Tag Archive for Perry

The Three Stooges: Slinging in Ukraine

The impeachment inquiry rolls on and more disturbing evidence is surfacing about America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s shakedown on Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky for information about Democratic rival and former Obama administration Vice President Joe Biden. Damning testimonies like those of William B. Taylor portray our orange-haired, megalomaniac man child in the White House as some kind of mafioso wise guy trying to put the screws to Zelensky whose country needs help from western NATO nations but is also being squeezed from the east by Putin’s Russia.

The whole operation sounds fubarred from the very beginning. Supposedly, Trump’s carny barker and chief of staff Mick Mulvaney brought in the Donald’s three amigos, or in this case, the three stooges to coordinate the action. Slick Mick thought that Kurt Volker, Gordon Sondland and Rick Perry could convince various people in the Ukraine to arrange a deal for information on Joe Biden’s son Hunter’s business dealings which might help Trump in the 2020 election. Volker and Sondland have both testified before the House with Sondland stating that there was some kind of quid pro quo involved.

The really funny thing about this is that Rudy ‘Captain Colludiani’ Giuliani became involved with his now arrested henchman Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, who look like they came directly from central casting, and allegedly used them to try and dig up dirt on Biden, thus fubarring the operation even more. Add Mick Mulvaney’s confession of a quid pro quo agreement and impeachment is looking now like a done deal even without the ten cases of obstruction laid out by the Mueller report. (Helpful reminder and hint: the Mueller report wasn’t a witch hunt because it produced 37 indictments. We repeat 37 INDICTMENTS!!! Please, corporate media – mention this FACT next time poor, little victim Trump cries that he is being persecuted or lynched!)

Which is why Trump desperately tried a little tail wagging the dog action this past weekend by announcing that terrorist ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi  was killed by special op forces. This is a good thing and we should be able to pat Trump on the back. . . but he made it impossible to do even that. In true Trumpian fashion, he made the operation all about him. He bragged about the killing and morbidly regaled the press with how al-Baghdadi cried and died like a dog. Many people have even compared Obama’s address when Osama bin Laden was killed to Trump’s and well. . . there’s no comparison: Obama is the adult and Trump is the arrogant, spoiled little child looking for attention. Trump even got royally booed at game 5 of the Astros-Nationals World Series as the crowd broke into chants of “Lock him up!” Oh, the irony! So Trump’s little distraction action failed miserably and it looks like Nancy Pelosi is bringing forth a vote to formalize the impeachment inquiries.

But at least we can enjoy Donald Trump’s latest film about all the hilarious hijinx that happened (or didn’t happen) The Three Stooges: Slinging in Ukraine, featuring, of course, the very best people: Kurt Volker as Larry, Gordon Sondland as Curly, Rick Perry as Moe and Rudy Giuliani as Captain Colludiani, rated I for Impeachable.

The Three Stooges - Slinging in Ukraine: American CEO/Dictator and master dealer Donald Trump needs some mud for slinging at his chief political rival Joe Biden. But because of stupid democratic laws in America he needs to put the squeeze on foreign governments like Ukraine. So he sends his best stooges to dig up some dirt. Hilarity ensues when Rudy Giuliani appears as Captain Colludiani and fubars the whole secret quid pro quo operation. Rated I for Impeachable.
The Three Stooges – Slinging in Ukraine: American CEO/Dictator and master dealer Donald Trump needs some mud for slinging at his chief political rival Joe Biden. But because of stupid democratic laws in America he needs to put the squeeze on foreign governments like Ukraine. So he sends his best stooges to dig up some dirt. Hilarity ensues when Rudy Giuliani appears as Captain Colludiani and fubars the whole secret quid pro quo operation. Rated I for Impeachable.

Perry’s Outta There!

One down, umpty-nine to go…

Well there’s a little more elbow room in the Republican clown car tonight, as former Texas governor Rick Perry has dropped out of the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Of course, the writing was on the wall, since it was reported recently that his staff wasn’t getting paid. We here at the Bucket have concluded that despite his makeover with smarter looking glasses, they just weren’t smart looking enough. Better luck in 2020, Poindexter.

