Tag Archive for Beck

Rewind: Night At The Foxbury

Bill O’Reilly, the man whose only goal in life is to look out for you, recently got the axe from Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network because he’s finally harassed too many women in the workplace. It started several weeks ago when women came forward claiming sexual harassment from O’Reilly, who has a history of treating women rather shoddily. Who can forget his adventures with the loofah mitt and falafel back in 2004. Well, FINALLY, it has caught up with O’Reilly. Just like his former boss, Roger Ailes, the splotchy faced, self declared cultural warrior is out. Where will poor little Billy go now? The White House, as Trump’s new press secretary? We shudder and laugh at the thought.

This reminds us of a photo-toon we did back in 2007 which featured O’Reilly and , at that time, CNN Headline News host Glenn Beck (we think he’s a greeter at Walmart now), who made some rather unwelcome advances toward a female he was interviewing. Yes, we can just picture how a night out on the town with conservative super studs Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly might have gone. You can almost hear the strains of Haddaway’s What is Love in the background can’t you.

This is from our March 29, 2007 issue.

 Conservative Super Studs, Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly, have announced that they're going to make a new movie called A Night at the Foxbury, which is based on their wild, crazy, escapades wooing the opposite sex. This on the heels of Glenn Beck's recent incident where, while discussing the topic of the naked American Idol photos, he made the following suggestive comment to USA Today's Dina Sansing on CNN's Headline News: "Dina, I've got some time and a camera. Why don't you stop by?" But just like Ann Coulter, Beck was just joking, of course.


Conservative Super Studs, Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly, have announced that they’re going to make a new movie called A Night at the Foxbury, which is based on their wild, crazy, escapades wooing the opposite sex. This on the heels of Glenn Beck’s recent incident where, while discussing the topic of the naked American Idol photos, he made the following suggestive comment to USA Today’s Dina Sansing on CNN’s Headline News: “Dina, I’ve got some time and a camera. Why don’t you stop by?” But just like Ann Coulter, Beck was just joking, of course.

Glenn Beck’s No Brainer Diagnosis

We’re still processing the stupidity of last week’s election results, (more on that in future posts). So we’ll go with an easy one today. Apparently, America’s super über patriot, Glenn Beck, is battling some rare neurological disorder, but doctors haven’t been able to diagnose what’s wrong with him. This one writes itself folks.

 

A doctor finally diagnoses Glenn Beck as being bat shit insane.

A friendly doctor finally diagnoses what's wrong with America's super über Patriot, Glenn Beck.

Jindal, Jangle, Jingle

More Political BS…

Remember Republican Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal? Well he just won re-election by a landslide. Which has us here at the Bucket wondering if he’ll be the next Republican candidate to join in the fun that is Con-a-thon 2012. He was very highly touted by the GOP in 2009 until he gave his rebuttal to President Obama’s state of the union address. Could he be the next flavor of the month for the Republicans?  Here’s an article and photo-toon from our April 8, 2009 issue to refresh our memories.

Jindal Sez It’s Okay To Want Democrat Presidents To Fail

Republican Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal, who was widely panned by both parties for his less than stellar rebuttal to Obama’s State of the Union address, defended Rush Limbaugh and others who have openly wished President Obama to fail with his agenda at a recent press conference.

“Boys and girls of the United States of America,” said Jindal in a mild sing-song voice, wearing a casual red sweater, tie, slacks and sneakers. “We truly are living in exciting times aren’t we? We’ve got the very first African American President; we’ve got another thrilling season of American Idol; and our economy is on the verge of completely saying bye-bye. But you know what isn’t exciting? It’s when people say other people shouldn’t say things. And that’s what’s happening today boys and girls. Poor Republican party members like Boss Rush Limhogg are yelled at for saying innocent things like ‘I want President Obama to fail’. Poor Boss Limhogg. Poor Republicans. Why are we conservatives always the victim of mean attacks by the liberal media? That’s right boys and girls; like that sweet angel Ann Coulter says, the liberal media is bad and they’re out to get us.”

