Tag Archive for thumper

God’s Little Puppet

Mike Johnson has only been Speaker of the House for a short period of time and it already looks like he may not be long for the job. This bible-thumper actually reached across the aisle and came up with a funding bill to avoid a government shutdown which left the raving lunatics of the GOP foaming at the mouth.

We have no sympathy for this person. He’s an open christian nationalist who wants nothing more than to turn this country into a theocracy. Not only that, he’s a creationist and believes in the rapture. Like we’ve said before, if you believe that nonsense you should be permanently banned from the corridors of power. He has openly opined that he thinks God wanted him to be Speaker. Sound familiar? George W. Bush said that God wanted him to be President and now evangelical whack jobs have produced a propaganda video proclaiming that God created TFG to be America’s ‘Caretaker’.

We think that sanctimonious Mike Johnson bears a striking resemblance to another little bible thumper from the ’60s: little Davey from the Davey and Goliath stop motion claymation puppet show that preached the bible to kids every Sunday morning. Little Davey, along with his dog Goliath and his holier-than-thou family shoved their religion down every child’s throat. Just watch some of these old shows, especially the ‘lost episode’ about the Polka Dot Tie. The cringe is massive. And now America has a little Davey second in line for the Presidency. May Zeus help us all!

Republican Speaker of the House and christian nationalist Mike Johnson bears a striking resemblance to animated clay bible thumper Davey from the Davey and Goliath show of the 1960s and even has vowed to shove his religion down everyone's throat just like Davey.
Republican Speaker of the House and christian nationalist Mike Johnson bears a striking resemblance to animated clay bible thumper Davey from the Davey and Goliath show of the 1960s and even has vowed to shove his religion down everyone’s throat just like Davey.

Rewind: R U Rapture Ready?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

The recent turmoil in the Middle East between Israel and the Palestinians have the got the conservative evangelical christians thumping their bibles salivating for the end times and the rapture when all good christians will be slurped up to heaven (which is presumably somewhere in Earth’s atmosphere although no satellite photos have shown its precise whereabouts).


Of course, anytime anything goes wrong in the Middle East (which is pretty much every day) the christians scream about the end times and how Jesus is coming again. Back in July and August of 2006, the Lebanon War between Hezbollah and Israel had evangelicals sounding the alarm. But alas, the end of the world didn’t happen and nobody was raptured. The fact that at that time, legitimate news organizations like CNN would actually mention the rapture should make logical, intelligent and reasonable citizens very weary of any news organization that would promote such ridiculous bunk as the rapture. It’s kind of like entertainment shows that still feature astrologers and horoscopes. But then again, America elected Trump in 2016. Stupid is as stupid does.

This photo-toon is from our August 11, 2006 issue.

The escalation of hostilities in the Middle East has launched an obsession of talk about the Apocalypse, the end of the world and the Rapture on supposedly responsible news networks like CNN.
The escalation of hostilities in the Middle East has launched an obsession of talk about the Apocalypse, the end of the world and the Rapture on supposedly responsible news networks like CNN.

Rewind: Ashcroft’s Great Cover Up

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

After George W. Bush somehow won re-election in 2004, his Attorney General, bible thumper extraordinaire John Ashcroft, decided to call it quits. As he left the Bush administration, we pondered in our November 21, 2004 issue over his greatest accomplishment (or embarrassment). This man is the only man to lose an election to a dead man in the Senate. Ashcroft championed the Patriot Act and warrantless wiretapping. But his prudishness was unbelievable. Ashcroft was just as uptight as ol’ Puritan Pants Mike Pence. Ashcroft spent eight thousand dollars to shield the Spirit of Justice statue in the Hall of Justice because it showed a boob and he didn’t want to be pictured in front of such a display. American Taliban, indeed! We have no doubt that Ashcroft probably bathes in his long johns so as not to offend himself. What a priggish tool!

John Ashcroft's greatest accomplishment during his tenure as Attorney General was his spending $8,000 dollars to cover up the disgraceful nudity of the Spirit of Justice statue in the Hall of Justice.
John Ashcroft’s greatest accomplishment during his tenure as Attorney General was his spending $8,000 dollars to cover up the disgraceful nudity of the Spirit of Justice statue in the Hall of Justice.

Arpaio?! Seriously?!

In a stunner that we certainly didn’t see coming, Doug Jones beat bible thumper and teenage girl aficionado, Roy Moore, in a special election and will now be the first Democratic Senator for Alabama in 25 years. This will also hopefully put Moore out of the national spotlight(we’re absolutely sick of him), although he’s still got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do to the women he’s harassed.