Former Texas governor Rick Perry vows to run for President again in 2020 with smarter looking glasses and a much pointier clown hat.

Former Texas governor Rick Perry vows to run for President again in 2020 with smarter looking glasses and a much pointier clown hat.

The Republican Con Is On!

So Donald Trump, fresh from his comments on breastfeeding women, is the front runner of the Republican party with a meager 15 months left before the elections? Wow! What are we going to do? We guess that everyone should buy a tarp to protect themselves from all the bullshit that’s being propelled by the media, who are actually giving credibility to this con job. But then again this is Con-a-thon 2016. What else should we expect?

The Republicans are masters of propaganda and the art of the con. They’ve learned their lessons from 2012 and 2008. That’s why they’ve got the clown car filled with sixteen candidates; just enough flavor-of-the-months to get through to November 2016. In case you haven’t figured it out, the GOP establishment, mainly the Koch Brothers, have decided that Jeb Bush and Scott Walker are the best candidates. So to protect these guys from actual scrutiny, they’ve got fourteen other candidates to sacrifice themselves for the Republican cause by saying outrageous statements that make the other guys in the clown car appear to be sane. Donald Trump is just the first. Do you honestly think ‘the Donald’ will be selected to be the standard bearer for the Republican party?  It looks like Mike Huckabee could be the second with his statements about Obama putting the Jews in the oven with the Iran deal. We know from 2012 that Rick ‘the Dick’ Santorum is good for several months worth of spewing forth crap and Chris Christie is chock full of hot air. Just look at him for Pete’s sake! And then there’s Rick Perry, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul…it’s a cornucopia of blithering insanity. But in the end, the Republicans will put another Bush on the ticket and America will be stuck with another media anointed Bush-Clinton election. Freedom of choice in America? The Con is On!

Donald Trump's outrageous statements about immigrants, John McCain and breastfeeding women make the other candidates in the Republican clown car appear sane.

Donald Trump's outrageous statements about immigrants, John McCain and breastfeeding women make the other candidates in the Republican clown car appear sane.

 

Please Texas…Secede!

The Texas school board recently stated that Texas students will begin using new textbooks which teach that slavery was just a side issue to the civil war and never mention Jim Crow laws or the Ku Klux Klan. So basically it whitewashes racism and the whole Civil War. Then there’s that whole Jade Helm 15 crap. Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Texas is a red state filled with conservative christians, who also believe that the earth is less than 10,000 years old and that man co-existed with the dinosaurs. This is pretty dangerous stuff folks. Texas is purposely teaching their children false dogmas and history that just isn’t true. We think that Texas should make good on its repeated threats during Obama’s presidency and just secede from the United States. Actually we beg of you Texas; please take the Bushes, Rick Perry and Ted Cruz and form your own country! You’ll be happier without us and we’ll definitely be happier without you and your Texas size egos!

A Texas school teacher proudly teaches his class that slavery was fun and Negroes enjoyed the hell out of it and a conservative christian reminds the kids that the earth is only 6000 years old.

Texas now teaches its children that the whole slavery thing was just one big festival and Jesus probably rode a brontosaurus.

Republican Clown Car 2016

Guess what everyone? It’s time for another presidential election.  Didn’t we just finish this crap?  Well, with a scant 16 months left before the 2016 presidential election, it’s time for CON-A-THON 2016… and we’ve already got 16 Republican presidential candidates. That’s right! 16!!!! You’d think that all this choice would be a good thing. But we’re talking about the modern Republican party. We’re not sure who coined the term, but the most accurate description of this collection of colossal egos has to be the Republican Clown Car (They’re also available for birthday parties and bar mitzvahs). Early polls are indicating that Jeb “Don’t Call Me Bush” Bush and perennial blowhard and teabagger favorite Donald Trump, are leading the polls. But if you peruse our archives for Con-a-thon 2012, you’ll see that there was a new flavor-of-the-week back then, too. One week it was Newt Gingrich; the next it was Herman Cain; and the next it was Rick Santorum, who apparently hasn’t learned his lesson that he’s not appealing to a wide swath of Americans. Oh well…this circus and extraordinary waste of money is sure to be amusing for the next 16 months. Really???!!! Another 16 months of this shit???!!!!

