Tag Archive for church

Rewind: Top Revelations In The DaVinci Code

April 11, 2023 bb_admin BilgeBucket Lists, Wide World O' Wacky

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Since the evangelical christians and conspiracy minded QAnon wingnuts have taken over the GOP we’ve decided to repost a BilgeBucket List from our May 31, 2006 edition when we reported on the top revelations of the movie The DaVinci Code. This film threw a lot of christan groups and conspiracy buffs into royal hissy fits. The blockbuster by Ron Howard, based on the novel of the same name by Dan Brown, opened to huge box office numbers. Its opening week raked in $224 million worldwide. The controversial book elicited complaints from the Catholic Church and other christian organizations because it speculates that Jesus actually married Mary Magdalene and has descendants walking among us today. But there were other juicy tidbits as well. So, here are those shocking and totally not made up revelations in no particular order.

  • Jesus and Mary Magdalene had two children named Wally and ‘The Beav’
  • Peter always walked around au natural at meetings which annoyed all the other apostles except James . . . Hmmmmm
  • The beverage served at the Last Supper: Zima
  • Emperor Constantine legalized Christianity at the Council of Nicaea in 325 A.D. and also penned the classic Disco hit “Get Down Tonight”
  • Zeus is the one true God
  • Jesus liked to wear his hair in braids, adorn himself with bling and rap with his homies when he wasn’t performing miracles
  • JFK was killed by space aliens
  • Judas annoyingly ended everybody’s sentences by saying “That’s what she said!”
  • The Mona Lisa was smiling because DaVinci’s fly was open while he was painting her
  • The world was created by leprechauns
  • Opus Dei members get a special member discount at Walmart
  • Elvis is alive and well and managing a Burger King in Tuscaloosa
  • The original message scribbled under the Mona Lisa: “So Dark The Wrath of Khan”
  • The Holy Grail is actually a big ass beer stein located in Munich’s Hofbrau House
  • Black helicopters are really more of a midnight blue
  • The current Grand Master of The Priory of Sion: Pauly Shore

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SCOTUS 2022: American Taliban

July 6, 2022 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Corporate States of America, GOP Mission: Sedition, Grand Old Plutocrats, Holy Huckster Hijinx, Let Them Eat Cake, Meme-ries, Neocon Media Circus, RepubliQAnons, Teabagging **it

The actions of the five and a half christian nationalists on the Supreme Court have shocked and disturbed not just democratic minded people in this country, but all over the world. Their recent rulings on abortion, prayer in public schools and restrictions on environmental regulations are regressing American culture back to the 19th century. In the abortion decision, Samuel Alito even cited precedence from a 17th century misogynistic jurist who believed that women were witches and property. The sanctimonious justices have also indicated that they may possibly turn back other things like LGBTQ rights, interracial marriage, birth control and even having fair and democratic elections. These authoritarian zealots want to turn America into a christian theocracy.

We’ve already seen how repressive islamic theocracies are. Take the Taliban in Afghanistan. Women are treated like they were in ancient times; like second class citizens. Basic human rights are pretty much limited to straight islamic men. The clerics run the country with an iron fist. Do we really want to turn our nation into a christian version of Afghanistan? Do we really want the American Taliban on the Supreme Court to dictate every aspect of our private lives? We thought the right wing wanted government out of our lives? Recent polls have indicated that Americans have little confidence in the current Supreme Court after their latest decisions.

Let’s face it, folks – the right wing justices are clowns. The Roberts court is a complete and total joke. Brett Kavanaugh will forever be remembered for his bold proclamation of liking beer, his unhinged rant against Clinton and the Democrats and his tearful, whiney defense of his dubious actions with Christine Blasey-Ford. The handmaiden justice Amy Coney Barrett’s confirmation was jammed through despite it being an election year. Neil Gorsuch’s mother wreaked havoc on the EPA and now it’s his turn. Kavanaugh and Gorsuch committed perjury during their confirmation hearings when they stated that Roe was settled precedent. Clarence Thomas should be dismissed from the bench for his obstruction in the investigation of the Jan. 6th hearings. Why’s that? Because his wife Ginni was involved in trying to overthrow the election. And Samuel Alito should be disbarred for even thinking about quoting a 17th century jurist who believed in witches. And what’s a common thread amongst these jokers beside their holier-than-thou christianity? They’re all anti-science. They’re all skeptical of climate change, green energy, vaccines, gender science and evolution because it counters their close-minded, archaic views of the world.

The Supreme Court should not be political, but if these christian nationalists persist then the constitution much be changed so that the justices should be elected by popular vote. Therefore they should not have life time appointments – maybe just a six year term like Senators. The Democrats need to step up to the plate and check these zealot’s power while they still have some power. Maybe they need to channel their inner FDR and stack the court. The freedom loving American people will not accept an American version of the Taliban ruling over every aspect of their personal lives. We don’t want America to be a Holy Corporate Empire. This is the 21st century. Like we’ve said before many times, Americans need to connect to a 21st century database, not a 1st century database.

