DeVos: Secretary Of MisEducation

Like every week in the Trump era, there is just an ungodly amount of shit to process. We’ve had a Rexit already this week, more Stormy Daniels news and the GOP in the House completely lost all credibility by pronouncing that Russia didn’t collude with Trump in the 2016 election. But also, Secretary of Education (or MisEducation), Betsy DeVos gave a universally panned interview with 60 minutes Saturday where she exposed her incompetence for all to see. It’s truly stunning to see such ineptitude on a national level but hey…this is the Trump administration.

Trump’s cabinet is truly a clusterf*ck of clowns – Pruitt, Zinke, Perry, Carson, etc… The scary thing is that while Trump provides cover with hourly feats of colossal stupidity, the underlings, like DeVos, are quietly dismantling our government. Like we’ve said before, the Republicans don’t want small government, they want no government.

Betsy DeVos explains that funding schools less will lead to improvement is as obvious as 2+2=5, Detroit is capital of Michigan and Donald Trump is the bestest president ever.

Secretary of (Mis)Education, Betsy DeVos, explains in elementary terms how truly incompetent she is.

Rewind: John Bolton’s Image Makeover

The exodus of personnel from the disaster that is the Trump White House continues. Rumor has it that NSA advisor, H.R. McMaster, one of the few competent people in the Trump administration, is heading for the hills. The scuttlebutt is that everyone’s favorite mustachioed, hate filled, crusty curmudgeon, former United Nations Ambassador during the Bush Administration, John Bolton, is being considered for the NSA position. Bolton is an unabashed warmonger and would be disastrous not only for the country but for the world.

Back during Dubya’s days in the White House, we had a regular feature here at the Bucket called Probing Inquiries. Bolton definitely had an image problem (and still does) and desperately needed an image makeover so he’d appeal to a wider swath of Americans. How’d it turn out? You be the judge.

This is from our January 11, 2006 issue.

Probing Inquiries

Fantasticus - BilgeBucket GazetteJohn Bolton Softens His Image

The new controversial U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, recently hired a crew to completely makeover his image from a grizzled curmudgeon to a softer, more amiable statesman. Leader of the makeover team, world renowned fashion consultant Fantasticus, who is also responsible for the stylish makeovers of Katie Couric, Condoleezza Rice and Prince Charles’ polo horse Skippy, describes the different looks considered in the makeover odyssey. The final result will surely make John Bolton the most loveable U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations ever!

John Bolton with a Michael Bolton makeover.The obvious first choice was to make John Bolton look like the other famous Bolton in America, singer Michael Bolton. We thought the long locks, smoldering eyes and sex appeal of Michael would transfer well to John. We were wrong. Next!






John Bolton with a Donald Trump makeover.Next!!!!!








John Bolton with an Easter Bunny makeover.We decided to try to make John Bolton more fluffy and lovable and who is more fluffy and lovable than the Easter Bunny. Well this just plain frightened our test group, which was made up of mostly children. I’m pretty sure they’ll probably have nightmares for the remainders of their lives. Next!





John Bolton with a Tyra Banks makeoverThe makeover was going downhill quicker than Bill O’Reilly’s ‘War on Christmas’, so I called in makeover diva, Tyra Banks, as a consultant. Tyra is known for her ‘fierce’ makeovers, but this look just creeped everyone out. Next! Hurry!






John Bolton with a Dame Edna makeover.WINNER! We fired Tyra immediately, but she was on the right track. Who’s more non-threatening in a masculine-feminine way than Dame Edna. This look will put his fellow ambassadors at ease and bring laughter and love to the entire United Nations.






GOP Wants Pistol Packing Teachers

We’ve commented many times about gun control here. We’ve even created a category. This subject seems like a no-brainer to most civilized, intelligent citizens. For starters, reinstate the assault weapon ban and mass school shootings will decline. All logic points to this action.

