Tag Archive for Texas

Perry’s Outta There!

One down, umpty-nine to go…

Well there’s a little more elbow room in the Republican clown car tonight, as former Texas governor Rick Perry has dropped out of the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Of course, the writing was on the wall, since it was reported recently that his staff wasn’t getting paid. We here at the Bucket have concluded that despite his makeover with smarter looking glasses, they just weren’t smart looking enough. Better luck in 2020, Poindexter.

Former Texas governor Rick Perry vows to run for President again in 2020 with smarter looking glasses and a much pointier clown hat.

Former Texas governor Rick Perry vows to run for President again in 2020 with smarter looking glasses and a much pointier clown hat.

Please Texas…Secede!

The Texas school board recently stated that Texas students will begin using new textbooks which teach that slavery was just a side issue to the civil war and never mention Jim Crow laws or the Ku Klux Klan. So basically it whitewashes racism and the whole Civil War. Then there’s that whole Jade Helm 15 crap. Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Texas is a red state filled with conservative christians, who also believe that the earth is less than 10,000 years old and that man co-existed with the dinosaurs. This is pretty dangerous stuff folks. Texas is purposely teaching their children false dogmas and history that just isn’t true. We think that Texas should make good on its repeated threats during Obama’s presidency and just secede from the United States. Actually we beg of you Texas; please take the Bushes, Rick Perry and Ted Cruz and form your own country! You’ll be happier without us and we’ll definitely be happier without you and your Texas size egos!

A Texas school teacher proudly teaches his class that slavery was fun and Negroes enjoyed the hell out of it and a conservative christian reminds the kids that the earth is only 6000 years old.

Texas now teaches its children that the whole slavery thing was just one big festival and Jesus probably rode a brontosaurus.

Hypocritical Oaf

Remember when Hurricane Sandy devastated the East Coast back in 2012, killing 117 people and causing an estimated 65 billion dollars in damage.  Millions of people were left in need of federal assistance to recover. But fortunately for conservative Republicans, a brash young tea party hellcat named Ted Cruz voted against a disaster relief bill for victims of the horrendous storm.

Fast forward to this past week and Ted Cruz is demanding President Obama and congress provide disaster relief for the victims of the recent calamitous flooding in Texas which claimed 15 lives. Remember, Ted Cruz is running for president so he has to appear to his fellow Texans like he gives a damn about them. If he keeps this up, he’ll out flip-flop Spiff Romney.

Teabagger patriot, climate change denier, staunch anti-socialist and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, proclaims that despite being against federal assistance for disaster victims, President Obama should send federal aid to Texas flood victims because...you know...Ted Cruz wants to be president.

Teabagger patriot, climate change denier, staunch anti-socialist and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, proclaims that despite being against federal assistance for disaster victims, President Obama should send federal aid to Texas flood victims because...you know...Ted Cruz wants to be president.

 

The Madman Ranteth

Last month, aging rocker and gun aficionado Ted Nugent, a.k.a The Motor City Madman, commented that President Obama was a ‘subhuman mongrel’. Nugent is well known for his outspoken hatred of President Obama but even this statement brought condemnation from many Republicans, even the folks at Fox News, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network. This outrage is justified as that particular phrase was used by the Nazis to condone the extermination of not only Jews but Slavs, Poles, communists, socialists, Roma and homosexuals.  But there was one Tea Party patriot who gave the ‘Nuge’ a thumbs up. Sarah Palin endorsed Texas gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott, by saying “if he’s good enough for Ted Nugent, he’s good enough for me”. Yes, the Republican party sure has admirable spokespeople for the future.

Sarah Palin approves of Ted Nugent's plan to hunt down subhuman mongrel supporters of President Obama.

Aging rocker and gun enthusiast, Ted Nugent, a.k.a the Motor City Madman, demonstrates why he and Sarah Palin are at the forefront of the Tea Party movement in the Republican party.

Snooze Cruz

The talk of this past week is all about Texas junior Senator Ted Cruz’s 21 hour filibuster (or filibluster) to oppose Obamacare. Jon Stewart humorously covered the filibuster fiasco quite nicely on the Daily Show. Ted Cruz is the perfect picture of today’s modern Republican Teabagger: smug, self-satisfied and completely clueless. Look at his pictures on the internet. Have you ever seen a smugger puss in your life?   Even Republicans aren’t fond of this guy. And this former Canadian has Presidential ambitions, too. We here at the Bucket have a solution. Why doesn’t Texas secede from the United States and Ted Cruz can be President of the new Lone Star Republic. It’s win-win for everybody. Texas becomes it’s own country with one of it’s own as it’s God-fearing, conservative leader and America gets rid of one seriously crazy, wack-a-doodle politician and the irritating state that gave us Dubya, Rick Perry and the most annoying slogan of all time, “Don’t Mess With Texas”.

Texas Senator and Tea Party darling, Ted Cruz, impresses some admiring Teabaggers with his compassionate words of wisdom.

And The Whining Begins

You knew that the Republicans wouldn’t take the election results well but this last week has been ridiculous. From Donald Trump’s asinine tweets for ‘Revolution’, to Karl Rove’s refusal to believe that Obama won Ohio and the election, to the petitions being signed by red staters who want to secede from the United States. We hear that Texas has already collected over 80,000 signatures. We here at the Bucket say good riddance to the Lone Star state. They can go create their own country and elect Dubya as their eternal emperor for all we care. Oh yeah! That will be a great country!

Compassionate, conservative, Republican leaders respond to the re-election of President Obama like the true, whiny, sucky, crybabies they are.