Tag Archive for FBI

Walker: Georgia Danger

Let’s face it, folks: the 2022 Republican candidates are bat shit insane. One of the biggest examples of this insanity is former football star Herschel Walker who is running for Senator in Georgia against Democrat Raphael Warnock. Walker has been making a lot of false claims (imagine that – just like his idol TFG). Some of his more egregious lies are: that he’s a police officer, a member of the FBI, valedictorian of his class and probably his most ridiculous – that TFG never claimed the 2020 election was stolen. Walker originally pulled out a prop honorary badge during a recent debate with Warnock and keeps doubling down on his lie insisting the badge is real.

Walker has a troubled history that includes a bout with mental illness and anger management issues. He has prevaricated on how many children he has. He even has claimed that he is pro-life even when he’s paid for a former girlfriend’s abortion and then offered to pay for a second with the same woman. So basically this man is a pathological liar which makes him a perfect candidate for today’s GOP.

Shockingly, the Georgia Senate race like all others featuring looney tunes MAGA Moron Republicans is tight. Warnock, who is a reverend for Pete’s sake, is clearly the best choice but Republicans, who are supposedly the party of moral superiority, are completely backing Walker. We’re pretty sure the FBI badge he has is probably a Federal Boob Inspector prop job which he probably uses to pick up all the women he gets.

Georgia Senate candidate and christian pillar of morality Herschel Walker whips out his FBI (Federal Boob Inspector) badge to try and impress another unsuspecting female.
Georgia Senate candidate and christian pillar of morality Herschel Walker whips out his FBI (Federal Boob Inspector) badge to try and impress another unsuspecting female.

Cannon Misfires

We’re taking another brief interlude from our coverage of whack job Arizona GOP candidates to post about the absolutely unscrupulous and feckless U.S. District Court Judge Aileen Cannon, who was confirmed in the waning days of the Trump administration and nominated by the twice impeached megalomaniac man child himself and is also a member of the right wing conservative Federalist Society.

It appears that Cannon is staying loyal to her master by agreeing that a special master be chosen to review the classified documents retrieved by the FBI at TFG’s palatial estate Mar-a-lago in August which is precisely what Trump wanted. Then she appointed Raymond Dearie as the special master who is also one of the judges Trump wanted. Hmmmmm. See a pattern here? Can you say corrupt? Both Democrats and Republicans say that Dearle is honorable and above reproach so we’ll wait and see what happens in the coming weeks. But given that Trump always seems to get his way, we’re incredibly skeptical that justice will prevail.

Anyway judicial pundits have jumped all over Cannon and her fealty to her special master Trump essentially granting him the delay he wanted. These are ultra classified documents that Trump should not have. Those documents belong to the people of the United States not Donald Trump. Doesn’t the national security of 332 million Americans come before Trump’s reputation or feelings? Apparently not, as Cannon, in her briefing, basically stated that the reputation of TFG is paramount and that she doesn’t believe the FBI and the DOJ when they say the documents were classified. The FBI took pictures of the documents! They were classified! This is not a witch hunt! Trump took classified documents and his appointed lackey judge is trying to cover it up. Judge Cannon is utterly corrupt! She should be removed from office and barred from practicing law in the United States! Maybe she could move to Russia? Putin could use a good sycophant to support his crimes these days.

Corrupt Trump appointee Judge Aileen Cannon has decided that twice impeached former President Donald Trump's feelings are more important than the national security of 332 million Americans.
Corrupt Trump appointee Judge Aileen Cannon has decided that twice impeached former President Donald Trump’s feelings are more important than the national security of 332 million Americans.

Trump In The Toidy

Words can’t express the glee we’ve had this week with the news of the FBI issuing a search warrant at TFG’s palatial residence Mar-a-lago in Florida. With unsealing of the warrant today, we’ve learned that the twice impeached orange haired megalomaniac man child is under investigation for possible violating of the Espionage Act. We’ve been critical of Merrick Garland and the DOJ for seemingly doing nothing to bring the former CEO/Dictator to justice but we stand corrected. Garland has handled everything masterfully this week and we’ve got a huge case of schadenfreude, just like at least 81 million other Americans.

In celebration of TFG finally appearing to face some justice, we’ve decided to repost a photo-toon from December 8, 2019. It depicts what a possible Trump Memorial might look like showing TFG sitting on his favorite throne dictating to his followers on Twitter, explaining COVFEFE and stating that we should all get over the fact that he’s a crook. At least we know now why he was obsessed with toilets flushing – that’s where he tried to put his torn up documents. Let this be the crime that puts him in a jail cell with a guy named Bubba who’s fond of spoonin’.

