Iowa Caucus: There’s Not An App For That

The election primary season is kicking off and the Democratic needed a solid beginning to send a strong message to America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump that his days as ‘dear Leader’ of this country are numbered. But instead of serving up a caucus the Iowa Democrats served up a caucusf*ck. Apparently, an app the administrators had a “reporting issue” and wasn’t functioning properly and brought the integrity of the results into question. It’s the weekend but the precise results are still in doubt with Pete Buttigieg and Bernie Sanders both claiming victories. Talk about serving up red meat to Trump. You just know that the orange haired megalomaniac and his flying monkey sycophants at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, will continually point to the incompetence displayed during the caucus as proof that Democrats will do anything to ‘rig an election’ and cannot be trusted. And all this after a superb performance by House Democrats, led by Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler, in proving the guilt of Trump in his impeachment trial.

At least the Iowa fiasco is pushing forth a movement that just might get rid of the troublesome caucus forever and install a primary system in its stead just like almost every other state. There are several annoying anomalies on the Democratic primary side (superdelegates, anyone), and if the Dems finally decide to move into the 21st century and kill off the caucus and superdelegates, then that would probably increase their chances in future elections. Plus, there’s no way Iowa should be the first voting event of the presidential elections season since its demographics are so homogeneous. Here’s hoping at least that the Democrats learn something from this debacle.

America's CEO/Dictator and geography genius Donald Trump offers the administrators of the Iowa caucus app that clusterf*cked spectacularly a special reward for helping him in his re-election effort; annexation to Kansas City.
America’s CEO/Dictator and geography genius Donald Trump offers the administrators of the Iowa caucus app that clusterf*cked spectacularly a special reward for helping him in his re-election effort; annexation to Kansas City.

GOP: Trump Über Alles

We knew before the impeachment process began that the Republicans would acquit America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump of any wrongdoing (with Spiff Romney being the lone Republican to vote to convict – note: we’ve given Romney a lot of crap over the years but he got it right this time; Good job!) but it doesn’t make it any easier to take it. To their credit, the Democrats, led by Adam Schiff, did an exceptional job of proving Trump’s guilt in the quid pro quo bullying of Ukraine for dirt on Joe Biden in exchange for foreign aid. Which makes it infuriating to watch the self-proclaimed ‘morally superior’ GOP make a complete sham out of the proceedings. The charlatans didn’t even want witnesses called! Polls indicated that 75 percent of Americans thought witnesses should be called. What’s a trial without witnesses! Well, apparently it’s completely normal in Trumpland, where the Kansas City Chiefs play their games in Kansas City, Kansas instead of Kansas City, Missouri and Donald Trump is a master meteorologist.

The fact is that Republicans even admitted that Trump is guilty and they’re still voting to acquit him. Lamar Alexander said Trump did the quid pro quo but it’s not impeachable. Linda Murkowski said pretty much the same thing, saying what Trump did was “shameful and wrong”, but that she couldn’t vote to convict. So basically, in the warped mind of a conservative, lying about sex is impeachable and asking for foreign aid on a political rival is a-okay. Just put little baby Donald in time-out and he won’t do it again. But Trump is already reported plotting revenge on all the people who wronged him.

Chief Justice John Roberts did nothing to dispel his perception of being a partisan hack. Remember Roberts fully approved of the Citizens United verdict that gave unlimited power to corporate America to contribute to campaigns. And despite his voting for Obamacare, we knew he was still a true conservative Republican. He could have intervened and insisted on witnesses, but he didn’t. He seemingly has no qualms on presiding over a travesty of justice. Great example there, Chief Justice Roberts!

The GOP keeps whining that the Democrats are trying for a coup, which is a complete projection of what the Republicans have done since the 2016 election which they stole thanks to Russian election interference and suspension of the rule of law for selecting a Supreme Court justice (Merrick Garland) in the Senate by Moscow Mitch McConnell, a.k.a. Turtle Boy. Even Karl Rove admitted during Dubya’s fiasco of a presidency that he was determined to have the same kind of Republican hegemony that existed between 1865 and 1932 when Mark Hanna was the chief political operative and only two Democrats served as president during that span (Grover Cleveland – two non-consecutive terms, 1885-1889, 1893-1897; Woodrow Wilson 1913-1921). Now with thisclusterf*ck of a trial, the Republicans have pretty much deemed that Trump can do whatever the hell he wants to do and not suffer any kind of consequences and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. This despite the fact that since 1988, Republicans have only won the popular vote in presidential elections once. We agree with the many people who are saying that just like the 2016 election, the megalomaniac Trump will never accept the results of the 2020 election if he loses and America will have yet another constitutional crisis involving Trump and the Republicans.

