Archive for July 29, 2020

The John Lewis Bridge

Congressman and Civil Rights icon John Lewis of Georgia recently passed away at the age of 80. Congressman Lewis was an exemplary citizen who selflessly served not only his district but the entire country. Lewis was part of the infamous Bloody Sunday protest back in 1965, when peaceful protesters, led by Lewis and Martin Luther King Jr. attempted to cross the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama but were brutally beaten by law enforcement officials and racist provocateurs.

There is now a movement to rename the Edmund Pettus Bridge to the John Lewis Bridge. This seems like a no-brainer to us here at the Bucket. Edmund Pettus was a former Confederate Army officer who also was a grand dragon in the Ku Klux Klan. The people of Alabama can continue to embrace their racist, Confederate, KKK past or march into the 21st century and rename the bridge to honor John Lewis, who wanted peace and opportunity for all humans, no matter their race, creed or color.

The citizens of Alabama should build a bridge to the 21st century by renaming the Edmund Pettus Bridge to the John Lewis Bridge in honor of the late congressman and Civil Rights icon.
The citizens of Alabama should build a bridge to the 21st century by renaming the Edmund Pettus Bridge to the John Lewis Bridge in honor of the late congressman and Civil Rights icon.

Trump: Full O’ Beans

The clusterf*ck presidency of Donald Trump drones onward and with every passing day, absurd events occur leaving normal sane individuals banging their heads against brick walls in disbelief. Take Trump’s recent escapade with Goya Beans, a company which sells products catering to the Latino and Hispanic marketplace. Goya CEO Robert Unanue met with Trump and praised him effusively. One cannot find a more vomit inducing example of obsequiousness, even among GOP sycophants. Just watch the video in the link above. It reminds us of that poll last year when Republicans who claimed that Trump’s a better President than Lincoln. Puke, puke and puke!!! Ignorance is alive and well in America, folks!

Not surprisingly, Hispanics, who don’t particularly care for Trump (he called them rapists and murderers), were outraged by the Goya CEO and started a campaign to boycott Goya. Not to be outdone, the Trump family charged into action . . . okay. . . they slithered into action. Ivanka did her best model impersonation with a can of Goya beans and Trump laid out a whole line of Goya products to give his seal of approval., The only problem is that while Trump’s endorsement of Goya may not be illegal, it is definitely unethical. In Ivanka’s case, it’s unethical and she probably broke the law. But why should that matter to the Trump Family Crime Syndicate. Ethics, smethics! The laws don’t apply to them. They’ve been doing whatever they want since Fred Sr. ruled the roost, taking no responsibility and facing no repercussions for their actions.

Who knows? Maybe Trump is planning to roll out a new business in the fine tradition of his other ‘successful’ endeavors like Trump Vodka, Trump Water, Trump Air and Trump University. Yep, we think Trump Beans is on the horizon, because when it comes to beans. . . Trump is full of ’em. Ivanka can even lend her incredible smiling and holding talents to pose with a can of Trump beans cajoling people to “Jump start your farts with my Daddy’s favorite.” Trump can even create an award called the “Ten Toot Salute” to proudly promote that his beans are winners. And pay no attention to the explosive flatulence or chronic diarrhea. That’s all a hoax! Eat the beans! What have you got to lose!

From the fine people who brought you Trump Vodka, Trump Air, Trump Water and Trump University comes their next doomed endeavor, the ultimate in designer beans, Trump Beans. Because when it comes to beans, Trump is full of 'em. Trump Beans is the winner of the coveted Ten Toot Salute award created by Donald Trump for excellence in bean stuff. Like Ivanka sez, jump start your farts with her Daddy's favorite, Trump Beans. Rumors that these beans cause explosive flatulence and chronic diarrhea are a hoax. Go ahead and eat 'em. What have you got to lose.
From the fine people who brought you Trump Vodka, Trump Air, Trump Water and Trump University comes their next doomed endeavor, the ultimate in designer beans, Trump Beans. Because when it comes to beans, Trump is full of ’em. Trump Beans is the winner of the coveted Ten Toot Salute award created by Donald Trump for excellence in bean stuff. Like Ivanka sez, jump start your farts with her Daddy’s favorite, Trump Beans. Rumors that these beans cause explosive flatulence and chronic diarrhea are a hoax. Go ahead and eat ’em. What have you got to lose.

