Stormy Daniels – BilgeBucket Gazette

The Singing Rat Returns

Back on March 4, 2019 we created a post featuring former Trump fixer Michael Cohen singing like a canary in front of a House Oversight committee about the many frauds of his former employer. Fast forward five years and it’s time for the return of the singing rat.

The Stormy Daniels hush money trial is winding down and Michael Cohen returned to the stand to testify against the orange haired megalomaniac man-child and from most accounts, he held his own and was ‘credible’. Granted Cohen is a liar but then again Trump is an even bigger prevaricator to the tune of over 30,000 in over four years as CEO/Dictator of America. So, what’s going to happen? Given TFG’s propensity to escape accountability his entire life, we’re not holding our breath. But maybe, just maybe, justice will prevail and Trump will be wearing a jumpsuit to match his orange complexion in the near future. Here’s a repost of our Singing Rat meme.

The Singing Rat: Michael Cohen is just your everyday goombah who also happens to be the fixer for Republican crime boss Donald Trump. When G-Man Robert Mueller catches Cohen covering up an illicit affair with a hooker for Trump, the rat sings like a canary. Rated T for Trumptastic.

Rootin’ Tootin’ Trump

The Trump hush money payment to Stormy Daniels trial is entering its gazillionth week and there has much commentary about the orange megalomaniac man child’s flatulence. Yes, the twice impeached Putin fan boy is blowing vile gas from both his mouth and his anus. That’s talent, folks! From all accounts, it’s like the stockyards in the courtroom and Trump’s lawyers may be sporting gas masks soon.

Which reminds up of our post from July 25, 2020 during the heart of the pandemic and Con-a-thon 2020. It was then that Trumpty Dumpty and his darling daughter Ivanka became embroiled in a ethical conundrum by endorsing Goya beans while in the White House. That’s a no-no, but then again Donald Trump does what ever he wants, which is why he has four trials with a grand total of 88 criminal counts. We speculated at the time that maybe Trump was going to launch another failed business venture called Trump Beans. Maybe that’s why he’s been giving ten toot salutes in the courtroom: he’s just full o’ beans.

From the fine people who brought you Trump Vodka, Trump Air, Trump Water and Trump University comes their next doomed endeavor, the ultimate in designer beans, Trump Beans. Because when it comes to beans, Trump is full of 'em. Trump Beans is the winner of the coveted Ten Toot Salute award created by Donald Trump for excellence in bean stuff. Like Ivanka sez, jump start your farts with her Daddy's favorite, Trump Beans. Rumors that these beans cause explosive flatulence and chronic diarrhea are a hoax. Go ahead and eat 'em. What have you got to lose. — From the fine people who brought you Trump Vodka, Trump Air, Trump Water and Trump University comes their next doomed endeavor, the ultimate in designer beans, Trump Beans. Because when it comes to beans, Trump is full of ’em. Trump Beans is the winner of the coveted Ten Toot Salute award created by Donald Trump for excellence in bean stuff. Like Ivanka sez, jump start your farts with her Daddy’s favorite, Trump Beans. Rumors that these beans cause explosive flatulence and chronic diarrhea are a hoax. Go ahead and eat ’em. What have you got to lose.

Finally . . . Justice

We interrupt our 20th anniversary retrospective for some great news. It seems that the Grand Jury in New York has chosen justice and indicted the twice-impeached, former CEO/Dictator of the United States Donald J. Trump on his illicit payments to cover up his affair with porn star Stormy Daniels. While we’d prefer he get indicted for trying to overthrow a legitimate election and inciting an attempted coup, we’ll gladly take this. Will TFG actually have to serve time in prison. Probably not, but we can always hope and dream can’t we. We’ll have to wait and see but then again we’ve become accustomed to waiting haven’t we.

We’ve altered a photo-toon from our July 21, 2017 post to show that Trump may actually have to pay the piper for once in his overprivileged, corrupt life.

For once in his overprivileged, corrupt life, twice-impeached former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump will actually have to pay the piper.