So, in true right wing, conservative Republican, authoritarian fashion, life in the United States can now be summed up by the mantra, Trump über alles. Enjoy your fascism, America – oh… and Heil Trump!

With their sham impeachment trial, Senate Republicans have officially declared that America's CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, is above the law and that democracy and rule of law no longer exist in the United States. In other words, Trump über alles, or in other other words, Heil Trump!
With their sham impeachment trial, Senate Republicans have officially declared that America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, is above the law and that democracy and rule of law no longer exist in the United States. In other words, Trump über alles, or in other other words, Heil Trump!

We’re Not Living On Tulsi Time

With all the drama of the impeachment unfolding on a day to day basis, the Democratic presidential primaries have been pushed to the back burner.
Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden and Elizabeth Warren continue to be the front runners, with Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Michael Bloomberg, Andrew Yang and Amy Klobuchar still hanging on with the Iowa caucuses just a week away.

One name that is amazingly still in the race despite anemic poll numbers is the curious case of Tulsi Gabbard. It has been suggested by Hillary Clinton that she’s a Russian agent, which has caused Gabbard to sue Clinton for defamation. Former candidate Kamala Harris scolded her for her criticism of Obama and her fellow Democrats. Is she a Russian plant? We don’t know, but her vote of ‘Present’ during the historic impeachment vote certainly didn’t quash the rumors and she announced she won’t seek re-election for her congressional seat in heavily Democratic Hawaii. As a matter of fact, Ms. Gabbard is now the most disliked Democrat. Why would any sane, rational person who has been conscious the past three years vote against impeachment, especially when the evidence is so overwhelming that the President abused his power and obstructed Congress (not to mention obstructed justice as the Mueller report volume 2 concluded)? Trump certainly approved of her vote.

So, what’s Tulsi’s game then? Is she a contrarian who just likes to criticize others in her party to bring attention to herself? She does support Bernie Sanders, who is a social democrat. She has strongly advocated most of the progressive Democrat’s issues in the past. But then again lately, she does seem to talk a lot like a Republican. She has also been sympathetic to Syrian dictator Bashar Assad. Ms. Gabbard appeared regularly on Fox News during the Obama administration and cozied up to Trump and Steve Bannon.


So, really . . . what is Ms. Gabbard’s deal? What’s her motivation? What the hell is she up to? We here at the Bucket think it’s something more egotistical. We think that the enigma that is Ms. Gabbard sees that the stairwell to the Democratic nomination is blocked and will be for many years to come with every Democrat currently still running polling well ahead of her. Like Reagan and Trump, (both former Democrats), the possibility exists that she could get the Republican nomination if she switches parties. Her vote against Trump’s impeachment certainly endeared her to Trump’s nutbag supporters and her approval is very strong from conservative males (gee, go figure that! . . . see the saga of Sarah Palin). Plus, she’s from a heavily Democratic state. Look at all the fawning Democrats do over moderate Republicans from heavily Republican states who side (or appear to side) with Dems (the late John McCain, Susan Collins, Spiff Romney) and you’ll get it. You have to have a gynormous ego to run for president, and Ms. Gabbard certainly is developing a colossal one. Since she has absolutely no chance to win the Democratic nomination in 2020, here’s our bold and fearless, purely comedic conjecture prediction for Ms. Gabbard: she runs for President as a Republican in 2024. Remember: we predicted a Ralph Nader landslide in the 2004 election so . . . yeah . . . we’re . . . probably . . . wrong.

Could it be that Tulsi Gabbard's presidential ambitions may be so great that she'd switch parties in 2024, and because of her impeachment vote, she'd get the blessings of America's current CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his following of nutcase supporters? Stay tuned, folks!
Could it be that Tulsi Gabbard’s presidential ambitions may be so great that she’d switch parties in 2024, and because of her impeachment vote, she’d get the blessings of America’s current CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his following of nutcase supporters? Stay tuned, folks!

