Tag Archive for gun

Go Nuts, Women!

The Jan. 6th hearings have begun and the committee members seem to be doing a good job of laying the groundwork that the Capitol riots were indeed an attempted coup (like we all know it was) and not a friendly, little tourist visit like TFG and his gaslighting Republicans sheeple claim it was. Will it lead to the lying, orange-haired megalomaniac and some of his henchman actually paying for their crimes and going to prison? Unfortunately, we’re pretty skeptical on that.

But as if on cue, the Supreme Court decided to take the attention off of Trump’s culpability by finally overturning Roe v. Wade and setting women’s rights back a half century. We’ve commented many times about a woman’s right to have autonomy over her own body. This seems straightforward to us here at the Bucket and we’re guys. Maybe if the situation is presented in a different way, then maybe the authoritarian christian conservatives who want to rule over every aspect of our lives with an iron fist will understand. Here goes! The uterus is a part of a woman’s body. The testes are parts of a man’s body. It stands to reason that if a man can control a woman’s uterus, then a woman should be able to control a man’s testes. Since the ultra conservative Supreme Court has also expanded concealed gun rights and firearms are pretty much free for the taking here in America, maybe women should start blasting some nuts of these sanctimonious assholes to make a point. Then maybe they’d understand that a person should be able to control their own bodies. We say GO NUTS, WOMEN!!!

In light of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade and expanding gun rights, it stands to reason that if a man can control a woman's uterus, then a woman can control a man's testes. Go nuts, women!
In light of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade and expanding gun rights, it stands to reason that if a man can control a woman’s uterus, then a woman can control a man’s testes. Go nuts, women!

GOP Baby Factories – a.k.a. Women

The right-wing dominated Supreme Court has shown their true intentions about abortion rights by recently letting stand severe abortion bans in Texas and Mississippi. We’ve been screaming about their intentions for years here at the Bucket. States with Republican leadership ranging from bible thumping states like South Dakota and Alabama to our home state of Arizona have been slowly chipping away at abortion rights over the last twenty years. Religious zealots have seized control of state and federal government and forced their horribly archaic, first century viewpoints upon the citizenry of the country because these holy huckster bible thumpers still view the woman as nothing more than a baby factory. If these people were truly pro-life, they’d realize that the woman’s life should come first. But then hypocrisy does seem to be commonplace with these sheeple. They claim to be pro-life but then fervently support gun rights. They claim to be pro-life but then violently protest getting a life saving vaccine against a disease that has claimed over 800,000 people in the US and over 5 million word wide.

We’re re-posting a photo-toon from January 11, 2006 when ol’ Dubya nominated Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. This was the beginning of the end because since then, Alito, Thomas, Kavanaugh and Coney Barrett (the Handmaiden’s Justice) have formed a staunch conservative religious bloc on the court that not only wants to force women through unwanted pregnancies but also to knock down the wall between church and state, thus forcing all of us to adhere to outdated, biblical philosophy whether we like it or not. Like we’ve stated before, we’re regressing rapidly toward America becoming the Holy Corporate Empire.

Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito displays the only tool (a wire hanger)which will enable a woman to terminate a pregnancy once he's on the bench.
Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito displays the only tool which will enable a woman to terminate a pregnancy once he’s on the bench.

Trump Supporters: Bat Shit Insane

In our previous post we commented about America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and ‘stable genius’ Donald Trump and his mind boggling, head spinning pivots on authority for opening up the coronavirus during the COVID-19 pandemic. One day he says he has authority, the next day he says the governors have authority and then the day after that he encourages civil war by urging his brain dead troglodyte followers to LIBERATE their respective states.

Yes, lets talk briefly about these bat shit insane boneheads who don’t like being told to follow safety precautions to save their own lives. It’s basically the stupid Teabagger movement redux. The corporate media is doing the same thing they did ten years ago – a small group of idiots, armed to the teeth, band together and protest common sense and the corporate media foams at the mouth and gives them top story coverage. That’s because there are some insidious right wing conservative groups behind the lock down protests with solid connections to the anything-for-profit media. In contrast, tens of thousands of people have peacefully and non-violently protested the vile, oppressive policies of the Trump administration and the Republicans and the corporate media gives them barely a passing mention. Un-f*cking-believable!

But the stupidity of these MÆGAMorons is off the charts on the bat shit insanity meter. These shutdown orders are to save your lives not to inconvenience you. What’s next? These idiots will protest taking shelter during a tornado warning because it violates their constitutional freedom. There were even signs among the protesters that proclaimed “My body, my choice.” But yet these same assholes are perfectly fine with the government telling a woman what to do with her uterus. What colossal dumbass hypocrites! These people are actually choosing to be exposed to a debilitating disease which may kill them or kill their loved ones; all in order to maybe bump the stock market up a few points and keep our plutocratic overlords wealthy. Un-f*cking-believable!

