Tag Archive for gun

Slap Shootin’ Putin

In an amusing story to end out the year here at the Bucket, Russian President and object of America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s man crush, recently beat a team of influential Russian ministers, business and musicians in a friendly hockey game in Red Square by the score of 8-5, scoring half his team’s points. All we have to say is – of course, his team’s going to win and of course he’s going to score half the points. Russia’s authoritarian propaganda machine constantly promotes Putin’s athleticism and virility. The bare chested Putin riding a horse braving the elements has become cliche. So yeah. . .we’re totally sure that game was played fairly. That hockey game was kind of like letting your boss win at company picnics or get-togethers. Can you imagine if someone came along and checked Putin into the boards or blocked his shots? That person would soon have a new address in Siberia or maybe get treated to an extra special polonium-210 cocktail.

We’re sure Trump completely loves the Russian propaganda spiel. We’re also sure that this is how Trump wants Americans to view him; as a virile, unbeatable man who should be worshipped and treated as a god, as evidence by his recent tweeting an obviously Photoshopped picture of his head on Sylvester Stallone’s body. As Charlie Brown would say, “Good Grief!”

Authoritarian Russian President Vladimir Putin reveals his secret for mastering his opponents in hockey - his customized AK-47 hockey stick.
Authoritarian Russian President Vladimir Putin reveals his secret for mastering his opponents in hockey – his customized AK-47 hockey stick.

GOP Wants Pistol Packing Teachers

We’ve commented many times about gun control here. We’ve even created a category. This subject seems like a no-brainer to most civilized, intelligent citizens. For starters, reinstate the assault weapon ban and mass school shootings will decline. All logic points to this action.

But American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, and his Republican pals continue to lick the ass of their masters, the NRA, and push for ludicrous, asinine solutions. Just this past week Trump trotted out the old “let’s arm the teachers” suggestion to widespread and deserved ridicule. Then he backtracked and suggested that the cruel media was putting words in his mouth. Then he suggested that he’d run in and save the children. This from a man who got five deferments from Vietnam, one for bone spurs. He couldn’t even protect his son and wife from rain with his umbrella. And yet, Trump would charge into a school without a weapon to attack a shooter?  Not bloody likely!

Let’s make no mistake: arming teachers is a horrendous idea. Arming students is a horrendous idea. Voting for Republicans is a horrendous idea. Modern day conservative Republicans are broken human beings and need to be removed from any kind of position of power.  And Democrats, who also feed at the NRA trough, need to start stepping up to the plate, grow a spine and start pushing for legislation against assault weapons.

And as if on cue, this just in… there’s news that a teacher in Georgia barricaded himself inside a school and fired a gun. Hey Republicans…still think arming teachers is a great idea?

In conservative Republican schools of the future, no nonsense teachers will teach our children the importance of a good education beginning with how to use a gun.

In conservative Republican schools of the future, no nonsense teachers will teach our children the importance of a good education beginning with how to use a gun.

Rewind: America Chooses Insanity…Again

We’re shocked and in mourning for a sane, intelligent America. Words escape us at the moment so we’re reprinting an article from when America chose a similar path of insanity back in 2004 and re-elected George W. Bush. Yeah…that turned out well didn’t it. One thing’s for sure; conservative Republicans never learn.

This article is from our November 7, 2004 post-election issue.

America Speaks: “51% Of Us Are Fucking Idiots!”

America went to the polls last week and re-elected George W. Bush as president even though he’s started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that has lost almost a million jobs, underfunded the ‘No Children Left Behind’ program, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which does nothing to alleviate high costs and performed anemically in all three televised debates.

Bush supporters spoke out and explained why they voted for him. Dale Gilman of Empty Noggin, Georgia, said, “I voted for him because he’s the one I’d rather drink a beer with. That’s my only criteria for president. I’ll have to invite him over to my trailer for a beer one of these days. It’s not quite the country club he’s used to, but I think my gun collection adds a certain redneck ambiance.”

Betsy Moeller, of Cornshoot, Ohio, said, “I was undecided until the very end, but what made me vote for the President was that he’s just so moral. Even when he lies to us repeatedly, he’s just so moral.”

Kirby Tucker, of Cracked Nut, North Carolina, said, “All I knows is I don’t want no wolves to catch me and eats me.”

Durwood Dunndoody, of Oozing Bed Sore, Texas said, “The big issue of this campaign was gay marriage. No doubt about it. Thank God, the President is going to make a stand agin’ those hell bound fruitcakes. They’re worst than the terrorists you know.”

Dwight Stevenson, of Ostrich Neck, Oklahoma, said, “I know the president has made some mistakes, but he’s a known quantity. I’m comfortable with his ineptitude.”

Rev. Fred Campbell, pastor of the Fifth Evangelical Church of the Backwoods in Dunceville, Tennessee, said, “Praise be to God! The rapture is so close I can smell it!”