But American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, and his Republican pals continue to lick the ass of their masters, the NRA, and push for ludicrous, asinine solutions. Just this past week Trump trotted out the old “let’s arm the teachers” suggestion to widespread and deserved ridicule. Then he backtracked and suggested that the cruel media was putting words in his mouth. Then he suggested that he’d run in and save the children. This from a man who got five deferments from Vietnam, one for bone spurs. He couldn’t even protect his son and wife from rain with his umbrella. And yet, Trump would charge into a school without a weapon to attack a shooter?  Not bloody likely!

Let’s make no mistake: arming teachers is a horrendous idea. Arming students is a horrendous idea. Voting for Republicans is a horrendous idea. Modern day conservative Republicans are broken human beings and need to be removed from any kind of position of power.  And Democrats, who also feed at the NRA trough, need to start stepping up to the plate, grow a spine and start pushing for legislation against assault weapons.

And as if on cue, this just in… there’s news that a teacher in Georgia barricaded himself inside a school and fired a gun. Hey Republicans…still think arming teachers is a great idea?

In conservative Republican schools of the future, no nonsense teachers will teach our children the importance of a good education beginning with how to use a gun.

In conservative Republican schools of the future, no nonsense teachers will teach our children the importance of a good education beginning with how to use a gun.

We’re Living In 1984

We’re sick of Trump and his horde of gun loving, conservative Republican malcontents, so we’re doing a palette cleanser today and instead focus on how technology has transformed our society and not always for the best.

We’ve commented before about the ubiquity of cell phones and how we’re completely and totally distracted by all things related to technology. We saw the old Apple Macintosh commercial from 1984 not too long ago and the irony leaped out at us. In the commercial, the downtrodden people are slaves to their masters who appear on screens barking instructions on what to do and how to do it. By choosing the Mac, one can break free from the bonds of uniformity and gains independence.

Cut to the 21st century and people everywhere are walking around like automatons taking orders from first, Apple’s guru Steve Jobs, who passed away in 2011, and now Tim Cook. When Apple issues a new iPhone, people drop what they’re doing and wait in line for days for the new gadget. When Jobs spoke, people sat spellbound in the audience just like in the 1984 commercial. Now, Cook does the same. Oh, the Irony!

We’re not saying all tech is bad. The Internet is clearly a wonderful thing. No longer does one have to trek to a library to do research. One can find the weather forecast instantaneously or watch world events happening in real time.  But the fact is that we don’t control technology anymore; technology controls us.  We are truly slaves to technology. And the people who are in control of our society are taking complete advantage.  At any given time, you can be tracked down and located. One disturbing instance in Orwell’s book 1984 was that people couldn’t even enjoy their own privacy. Big Brother was always watching them and knew where they were at all times. Well, Big Brother is watching us now and it’s not just the government. Tech companies like Facebook, Twitter and Google wield enormous power and influence. Our society is permanently distracted by social media and until we learn to control our addiction, our society will continue to suffer. When the measure of a human being is how many friends one has on Facebook or how many followers you have on Twitter then something is seriously wrong. We need to break free from this conformity and regain our independence or else accept that the dystopian future of 1984 has come to pass.

Humanity has managed to make the dystopian future depicted in George Orwell's book 1984 a reality in the technology addicted 21st century.

Humanity has managed to make the dystopian future depicted in George Orwell’s book 1984 a reality in the technology addicted 21st century.

Trump’s Racist Wunderkind

With Steve Bannon out of the White House, the role of the most repulsive, alt-right, Nazi deplorable in the Trump Administration falls to ‘senior’ advisor and Pauly Shore look-a-like, Stephen Miller. We say ‘senior’ facetiously because this twerp is only thirty-two years old and knows absolutely squat. He was in high school when Dubya sent troops to Afghanistan for Pete’s sake and he was supposedly transformed by reading NRA head, Wayne LaPierre. This is one broken human being and yet he’s got the ear of American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump. We think of him as a cross between Wormtongue and Himmler.