Immigration Irony

With Trump’s impeachment trial getting started, the Republicans are still trying to get some distraction action going. News of a yet another migrant caravan has reached the headlines in the last week with people crying hysterically that the immigrants are coming to get us. Trump certainly knows his audience; nothing gets the right wing, authoritarian screaming mimis riled up more than immigrants ‘coming to take our jobs’.

We’ve had this photo-toon in our graphics bin for a little while, but with the Trump flak generator spewing forth drivel and spam on an hourly basis, it kind of got lost in the shuffle of the impeachment drama. But the very first Americans, like Geronimo, also had an immigration problem with people who stole their land, murdered their citizens and swindled them for fun and profit.

Like we’ve mentioned many times before, the fact is we’re all immigrants to North America. The Native Americans have been here the longest, but even they migrated tens of thousands of years ago. Truly, if any people have the right to protest about immigrants taking their land, it’s the Native Americans. Since the history books of our childhood don’t really explain this narrative properly, we recommend the book Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Brown.

Geronimo sarcastically asks modern day Americans about their immigration problems.
Historical Reminder: The very first Americans had a serious immigration problem with foreigners who invaded their land, killed off citizens and swindled them for fun and profit.

Slap Shootin’ Putin

In an amusing story to end out the year here at the Bucket, Russian President and object of America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s man crush, recently beat a team of influential Russian ministers, business and musicians in a friendly hockey game in Red Square by the score of 8-5, scoring half his team’s points. All we have to say is – of course, his team’s going to win and of course he’s going to score half the points. Russia’s authoritarian propaganda machine constantly promotes Putin’s athleticism and virility. The bare chested Putin riding a horse braving the elements has become cliche. So yeah. . .we’re totally sure that game was played fairly. That hockey game was kind of like letting your boss win at company picnics or get-togethers. Can you imagine if someone came along and checked Putin into the boards or blocked his shots? That person would soon have a new address in Siberia or maybe get treated to an extra special polonium-210 cocktail.

We’re sure Trump completely loves the Russian propaganda spiel. We’re also sure that this is how Trump wants Americans to view him; as a virile, unbeatable man who should be worshipped and treated as a god, as evidence by his recent tweeting an obviously Photoshopped picture of his head on Sylvester Stallone’s body. As Charlie Brown would say, “Good Grief!”

Authoritarian Russian President Vladimir Putin reveals his secret for mastering his opponents in hockey - his customized AK-47 hockey stick.
Authoritarian Russian President Vladimir Putin reveals his secret for mastering his opponents in hockey – his customized AK-47 hockey stick.

Nobody Knows The Trouble Trump’s Seen

America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has been impeached by the Democratic controlled House of Representatives and the Republicans are in full, whiny, crybaby persecution mode. They’ve done everything from having a moment of silence for the 63 million people who voted for Trump in 2016 (what about the 66 million who voted for Clinton or the 8 million who voted for third party candidates!) to one GOP congressman from Georgia actually comparing Trump’s impeachment to the trials and tribulations of Jesus. Jesus Christ!!! What a load of malarkey!!!!

We’ve droned on forever about how hypocritical the evangelical, conservative christian sheeple are for supporting Trump but this takes the cake. At least one christian magazine has come forward and openly supports impeaching the orange-haired megalomaniac. Maybe, just maybe, this will start a backlash that will start christians waking up and realizing that Trump is nothing more than a golden calf. Yeah right!!! But hey, it’s the supposedly ‘magical’ holiday season – we can dream can’t we!

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admits that American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's impeachment is much worse than his crucifixion and offers him some affluent advice for healing his pain and suffering.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admits that American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s impeachment is much worse than his crucifixion and offers him some affluent advice for healing his pain and suffering.

The Trump Memorial

As the impeachment investigation rolls on, a disturbing piece of news bubbled to the top of the news cycle last week, (as if the last three years haven’t been disturbing enough). Apparently, in a recent poll, over 50% of Republicans perceive that America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, is a better president than the very first Republican president Abraham Lincoln, who most historians rank as the best president in the history of the United States. This is clear evidence that the conservative Republicans enabling and propping up Trump, especially the evangelical sheeple, are indeed cult-like in their devotion of this modern day golden calf and are seriously deranged. We’ll put this in a simple, blunt, concise statement. There’s no f*cking way Trump is even close to being better than Lincoln!!! Are you f*cking kidding!!!