GOP Putin On The Ritz

We’ve been appalled by antics of the Trump administration for the last three and a half years and guess what folks. . . the hits keep a comin’. Recently it was learned that Russia had placed bounties on the heads of American soldiers in Afghanistan. This shouldn’t be that surprising considering the United States did pretty much the same thing against the Soviet soldiers with the mujahideen freedom fighters (which included Osama Bin Laden) back during the Soviet Union’s military adventure in Afghanistan back in the 1980s. The U.S. has pretty much overstayed our welcome in the place where empires go to die so the bounties by the Taliban should not be a shock.

But what is disconcerting is that Trump has struggled to speak out against Putin on the matter and won’t even begin to talk about possible sanctions. We all know about Trump’s man crush on the Russian President but by not addressing this obviously disturbing piece of news, he’s adding fuel to the fire that he’s somehow being controlled by Russia’s leader. The Mueller report concluded that Russia interfered in the 2016 election and is already at it in the 2020 election. Not only that, Russia is hacking COVID-19 vaccine data. And yet Trump and the Republican party stays silent on the matter. Moscow Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell and the GOP Senate has even blocked any kind of bill for election security. Due to the malfeasance of the Trump administration in handling the coronavirus pandemic, the news of the bounties has already been relegated to the back burner. Even veterans have voiced their concerns, but in typical Trumpian fashion, our CEO/Dictator and petulant man child does nothing.

That’s because the Republican party has clearly become the party for white nationalists and lovers of authoritarianism and fascism, . . . you know . . . Putin-style ‘democracy’. We remember a photo back when Obama was President and he was giving Putin the evil eye, like he was saying, “Cut the bullshit, Vlad!” Pretty badass, right? Of course, the Republicans were rooting for the white guy in the photo because:

  • They’re the ones who are un-American
  • They’re racist as hell
  • They’re THE PROBLEM

Solve the problem on November 3rd and vote out every Republican sycophant from federal level all the way down to state level. When you let a foreign power like Russia have influence over our country, that’s unacceptable, untenable and un-American.

With their strange attraction to Russian President Vladimir Putin, modern day Republicans and supporters of Donald Trump seem to have misplaced their priorities, their common sense and their loyalty to America.
With their strange attraction to Russian President Vladimir Putin, modern day Republicans and supporters of Donald Trump seem to have misplaced their priorities, their common sense and their loyalty to America.

GOP Living In The Twilight Zone

The coronavirus situation is getting worse in the U.S. and America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his sycophantic Republican cronies have resorted to the tried and true GOP method of dealing with problems: deny, distract and gaslight. Remember when Mick Mulvaney tried to convince the public that quid pro quos were good and that people would just have to ‘get over it’? Fun times! Then Donald Trump got impeached. Hey GOP: that went well didn’t it. Arizona’s Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) did the same thing last month and Arizona is now 7th in the nation in number of cases and added more cases per capita than any country on the planet in the past week. So much winning!

So, in typical conservative Republican fashion, they’re sticking to their guns with pathological liar Trump proclaiming to all this past week that Americans will just have to get over it and learn to live with the possibility of getting the virus and . . .yada, yada, yada . . . maybe DIE! And now Trump is bullying the CDC to relax guidelines in order to send our children back to schools this fall in the midst of a pandemic which has killed over 130,000 people already (that’s over 43 9/11s, folks). With this kind of leadership who needs enemies. Oh, that’s right. . . Trump is okay with enemies killing our troops.

The cowardly, obsequious Senate Republicans are in quite a pickle and stand to lose the Executive Branch, House and even the Senate by continuing to prop up Trump. It reminds us of the classic Twilight Zone episode called Its a Good Life, in which a spoiled, petulant little boy (played by Billy Mumy) with extraordinary powers terrorizes everyone in the community and no one stands up to him for fear of being ‘sent to the cornfield’. They just repeat over and over how great he is and that everything he does is ‘real good’, while the terror goes on and on and on. Sound familiar? In 2020, Republicans are living in their own self-manufactured Twilight Zone. Like this video from the Lincoln Project says, may they all suffer the deserved consequences for their fecklessness in letting democracy die in America.

In 2020, with Donald Trump as their dear Leader, the Republicans are living in the Twilight Zone.
In 2020, with Donald Trump as their dear Leader, the Republicans are living in the Twilight Zone.

