The Clown Prince of Journalism Returns

Unfortunately, Tucker Carlson is back making news again because he decided to travel to Russia and interview Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. Now, Tuckhead isn’t with Fox News, a.k.a. Republican Propaganda Network, but he’s just trying to reestablish his journalistic credentials by trying to take on a living James Bond villain.

How did it go? By most honest accounts, Carlson failed miserably. Putin basically blathered on about his own propaganda of how Ukraine doesn’t even exist as a nation. Putin even managed to insult Carlson to his face leaving the crown prince of journalism simpering like the fool he is. Seriously, how did any Republican, or American for that matter, allow Putin have this platform to push his propaganda? News flash: we’re supporting Ukrainian democracy, not Russian authoritarianism! We have a suggestion to any Republican who thinks Putin is awesome: move to Russia! Putin wants nothing more than to end the United States of America. If the U.S. is out of the picture, he will control or influence, along with China, most of the countries in Europe, Asia and Africa. What he has done since the fall of the Soviet Union is use capitalism against us and he’s done it pretty effectively by completely buying the GOP and dividing America with a campaign of disinformation through social media, where articles with the most clicks must be the truth. Who would have thought that so many Republicans would now worship the leader of a country Reagan labeled as the evil empire. We repeat: if you think Putin is so great, move to Russia!

Finally, we wonder what would have happened if the clown prince of journalism had lived during World War II? Tucknuts probably would have yucked it up with Hitler the same way he did with Putin. What a putz!!!

If Tucker Carlson, the clown prince of journalism, had lived during World War II, we're sure he would have given German dictator Adolf Hitler the same kind of 'grilling' he gave Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.
If Tucker Carlson, the clown prince of journalism, had lived during World War II, we’re sure he would have given German dictator Adolf Hitler the same kind of ‘grilling’ he gave Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.

The New Supreme KBJ

There’s been a lot of disturbing events happening in the world lately; the relentless pandemic, the brutal atrocities committed by Russians against the Ukrainians, the lack of progress on prosecuting the Capitol rioters and TFG, and the ongoing stupidity of the radical right-wing Republicans across the land. But one good thing happened this past week. Ketanji Brown Jackson was confirmed as the first African American woman Supreme Court Justice despite obvious racist ratf*ckery from GOP Senators during the confirmation hearings. Probably the most representative of the colossal inanity of the Republican efforts was retiring Senator Roy Blunt’s comments: “I think she’s certainly going to be confirmed. I think it’ll be a high point for the country to see her go on the court and take her unique perspective to the court.” So basically ol’ Roy Boy said she’s a great, qualified, historical candidate but he won’t vote for her. What an asshole! At least three GOPers – Romney, Murkowski and Collins – buried partisanship and voted for her. But then only Romney remained to applaud the new justice. Haters gonna hate!

Congratulations to Justice Jackson! We have no doubt you’ll be a successful jurist. Now we just need to get Asian American and Native American justices on the court.

Congratulations to new Supreme Court Justice, Ketanji Brown Jackson!
Congratulations to new Supreme Court Justice, Ketanji Brown Jackson!

TPing The World: 2022 Edition

We’ve been enjoying the wonderfully mild weather here in Arizona (hence, fewer posts), doing things outdoors to try and boost our morale a bit with all the insanity going on right now, not just in this country, but in the world. We thought we were getting better but then Russia’s dicktator (misspelling intended) Vladimir Putin had to go and invade Ukraine. We would have thought that Russia had enough land but apparently not. The rest of Europe learned its lessons well from World War II and the Cold War, but apparently Russia wants to relive those glory days of old. Fortunately, most of the world has condemned Putin’s brazen attack, even his allies in Czech Republic and Hungary. But the Ukrainians are fighting hard because they absolutely want democracy, not to be a puppet state of Putin.

Predictably, the only person who seems to be supporting Putin is his fan boy, TFG. The twice impeached, megalomaniac man child couldn’t stop praising his man crush about the invasion at CPAC. Up until the actual invasion, most right wing conservative Republicans were supporting Putin more than Biden, serving as useful idiots for Putin’s authoritarian propaganda. How’s that for being a patriotic American. They almost universally praise Putin as being stronger than Biden. Apparently, being an authoritarian asshole who bullies everyone else is the GOP’s definition of strong. Of course, the Republicans are blatantly pursuing a course of anti-democratic, authoritarian rule with their mostly unapologetic support of Trump and the January 6th attempted fascist coup. No wonder they’re in love with Putin. Maybe TFG could move to Russia and become a citizen like tough guy actor Steven Seagall.

