Tag Archive for Iraq War

Syria: Shock And Awe Redux

We were all ready to do a post on Vice President and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, when BOOM…American CEO/Dictator decided to create a distraction to the investigations into Russians meddling on his behalf during the 2016 elections and bomb Syria. Officially, Trump proclaimed that he saw the images of children who were gassed by Syrian leader, Bashar Al-Assad, and at the urging of ‘heartbroken’ daughter Ivanka, had to do something. But of course, that sympathy doesn’t extend to letting Syrian women and children enter the United States as refugees. What’s more, he contacted the Russians before hand to tell them of his plans. The Syrian military knew about the attacks as well. By most accounts, the attacks did little damage to Syria and raises more questions that it answers. What’s interesting is that some Democrats, like Chuck Schumer, supported Trump’s move and Hillary Clinton suggested taking action a few hours before Trump did. But this certainly seems like a classic ‘wagging the dog’ moment.

But the most appalling development of this affair was the nauseating obsequiousness of the main stream corporate media as they fawned and practically had orgasms in praising Trump’s action. It reminded us of the ‘shock and awe’ bombing of Baghdad at the beginning of that clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War. We expected moderate GOP hawks such as John McCain and Lindsay Graham to be giddy about the bombings. But media pundits like Fareed Zakaria said Trump “Donald Trump became the President of the United States”. Brian Williams took the prize for the biggest ass kisser. We lost all respect for Williams way back in 2005 when he suggested that the government could pay journalists to promote a certain viewpoint. (Can you say unethical, boys and girls.) Then there was his admission that he made up some stories about the Iraq War back in 2015. Williams repugnantly called the bombings in Syria “beautiful pictures of fearsome armaments”. Good grief guys…get a room already. Why is Williams even on the air any more? He should be putting his talents to work where they belong: selling used cars.

But it worked, like it always does for Republicans. They create distractions and their buddies in the corporate media compliantly shift their focus and forget about previous criminal activities. Talk about short term attention spans. We’re having serious doubts now that anything will come of these investigations into Trump’s connection with Russia.

So basically, for future reference, in the coming years of the Trump administration; if things are going badly, just expect a bombing in a country in the Middle East and the media will lighten up and all will conveniently be forgotten.

Corporate media 'journalists' Brian Williams and Fareed Zakaria dutifully kiss the ass of American CEO/Dictator over his beautifully presidential bombings in Syria.

Corporate media ‘journalists’ Brian Williams and Fareed Zakaria dutifully kiss the ass of American CEO/Dictator over his beautifully presidential bombings in Syria.

If You Got The Oil, We Got The Time

Now that oil baron, tycoon and former Exxon-Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson has been confirmed as Secretary of State, the United States has sent a message to people in America and around the world: America is officially a corporate oligarchy governed primarily by the oil, gas and coal industries and that just like the Bush Administration, which, like Ralph Nader said, was marinated in oil, America is open for business with any country that has oil. Even Alan Greenspan said in his book The Age of Turbulence, (page 463), “I am saddened that it is politically inconvenient to acknowledge what everyone knows: the Iraq war is largely about oil.” Does that mean that we’ve got another war for oil, like the Iraq War, (possibly Iran) coming? Donald Trump has said the Iraq War was a mistake but since the Republicans never seem to learn from their mistakes and America’s CEO/Dictator  will always take the side of money and machismo; probably.

But another factor figures in here as well and that is the fact that Tillerson is good buddies with Russia and Vladimir Putin; so much so that Tillerson was named a Friend of Russia in 2013. Can you imagine how pissed the Republicans would be if Obama would have been named a Friend of Russia? So not only is America dependent on Middle Eastern oil, we could very well become dependent on Russian oil as well in the very near future. But hey…business is business.

Then there is the conflict of interest with a former CEO of a major oil company controlling the Department of State. Tillerson is a complete newbie when it comes to diplomacy and international relations. Although Tillerson is supposedly a great business negotiator, dealing with governments of the world is not the same as dealing with corporations of the world.

We were initially glad that Trump decided to get out of the TPP, which would have been a disaster for the environment. But with Rex Tillerson at the helm in the State Department and climate change denier, Scott Pruitt, selected to head the EPA, the new motto of America very well may be Sarah Palin’s mantra, Drill baby Drill! So screw the burgeoning alternative, clean energy industry. Let’s continue to pursue 20th century technology. Oh and don’t worry about more oil spills, environmental contamination and flammable drinking water…there are profits to be made. Cha-ching!