With their recent repressive and regressive decisions concerning abortion, guns, prayer and the environment, the justices of the Roberts court have established themselves as the American Taliban and a complete joke.
With their recent repressive and regressive decisions concerning abortion, guns, prayer and the environment, the justices of the Roberts court have established themselves as the American Taliban and a complete joke.
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The Virus Whisperer

March 26, 2020 bb_admin America's CEO/Dictator, Compassionate CONservatives, Corporate States of America, Grand Old Plutocrats, Holy Huckster Hijinx, Let Them Eat Cake, Meme-ries, Neocon Media Circus, Teabagging **it, Trump Comix

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump ratcheted up his audacity to yet another level of absurdity this past week. Upset that his precious stock market gains were being erased by the coronavirus, our grown-up Bart Simpson President proclaimed that things will officially be back to normal by Easter, which caused countless simultaneous facepalms by health professionals throughout the world. This shouldn’t be surprising since Trump was pretty pissed off that Hurricane Dorian changed course last year and made dear Leader look bad.

Trump’s colossal ego and narcissism is not only boundless but dangerous. His delusion that he’s somehow on equal footing as scientists and doctors produced a drastic result this past week as an Arizona man died taking chloroquine phosphate, a derivative of an anti-malaria drug cholorquine that Trump touted as being a possible cure for coronavirus, which again prompted a multitude of facepalms from science professionals. You can’t just tell a virus what to do no more than you can tell a hurricane what to do, but don’t tell that to ‘master scientist’ Trump. Apparently, he thinks he’s some kind of virus whisperer. Fortunately, Dr. Anthony Fauci, one the country’s leading disease experts and a member of Trump’s coronavirus team, stepped up and said that the virus makes the timeline not humans. We’re predicting that with that kind of attitude toward facts, truth and honesty, Dr. Fauci may not be on Trump’s team much longer.

Trump’s choice of Easter is also very telling of another group in his base that he’s trying to appease; the evangelical christians. Remember: he’s got holier-than-thou rapture freaks Mike Pence, Mike Pompeo and Bill Barr in his administration. What better symbolism could you ask for than having America reborn from a horrible scourge on Easter, the day Jesus ‘resurrected from the dead’. Trump says he even wants to pack the churches with the faithful to celebrate. As we mentioned in our last post, we have no doubt Trump will politicize the coronavirus for the upcoming election. If everything appears to be fine by Easter then he will proclaim it to be an ‘Easter miracle’ and he will appear even more like ‘the chosen one’ to his brain dead zombie followers.

Actually, we have no problem with Trumpty Dumpty’s plan of packing the churches on Easter. Just ignore stories of pastors who thought coronavirus was a hoax and died or an entire congregation who met at a church event resulting in three dozens infections. It’s just fake news. Trump knows best. If Trump’s MAGA supporters want to defy doctors and scientists and gather together and spread the COVID-19 to other sheeple in the flock, then we here at the Bucket say go right ahead. Let Jesus take the wheel. When you get sick, just don’t go to the ‘evil’ scientists or doctors for help; just hunker down and pray to God or Donald Trump to be magically cured. Yeah . . . that will work well.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it's killing and endangering innocent people, but because it's lowering his precious stock market gains.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it’s killing and endangering innocent people, but because it’s lowering his precious stock market gains.
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The Prankin’ Pope

April 29, 2015 bb_admin Holy Huckster Hijinx, There's No Planet B, Wide World O' Wacky

Pope Francis has become a very popular pope among the world’s catholics and non-catholics alike. Since he’s become pope he’s come out with some pretty bold, controversial statements criticizing capitalism, supporting evolution, supporting the big bang, acknowledging gay rights and stating that climate change is real. It’s gotten such that even tea party darling Sarah Palin has commented how liberal the pope has sounded. (Wow, imagine that…a pope acting liberal, just like Jesus!)

We here at the Bucket are atheists and while we give Papa Francisco some props for his views on capitalism and his ‘evolution’ on scientific matters, we think he’s still way off on many issues such as women’s rights, birth control and of course, the whole God thing. But what annoys us the most isn’t the pope; it’s about the majority of humans, not only in this country but worldwide. Scientists have been touting evolution, the big bang, climate change and other scientific discoveries and facts  for years and nobody listens. Scientists base their findings on solid data and evidence gathered over many years using the scientific method and religious people reply to this with an ‘oh I’m skeptical’ reply, ignoring the implausibility of their own ‘beliefs’. And yet Papa Francisco, who knows far less about science than your average scientist, comes out and says climate change and evolution are real, and suddenly, all the sheeple say, ‘Oh maybe there is something to this.’ So humanity won’t listen to people who actually know something about how the universe works but they’ll listen to somebody like the pope, who in our opinion, knows little about how the universe functions. Hmmm, could that be why the world is in such a colossal mess?

But wouldn’t it be funny if Papa Francisco’s next bombshell for the sheeple was that the whole God thing was… a prank. Move over Ashton Kutcher; we’ve got a new Punk Master!

Pope Francis states that there's no God and that the sheeple have been pranked for the last two thousand years for fun and profit.

Pope Francis reveals his latest bombshell to his pliant, unquestioning flock.

 

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Mr. Helper

February 9, 2014 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Grand Old Plutocrats, Holy Huckster Hijinx, Neocon Media Circus

Former Arkansas Governor and perennial GOP presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, recently made headlines by commenting that Democrats are trying to convince women they need ‘Uncle Sugar’ to control their libidos. Of course, Mr. Huckabee, being a bible thumping conservative christian, prefers old-fashioned, holier methods of birth control to help women such as abstinence, prayer and a good old chastity belt.

Mike proposes that women use abstinence, prayer and a good old chastity belt, controlled by their male spouse, to control their wanton libidos.

Mike Huckabee declares that it is wrong for government to control a women's libido but perfectly A-OK for the church to control it.

 

 

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