Dave and Karen Lydell, of Dullardton, Iowa, said, “We believe in secretive Orwellian government. We completely trust President Bush to do what’s right, because it’s really none of our business to know or question what they’re doing. We don’t mind if our government monitors our every movement. It’s a small price to pay for freedom.”

Kerry supporters expressed extreme shock and disappointment. Mark Barry, of Tempe, Arizona, said while banging his head with a frying pan, “This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!”

Donna Beacham, of Salem, Oregon, said while booking a flight to Vancouver, Canada, “The choice was so obvious. It’s like we’re speeding for the edge of a cliff in a gas guzzling hummer, and the passengers vote to drive off. Un-fucking-believable!”

College student, Craig Kaster, of Santa Bonita, California, said, “I’m so voting for that Kerry dude. What? The elections were last week. Oh man! I like so spaced that off.”

Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, said. “This is great! Al-Qaeda will get stronger, America will go bankrupt and I’ll get to live four more years. That chimp Bush is playing right into my hands. Allah Akbar!”

In Guns We Trust

Another day, another mass shooting. With the Orlando shooting last weekend, we’ve had 182 mass shootings alone in the U.S. this year. Ahhh…life in 21st century America. We’ve commented ad infinitum about the need for gun control in this country, especially for assault weapons (just do a search for gun on this website). But our feckless, craven, Republican congressmen and senators are too beholden to the NRA and the gun lobby to do anything about it. Apparently, this is what our ‘compassionate’ conservative, GOP leaders want for this nation; people loving guns more than they do other people. This is the new norm. We might as well mint a new $1 dollar coin announcing our new national motto, “In Guns We Trust”.

Republican senators and congressmen, in conjunction with the NRA, have authorized the minting of a new $1 coin with the new national motto, 'In Guns We Trust' emblazoned on the obverse side, to show the world that in America, guns are more important than people.

Republican senators and congressmen, in conjunction with the NRA, have authorized the minting of a new $1 coin with the new national motto, ‘In Guns We Trust’ emblazoned on the obverse side, to show the world that in America, guns are more important than people.

Only The Powah of Prayer Can Help

Another day, another shooting…aaaah, life in 21st century America. This time, instead of radical christian terrorists, it was radical islamic terrorists…but still radical religious terrorists. This husband and wife team killed 14 people and injured 21 with assault weapons, which according to every gun enthusiast, is vital to living a happy life in this country. Again the response by Republicans has been pathetic. GOP presidential candidate, Marco Rubio, proclaimed that gun control legislation won’t help and many Republicans, including the smuggest Senator alive and GOP candidate, Ted Cruz, said they’re sending their prayers to the victims. In fact, President Obama caused quite a ruckus when he rightfully said “God isn’t fixing this” and correctly pushed for gun control legislation. The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a. Fox News, jumped in and offered the insipid response that if you’re not praying you’re for the terrorists.(That’s sounds a lot like Dubya’s old catchphrase). And of course, the NRA High Priest, Wayne LaPierre, made a video designed to make everyone want to go out, buy a gun and join in the melee, in the name of national security. At least The New York Daily News came out with a full page headline blasting Republicans on their inaction. Maybe this will light a match under the Republicans to grow a pair and stand up to the special interest groups like the NRA and the gun industry, who control them like they’re puppets. Will it work? Let’s just put it this way; we wonder where the next shooting is going to be.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American's sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, which gets an amen and hallelujah from NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American’s sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, much to the evangelical delight of NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.

Christian Terrorists? What Christian Terrorists?

This past weekend, an anti-choice, conservative, religious zealot, Robert Dear, barricaded himself inside a Planned Parenthood clinic and killed three people and injured nine others. If that wasn’t unsettling enough, take into account the aftermath of this tragedy. As one could predict, the media is being incredibly stupid, postulating on what his possible motive could be despite his grumbling the phrase “no more baby parts” as he was being jailed. This was in line with Republicans, who also took the Sgt. Schultz approach. (Christian Terrorists? What christian terrorists?) Probably the most inane comment was by the smuggest Senator alive and GOP candidate, Ted Cruz, who said there was nothing linking him to the anti-abortion stance (pay no attention to the “no more baby parts” statement) and that he was a “transgendered leftist activist” and not a crazed anti-abortionist, right wing, christian terrorist. The wife of Dear even said he was conservative , religious and anti-abortion. But in Ted Cruz’s demented world vision, we need to be very afraid of people like Laverne Cox, Kaitlyn Jenner and Chaz Bono, who seem to be pretty docile and friendly people. And this clown, Cruz, wants to be President.

This was obviously a politically motivated shooting and it shows how the Republican rhetoric toward defunding Planned Parenthood has created a toxic attitude toward the important organization, which provides vital reproductive and counseling services to women. We’ve mentioned before the lies and deceptions by the conservative media and Carly Fiorina concerning Planned Parenthood.  When the media and right wing conservative politicians fail to quell the hatred but instead incite it, then they should be held accountable. For instance, Ted Cruz recently crowed about an endorsement for his campaign from Troy Newman,who has openly endorsed violence against abortion providers. Another wack-a-doodle GOP candidate, Mike Huckabee, likened Planned Parenthood to ISIS. Of course, everyone of these ‘pro-lifers’ are totally for starting wars in the Middle East, which will kill thousands of people in the process. Pro-life indeed! And everyone of these ‘freedom loving conservatives’ are for getting government out people’s lives, except when it comes to women’s reproductive systems, then by all means let’s monitor their vaginas and uteri 24/7. Hypocrites indeed!