We think it’s interesting to note that when Trump began his clusterf*ck of a presidency, he proclaimed himself to be like Andrew Jackson. Lincoln’s predecessor, James Buchanan, who served as Jackson’s ambassador to Russia in 1831, also idolized Jackson as a strong chief executive when he won the presidency in 1856. But Buchanan ended up being the worst president in this nation’s history and his incompetent actions, or inactions, led to a bloody Civil War which tore this nation apart for four years with repercussions that lasted well into the 20th century. Trump’s actions have also greatly divided this nation and has made the United States a laughingstock of the world. But the always egotistical Trump has openly suggested another Civil War if he is impeached and many of his armed, pliant supporters are ready to take action. So Trump is much closer to being like James Buchanan, the worst, than Abraham Lincoln, the best.

The Lincoln Memorial, which features a statue depicting honest Abe seated on a throne gazing down benevolently on his constituents, is one of the most visited monuments in the Washington D.C. area. We envision that an appropriate memorial for Trump would be one of the orange-haired megalomaniac seated on his throne tweeting out his infinite wisdom to his sheeple with his ‘massive’ hands. Given his recent baffling obsession with toilet flushing, the depiction is completely appropriate. Said monument will be located in a prominent place in Washington D.C. in an alley behind a KFC next to a dumpster which frequently catches on fire.

Plans are being made for the Trump Memorial which will feature America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump sitting on his throne tweeting words of wisdom (like Covfefe) on his phone with his massive hands. The monument will be located in Washington D.C. in an alley behind a KFC next to a dumpster that frequently catches fire.
Plans are being made for the Trump Memorial which will feature America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump sitting on his throne tweeting words of wisdom (like Covfefe) on his phone with his massive hands. The monument will be located in Washington D.C. in an alley behind a KFC next to a dumpster that frequently catches fire.

Plutocrats Rule; All Others Drool

One of the big pieces of news recently outside the ever expanding vortex of the House impeachment inquiries is the announced candidacy of Michael Bloomberg running for President as a . . . wait for it . . . a Democrat. Yes, that colossal, egotistical billionaire plutocrat. former Democrat-Republican-Independent-Democrat mayor of New York City and corporate media mogul has decided in his infinite wisdom that only another plutocrat with a gargantuan ego can possibly defeat America’s CEO/Dictator and megalomaniac man child Donald Trump. He’s already bombarding the Internet, television stations and all other media outlets with salvos of ads touching all the Democrat’s talking points and, like Trump, has a bottomless pit of money to spend on the campaign.

But will Bloomberg really be a champion for the middle class, something Trump promised he’d be in 2016 and then gave massive tax cuts to the wealthy in 2017? We’re incredibly skeptical of Bloomberg. We’ve commented many times on how Bloomberg and the other plutocrats in America’s oligarchy or the 1% actually run this country. Now the plutocrats are scared that they might actually have to pay their fair share in taxes, something they’ve been avoiding thanks the generous tax cuts offered by every administration since Reagan. The tax cuts from the Republicans in 2017 have massively helped the 1%ers become richer. But as usual, it hasn’t trickled down to the rest of us. Farmers are in crisis mode right now thanks largely to Trump’s trade war. But the realistic possibility of social democrats Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders winning the Democratic nomination is scaring tycoons like Bloomberg witless. Even computer magnate and greedy dickhead Bill Gates (worth $107 billion) whined recently that if he has to pay one hundred billion in taxes, that would be too much. For the math impaired, he’d still have seven billion dollars even if he did have to pay one hundred billion. Awwwww — poor Bill! He’d have to live on just seven billion dollars. How can any person do that? We here in the middle class have no sympathy for the greedy assholes who proclaim that they can’t live on a few measly billion dollars while most Americans struggle to live paycheck to paycheck.

We agree with others who say that the best way Mr. Bloomberg can help out this country is by buying Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network. That lie machine has been pumping out disinformation, deceptions and crackpot conspiracy theories for almost a quarter of a century and is the main reason we have a cult of evangelical Trump followers running our democracy and rule of law into the ground. Bloomberg and fellow Democratic plutocrats Tom Steyer and Andrew Yang could pool their resources and do it easily. This would be the best use of the plutocrats’ billions: ridding this nation of the real fake news once and for all.