Plans are being made for the Trump Memorial which will feature America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump sitting on his throne tweeting words of wisdom (like Covfefe) on his phone with his massive hands. The monument will be located in Washington D.C. in an alley behind a KFC next to a dumpster that frequently catches fire.
Plans are being made for the Trump Memorial which will feature America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump sitting on his throne tweeting words of wisdom (like Covfefe) on his phone with his massive hands. The monument will be located in Washington D.C. in an alley behind a KFC next to a dumpster that frequently catches fire.

The Singing Rat

The big news the past week was the explosive testimony given by Michael Cohen, the former personal lawyer and ‘fixer’ for American CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump.  In a hearing before the House Oversight committee, the rat Michael Cohen sang like a canary much to the chagrin of the House Republicans like Jim Jordan, Mark Meadows and Paul Gosar, who made absolute asses of themselves during the ‘interrogation’. They never questioned him but chose, in typical Republican fashion, only to assassinate his character, which we’ve all already surmised is abysmal. Even Cohen admitted he was a fool. The GOP logic: “You can’t trust a liar”.  The Republicans are also considerably irony impaired considering Cohen was the RNC’s deputy finance chairman up until eight months ago. Oh yeah…and then there’s the fact that Trump’s lie count is over 9,000.

One colossal buffoon was GOP Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan, who said Cohen was testifying against Trump only because he had ‘sour grapes’ for not getting a White House job. Then Jordan pulled another typical Republican prank of trying to twist Cohen’s words, which caused Cohen to reply, “Shame on you, Mr. Jordan.” This is the same Jim Jordan, who kept quiet about alleged sexual abuse at Ohio State. So, Jordan is certainly not someone who should throw stones.

Another mammoth idiot was Arizona’s own Paul Gosar, who embarrassingly resorted to playground taunts of “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” and even had a poster with the same next to him at the hearing to which Cohen responded to Gosar, “Are you referring to me or the President?” Gosar  is famous for having six of his siblings take out an ad to vote against their brother in Arizona’s 4th district election in 2018. The fact that Gosar still won speaks more to the conservative loons in the 4th district who put this nutbag back into office. Maybe Gosar and Trump can retire and hang out at a grade school playground where they can ply their bullying tactics and be undisputed ‘kings’.

So what’s next for Michael Cohen besides much deserved jail time? How about a thrilling crime drama about an everyday goombah for a national criminal organization who turns state evidence against his crooked boss called ‘The Singing Rat’, rated T for Trumptastic.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

Day Of The Long Knives

The results from the 2018 midterm elections are still trickling in and they look very favorably for the Democrats, a lot better than main stream media outlets are proclaiming them to be. Here in Arizona, Democrat Kyrsten Sinema has been declared the winner of the Senate seat vacated by Republican Jeff Flake. If the Dems can win the Senate election in Florida (the chance of them winning the run-off election in Mississippi are slim to none), then the net Republican pickup is only one seat. Not only that, Democrats had gains in almost every Rust Belt state that went to Trump in 2016 and it’s looking like they could end up with over 230 seats in the House.

As we pointed out in our last post, Trump is rattled. He knows that with the Democrats gaining control of the House, investigations of his shadowy election maneuverings and his secretive finances will be brought to the forefront. So, in an authoritarian move reminiscent of Germany’s ‘Night of the Long Knives’ (without the bloodshed) or more recently, Nixon’s Saturday Night Massacre, he fired Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III.  John Dean, a veteran of those heady Watergate days, even stated that Trump’s move seems like a planned murder. Trump has replaced Sessions with a shady, sycophantic automaton, Matthew Whitaker, who has openly admitted that Robert Mueller’s investigation should be shut down. Most people inside and outside of the Justice Department proclaim Whitaker to be a ‘f*cking fool’. Trump is acting like a cornered rat, so he’s sicking his fascist meat robot to do his dirty work and eliminate Mueller before any incriminating information is released to the public.

But it looks like Mueller is close to wrapping up his investigation. Donald Trump Jr. has already indicated that he thinks he’ll probably be indicted. As the Atlantic pointed out, it’s probably too late to stop Mueller. Could this be the beginning of the end for Trumpty Dumpty? Excuse our skepticism, but we’ve been hearing that for a year and a half now. Trump is unhinged and his acolytes have shown repeatedly that they prefer party power over democracy and justice. We don’t doubt that the GOP will do anything and everything to obstruct, obfuscate and deceive the American public like they’ve been doing for the last two years…hell…the last fifty years. Buckle up, folks! Things are going to get very interesting.

America's CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump has decided to eliminate his Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III and replace him with his lackey meat robot, Fascismo, a.k.a. Matthew Whitaker.

America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump has decided to eliminate his Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III and replace him with his lackey meat robot, Fascismo, a.k.a. Matthew Whitaker.

