Akron Instead Of Dallas?

During our 20th anniversary retrospective last year, we reposted a couple of photo-toons from our Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors feature we had from 2003-2009, postulating that we would resurrect the light hearted feature in the future when we needed a palate cleanser from the dirty world of politics. We’ll here’s our latest installment, just in time to take a break from TFG and his corrupt pals in the joke that is the Roberts’ Supreme Court.

What’s more fun these days than trivia . . .especially trivia about America’s favorite pastime. No, it’s not baseball trivia. And no it’s not trivia on the sex life of Paris Hilton. It’s the boob tube, the idiot box . . . TV trivia! Yes, and what’s even more peachy keen is this trivia may not even be true; dare we say gossip, because you know, checking sources takes a lot of time and we’ve got TV to watch. So we present to you Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors! Yes, we’re talking seconds of entertainment all in one feature.

Today’s completely not made-up authentic rumor is that the smash ’80s TV show Dallas was originally named Akron and set in the rubber capital of the world, Akron, Ohio. The show was to revolve around the exploits of the Ewing family who were a clan of rubber robber barons. Wow! Does that sound exciting or what? If this show would’ve taken off, people would have flocking to Akron during the ’80s instead of Dallas. Oh, what could have been.

Rumor has it that Dallas was originally named Akron when it was first conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around the Ewing family who were rubber robber barons living in the rubber capital of the world, Akron, Ohio. Fortunately, veteran actor Larry Hagman suggested that the Ewings be a family of oil tycoons who lived on a sprawling ranch in the Texas city of Dallas, which was experiencing massive growth at the time. The result was one of the most popular television series of all time. The third season cliffhanger episode of "Who shot J.R.?" was one of the most watched episodes ever and made Larry Hagman a megastar. We can only imagine at how quickly the show would have been cancelled had it stayed in Akron.
Rumor has it that Dallas was originally named Akron when it was first conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around the Ewing family who were rubber robber barons living in the rubber capital of the world, Akron, Ohio. Fortunately, veteran actor Larry Hagman suggested that the Ewings be a family of oil tycoons who lived on a sprawling ranch in the Texas city of Dallas, which was experiencing massive growth at the time. The result was one of the most popular television series of all time. The third season cliffhanger episode of “Who shot J.R.?” was one of the most watched episodes ever and made Larry Hagman a megastar. We can only imagine at how quickly the show would have been cancelled had it stayed in Akron.

Wake Up America! (Part ∞)

Recently, twice impeached former American CEO/Dictator and megalomaniac man child Donald Trump, who is dealing with 91 felony charges against him said something really disturbing. (As if everything from 2015 to present day hasn’t been, amirite?) TFG said at one of his suckfests that he would encourage Russia to invade any of our NATO allies who didn’t pay their bills. That’s right, folks: Trump openly and proudly aligned himself with the ruthless dictator Vladimir Putin and his corrupt autocratic oligarchy. Europe and especially Ukraine needs the United States support now more than ever. They don’t need one of the main candidates for President sucking up to a cold-blooded despot like Putin.

This isn’t the first time he’s flagrantly kissed Putin’s ass on the world stage. Who can forget his meeting with Putin in summer 2018 at Helsinki, where he groveled in front of him looking like he was Putin’s bitch. He has fawned repeatedly over his idol and even stated he trusts Putin more than our FBI. He’s even called for Putin to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails back during the 2016 election.

We’re reposting a photo-toon from August 10, 2018 because it illustrates perfectly the hypocrisy and buffoonery of today’s Republican party. How the hell is Donald Trump still the GOP’s candidate for President when if any of his predecessors would done what he did they would have been rightfully condemned for their actions? Wake up America!!! The orange fraud has performed all three of these actions! He should not only be barred from running from President, he should be deported to Russia so he can live in eternal bliss with his man crush, Vladimir Putin!

Can you imagine the outrage if Eisenhower said he trusted the KGB more than the CIA or if Reagan fawned over a 'strong and powerful' Gorbachev or if Obama received help wining his elections from Putin.
Modern day Republicans conveniently look away from Trump’s outrageous actions that would have gotten previous presidents universal condemnation.

Trump Is A Fraud!

Well the verdict is in and America’s twice impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, a.k.a TFG, has been found guilty of fraud in New York and fined $354 million dollars. The pre-judgement interest number boosts the amount to almost $450 million dollars or $450,000,000. That’s a lotta dough, folks! Then there’s the $83 million he has to cough up for the E. Jean Carroll defamation suit. Could it be that the orange skinned megalomaniac man child is finally facing some accountability? It sure looks like it. All we have to say is thank you E. Jean Carroll, Letitia James and the state of New York. You’ve taken Trump’s BS for many years and now you’ve finally got him. We can safely and accurately call Trump for what he is and always has been: a FRAUD! All the Republicans who still support this man are colossally stupid fools and we have no sympathy for you.