Ted Cruz says Robert Dear was a trangendered activist, while the media remains clueless about his motivation despite the shooter saying 'no more baby parts.'

Top notch sleuth and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, offers the pliant media a possible solution to the mystery of why Robert Dear attacked Planned Parenthood.

The Republicans’ Toxic Masculinity Problem

The Republicans’ stupid has been coming fast and furious lately…it’s been hard for us to keep up. But we’ve got to comment on Jeb Bush’s statements following the school shootings in Oregon last week. In an interview following the tragedy, ‘compassionate conservative’ Jeb stated that you know ‘Stuff happens’. Can’t you just feel the sympathy oozing from his pores? Just the latest in our corporate lackey politicians licking the gun barrels of the NRA, the weapons industry and the military industrial complex. Because you know you can’t possibly be a man unless you have a gun and of course, as in all things manly, you’ve got to have either a big gun or a lot of them.

There’s a new buzzword that’s been making the rounds lately called ‘toxic masculinity’ and this catch phrase fits today’s gun culture perfectly.  Since December 2012, we’ve had 990 mass shootings. When you care more about a gun than living beings, that’s a sign of a sick society. Our spineless politicians should stand up to the gun lobbyists and say enough is enough. It’s incredible that Republicans are so myopic that they’re still focusing on the 4 lives lost at Benghazi and not the 1249 people lost to gun violence in the past three years. It’s time for Americans to vote these incompetents out of office. If our elected officials won’t take the necessary steps to make this country safer, then maybe it’s time for new elected officials.

GOP Presidential candidate Jeb Bush, compassionately explains that 'stuff happens' while NRA executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, gives him a big vote of approval.

GOP Presidential candidate Jeb Bush, compassionately explains that ‘stuff happens’ while NRA executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, gives him a big vote of approval.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Hey, how ’bout those elections, huh? Kind of makes you want to move to Canada. Hell, this whole month has been nothing but a stunning display of…how shall we say…stupidity. Former healthcare guru, Jonathon Gruber is being lambasted for his comments on the ACA a.k.a. Obamacare in saying that it passed because of ‘the stupidity of the American voter’. Well, everybody’s mad at him for saying that but the election results back him up on this statement. Congress has an 11 percent approval rating and yet the electorate decided to put 96 percent of these clowns back in office. And only 36 percent of registered voters decided to cast their ballots, the lowest voter turnout since WWII. And furthermore, Democrats, instead of touting the success of Obamacare and the many things he’s accomplished in office, act like they don’t know him. Unfriggingbelievable stupidity all the way around!!! They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So I guess Americans are both stupid and insane…what a winning combination! Of course, that does explain why we won’t do anything about gun violence, but we have a conniption fit when an illegal immigrant child toddles across our border.

Despite 11 percent approval ratings, 96 percent of Congress was retained.

2014 election highlights: A majority of the American electorate decided to let a minority of pinheads put 96 pecent of the dumbass corporate lackeys back in office so that they can keep on screwing America. YAY!!!

The Madman Ranteth

Last month, aging rocker and gun aficionado Ted Nugent, a.k.a The Motor City Madman, commented that President Obama was a ‘subhuman mongrel’. Nugent is well known for his outspoken hatred of President Obama but even this statement brought condemnation from many Republicans, even the folks at Fox News, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network. This outrage is justified as that particular phrase was used by the Nazis to condone the extermination of not only Jews but Slavs, Poles, communists, socialists, Roma and homosexuals.  But there was one Tea Party patriot who gave the ‘Nuge’ a thumbs up. Sarah Palin endorsed Texas gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott, by saying “if he’s good enough for Ted Nugent, he’s good enough for me”. Yes, the Republican party sure has admirable spokespeople for the future.

Sarah Palin approves of Ted Nugent's plan to hunt down subhuman mongrel supporters of President Obama.

Aging rocker and gun enthusiast, Ted Nugent, a.k.a the Motor City Madman, demonstrates why he and Sarah Palin are at the forefront of the Tea Party movement in the Republican party.

Paranoid States of America

The verdict from the George Zimmerman trial is in and unbelievably he was found not guilty. Right wingers and gun nuts have declared victory for justice in America. Really? Well, it is a golden age for gun makers since everybody and their brother will be buying up arms, especially in Florida, so they don’t feel threatened. So just remember folks: if you’re walking down the street all locked and loaded and itching to shoot and you see some young hooligan wearing a hoodie, go ahead and pop him one, because you know anyone wearing a hoodie is sure to be threatening you.

In the wake of the Zimmerman trial, neighbors are reaching out to each other all across America.