“Now I know what some of you liberals are thinking. You’re saying well didn’t Republicans say during the Bush presidency that we should always support the President no matter what? Didn’t the Republicans say things like ‘you’re either for us or against us’ or ‘people need to watch what they say’? Didn’t the Republicans say Democrats supported the terrorists? Well, yes but that was different. We had a great, brave, Republican President back then named George W. Bush. Yaaaaay! Now we have an evil, liberal, Democrat as President. Remember how bad President Clinton was? Booooooo! That means it’s perfectly okay for all good American boys and girls to say to the President, ‘You’re a liberal and you obviously hate America. Just look how much you made Glenn Beck cry. You’re a bad, bad man, so I hope you fail.’ It’s just that simple.”

“All us poor, persecuted Republicans are saying is that the only way to heal our nation’s boo-boos is with tax cuts. Yes boys and girls, tax cuts to the wealthiest of Americans are like medicine that will make all our owies better real soon. You see, rich people know best about spending and investing money, so they should have more of it. You shouldn’t have to worry your pretty little heads about something hard like investing. The smart, rich people will do that and the money will trickle down to you…in about 70 to 100 years. Giving money to dumb things like volcano monitoring and alternative transportation will only make us sad. And we want to be happy don’t we boys and girls? Besides who do you trust more: the big, bad, evil tax and spend liberal Democrat government…booooooo; or the nice, rich, corporate CEOs who only want a happy stock market…yaaaaaay! I think you all know the answer to that.”

Prominent Republicans voiced support for Jindal. Fox News personality Glenn Beck said, “This Jindal guy truly understands what it means to be a conservative Republican. I think St. Ronald Reagan would be proud. Oh God. Here I go again. I’m getting misty.” He then paused and wiped a small, small tear from his eye. “God Bless America. God Bless America.” Fellow Fox News personalities Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly rushed over and gave Beck a consoling hug. Then O’Reilly barked to the cameras, “Are you happy now, liberals?!”

Republican Party Boss, Rush Limhogg said, “I like this Jindal kid. He’s a good, useful little lackey. He knows his place. Hey! Steele! Get back here! You missed a spot on my boots. And take off your hat! I need an ashtray.”

Most conservative Republicans from all over the country responded favorably to Jindal’s statement. Todd Murphy of Rancid Holler, Georgia said, “Oh man I feel so…ummm…what’s the word I’m lookin’ fer…good. I mean I think that the Democrats are so …ummm…bad. But what Jindal done said, I think Republicans will do real….ummm…good.”

Pete Junkins of Curtisvilleton, Missouri said, “I like Jindal and all but I’m still gonna vote for Sarah Palin in 2012. I hear she hunts wolves in a bikini. Man that’s so hot!”

Jean Grayhill of Felderkarb, Tennessee said, “He talks to me like I’m an eight year old and you know what…I like it. The easier my leaders make it for me to understand, the better. I really don’t like thinking all that much. Oh look; a shiny nickel. I’m going to stare at it for a while.”

Reverend Fred Devlin of Dillweed, Virginia said, “I think with a Jindal-Palin ticket in 2012, we will most definitely see the Rapture. Come and get us Lord!”

Jeb Dean Bob Jones of Burnt Cesspool, Texas said, “All I know is I just got done watching Glenn Beck and I can’t stand to see a grown man fake cry like a little lady. I’m ready to join the revolution. President Chuck Norris of Texas forever! Where’s my AK-47? Yeeeeeee-haaaaaawwwww!”

Jindal closed his conference by saying, “Now everybody get to bed now and dream little dreams of fast cars, guns and Jesus. Sleep tight and don’t let the liberals bite.”

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal addresses the good little boys and girls of the United States on the Republican cure for all of our nation's owies. Yay!

Uncle Dick’s Gun Lust

Our Dick Cheney retrospective continues…

Former Vice President Dick Cheney sure loves his guns. Remember, when he shot an acquaintance while quail hunting and didn’t apologize to the guy. What a Dick! We’ll have more photo-toons on that later this week.

Today, here’s a photo-toon from our April 8, 2009 issue. Just look at Dick’s face(it’s not photoshopped). It’s true love, folks! Maybe conservative Republicans will go for man-gun marriages.

Extreme über patriot and Fox News personality, Glenn Beck, who loves America more than all other Americans combined, gives former Vice-President Dick Cheney a voluptuous gun for the future conservative uprising in America.

Extreme über patriot and Fox News personality, Glenn Beck, who loves America more than all other Americans combined, gives former Vice-President Dick Cheney a voluptuous gun for the future conservative uprising in America.