We’re reposting a photo-toon from December 21, 2016 because T**** and Putin are still TPing the world; Putin in Europe and Asia and TFG with his insipid rallies and stupid speeches here in America. Sorry, folks — the planet is still royally screwed until we figure out a way to rid ourselves of these authoritarian, right wing, fascist assholes. Maybe we can interest T & P to take a ship to Mars with other greedy, corporatist jackasses Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson. Then each of these manly men could all praise each other with their hot air until they run out of oxygen.

Support Ukraine!!! Support Democracy!!!

Bend over world, here come Trump and Putin.
With the new Trump-Putin new world order, the denizens of planet Earth look to be royally screwed.
Support Ukraine!!! Support Democracy!!!
Support Ukraine!!! Support Democracy!!!

The Virus Whisperer

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump ratcheted up his audacity to yet another level of absurdity this past week. Upset that his precious stock market gains were being erased by the coronavirus, our grown-up Bart Simpson President proclaimed that things will officially be back to normal by Easter, which caused countless simultaneous facepalms by health professionals throughout the world. This shouldn’t be surprising since Trump was pretty pissed off that Hurricane Dorian changed course last year and made dear Leader look bad.

Trump’s colossal ego and narcissism is not only boundless but dangerous. His delusion that he’s somehow on equal footing as scientists and doctors produced a drastic result this past week as an Arizona man died taking chloroquine phosphate, a derivative of an anti-malaria drug cholorquine that Trump touted as being a possible cure for coronavirus, which again prompted a multitude of facepalms from science professionals. You can’t just tell a virus what to do no more than you can tell a hurricane what to do, but don’t tell that to ‘master scientist’ Trump. Apparently, he thinks he’s some kind of virus whisperer. Fortunately, Dr. Anthony Fauci, one the country’s leading disease experts and a member of Trump’s coronavirus team, stepped up and said that the virus makes the timeline not humans. We’re predicting that with that kind of attitude toward facts, truth and honesty, Dr. Fauci may not be on Trump’s team much longer.

Trump’s choice of Easter is also very telling of another group in his base that he’s trying to appease; the evangelical christians. Remember: he’s got holier-than-thou rapture freaks Mike Pence, Mike Pompeo and Bill Barr in his administration. What better symbolism could you ask for than having America reborn from a horrible scourge on Easter, the day Jesus ‘resurrected from the dead’. Trump says he even wants to pack the churches with the faithful to celebrate. As we mentioned in our last post, we have no doubt Trump will politicize the coronavirus for the upcoming election. If everything appears to be fine by Easter then he will proclaim it to be an ‘Easter miracle’ and he will appear even more like ‘the chosen one’ to his brain dead zombie followers.

Actually, we have no problem with Trumpty Dumpty’s plan of packing the churches on Easter. Just ignore stories of pastors who thought coronavirus was a hoax and died or an entire congregation who met at a church event resulting in three dozens infections. It’s just fake news. Trump knows best. If Trump’s MAGA supporters want to defy doctors and scientists and gather together and spread the COVID-19 to other sheeple in the flock, then we here at the Bucket say go right ahead. Let Jesus take the wheel. When you get sick, just don’t go to the ‘evil’ scientists or doctors for help; just hunker down and pray to God or Donald Trump to be magically cured. Yeah . . . that will work well.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it's killing and endangering innocent people, but because it's lowering his precious stock market gains.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it’s killing and endangering innocent people, but because it’s lowering his precious stock market gains.

The Joker

Joaquin Phoenix’s new movie Joker has opened to rave reviews and large box office projections for his performance as a mentally defective wanna-be comedian who becomes a psychotic super villain spreading chaos and disorder everywhere he goes.

In eerily parallel reality, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump continues to be a mentally defective wanna-be world leader who has led America into a world of chaos that threatens the very tenets of democracy and is ripping this country to shreds while simultaneously ruining our country’s standing on the world stage.

Apparently these days, Americans seem to be obsessed with psychotic sociopaths who want to create chaos.