Plutocrat Michael Bloomberg announces that only another billionaire with a colossal ego can defeat Trump much to the delight of other plutocrats, oligarchs and members of the 1%.
Plutocrat Michael Bloomberg announces that only another billionaire with a colossal ego can defeat Trump much to the delight of other plutocrats, oligarchs and members of the 1%.

GOP: Grown Up Stuff Is Boring

The second week of impeachment hearings has passed and it certainly looks like America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump is guilty as hell of a quid pro quo. Each and every witness called before the House Intelligence Committee has provided compelling evidence that not only Trump knew about the deal to strong-arm Ukraine to dig up dirt on Joe Biden, but his whole corrupt administration was in on the deal. Talk about your smoking gun (or smocking gun if your Trump). Not only that, the orange haired man-child pretty much admitted to holding up military aid to Ukraine to pressure the government to investigate a baseless conspiracy theory about Ukrainian election interference and Democratic collusion Friday on his favorite TV show Fox and Friends on Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network.

So, we have historic testimony of wrongdoing by a President of the United States and what do the corporate news media clowns focus on: how boring it is!!! Seriously!!! Not only did the jokers at Fox whine about how unexciting the hearings were, other networks like NBC also commented that the hearings “lacked the pizzazz necessary to capture public attention.” Yeah, that grown up stuff like running a smooth, efficient government is pretty boring, we guess. While we agree that many American citizens suffer from chronic attention deficit disorder and have been dumbed down to comical levels (i.e. Donald Trump was somehow elected President for Pete’s sake!) we here at the Bucket have found the hearings compelling and enlightening. For one thing: the Republicans are absolute scum. They’re no longer the party of Eisenhower or even Reagan, Bush or Dubya. It was unbelievably repulsive watching Devin Nunes or any of the other flying monkeys on the Republican counsel blatantly try to bully and intimidate the witnesses, all in an attempt to please their dear Leader: clearly putting party above truth, justice and country. Maybe Mr. Nunes and the conservative corporate media would rather have the hearings feature the dance stylings of Sean ‘Spicey’ Spicer performing a salute to Carmen Miranda. Yeah, that would please Trump supporters.

Sean Spicer, fresh from being voted off Dancing with the Stars, will be featured entertainment on the impeachment inquiry hearings performing his salute to Carmen Miranda.
Due to whining and crying from Republicans that the impeachment inquiries were boring, Adam Schiff announces that the hearings will now offer entertainment featuring the dance stylings of Sean Spicer.

Soulless Capitalism

Facebook’s CEO Mark Zuckerberg recently came under fire for stating that he won’t fact check political ads in the upcoming 2020 election thus clearing the way for possibly more election interference from foreign agents. The Mueller report clearly stated that dubious foreign entities played a part in the 2016 election by disseminating false information on social media sites and even hacking into some election systems in Florida. To her credit, Elizabeth Warren challenged Zuckerberg by purposely running a fake news ad on Facebook to draw attention to what a serious problem this is for democracy.

We shouldn’t be surprised though. We’ve commented before about how unregulated capitalism (a.k.a. no laws to check corporations or corporate power) breeds colossal amounts of greed, avarice, selfishness and corruption. We’ve become a SEGUMUCA nation. More people than ever are trying to get rich quick using whatever possible method, even if it’s illegal. Just watch some episodes of American Greed. It’s enough to make you sick. Capitalism is nothing more than indirect cannibalism.

So Mark Zuckerberg is no different than Donald Trump or any greedy capitalist serving in his administration(Wilbur Ross, Steve Mnuchin, etc…) or unethical Republican in the House or Senate who looks the other way while Trump commits crime after crime. They worship the almighty buck and will support all others with the same money-grubbing, materialistic mindset. These callous automatons are only interested in our data so they can make more money off of us schmucks in the middle class who do all the work. And right now, these greedy, soulless capitalists are in complete control of this nation.

Truth and justice don't matter to today's capitalists like Mark Zuckerberg; they're only interested in your data and your money.
Truth and justice don’t matter to today’s capitalists like Mark Zuckerberg; they’re only interested in your data and your money.