There’s been much speculation that he’s behind most of Trump’s immigration bans and that his advice nixed any deals on DACA last month. From all accounts, he’s always been a hateful person who delights at creating havoc, chaos and misery for anyone who doesn’t agree with his narrow minded world view; unfortunately a perfect fit for the modern day, authoritarian, fascist Republican party. We’re hoping, for the good of the nation, that the Stephen Miller: Racist Dickhead show will get cancelled before it gets to a third season.

Stephen Miller, senior adviser to American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, explains that he's not racist, he just likes himself and Donald Trump.

Stephen Miller, ‘senior’ advisor to American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and racist dickhead extraordinaire, explains the subtle intricacies of his complex world view.

The Ursula Of The White House

There are so many incompetent enablers in the Trump Administration’s White House, it truly is dizzying to contemplate and nauseating to live with. We’ve already commented on many but we’ve yet to talk about Press Secretary and Chief Prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders. We never thought she could outdo the previous Press Secretary, Sean ‘ Spicey’ Spicer, on bald faced lying to the public but as everything else with this clownish administration, new depths of ineptitude are explored and exceeded everyday.

Ms. Sanders is only thirty-five years old but owes her high profile job to the fact that she is Mike *uckabee’s daughter. Former Arkansas governor *uckabee was one of the clowns in the Con-a-thon 2016 Republican clown car and is a well known bible thumper. Trump’s been giving some of his fellow clowns, like Ben Carson and Rick Perry, high profile positions in his cabinet. So it’s really no surprise that he’s given the position to someone so vastly unqualified. Hey, look at Jared Kushner and Trump’s own daughter Ivanka.

Ms. Sanders should realize that according to her belief system, lying or bearing false witness is a sin and punishment by damnation in hell. We find it funny that she’s been wearing more and more makeup in her press briefings in an attempt to make her appear less repugnant. She should realize that her obsequious fealty to Trump, dishonesty and lack of integrity makes her more unsightly than Ursula from the Little Mermaid, whom she curiously resembles.

Trump administration Press Secretary and pathological prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders, bears a striking resemblance to beloved cartoon sea hag, Ursula.

Trump administration Press Secretary and pathological prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders, bears a striking resemblance to beloved cartoon sea hag, Ursula.

The Hypocritical Mulligan

We’ve commented ad infinitum over the last ten years about the unbelievable hypocrisy of the evangelical christians in this country. Well that hypocrisy was on full display last week when Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, stated that Donald Trump should get a mulligan for paying hooker Stormy Daniels hush money about an illicit rendezvous in 2006, when Trump’s wife Melania was recovering after giving birth to their son Barron.  The evangelicals had a cow when Bill Clinton had a affair, but when Donald Trump had one just after his son was born, they just turned their sanctimonious heads and look the other way. Wow! What a horde of HYPOCRITES!

And unfortunately the evangelicals will probably never be convinced on what a slime bucket Trump is. Millions of evangelicals “believe the election of President Trump represented God giving us(christians) another chance.” The Young Turks gave a thoughtful and frightening analysis of this, stating that because the ‘faithful’ believe God wanted Trump to be President and God is never wrong, the sheeple must therefore support Trump come hell or the apocalypse. So just like Donald Trump predicted on the campaign trail, he could probably murder somebody in cold blood and the sheeple would still support him. And people wonder why we’re anti-religion atheists here at the Bucket; when you can’t think critically about your leaders, or anything for that matter, you’re putting not only the entire country at risk, but with man-child Donald Trump in the White House, the entire planet.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for paying hush money to a hooker because who among us hasn't like that wild night in Jericho with Mary Magdalene.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for paying hush money to a hooker because hey…you know…who hasn’t.

GOP: The Government Wrecking Machine

The big news this past week was the government shutdown which showed to all how inept the Republicans are and how truly spineless the Democrats are and how truly screwed the American people are. The Republicans control the House, Senate and White House and yet couldn’t agree to anything. The Democrats, led by Chuck Schumer, caved on DACA and immigration. We’ve mentioned before here at the Bucket, how we think that the Democrats and Republicans are just good-cop, bad-copping the people of America so that their corporate overlords can make ungodly amounts of money at the taxpayers expense. The latest tax bill sure benefits the rich at the expense of the rest of us. And the stock market taking off clearly indicates that Americans are beholden now to corporate interests: you better please Wall Street or else.