The Republican Clown Car for the 2016 Presidential election, also known as Con-a-thon 2016.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Introducing the Republican Clown Car for Con-a-thon 2016.

Three Good Reasons To Vote For Rick Perry

Rick Perry’s debate brain fart is now the biggest story in Con-a-thon 2012, replacing Herman Cain’s sexual harassment allegations as top fodder for political pundits. The laughs just keep on coming!

GOP candidate Rick Perry is still trying to come up with reasons why anyone would want to vote for him.

 

 

Con-a-thon 2012

The Republican comedy tour continues this fall and now it looks like there is a new front runner. Former pizza magnate Herman Cain, has surged to the top of Republican polls touting his plan 999 from outer space in order to save the planet. Sounds like another flavor of the month to us.

We’ve held off as long as we could, but we’re going to start our coverage of the upcoming election, Con-a-thon 2012. Today we present the leading GOP comedians candidates: Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Perry, Mitt(Spiff) Romney, Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich.

In the Beginning, There Was BS

The evangelical christians have sure been showing their true ignorance lately with Pat Robertson and Michele Bachmann proclaiming that the east coast hurricanes and earthquakes are signs from God. Bachmann later recanted saying she was just jesting and that she has a fantastic sense of humor (well that statement made us howl with laughter). But what cracks us up here at the Bucket is religious conservatives’, especially GOP Presidential candidate Rick Perry, insistence that evolution is “just a theory” and that creationism should be taught in school on an equal footing with evolution. Of course they ignore that the Bible is a first century book of mythology and has tons of holes in it but we guess that’s just what’s called ‘faith’. Even Pope John Paul II said that evolution was “more than just a hypothesis.” But we like Biologist Richard Dawkins’ response to Rick Perry the best. Here’s the link.

Here’s one of our favorite photo-toons from our June 2, 2007 issue commemorating the opening of that bastion of ‘intelligent design’, the Creation Museum.

The Creation Museum, based on the teachings of the book of Genesis in the Bible, opened recently in Petersburg, Kentucky and contains such thought provoking, scientifically accurate displays as this one which depicts humans and dinosaurs co-existing peacefully in a sun-kissed, peachy keen world.

 

A Reading From The Book of Profits

GOP Presidential candidates Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry have emerged as front runners in the Republican race. Both candidates are fervent evangelical christians, claim to have an intimate relationship with God, and are very popular with the Republican base, which consists of scores of evangelical christians.  Preachers like James Dobson, Pat Robertson and all those PTL preachers on TBN sure do rake in a lot of money. Isn’t it funny that all the preachers on television are impeccably dressed and can afford to build theme parks, finance movies and creationism museums. But just like many corporations, churches don’t pay taxes.  What a convenient, lucrative loophole! We think that in order to participate in the political process, you should at least pay taxes. And then there’s the prosperity gospel. Prosperity theology teaches that a combination of faith, positive speech, and donations to christian ministries(of course) will always cause an increase in material wealth…material wealth for the preachers that is. According to the little known Book of Profits, the churches can fleece their flocks with Jesus’ blessing. What makes this even more preposterous is that the biblical Jesus was pretty much a socialist and these hypocrites worship him as their lord and savior. Well, I guess if Bachmann and Perry make it to the White House (Zeus help us all!), at least they’ll have Americans ready for the Rapture. Hallelujah!

Here’s an old Pic O’ The Week photo-toon from our November 16, 2008 issue that addresses the teachings of capitalist Jesus.

Some conservative christian Republicans have lately been touting the little known capitalist teachings of Jesus.