Joker: Not to be outdone by Joaquin Phoenix, American CEO/Dictator and 'stable genius' Donald Trump releases his own Joker movie where he promises law and order but delivers chaos that promotes hatred and violence thus threatening to rip apart the democratic institutions on which the nation was founded. Rated R for Repulsive.
Joker: Not to be outdone by Joaquin Phoenix, American CEO/Dictator and ‘stable genius’ Donald Trump releases his own Joker movie where he promises law and order but delivers chaos that promotes hatred and violence thus threatening to rip apart the democratic institutions on which the nation was founded. Rated R for Repulsive.

America Does NOT Do Nazism

This past weekend, violence erupted as a white supremacist plowed his car at protesters, who were protesting against the white supremacists and fascists who were rallying in Charlottesville, Virginia. One person was killed and several were injured. In commenting on the incident, Republicans, including American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump were tepid initially in their condemnation of these thuggish attacks, so typical of Nazi fascists, not just in America but back in 1930’s Germany. Trump and Attorney Confederate General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III only just today, three days after the incident, came out and condemned the attacks as domestic terrorism.

We’ve commented before how the Republicans have swung radically to the right in the last thirty years. These growing ‘Pro-Trump’ militia style rallies are frightening to those of us who read our history and know of the vileness and insidiousness of Nazi ideology. We now have in control of our government, people who have been willing to bend an ear and sympathize with these racist fascists who want to eliminate permanently those who are different. We KNOW the evil Nazism is capable of unleashing on the world. That is why every Republican needs to strongly come out and condemn these Neo-Nazis and other groups like the KKK, who want to tear apart America. There were hundreds of thousands of Americans who were killed or injured fighting the Nazis in World War II. For Republicans to embrace and enable Nazi sympathizers just for votes in not only a slap in the face to the ‘greatest generation’, but a direct violation of our core democratic principles of freedom and justice for all Americans. In short: AMERICA DOES NOT DO NAZISM!!!!

America does NOT do Nazism!
Dear Nazis: GO TO HELL!!!

Obama Made America Great Again

As Barack Obama’s term as the 44th President of the United States winds down to it’s last days and the dawn of the Trump era of corrupt corporate fascism begins, we’d like to offer our thanks and appreciation to President Obama.

He ascended to office back in 2009 with howls of derision from crybaby Republicans and hopes that he would fail. America was stuck in the quagmires of Iraq and Afghanistan. The economy was reeling because of the failed policies of the Bush administration and the repeal of the Glass-Stegall act by both Bill Clinton and the Republicans. Despite bending over backwards to appease the crybaby Republicans, the GOP just wouldn’t do anything to support the President and that includes fighting tooth and nail to make sure that even the poorest Americans don’t have access to affordable healthcare. But Obamacare became a reality and millions now can actually see a doctor when they get sick. He also lessened our involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan and he actually eliminated America’s greatest threat, Osama Bin Laden, much to the chagrin of jealous Republicans. Please review our archives for more details of Republican obstructionism.

Obama achieved many accomplishments during his two terms in office. We’ll just list the top ten highlights in this post, but they’re listed in depth on other pages like this one (which lists 400). Washington Monthly lists 50 here. In summary, thank you Barack Obama: you made America great again.

  • Passed Healthcare Reform so millions of uninsured Americans can afford coverage
  • Rescued the economy from the Great Recession with 15.5 million jobs added, unemployment down to 4.6% and reduced the deficit from 9.8% GDP in 2009 to 3.2% GDP in 2016.
  • Eliminated the world’s #1 terrorist Osama Bin Laden
  • Reduced America’s military involvement in the quagmires of Iraq and Afghanistan
  • Negotiated a deal to block Iran’s nuclear weapons development and submit to inspections
  • Passed the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform act to re-regulate the financial sector because of the disastrous policies that created the Great Recession
  • Established and protected Net Neutrality
  • Improved America’s image abroad after George W. Bush’s disastrous administration alienated many of the United State’s allies
  • Strengthened civil rights for all Americans including the LGBTQ and non-religious communities
  • Normalized relations with Cuba after more than fifty years of a failed isolationist policy

Thank you Barack Obama for making America great again.
Thank you Barack Obama for making America great again.