But then Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman topped all the stupid meters by suggesting a Hunger Games type scenario where all the casinos open up and the ones who have the least amount of COVID-19 cases, win. Ahhh! The wonderful, magical free market! We’re getting tired of saying un-f*cking-believable so we’ll just say this: when it comes to the bat shit insane MÆGAMorons versus the coronavirus – we’re rooting for the virus. Natural selection, take them away!

A bat shit insane Trump supporter or MÆGAMorons proudly defies orders to take shelter from a killer tornado to preserve his constitutional freedom.
Trump supporters or MÆGAMorons have made it clear that they will not tolerate any ‘guvment’ orders which may violate their constitutional freedom even if it’s to save their moronic, bat shit insane lives.

They’ll Be Dancing…Dancing On His Grave

In addition to America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s vendetta rampage following his ‘acquittal’ by the spineless Republicans sans Spiff Romney, Trump also found it fitting to give a presidential Medal of Freedom to none other than Rush Limbaugh, a.k.a. Boss Limhogg, who recently announced he had advanced lung cancer, most probably due to his lifelong love of smoking cigars. The Medal of Freedom is normally bestowed upon “individuals who have made especially meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors,” What the hell was El Rushblo’s contribution to American society, you may ask? Yes, he did do charitable work for cancer and veterans. That’s commendable. But basically, he’s provided forty years of hate-filled diatribe that has contributed much to the political chasm that divides this country today and the reason we’ve got an orange-haired, authoritarian, man child asshole in the White House.

Limbaugh’s transgressions are legion. We used to have a regular feature here from ’03-05 called Rush Watch where we highlighted some of his vileness in photo-toon form, but even we grew sick of his never ending bullshit. Staff member Chester Einstein used to listen to his radio broadcasts and watch his tv show in the early 90s, but stopped when El Rushblo continuously and ruthlessly mocked the Clintons, even Chelsea who was only a teenager at the time. He also picked on Amy Carter, too(see third link in our list below). But then mocking and bullying teenagers is par for the course for today’s manly man conservative Republicans.

Here are some links that illustrate how badly Limbaugh has helped tear America apart.

We have no doubt that lines are already forming to dance on his grave. If you think that’s in poor taste, well then you haven’t been paying attention to the drivel that Limbaugh has spewed forth from his gaping maw since the ’80s. We’re not alone in wishing El Rushblo a glorious trip to hell! We hope you choke on your massive, stinky stogies for all eternity, you racist, sexist, ignorant fat tub of goo!

Lines are already forming for people who want to dance on the grave of obnoxious, racist, conservative asshole and fat tub of goo Rush Limbaugh (a.k.a. Boss Limhogg).
Lines are already forming for people who want to dance on the grave of obnoxious, racist, conservative asshole and fat tub of goo Rush Limbaugh (a.k.a. Boss Limhogg).

Foolproof Gun Control Solution

The coronavirus has gained the attention of the world recently with more than 65,000 cases reported globally and almost 1,5000 deaths. America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump even took an aggressive stand by issuing travel restrictions with China where the virus originated. But many feel that the travel ban could backfire. While we applaud this act of preparedness, health officials and the CDC say that the flu is much more dangerous and has already claimed 10,000 lives in the U.S. since October.

But there is one deathly scourge that continues to be ignored by the corporate media and the corrupt, conservative Republican corporate lackeys in Congress who continue to look the other way and do nothing. That menace is none other than gun violence. In America, gun violence kills far more people than coronavirus every year (36,000 gun deaths each year with more than 100,000 shot and injured) but yet the corporate media chooses to gaslight us and continue to scare the sheeple with the occasional and over-hyped biological threats. Over-hyped is a strong word but look at the numbers. According to the CDC, 445 people are under investigation in the U.S. for coronavirus. There are about 325 million people in America, so that means that 0.00013692307 percent of Americans have the virus. In China, which has almost 1.4 billion people, there are 60,000 confirmed cases. So, that means that 0.00428571428 percent of the Chinese population have the virus. There are already questions concerning the numbers being reported from Chinese officials.

This is par for the course for the Republicans and their cohorts in the corporate media. Would Trump ever consider signing an executive order banning assault weapons? Are you kidding???!!! The Republicans love using viruses as way to scare the sheeple. Look at the 2014 election, when the GOP announced to everybody that Ebola was coming to get them. Ebola can only be transmitted if you’re in direct contact with bodily fluids of an infected person, but that didn’t bother the Republicans from lying their asses off to get their permanently scared constituents to vote for them to ‘save the day’. We’ve seen how much more corrupt they’ve become since then with their whitewashing of Trump during his impeachment trial and the complete collapse of the now corrupted Department of Justice.