So are what are racist, authoritarian, conservative, christian Republicans to do? Have no fear, wingnuts. Fresh from his pardoning by Donald Trump, former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio announced that “he’s seriously, seriously, seriously considering running for the U.S. Senate” in Arizona. Seriously…that’s right, folks: America’s favorite racist, authoritarian law enforcer says he may run for Jeff Flake’s vacant seat in 2018.

We thought the 85 year old Arpaio was losing it before, but this pretty much makes it official. He got thumped by Paul Penzone for a county level position, and yet he thinks he can seriously win a state wide election given his notoriety. If it wasn’t for his pal Trump, he’d be doing some time. Arizonans are sick of his schtick. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. Retire already! Ride off into the sunset like a good former sheriff and leave the good people of Arizona alone. Because you know what…we’re seriously, seriously, seriously NOT voting for you!

Authoritarian, colossal egoist and former Maricopa County Sheriff, Joe Arpaio, announces that he's seriously, seriously, seriously considering a run for the Senate, to which Arizona voters reply that they will seriously, seriously, seriously not vote for him.

Authoritarian, colossal egoist and former Maricopa County Sheriff, Joe Arpaio, announces that he’s seriously, seriously, seriously considering a run for the Senate, to which Arizona voters reply that they will seriously, seriously, seriously not vote for him.

GOP: The Party Of Moral Hypocrisy

With the special election for the Alabama senator coming up next Tuesday, the Republicans are walking back their earlier condemnations of Roy Moore and are now throwing their full support behind him. America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, said “We don’t want to have a liberal Democrat in Alabama, believe me.” Oh yes…we’d much rather have a sexual predator.  Mitch McConnell, a.k.a. Turtle Boy, who previously condemned Moore, now states, in typical Turtle Boy form, that he’s going to let Alabamans make the choice. And of course, Lyin’ Ted Cruz, who previously withdrawn support for Moore, has now said he’ll work with Moore if he’s elected while hypocritically saying that Al Franken, who has also allegedly done some groping of women, (though not teenagers), should resign as Senator. Alabama conservative, evangelical, christian Republicans are also fully supportive of Moore, one church even comparing Moore to Jesus. Who knew that Jesus liked to sexually harass teenage girls.

But unfortunately, Alabama is a deep red state and it certainly looks like Moore will probably win. And people wonder why no one wants to visit Alabama.

American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump and his GOP cohorts, Turtle Boy Mitch McConnell and Lyin' Ted Cruz endorse teenage girl aficionado, Roy Moore, while claiming moral superiority.

American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump and his morally superior GOP cohorts, Turtle Boy Mitch McConnell and Lyin’ Ted Cruz enthusiastically endorse teenage girl aficionado, Roy Moore, while condemning Democratic Senator Al Franken.

Sleazed And Abused

Controversial Republican candidate for Senator in Alabama and bible thumper extraordinaire, Roy Moore, has recently become even more reprehensible, if that’s possible. Moore is running for Senate in a special election against Democrat Doug Jones to fill Confederate Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III’s seat. But last week, a woman came forward and claimed that Moore initiated a sexual encounter when she was 14 and Moore was 32. Yikes!!! Talk about sleazy! But more women have come forward since. Today, a fifth woman has accused Moore of sexual misconduct when she was 16.

What’s even more disturbing than Moore’s seeming penchant for teenage girls are the boneheaded responses from Moore supporters in the GOP actually defending his actions. The stupidest was Alabama state auditor Jim Ziegler’s response that “Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus,”. Wow!  In a unbelievable outbreak of good sense, some GOP senators, including Turtle Boy, Mitch McConnell, have stated that Moore should probably leave the race.

If Moore does leave the race, he can always go hang around with Matthew McConaughey’s creepy character, David Wooderson, from Dazed and Confused, and they can scope out the high school girls.

Alabama senate candidate, bible thumper extraordinaire, and colossal hypocrite, Roy Moore, hangs out with Matthew McConaughey's creepy character, David Wooderson from the movie Dazed and Confused and together they scope out the high school girls. Yes they do.

Alabama senate candidate, bible thumper extraordinaire, and colossal hypocrite, Roy Moore, hangs out with Matthew McConaughey’s creepy character, David Wooderson from the movie Dazed and Confused and together they scope out the high school girls. Yes they do.