Of course, the Republicans are conning the nation like they’ve been since the days of Nixon; they truly put the CON in CONservative. They keep preaching that they’re the party of small government. But their actions tell a different tale. In addition to the shutdown of the government, which the Republicans didn’t really mind, just like 2013, all of Trump’s executive orders reversing the much needed regulations on industry and the generous tax bill, which pretty much kills any government income, seem to show that the Republicans don’t just want small government, they want NO GOVERNMENT! It’s no secret they want to privatize everything including infrastructure, social security and medicare and dismantle any government agencies which may provide protection for the average American citizen, like the Consumer Financial Protection Agency or the Environmental Protection Agency. This is a complete seizure of power by corporate America and their willing lackeys in congress who will bring down the government from the inside. Ladies and gentlemen; this is what a corporate oligarchy and fascism looks like.

The Republicans don't want small government, they want no government.

Thanks to the Republican party and American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, Americans don’t have to be bothered with the burden of a democratic government and stupid things like laws and regulation.

A Touch Of Quackery

Guess what, America…we can all take a deep breath now. According to White House physician, Ronny Jackson, American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump is fit as a fiddle and mentally sharp as a tack. Whew! What a load off our minds. So all those stupid things that’s he’s been saying and doing the last two and a half years are all just perfectly normal or in typical conservative Republican-speak, there’s nothing to see here folks.

But then take a look at the cognitive test that was given to Trump. A third grader could have passed the test. Discerning and naming a lion, a rhino and a camel? Sweet freaking Zeus! So does that mean a third grader could be just as effective as Trump? Considering that Trump has the emotional intelligence of a child, we say yes; the third grader could probably do a much better job than the orange haired rage monster.

Jackson also stated that Trump is in excellent health and has ‘incredible genes’ and if he had a healthier diet ‘he might live to be 200’. Really???!!! Methinks there is some quackery afoot in the White House doctor’s office. If Dr. Jackson thinks Trump is ‘healthy’, we think the good doctor should seriously resign and find another profession because there is no way we’d come to him for any kind of medical advice. We know Jackson served both Dubya and Obama, but come on… Trump in excellent health???!!! Just more bullshit from the White House.

There's quackery afoot in the White House as Dr. Ronny Jackson proclaims that since American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, knows a camel by sight, he's totally competent to be President, which causes Trump to celebrate his sanity by bombing Kim Jong Un.

There’s quackery afoot in the White House as Dr. Ronny Jackson proclaims that since American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, can tell a lion from a camel, he’s totally competent to be President.

Trump: Making America A Shithole

For the approximately the millionth time during his clusterf*ck of a presidency, American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, managed to stick his foot in his mouth, this time pissing off a sizable chunk of the world. In discussing immigration and DACA, he lamented that the United States gets only immigrants from shithole countries like Haiti and El Salvador and wished for more people from Norway. And for the millionth time, conservative Republican lackeys bolted forward and disgracefully tried to spin Trump’s racist drivel.

Norwegians overwhelmingly rejected Trump’s offer, seeing that they’ve been named the happiest nation on the planet. Citizens from all over the globe also condemned Trump’s deplorable remarks. One of the more biting responses was from Christian Christensen, an American professor of journalism at Stockholm University in neighboring Sweden, who said on Twitter: “Of course people from #Norway would love to move to a country where people are far more likely to be shot, live in poverty, get no healthcare because they’re poor, get no paid parental leave or subsidized daycare and see fewer women in political power. #Shithole” Ouch! We couldn’t have said it better ourselves although we’ll try with this photo-toon.

A wise Norwegian rejects American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's tempting invitation to immigrate to a shithole country like the United States with its shithole leader.

A wise, happy Norwegian rejects American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s tempting invitation to immigrate to a shithole country like the United States with its shithole leader.