Since Republicans refuse to do anything about our biggest crisis, we here at the Bucket have a foolproof method of gun control. Sure it’s a bit crude but you know what, so are today’s right wing conservative gun nuts. So, just in time for Valentine’s Day, if you love guns more than life itself:

  • go home
  • give your favorite firearm a blow job
  • bring that gun to orgasm

Or in simpler terms: Go F*ck Your Gun! We guarantee it will be a mind-blowing experience and we might finally be able to pass some decent legislation making America safe and sane again before the next round of mass shootings.

Here's a handy dandy gun control solution for all those gun enthusiasts out there who love their guns more than life itself. Guaranteed to be a mind-blowing experience!
Here’s a handy dandy gun control solution for all those gun enthusiasts out there who love their guns more than life itself. Guaranteed to be a mind-blowing experience!

Slap Shootin’ Putin

In an amusing story to end out the year here at the Bucket, Russian President and object of America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s man crush, recently beat a team of influential Russian ministers, business and musicians in a friendly hockey game in Red Square by the score of 8-5, scoring half his team’s points. All we have to say is – of course, his team’s going to win and of course he’s going to score half the points. Russia’s authoritarian propaganda machine constantly promotes Putin’s athleticism and virility. The bare chested Putin riding a horse braving the elements has become cliche. So yeah. . .we’re totally sure that game was played fairly. That hockey game was kind of like letting your boss win at company picnics or get-togethers. Can you imagine if someone came along and checked Putin into the boards or blocked his shots? That person would soon have a new address in Siberia or maybe get treated to an extra special polonium-210 cocktail.

We’re sure Trump completely loves the Russian propaganda spiel. We’re also sure that this is how Trump wants Americans to view him; as a virile, unbeatable man who should be worshipped and treated as a god, as evidence by his recent tweeting an obviously Photoshopped picture of his head on Sylvester Stallone’s body. As Charlie Brown would say, “Good Grief!”

Authoritarian Russian President Vladimir Putin reveals his secret for mastering his opponents in hockey - his customized AK-47 hockey stick.
Authoritarian Russian President Vladimir Putin reveals his secret for mastering his opponents in hockey – his customized AK-47 hockey stick.

GOP Wants Pistol Packing Teachers

We’ve commented many times about gun control here. We’ve even created a category. This subject seems like a no-brainer to most civilized, intelligent citizens. For starters, reinstate the assault weapon ban and mass school shootings will decline. All logic points to this action.

But American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, and his Republican pals continue to lick the ass of their masters, the NRA, and push for ludicrous, asinine solutions. Just this past week Trump trotted out the old “let’s arm the teachers” suggestion to widespread and deserved ridicule. Then he backtracked and suggested that the cruel media was putting words in his mouth. Then he suggested that he’d run in and save the children. This from a man who got five deferments from Vietnam, one for bone spurs. He couldn’t even protect his son and wife from rain with his umbrella. And yet, Trump would charge into a school without a weapon to attack a shooter?  Not bloody likely!

Let’s make no mistake: arming teachers is a horrendous idea. Arming students is a horrendous idea. Voting for Republicans is a horrendous idea. Modern day conservative Republicans are broken human beings and need to be removed from any kind of position of power.  And Democrats, who also feed at the NRA trough, need to start stepping up to the plate, grow a spine and start pushing for legislation against assault weapons.

And as if on cue, this just in… there’s news that a teacher in Georgia barricaded himself inside a school and fired a gun. Hey Republicans…still think arming teachers is a great idea?

In conservative Republican schools of the future, no nonsense teachers will teach our children the importance of a good education beginning with how to use a gun.

In conservative Republican schools of the future, no nonsense teachers will teach our children the importance of a good education beginning with how to use a gun.

Rewind: America Chooses Insanity…Again

We’re shocked and in mourning for a sane, intelligent America. Words escape us at the moment so we’re reprinting an article from when America chose a similar path of insanity back in 2004 and re-elected George W. Bush. Yeah…that turned out well didn’t it. One thing’s for sure; conservative Republicans never learn.

This article is from our November 7, 2004 post-election issue.

America Speaks: “51% Of Us Are Fucking Idiots!”

America went to the polls last week and re-elected George W. Bush as president even though he’s started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that has lost almost a million jobs, underfunded the ‘No Children Left Behind’ program, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which does nothing to alleviate high costs and performed anemically in all three televised debates.