D.C. Cherry Blossoms

Amazingly, it’s almost football season and most American men are looking to the soothing distraction of sports to take their mind off of how awful 2020 is. Seriously, 2020 sucks!!! It’s no surprise that the topic of the Washington Redskins offensive nickname has came up again and FedEx, the owner of the stadium the team plays in, has been insistent with Redskins ownership to change the name of the team to something less racist and obnoxious. The controversy has existed for many years and yet the owner of the team, Dan Snyder, refuses to change things, saying the name is part of the team’s heritage stating, “We’ll never change the name. It’s that simple. NEVER—you can use caps.” Talk about being stubborn as a mule!

Since we’re talking about the gawdawful stupidity of collegiate and professional sports, it’s time for another edition of Helmet Hilarity. We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school and team mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So, in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of obscure collegiate teams (or future football teams) and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present a possible new contender for the Redskins. We did a BilgeBucket List several years ago about the re-branding theme; the top new names for the Washington Redskins. While the most logical new moniker would be Warriors, (you could keep the current color scheme and even the classic spear helmet), we’d like to see one of the names we suggested from our Bucket List get chosen. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the team name was changed to the D.C. Cherry Blossoms. We can just picture the pink helmet with a big cluster of cherry blossoms depicted on it, with pink, creme and cherry red uniforms. What manly man, testosterone crazed football fan in D.C. wouldn’t love it, amirite? Just imagine the excitement of the brand new Thanksgiving Day rivalry between the Cowboys and the Cherry Blossoms. Getting goosebumps yet? Or how about the ‘fierce mascot’ match-up between the Cardinals and the Cherry Blossoms? You could bring a picnic lunch and take a nap. ‘Cuz you know . . . there’s nothing more important in life for Americans than football and just like Family Guy needed Conway Twitty, Trump and the Republicans desperately need the distraction of professional and collegiate sports to obfuscate their gross incompetence and malfeasance to voters even if it means that the athletes could catch the coronavirus, which many baseball players have done already. But then again, sacrificing one’s health for the good of the economy is what living in Trumpland is all about. So, GO CHERRY BLOSSOMS!!!

The football helmet and jerseys of the renamed Redskins, now called the D.C. Cherry Blossoms, complete with pink, creme and cherry red color scheme which will surely please all the macho manly man football fans in the Washington D.C. area.
The football helmet and jerseys of the renamed Redskins, now called the D.C. Cherry Blossoms, complete with pink, creme and cherry red color scheme which will surely please all the macho manly man football fans in the Washington D.C. area.

Racists Pickin’ Cotton?

Lost amidst the recent headlines of America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump ignoring Russia’s bounties on American soldiers in Afghanistan, the ever expanding number of COVID-19 cases in the U.S. and all the other Trumpf*ckery that is transpiring right now, is the apparent debut of the possible new standard bearer for the Republican party in the 2024 presidential election. The polls are so bad for Trump that some Republicans seem to be giving up hope and laying the groundwork for a successor to the authoritarian wing of the GOP. Some are even saying Trump will drop out. We don’t know about that but there’s one person who has stepped forward as the new white hope for Republicans: Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton.

Cotton recently penned a much criticized opinion piece in the New York Times stating that the military must be used to crush any protesters with overwhelming force. Gee, Mr. Cotton. . . does that go for the boneheaded, assault rifle toting, anti-lockdown MÆGAMorons who don’t want to wear a mask because it doesn’t look manly? Of course not! Those guys are white! Now, we’re not saying Cotton is racist but he sure is using the same dog whistles as Trump and other GOP Senators from the South have been using . . . for decades.

In addition to his toxic tome in the Times, he also spouted similar racist logic recently when the House approved statehood for Washington D.C. In Cotton’s dissenting viewpoint: despite that “the District has more residents than both Wyoming and Vermont, he argued that its economy and political leanings disqualified it from full representation. Its citizens, he suggested, were incapable of governing themselves responsibly and, in any case, did not deserve a voice in Congress because they hold jobs he considered illegitimate“. When you consider the fact that the majority of D.C. is African-American and Democrat . . . yeah, that’s some pretty good racism right there. Then Cotton said Wyoming’s “well-rounded working class” was more worthy of statehood. As you already may have surmised, Wyoming is mostly white (around 80%) and very Republican. Yep, we’re thinking the possible new GOP standard bearer Tom Cotton will be a dad gum fine heir to the right-wing, authoritarian, fascist, Nazi and KKK loving, redneck empire, now called the Republican party.

Arkansas Senator and complete non-racist Tom Cotton explains with foolproof logic why anti-lockdown protesters are okay while all other protesters should be annihilated.
Arkansas Senator and complete non-racist Tom Cotton explains with foolproof logic why anti-lockdown protesters are okay while all other protesters should be annihilated.