG, Gaetz makes ten inane comments each day before breakfast. Then there is Colorado’s answer to Sarah Palin, Lauren Boobert (misspelling intended). She thinks she’s actually in the same class as AOC, but her comments and actions say otherwise. But the biggest ass on the GOP’s team has to Marjorie Taylor Greene, a.k.a. MTG or as she should be called MTHead. This living relic of Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons mating has collected an astonishing collection of insipid statements in just less than two years of serving as a representative for Georgia’s 14th district which covers the northwest corner of the state.

Just how dumb is this woman? Here’s just a partial summary of her stupidity. MTHead stated that the 2018 California wildfires was started by Jewish space lasers. MTHead stated that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi uses her gazpacho (instead of Gestapo) police in order to spy on House members. MTHead was stripped of committee assignments because she spread QAnon conspiracy theories and incited violence against Democrats. MTHead has repeatedly called coronavirus a hoax and proudly spread anti-vaccine disinformation which won her a ban from Twitter. MTHead has been at the forefront of supporting TFG’s big lie about non-existent election fraud. MTHead has openly supported Russia’s dictator Vlad Putin in his illegal war against Ukraine. MTHead is famously pro-gun and anti-abortion. Her latest of countless gaffes is her conspiracy about Bill Gates forcing us to eat burgers made in peach tree dishes (instead of petri dishes). Holy Freaking Zeus, folks!!! This woman is a complete train wreck!!! What a MORON!!!

Unfortunately, the problem is that the district MTHead represents is heavily right wing conservative Republican. She just handily won her primary and looks to be a shoo-in for another two years despite being possibly the stupidest Congressperson in history. We know one thing: we will never visit that section of Georgia. The people who would elect this imbecile are not worth knowing.

The dull, ovine stare, Neanderthal head shape and insipid commentary on Jewish space lasers, gazpacho police and peach tree dishes indicate that Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia's 14th district may be the stupidest member of the U.S. House of Representatives ever.
The dull, ovine stare, Neanderthal head shape and insipid commentary on Jewish space lasers, gazpacho police and peach tree dishes indicate that Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia’s 14th district may be the stupidest member of the U.S. House of Representatives ever.