Oil baron, tycoon, Grand Old Plutocrat and Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, greedily proclaims that America is open for business, especially if you have oil, like his Russian pal, Vladimir Putin.

Oil baron, tycoon, Grand Old Plutocrat and Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, greedily proclaims that America is open for business, especially if you have oil, like his Russian pal, Vladimir Putin.

Pence’s Inspiration

We’ve commented before about Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence’s admiration for former Bush administration VP Dick Cheney.  Yes, Pence wants to be just like the lying, disingenuous architect of the clusterf*ck called the Iraq War in every phase including garnering an inspirational 13 percent approval rating. Way to aim high, Puritan Pence! We have no doubt that with his 17th century mindset, he’ll achieve his goal.

Vice President elect and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, vows to achieve the same lofty 13% approval ratings as his idol, Bush administration Vice President Dick Cheney.

Vice President elect and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, vows to achieve the same lofty 13% approval ratings as his idol, Bush administration Vice President Dick Cheney.

Rewind: America Chooses Insanity…Again

We’re shocked and in mourning for a sane, intelligent America. Words escape us at the moment so we’re reprinting an article from when America chose a similar path of insanity back in 2004 and re-elected George W. Bush. Yeah…that turned out well didn’t it. One things for sure; conservative Republicans never learn.

This article is from our November 7, 2004 post-election issue.

America Speaks: “51% Of Us Are Fucking Idiots!”

America went to the polls last week and re-elected George W. Bush as president even though he’s started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that has lost almost a million jobs, underfunded the ‘No Children Left Behind’ program, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which does nothing to alleviate high costs and performed anemically in all three televised debates.

Bush supporters spoke out and explained why they voted for him. Dale Gilman of Empty Noggin, Georgia, said, “I voted for him because he’s the one I’d rather drink a beer with. That’s my only criteria for president. I’ll have to invite him over to my trailer for a beer one of these days. It’s not quite the country club he’s used to, but I think my gun collection adds a certain redneck ambiance.”

Betsy Moeller, of Cornshoot, Ohio, said, “I was undecided until the very end, but what made me vote for the President was that he’s just so moral. Even when he lies to us repeatedly, he’s just so moral.”

Kirby Tucker, of Cracked Nut, North Carolina, said, “All I knows is I don’t want no wolves to catch me and eats me.”

Durwood Dunndoody, of Oozing Bed Sore, Texas said, “The big issue of this campaign was gay marriage. No doubt about it. Thank God, the President is going to make a stand agin’ those hell bound fruitcakes. They’re worst than the terrorists you know.”

Dwight Stevenson, of Ostrich Neck, Oklahoma, said, “I know the president has made some mistakes, but he’s a known quantity. I’m comfortable with his ineptitude.”

Rev. Fred Campbell, pastor of the Fifth Evangelical Church of the Backwoods in Dunceville, Tennessee, said, “Praise be to God! The rapture is so close I can smell it!”

Dave and Karen Lydell, of Dullardton, Iowa, said, “We believe in secretive Orwellian government. We completely trust President Bush to do what’s right, because it’s really none of our business to know or question what they’re doing. We don’t mind if our government monitors our every movement. It’s a small price to pay for freedom.”

Kerry supporters expressed extreme shock and disappointment. Mark Barry, of Tempe, Arizona, said while banging his head with a frying pan, “This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!”

Donna Beacham, of Salem, Oregon, said while booking a flight to Vancouver, Canada, “The choice was so obvious. It’s like we’re speeding for the edge of a cliff in a gas guzzling hummer, and the passengers vote to drive off. Un-fucking-believable!”

College student, Craig Kaster, of Santa Bonita, California, said, “I’m so voting for that Kerry dude. What? The elections were last week. Oh man! I like so spaced that off.”

Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, said. “This is great! Al-Qaeda will get stronger, America will go bankrupt and I’ll get to live four more years. That chimp Bush is playing right into my hands. Allah Akbar!”

Pence Loves Dick

This past week, GOP VP nominee and everyone’s favorite Puritan, Mike Pence came out of the conservative closet and proudly pronounced to all that Dick Cheney, architect of that clusterf*ck called the Iraq War, is his VP role model. If we had any respect for this man, (we didn’t), it was completely lost with this confession.