Bush supporters spoke out and explained why they voted for him. Dale Gilman of Empty Noggin, Georgia, said, “I voted for him because he’s the one I’d rather drink a beer with. That’s my only criteria for president. I’ll have to invite him over to my trailer for a beer one of these days. It’s not quite the country club he’s used to, but I think my gun collection adds a certain redneck ambiance.”

Betsy Moeller, of Cornshoot, Ohio, said, “I was undecided until the very end, but what made me vote for the President was that he’s just so moral. Even when he lies to us repeatedly, he’s just so moral.”

Kirby Tucker, of Cracked Nut, North Carolina, said, “All I knows is I don’t want no wolves to catch me and eats me.”

Durwood Dunndoody, of Oozing Bed Sore, Texas said, “The big issue of this campaign was gay marriage. No doubt about it. Thank God, the President is going to make a stand agin’ those hell bound fruitcakes. They’re worst than the terrorists you know.”

Dwight Stevenson, of Ostrich Neck, Oklahoma, said, “I know the president has made some mistakes, but he’s a known quantity. I’m comfortable with his ineptitude.”

Rev. Fred Campbell, pastor of the Fifth Evangelical Church of the Backwoods in Dunceville, Tennessee, said, “Praise be to God! The rapture is so close I can smell it!”

Dave and Karen Lydell, of Dullardton, Iowa, said, “We believe in secretive Orwellian government. We completely trust President Bush to do what’s right, because it’s really none of our business to know or question what they’re doing. We don’t mind if our government monitors our every movement. It’s a small price to pay for freedom.”

Kerry supporters expressed extreme shock and disappointment. Mark Barry, of Tempe, Arizona, said while banging his head with a frying pan, “This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!”

Donna Beacham, of Salem, Oregon, said while booking a flight to Vancouver, Canada, “The choice was so obvious. It’s like we’re speeding for the edge of a cliff in a gas guzzling hummer, and the passengers vote to drive off. Un-fucking-believable!”

College student, Craig Kaster, of Santa Bonita, California, said, “I’m so voting for that Kerry dude. What? The elections were last week. Oh man! I like so spaced that off.”

Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, said. “This is great! Al-Qaeda will get stronger, America will go bankrupt and I’ll get to live four more years. That chimp Bush is playing right into my hands. Allah Akbar!”

In Guns We Trust

Another day, another mass shooting. With the Orlando shooting last weekend, we’ve had 182 mass shootings alone in the U.S. this year. Ahhh…life in 21st century America. We’ve commented ad infinitum about the need for gun control in this country, especially for assault weapons (just do a search for gun on this website). But our feckless, craven, Republican congressmen and senators are too beholden to the NRA and the gun lobby to do anything about it. Apparently, this is what our ‘compassionate’ conservative, GOP leaders want for this nation; people loving guns more than they do other people. This is the new norm. We might as well mint a new $1 dollar coin announcing our new national motto, “In Guns We Trust”.

Republican senators and congressmen, in conjunction with the NRA, have authorized the minting of a new $1 coin with the new national motto, 'In Guns We Trust' emblazoned on the obverse side, to show the world that in America, guns are more important than people.

Republican senators and congressmen, in conjunction with the NRA, have authorized the minting of a new $1 coin with the new national motto, ‘In Guns We Trust’ emblazoned on the obverse side, to show the world that in America, guns are more important than people.

Only The Powah of Prayer Can Help

Another day, another shooting…aaaah, life in 21st century America. This time, instead of radical christian terrorists, it was radical islamic terrorists…but still radical religious terrorists. This husband and wife team killed 14 people and injured 21 with assault weapons, which according to every gun enthusiast, is vital to living a happy life in this country. Again the response by Republicans has been pathetic. GOP presidential candidate, Marco Rubio, proclaimed that gun control legislation won’t help and many Republicans, including the smuggest Senator alive and GOP candidate, Ted Cruz, said they’re sending their prayers to the victims. In fact, President Obama caused quite a ruckus when he rightfully said “God isn’t fixing this” and correctly pushed for gun control legislation. The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a. Fox News, jumped in and offered the insipid response that if you’re not praying you’re for the terrorists.(That’s sounds a lot like Dubya’s old catchphrase). And of course, the NRA High Priest, Wayne LaPierre, made a video designed to make everyone want to go out, buy a gun and join in the melee, in the name of national security. At least The New York Daily News came out with a full page headline blasting Republicans on their inaction. Maybe this will light a match under the Republicans to grow a pair and stand up to the special interest groups like the NRA and the gun industry, who control them like they’re puppets. Will it work? Let’s just put it this way; we wonder where the next shooting is going to be.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American's sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, which gets an amen and hallelujah from NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American’s sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, much to the evangelical delight of NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.