Sham And Shame

The week is up on the sham FBI inquiry into Brett Kavanaugh’s alleged sexual assault on Christine Blasey Ford and it looks like the boozy, partisan judge will likely be confirmed given the preposterously limited scope of the investigation. There were many people who weren’t even questioned. We’re thinking that agents probably just sat around eating pizza and drinking beer; maybe even playing that popular drinking game The Devil’s Triangle.

There were several witnesses and people who claimed that Brett Kavanaugh lied under oath who were completely ignored by the probe. Why? Because this is a rush to justice by the hypocritical Republicans who can never admit they’re wrong on anything or anybody. They could easily nominate someone else who isn’t such a lightning rod, but no…that would be admitting defeat to a bunch of liberals. Kavanaugh will be a reliable cog in the conservative seizure of power in the nation.

So is this shameful Kavanaugh inquiry what we can expect from the Mueller FBI probe? Will Mueller finally come out and say ‘nothing to see here, folks’, after a year and a half of leading people on that there was malfeasance by Trump during the 2016 election? We’ve just about lost any shred of respect for supposedly venerable institutions of law, order and justice in this country. In America, there is shamefully only justice for the elite, well connected people with money, wealth and influence; namely Republicans in the vein of Brett Kavanaugh. The system is truly broken.

P.S. We recommend going to a chiropractor, Jeff Flake, since you seem to have a colossal problem with your spine. We knew your posturing for the FBI investigation was nothing but political theater. Way to stand up for women, you phony, feckless coward! We look forward to you leaving the Senate next year.

Since the scope of the FBI investigation is limited to pizza and beer by Donald Trump, agents research the drinking game Devil's Triangle.

FBI agents diligently perform research into the more intricate aspects of the Brett Kavanaugh investigation, like eating pizza and drinking beer.

Judge Rage

The hearings on Brett Kavanaugh’s alleged sexual assault on Christine Blasey Ford took center stage this week and the spectacle raised the Republican level of ugly to a whole new level (as if that were possible after two years of Donald Trump). Ms. Blasey Ford accused Kavanaugh of sexual assault back in high school, when Kavanaugh was a boozy, over-privileged Catholic school prepster. Of course, Kavanaugh went to college, became a frat boy and continued his elite, pampered ways with other spoiled brat frat buddies, lifting weights, boozing it up and scoring with the women. Now, he’s in another good ol’ boy’s club called the Republican party, where every woman should just be silent and let the menfolk conduct business. Once again, John Oliver gives a humorous, insightful analysis of the circus like proceedings.

Ms. Blasey Ford’s testimony was very credible by even Republican accounts. But Kavanaugh’s unhinged, political diatribe against the Clintons, Dems and everything to the left of center was downright disgusting and horribly disturbing. Kavanaugh doesn’t show the right temperament to be a Supreme Court justice (but he’d do just fine as an analyst on Fox News, a.k.a. The Republican Propaganda Network).  At least, Arizona’s Senator Jeff Flake finally discovered his spine at the very last second and announced that an FBI investigation should be conducted…for one whole week. Wow! Thanks for all the time! And apparently the investigation will be very narrow in scope and controlled by…you guessed it…the White House. What a surprise! So apparently Trumpty Dumpty is gearing up for getting rid of Mueller in some duplicitous manner.

The Republicans are blatantly trying to shove this pompous, privileged, political henchman through to the highest court in the land so they can have complete and total control over this country for at least the next decade. Kavanaugh proved with his political rant that he would not be impartial and would rule in favor of whatever the Republican’s wanted whether it is right or wrong. The old coot Senators like Orrin Hatch, Lindsey Graham and ol’ Iowa pruneface, Chuck Grassley, couldn’t contain their supposed rage at the injustice being served at their boy, conveniently forgetting that they sat on Merrick Garland’s nomination for 400 days back in 2016 because they didn’t want to lose their precious advantage on the Supreme Court, not to mention the shitload of mendacious crap they’ve heaped on the Obamas, the Gores, the Kerrys and the Clintons in the last quarter century.

So what is the takeaway from this spectacle? Ms. Blasey Ford is completely credible and Brett Kavanaugh is a disingenuous, deceitful, partisan prevaricator who doesn’t deserve to be a Supreme Court justice. One more thing: get out and vote this November 6th and give these old fart GOP senators a swift kick in the their saggy, senile, decrepit asses.

Supreme Court nominee and unhinged, privileged, boozy ex-frat boy, Brett Kavanaugh vows bloody revenge on all who oppose him much to the delight of his unhinged, senile, old coot supporters in the Republican Senate's Good Ol' Boys club.

Supreme Court nominee and unhinged, privileged, boozy ex-frat boy, Brett Kavanaugh vows bloody revenge on all who oppose him much to the delight of his unhinged, senile, old coot supporters in the Republican Senate’s Good Ol’ Boys club.