As a policy we started last year, whenever Dick Cheney appears in the press spouting his lies or one of his surrogates like Pence pops up praising him, we’d repeat Cheney’s biggest lie on Iraq. This is precisely the same strategy taken by the Bush Administration and the Republican Fear and Noise Machine, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a Fox News; to repeat things ad nauseum until the sheeple get it. Every person in America needs to see this video because it proves that at least one very influential person in the Bush Administration knew the Iraq War would be a quagmire and went ahead with it anyway saying instead that we would be greeted as liberators. Bush and Cheney are liars and need to be prosecuted! PLEASE…take time out and view this video!

Here’s another video released by the White House which shows how wrong Dick Cheney has been about everything and that his credibility level is zero. All we have to say about Cheney is WHAT A DICK!!!

The Tragedy Of Clogged Prayer Lines

Pope Francis made Mother Teresa a saint this past week so now the catholic sheeple have yet another semi-deity to whom they can pray. Yay!

In honor of this nonsense, here’s another golden oldie article from our archives covering the tragedy that occurs when prayer lines get clogged. Oh the horror! The horror!

This is from our April 10, 2005 issue.

Prayer Lines Clogged For Schiavo, Pope

A crisis occurred last week in heaven when billions of people across the globe simultaneously prayed for Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II causing ancient prayer lines to temporarily clog, preventing many prayers from getting through to intended saints, angels, and deities.

Lead prayer center agent, Saint Sixtus said, “Jesus Christ, what a mess! Oops did I just use the Lord’s name in vain. Well, I’m sorry J.C! We’ve really got to update our technology here. I mean we might have been able to keep Terri Schiavo alive for a few more days if those prayers hadn’t been lost. Boy, St. Paul really chewed my butt out for that one.”

President Bush spoke on behalf of Jesus Christ. “People, we’re going to need to update these old prayer lines. I mean don’t you hate it when you pray for something and don’t get it? It hasn’t happened to me lately, but it’s still annoying. Why I was talking to God just this morning, and the connection was all garbled. I could have sworn he said to invade Iran. Now I can’t take chance on orders from the Big Guy, so I guess we’re going to have to invade Iran. The bottom line is, if we don’t help streamline prayer technology those terrorists prayers to Allah will get through quicker and then who knows what will happen. Fear, fear, fear! Terror, terror, terror!”

Reverend Eugene Bilkwell of the Fourth Evangelical Church of Latham, Louisiana said, “I’ve been predicting this for years. My brethren, we need to upgrade to PT1 or PT3 lines as soon as possible. This technology offers wider bandwidth so Christian prayers get through quicker than Muslim, Hindu or Jewish prayers and they have less of chance of getting dropped. But it’s going to take money folks and lots of it. So be sure and give generously to your church each and every week. We’ll make sure it gets to the right people in heaven. Remember – we’ve got better connections with the Man Upstairs because we’re holier than you disgusting, degenerate sinners.”

All signs seem to indicate the panic has subsided. Saint Sixtus said, “Well everything has calmed down for now. We were hitting spikes for the Michael Jackson trial, but traffic seems to have dropped off precipitously. Yeesh! I ain’t voting for that guy to get in here. But those crappy old Seraphim 1000 lines, that are as old as Methuselah, aren’t going to hold much longer, especially if Bush invades Iran. It’s going to be the apocalypse!” After a short pause, a perplexed Saint Sixtus remarked, “Are you sure this Bush guy is in good with Jesus? Because he really seems like a bonehead to me.”

Rewind: Stay The Course!

From the unfrigginbelievable file…

It was just announced that none other than ol’ Dubya, George W. Bush, has come out of retirement to help GOP Senators who are having trouble with their failing campaigns this fall because of the toxicity of the Republican nominee for President, Donald Trump. Isn’t that like calling in an arsonist to put out a fire? It’s amazing that just ten years ago, most sane Americans were thinking the Republican party couldn’t get much worse than good ol’ Dubya and the Bush administration. For those of you with anemic memories who actually have forgotten how horrible George W. Bush was, here’s a short list and a longer list to remind you that he’s the worst President since Herbert Hoover.