The Singing Rat

The big news the past week was the explosive testimony given by Michael Cohen, the former personal lawyer and ‘fixer’ for American CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump. In a hearing before the House Oversight committee, the rat Michael Cohen sang like a canary much to the chagrin of the House Republicans like Jim Jordan, Mark Meadows and Paul Gosar, who made absolute asses of themselves during the ‘interrogation’. They never questioned him but chose, in typical Republican fashion, only to assassinate his character, which we’ve all already surmised is abysmal. Even Cohen admitted he was a fool. The GOP logic: “You can’t trust a liar”. The Republicans are also considerably irony impaired considering Cohen was the RNC’s deputy finance chairman up until eight months ago. Oh yeah…and then there’s the fact that Trump’s lie count is over 9,000.

One colossal buffoon was GOP Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan, who said Cohen was testifying against Trump only because he had ‘sour grapes’ for not getting a White House job. Then Jordan pulled another typical Republican prank of trying to twist Cohen’s words, which caused Cohen to reply, “Shame on you, Mr. Jordan.” This is the same Jim Jordan, who kept quiet about alleged sexual abuse at Ohio State. So, Jordan is certainly not someone who should throw stones.

Another mammoth idiot was Arizona’s own Paul Gosar, who embarrassingly resorted to playground taunts of “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” and even had a poster with the same next to him at the hearing to which Cohen responded to Gosar, “Are you referring to me or the President?” Gosar is famous for having six of his siblings take out an ad to vote against their brother in Arizona’s 4th district election in 2018. The fact that Gosar still won speaks more to the conservative loons in the 4th district who put this nutbag back into office. Maybe Gosar and Trump can retire and hang out at a grade school playground where they can ply their bullying tactics and be undisputed ‘kings’.

So what’s next for Michael Cohen besides much deserved jail time? How about a thrilling crime drama about an everyday goombah for a national criminal organization who turns state evidence against his crooked boss called ‘The Singing Rat’, rated T for Trumptastic.

Giuliani: The Melting Man

Former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani has returned to the spotlight recently and just as quickly may be returning to oblivion. Giuliani was hired to be on America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump’s legal team after Ty Cobb resigned. Giuliani immediately stuck his foot in his big mouth by making the rounds in the media and stating that Trump did pay back the hush money to Michael Cohen that he doled out to porn actress Stormy Daniels, which promptly proves that Trump lied about not knowing anything about hush money payments. In each of Giuliani’s television appearances, he appeared completely out of sorts, yelling at times and appearing completely bamboozled and lost. We think the term ‘meltdown’ is very appropriate. He reminded us of the famous face melting scene of Major Arnold Toht in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Of course, we’ve never really understood why Giuliani was so popular. True, he was mayor of New York during 9/11 and he displayed a calmness through the resulting tumult that was reassuring. But beyond that…zilch. He always seemed like a bit of a mobster and he’s certainly acting like it now. At least he fits in with the Trump administration, which has been one embarrassing event after another since January 16, 2017. Mr. Giuliani’s media tour has been a complete fiasco. He has proven he is incompetent enough to be associated with Donald Trump. Way to go, Rudy!

Hot from his recent media meltdowns, Trump lawyer Rudy Guliani bears a striking resemblance to the melty face Major Arnold Toht from the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The Hypocritical Mulligan

We’ve commented ad infinitum over the last ten years about the unbelievable hypocrisy of the evangelical christians in this country. Well that hypocrisy was on full display last week when Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, stated that Donald Trump should get a mulligan for paying hooker Stormy Daniels hush money about an illicit rendezvous in 2006, when Trump’s wife Melania was recovering after giving birth to their son Barron. The evangelicals had a cow when Bill Clinton had a affair, but when Donald Trump had one just after his son was born, they just turned their sanctimonious heads and look the other way. Wow! What a horde of HYPOCRITES!

And unfortunately the evangelicals will probably never be convinced on what a slime bucket Trump is. Millions of evangelicals “believe the election of President Trump represented God giving us(christians) another chance.” The Young Turks gave a thoughtful and frightening analysis of this, stating that because the ‘faithful’ believe God wanted Trump to be President and God is never wrong, the sheeple must therefore support Trump come hell or the apocalypse. So just like Donald Trump predicted on the campaign trail, he could probably murder somebody in cold blood and the sheeple would still support him. And people wonder why we’re anti-religion atheists here at the Bucket; when you can’t think critically about your leaders, or anything for that matter, you’re putting not only the entire country at risk, but with man-child Donald Trump in the White House, the entire planet.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for paying hush money to a hooker because who among us hasn't like that wild night in Jericho with Mary Magdalene. — Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, for paying hush money to a hooker because hey…you know…who hasn’t.