The Untouchables: 2018

Paul Manafort is the latest former associate of Donald Trump to flip and it has many speculating as to whether this is the beginning of the end for the orange haired man child who is America’s CEO/Dictator. Most people agree that things aren’t looking good for Trump, but then again things have never looked good for the Donald during his entire disastrous presidency and yet he is still — unfrickingbelievably — president.

This whole clusterf*cked trauma brings to mind for us old farts here at the Bucket, the early 1960s crime drama The Untouchables starring Robert Stack as Eliot Ness, which has been constantly played in syndication on TV for the last fifty years. In the episodes, Ness and his band of incorruptible G-men pursued noted criminal gangsters like Dutch Schultz, Frank Nitti and the kingpin, Al Capone.  The lead-in and ending graphic for the show was very stylistic and combined with the iconic theme music, set the mood perfectly for the drama. We can just imagine a possible reality reboot of the show with Robert Mueller leading his intrepid team of FBI agents as they descend on Trump Tower to bring to justice members of the Republican crime syndicate like Manafort, Michael Cohen and of course, the dear leader, the real Alphonse Capone of the 21st century, Donald Trump.

A reality reboot of the fantastic early 1960s crime drama. The Untouchables, is in the works with Robert Mueller leading his intrepid squad of FBI agents as they descend upon Trump Tower trying to bring to justice members of the current Republican crime syndicate like Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen and dear leader, Donald Trump.

A reality reboot of the fantastic early 1960s crime drama. The Untouchables, is in the works with Robert Mueller leading his intrepid squad of FBI agents as they descend upon Trump Tower trying to bring to justice members of the current Republican crime syndicate like Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen and dear leader, Donald Trump.

Stonewall Sessions

One of the more annoying characters in Donald Trump’s cavalcade of sycophants is Attorney Confederate General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III. We’ve commented before about his racism and lying under oath. Well there was more deceit on display last week as our top justice did his best to obstruct justice.

During testimony last week in the investigation into the GOP’s ties with Russia during the 2016 election, Sessions stonewalled and did his best St. Ronald Reagan “I don’t recall” spiel. How did it go? Well, the Republicans, like always smirked their way through it, slapping themselves on the back at how cleverly they can deceive the American public, just like they’re doing with their healthcare plan.

But what’s bothersome is that our attorney general, who is supposed to be our top administrator of justice is obstructing justice at every turn. If he and Donald Trump did obstruct justice by firing James Comey, then that is grounds for impeachment. But Newt Gingrich already has a defense lined up. He stated this week that the President cannot possibly obstruct justice, even though he pursued Bill Clinton for two years because he lied about having sex. In a nutshell, it’s okay when Republicans obstruct justice and commit perjury and commit treason…ad infinitum.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, displays his gnat like memory while performing some Jackson-esque stonewalling.

Attorney Confederate General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, displays his gnat like memory while performing some truly Jackson-esque stonewalling.

Maverick Gibberish

As we mentioned last post, John McCain made a complete fool of himself in the testimony of James Comey. Since we’re Arizonans here at the Bucket, we feel it’s our responsibility to take him to task and ridicule him for the doddering fool he’s become. Honestly, how this befuddled old man won another term as Senator is beyond us.

First of all, McCain presented himself, after Trump got elected, to be the voice of reason in the GOP. After all, Trump said during the campaign that he liked soldiers that didn’t get captured, a hard slap in the face to the former POW. So McCain was none too happy about Trump becoming President where he himself failed in 2008.  But McCain is a stalwart authoritarian conservative. He and fellow ‘moderate’ Lindsay Graham, are pulling the good cop-bad cop routine on the American press and public and unfortunately people are buying their bullshit. Remember, he did this to great effect back in 2004; so much so that people actually speculated that John Kerry might choose him as a running mate. He’s also convinced many people that he’s a ‘maverick’ despite his stodgy, conservative stance on just about everything. So he’s an expert at manipulating the media, just like many of the Republicans are.

McCain has said to the press that he is very worried about Trump’s possible ties to Russia. And then when is comes time to shine at James Comey’s hearing, he acts like the goofy old prospector we like to portray him as in our photo-toons. Then he turns around and says Obama was a better leader than Trump and then two days later denies he said it, which makes him look even more confused. The only thing John McCain has convinced us of is that he’s nothing but a partisan tool, but then again we realized that back in 2004. Can we trust John McCain to put country before party? In a simple, prospector-esque word: NOPE! 

During last week's Senate testimony hearing, Arizona’s Senior Senator and crusty old coot, John McCain, babbles incoherently in old prospector gibberish while James Comey replies in 1950s boy scout gibberish.

During last week’s Senate testimony hearing, Arizona’s Senior Senator and crusty old coot, John McCain, babbles incoherently in old prospector gibberish while James Comey replies in 1950s boy scout gibberish.