Of course, conservative Republicans being conservative Republicans, can never admit that they’re ever wrong about anything. So rather than change direction, they just plow over the cliff and into the abyss. Good luck with that Dubya thingee, GOP.

Here’s a photo-toon from our December 7, 2005 issue.

President Bush shouts his mantra 'Stay the course!', while joyriding his Republican made vehicle, America, off a cliff with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.

President Bush shouts his mantra while joyriding his Republican made vehicle, America, off a cliff with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.

Rewind: Rummy’s Iron Fist

A Donald popped up this past week that just about made us puke and it wasn’t Donald Trump. Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense during the Bush Administration and architect of the clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War, resurfaced this week to hawk an app for Churchill Solitaire on various talk shows. But what also popped up this week was a recently declassified Joint Chief of Staffs document which proves that there were no WMDs in Iraq and that the Bush Administration lied to the American people and should be prosecuted as war criminals.

Rumsfeld also popped up last summer trying to clear himself from wrongdoing about the Iraq War. Last June, Rummy said that ‘The idea that we could fashion a democracy in Iraq seemed to me unrealistic. I was concerned about it when I first heard those words.’ Of course this runs counter to his rhetoric back in the summer of 2006, when he assailed any critics of the Iraq War as intellectual and morally confused appeasers. It boggles our minds that anybody would listen to anything this man says about foreign affairs after being so utterly wrong about Iraq. He should be doing time in jail instead of making the talk show circuit selling his app.

Here’s a photo-toon from our September 17, 2006 issue which shows what ol’ iron fisted Rummy would do with the appeasers.

Iron fisted Donald Rumsfeld wants to crush the real enemies of the Iraq War; the appeasers.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld tells the pliant crowd at the American Legion convention in Salt Lake City, Utah, that critics of the Iraq War are morally and intellectually confused and that they are in fact appeasing the Islamo-fascists much the way Europe appeased Hitler in the 1930s, while conveniently ignoring the fact (or not) that he and the Bush Administration are employing Nazi propaganda tactics to suppress dissent in this country.

 

Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.Herman Goering

Rewind: Saddam O’Reilly

What would the holiday season be without a nod to America’s own, self-appointed ‘culture warrior’ and General in the ‘War on Christmas’, Bill O’Reilly. Yes, let’s look back of one of Bloviator Bill’s finest moments, from our July 7, 2006 issue.

Back in June 2006, the Loofah Master commented that Iraq should be run like it was under Saddam Hussein, because at that time, for those with no memory cells, the Iraq War was a clusterf*ck and going badly, because…well…George W. Bush and Dick Cheney lied to America and we invaded a country we never should have invaded in the first place.

Saddam O'Reilly proclaims that we should kill 'em all just the way Saddam Hussein did.

Fox News talk show host, Bill O’Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, recently commented on his show that America should deal with the insurgents the way Saddam used to by brutally killing all opponents. This of course brings up the question, ‘If we’re going to do exactly what Saddam did, why did we invade Iraq?’.

Jeb’s Fatal Delusion

From all accounts, Jeb Bush’s ship appears to be sinking in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Not only have his performances been lackluster in the ridiculous GOP debates, but he seems to be completely delusional about his brother, George W. Bush’s tenure as President. Lead GOP clown, Donald Trump actually did something the spineless Democrats never could do; call Dubya out for his failure at preventing 9/11. As one could predict, Jeb defended his brother like he’s done this whole election season, saying his brother’s response to 9/11 was ‘awe-inspiring’. Really???!!!! Yes, seeing Dubya sitting there reading ‘My Pet Goat’ to grade schoolers sure inspired us. And then that whole invading Iraq on faulty intelligence of WMDs that resulted in a quagmire with thousands of American deaths and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi deaths, not to mention the rise of Al-Qaeda and now the rise of ISIS to fill the power vacuum left by Saddam Hussein and costing the US over a trillion dollars. And how about how Dubya politicized 9/11 during the 2004 election, literally scaring the sheeple into voting for him. And don’t get us started about his economic policies that just about bankrupted America. WOW! That was awesome! We think that maybe Jeb should join Dubya painting people in the bathtub.

George Bush respoded to 9/11 by starting the Iraq War quagmire, politicizing 9/11 and causing the Great Recession.

GOP Presidential candidate, Jeb Bush, thinks his brother Dubya was an ‘awe-inspiring’ President and an even awesomer painter.