The St. Ronald Reagan Institute For Real Science has recently released a new and improved guide to conservation, Republican style, called “Neoconservation”. The BilgeBucket Gazette presents to you some of the suggestions and fascinating findings stated in the report.
- Go out and buy a Hummer. NOW!
- Support your local utility company. Leave the lights on.
- Smog is good for you. Trees cause pollution. Go cut down a tree.
- Extinction is perfectly natural. The polar bear’s gonna die out eventually anyway.
- Crude oil is a necessary part of a caribou’s diet.
- Global warming is good for the planet and the economy. Just think of all the land in Antarctica that can be developed if the ice caps melt.
- Less ozone means better suntans.
- It’s our God given right as Americans to drill for and use every drop of oil on the planet.
- America has plenty of mountains. We can spare two, three or fifty for mining.
- Acid rain scrubs your body clean.
- Factories are our friends. Go hug a smokestack.