For our photo-toon today we went over to the Obama poster generator and made an image befitting of America’s biggest con man and crook. Choke on it, MAGA Morons!

Donald Trump is a fraud!
Donald Trump is a fraud!

The Clown Prince of Journalism Returns

Unfortunately, Tucker Carlson is back making news again because he decided to travel to Russia and interview Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. Now, Tuckhead isn’t with Fox News, a.k.a. Republican Propaganda Network, but he’s just trying to reestablish his journalistic credentials by trying to take on a living James Bond villain.

How did it go? By most honest accounts, Carlson failed miserably. Putin basically blathered on about his own propaganda of how Ukraine doesn’t even exist as a nation. Putin even managed to insult Carlson to his face leaving the crown prince of journalism simpering like the fool he is. Seriously, how did any Republican, or American for that matter, allow Putin have this platform to push his propaganda? News flash: we’re supporting Ukrainian democracy, not Russian authoritarianism! We have a suggestion to any Republican who thinks Putin is awesome: move to Russia! Putin wants nothing more than to end the United States of America. If the U.S. is out of the picture, he will control or influence, along with China, most of the countries in Europe, Asia and Africa. What he has done since the fall of the Soviet Union is use capitalism against us and he’s done it pretty effectively by completely buying the GOP and dividing America with a campaign of disinformation through social media, where articles with the most clicks must be the truth. Who would have thought that so many Republicans would now worship the leader of a country Reagan labeled as the evil empire. We repeat: if you think Putin is so great, move to Russia!

Finally, we wonder what would have happened if the clown prince of journalism had lived during World War II? Tucknuts probably would have yucked it up with Hitler the same way he did with Putin. What a putz!!!

If Tucker Carlson, the clown prince of journalism, had lived during World War II, we're sure he would have given German dictator Adolf Hitler the same kind of 'grilling' he gave Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.
If Tucker Carlson, the clown prince of journalism, had lived during World War II, we’re sure he would have given German dictator Adolf Hitler the same kind of ‘grilling’ he gave Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.

The Golden Calf Still Bleats

America’s twice impeached former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump, a.k.a. TFG, is still bleating to his MAGA Moron followers how persecuted he is with some of his sheeple touting him as the new Jesus. We delivered a post back on April Fool’s Day in 2017 which pretty much sums up what Donald Trump is.

Since nothing has changed about this charlatan since then, our analysis still applies: If you make under 100k a year and you vote Republican, you are voting against your own self interests and you are a sucker and a fool. Or to put it in biblical terms, you are worshiping a modern day golden calf and that calf’s name is Donald Trump.

Donald Trump - Modern Day Golden Calf
The biblical myth of the golden calf has resurrected itself in the form of American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

Trump & Jeebus: Peas In A Pod

One of our features here is Capitalist Jesus where we present Jesus dressed in his best suit and tie ensemble commenting how wonderful capitalism and right wing conservative christianity is. Because nothing is more christian than the unregulated greed and selfishness brought on by unregulated capitalism. Like we’ve said before, unregulated capitalism is just indirect cannibalism. We’re killing each other for fun and profit.

Which reminds us of TFG, a.k.a. former twice impeached American CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump. We posted a photo-toon of Capitalist Jesus back in 2016 when TFG started running for President which pretty much sums up how hypocritical modern evangelical christians in the GOP are when it comes to supporting this pathological liar. Since Con-a-thon 2024 is basically a repeat of Con-a-thon 2020 and Trump ran during the Con-a-thon 2016, our job here is pretty easy. Since the Republican Party is rinsing and repeating with the stupidity of Donald Trump, we can rinse and repeat with our photo-toons because one thing hasn’t changes since 2016: Donald Trump is still a greedy, egomaniacal, petty, self-aggrandizing misogynistic, bombastic, materialistic, deceitful, callous, bigoted and oppressive asshole.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, is stoked that his ideological twin, Donald Trump, looks to be the GOP nominee for president.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, is stoked that his ideological twin, Donald Trump, looks to be the GOP nominee for president.

God’s Little Puppet

Mike Johnson has only been Speaker of the House for a short period of time and it already looks like he may not be long for the job. This bible-thumper actually reached across the aisle and came up with a funding bill to avoid a government shutdown which left the raving lunatics of the GOP foaming at the mouth.

We have no sympathy for this person. He’s an open christian nationalist who wants nothing more than to turn this country into a theocracy. Not only that, he’s a creationist and believes in the rapture. Like we’ve said before, if you believe that nonsense you should be permanently banned from the corridors of power. He has openly opined that he thinks God wanted him to be Speaker. Sound familiar? George W. Bush said that God wanted him to be President and now evangelical whack jobs have produced a propaganda video proclaiming that God created TFG to be America’s ‘Caretaker’.