America’s Ultimate Creepy Clown

Sometimes reality writes the best jokes…

There have been a rash of creepy clown sightings world wide recently. But nothing like the huuuuuuuge sighting last night in St. Louis, Missouri at the 2nd Presidential Debate. Yes America… Donald Trump is the Ultimate Creepy Clown.

Donald Trump stakes his claim as America's ultimate creepy clown.
There was a huuuuuge creepy clown sighting at the 2nd Presidential Debate last night in St. Louis, Missouri.

Americans Sure Love Train Wrecks

Well folks, Donald Trump had a really bad week. Speaking of train wrecks, we’ve dug up another appropriate rant by the Bucket’s resident crusty curmudgeon, Chester Einstein. In it, he complains about the abundance of reality TV shows which revel in people’s crashing, burning and wrecking all for our amusement. We think this rant was ahead of its time considering the current disaster that is the Donald Trump campaign.

This is from our April 25, 2005 issue.

Chester Einstein’s Words of Wisdom

Chester Einstein - BilgeBucket GazetteAmericans Sure Love Train Wrecks

It’s April again in Cactus Corners. The temperature is almost one hundred degrees and it you haven’t got your air conditioner working yet, you’ll probably be sweating your ass off this summer. I’ve been trying to figure out these past few months how so many people got duped into voting for that walking disaster area Dubya and it got me thinking. I’ve observed what’s on television, what’s in the news, and what’s going on in general in this country and I’ve come to one conclusion; Americans love train wrecks.

Now those of you who have read my columns before are probably saying, “You’re just a cranky, old fussbudget. Shut up you old coot!” Well, dag nab it! Just hear me out. Look at the crap that’s on television nowadays. We get our jollies watching people eat maggots, reindeer testicles and slop we wouldn’t feed our sewer systems. We love watching people self destruct and getting voted off an island or kicked out of an apartment or dragged through the muck by an oxen in a wacky race around the globe. What’s next, a reality show where the losers get the chance to catch live ammunition?

And what the hell is it with our obsession with celebrities. Now Oprah and Jerry Springer I can understand. They’ve both got moxie up the ying-yang, I tells ya! But Anna Nicole Smith, Ozzy Osbourne and Paris Hilton? These people can barely dress themselves. It’s a miracle Osbourne can even sit in a chair. I’m not sure Anna Nicole even has a brain. I’m sure it’s just ganglia. And that Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie are nothing but stone cold hoochies! They get through life by batting their eyelashes, flashing a little leg and showing their ample, young, cleavage. Wait! What the hell am I complaining about? I like it when they do that!

And what about the big celebrity trials of the last decade; O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, Martha Stewart and that freak Michael Jackson. These trials have been three ring media circuses. I mean people were cheering O.J. on while he’s driving down the freeway, running from the police. Jacko admits he likes to sleep with boys and people are rooting him onward. Those ubiquitous entertainment shows were covering Blake like he’s Jesus H. Christ. Hey everybody! Look at the celebrity in trouble! Let’s watch the wreckage!

Speaking of wreckage, I’ve just seen Growing Up Gotti. What the hell is that! Just because she’s a gangster’s daughter who’s richer than the Vatican, we need to watch their everyday life? Now that Victoria Gotti is pretty hot, but those kids of hers need a good spanking! They gave me an Excedrin headache! Maybe I’m just a simple cactus groomer/web satirist, but people who are poor are interesting, too. Why don’t we see reality shows about Fred Markowitz, the plumber; Gladys Rogers, the social worker; Austin Jackson, the sandwich artist? All we get on television these days is stupid reality shows about incredibly rich, stupid people.

Our society seems to worship stupidity nowadays. What’s one of the most popular shows on television? NOVA? American Experience? No! That airhead Jessica Simpson and her mindless reality show. Even on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, or Lamo as I like to call him, that Jaywalking segment celebrates mediocrity. The funniest people are the ones who completely screw things up. These human train wrecks don’t know history, science, math, geography or anything else for that matter. Are you paying attention Dubya? But hey, they may be stupid, but they sure are funny! Sure they’re going to crash and burn, but let’s watch and be entertained.

Well, I’ve ranted enough for today. I’ve got some cactus to groom on the back forty. Maybe I’ll take a video camera with me and tape myself running into a cactus. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get my own reality show. Or better yet, get elected President.