We think that sanctimonious Mike Johnson bears a striking resemblance to another little bible thumper from the ’60s: little Davey from the Davey and Goliath stop motion claymation puppet show that preached the bible to kids every Sunday morning. Little Davey, along with his dog Goliath and his holier-than-thou family shoved their religion down every child’s throat. Just watch some of these old shows, especially the ‘lost episode’ about the Polka Dot Tie. The cringe is massive. And now America has a little Davey second in line for the Presidency. May Zeus help us all!

Republican Speaker of the House and christian nationalist Mike Johnson bears a striking resemblance to animated clay bible thumper Davey from the Davey and Goliath show of the 1960s and even has vowed to shove his religion down everyone's throat just like Davey.
Republican Speaker of the House and christian nationalist Mike Johnson bears a striking resemblance to animated clay bible thumper Davey from the Davey and Goliath show of the 1960s and even has vowed to shove his religion down everyone’s throat just like Davey.

Forecast 2024: Goodbye Women’s Rights?

We’re not going to lie to you, folks. We’ve been thinking of hanging up the old bilge bucket over the last couple years. We don’t like what’s happening with TFG, the GOP or the corporate media. If this were a functioning socity of law and order, he should already be in jail serving a sentence for any of his 91 criminal counts, especially provoking the Jan. 6th insurrection. It’s obvious and if the Republicans were in any way honest, they’d admit their mistake, cut him loose and choose a new standard bearer for their party. But they’re not honest in the slightest despite claiming to be conservative christians. We honestly don’t think if Jesus somehow came back to Earth, he’d be hanging out with Trumpty Dumpty.

We think Biden is doing a great job – a lot better than we thought he would quite frankly. He’s been laser focused on restoring our relationships with our allies, helping spread democracy in Ukraine and improving the economy. His legislative victories (Infrastructure Act, Inflation Reduction Act, Chips Act, Pact Act, etc . . .) are reminiscent of LBJ’s first term. So we absolutely don’t trust polls that say Trump is leading Biden. Moreover, the media is doing an atrocious job of highlighting Biden’s accomplishments. Remember, Trump said the stock market would crash under Biden, but instead, it’s been approaching all-time highs. Not only that, he has hardly spent any time on the golf course unlike a certain orange tub o’ goo.

We’ve decided to go one more election cycle (or Con-a-thons as we like to call them) and then call it quits. We’ll be mostly posting old photo-toons relating to TFG since he’s the same a-hole that he’s been since forever. Plus, we’ll add some new ones on him and the new confederacy of dunces masquerading as GOP congressmen and senators. Plus, to keep our own sanity, we’ll post non-political schtuff to try and get back to our original quest of being a poor man’s Onion. Will it work? Who knows! But let’s see what happens anyway.

Republicans have already taken away reproductive rights from females and are aiming to regress the role of women in America to 19th century status of being just a non-voting baby factory.
Republicans have already taken away reproductive rights from females and are aiming to regress the role of women in America to 19th century status of being just a non-voting baby factory.

Jan 6th: Traitor’s Day

January 6th marks the three year anniversary of the Capitol riots, Treason Day, Insurrection Day or Traitor’s Day – all names are fitting. It’s been three years since that infamous day and not one of the instigators like Paul Gosar, Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley and Marjorie Taylor Greene have been held accountable and are still roaming free. And the biggest offender, TFG, is the leading candidate for the Republican nomination for President, which will undoubtedly turn into the office of President-for-Life, if he somehow gets re-elected this year. Sure, many of the rioters have been sentenced, but many have been given light sentences given the gravity of their offense – trying to overthrow the government!

We’re reposting our Insurrection photo-toon from our previous posts because it pretty much says it all. But like we’ve said before, this was an attempted coup to overthrow a legitimate election with almost zero voter fraud, no matter how much the Republicans claim there was! This was a dress rehearsal. If we don’t punish those responsible, the next time . . . and there will be next time, the rioters will be successful and America will cease to be a democracy!

Despite overwhelming evidence that the Jan. 6th riot was an attempted coup, the Republicans continue to gaslight the American people by saying that it was just a nice, friendly tourist visit.
Despite overwhelming evidence that the Jan. 6th riot was an attempted coup, the Republicans continue to gaslight the American people by saying that it was just a nice, friendly tourist visit.

Aught 7 Headlines

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

We’re going to end 2023 with another edition of our headlines retrospective, this time from the year 2007. We’d like to wish everyone a peaceful new year!

New Retro Virus Hits America: Millions Dressing In Bell Bottoms
Putin Throws Killer Banquet For Journalists
Bush Urges Graduates: “C’mon! Go To Iraq! It’s Fun!”
Sopranos Fans Furious About . . .
Bruce Willis Announces Next Movie: Die Already!
‘Spam King’ Sentenced To Thirty Years Of Answering Spam Emails
Local Man Raves About New Salsa Flavored Chips: “You Can Really Taste The Maltodextrin!”
Sting Thinks Name Is Silly: Changes It To Rum-Tug-Tugger