2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.
Since the evangelical christians and conspiracy minded QAnon wingnuts have taken over the GOP we’ve decided to repost a BilgeBucket List from our May 31, 2006 edition when we reported on the top revelations of the movie The DaVinci Code. This film threw a lot of christan groups and conspiracy buffs into royal hissy fits. The blockbuster by Ron Howard, based on the novel of the same name by Dan Brown, opened to huge box office numbers. Its opening week raked in $224 million worldwide. The controversial book elicited complaints from the Catholic Church and other christian organizations because it speculates that Jesus actually married Mary Magdalene and has descendants walking among us today. But there were other juicy tidbits as well. So, here are those shocking and totally not made up revelations in no particular order.
- Jesus and Mary Magdalene had two children named Wally and ‘The Beav’
- Peter always walked around au natural at meetings which annoyed all the other apostles except James . . . Hmmmmm
- The beverage served at the Last Supper: Zima
- Emperor Constantine legalized Christianity at the Council of Nicaea in 325 A.D. and also penned the classic Disco hit “Get Down Tonight”
- Zeus is the one true God
- Jesus liked to wear his hair in braids, adorn himself with bling and rap with his homies when he wasn’t performing miracles
- JFK was killed by space aliens
- Judas annoyingly ended everybody’s sentences by saying “That’s what she said!”
- The Mona Lisa was smiling because DaVinci’s fly was open while he was painting her
- The world was created by leprechauns
- Opus Dei members get a special member discount at Walmart
- Elvis is alive and well and managing a Burger King in Tuscaloosa
- The original message scribbled under the Mona Lisa: “So Dark The Wrath of Khan”
- The Holy Grail is actually a big ass beer stein located in Munich’s Hofbrau House
- Black helicopters are really more of a midnight blue
- The current Grand Master of The Priory of Sion: Pauly Shore
Pope Francis has become a very popular pope among the world’s catholics and non-catholics alike. Since he’s become pope he’s come out with some pretty bold, controversial statements criticizing capitalism, supporting evolution, supporting the big bang, acknowledging gay rights and stating that climate change is real. It’s gotten such that even tea party darling Sarah Palin has commented how liberal the pope has sounded. (Wow, imagine that…a pope acting liberal, just like Jesus!)
We here at the Bucket are atheists and while we give Papa Francisco some props for his views on capitalism and his ‘evolution’ on scientific matters, we think he’s still way off on many issues such as women’s rights, birth control and of course, the whole God thing. But what annoys us the most isn’t the pope; it’s about the majority of humans, not only in this country but worldwide. Scientists have been touting evolution, the big bang, climate change and other scientific discoveries and facts for years and nobody listens. Scientists base their findings on solid data and evidence gathered over many years using the scientific method and religious people reply to this with an ‘oh I’m skeptical’ reply, ignoring the implausibility of their own ‘beliefs’. And yet Papa Francisco, who knows far less about science than your average scientist, comes out and says climate change and evolution are real, and suddenly, all the sheeple say, ‘Oh maybe there is something to this.’ So humanity won’t listen to people who actually know something about how the universe works but they’ll listen to somebody like the pope, who in our opinion, knows little about how the universe functions. Hmmm, could that be why the world is in such a colossal mess?
But wouldn’t it be funny if Papa Francisco’s next bombshell for the sheeple was that the whole God thing was… a prank. Move over Ashton Kutcher; we’ve got a new Punk Master!
Pope Francis reveals his latest bombshell to his pliant, unquestioning flock.
atheism, atheist, big bang, bombshell, catholic, church, climate change, evolution, flock, Francis, global warming, God, Pope, prank, punked, science, scientist, sheep, sheeple
Former Arkansas Governor and perennial GOP presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, recently made headlines by commenting that Democrats are trying to convince women they need ‘Uncle Sugar’ to control their libidos. Of course, Mr. Huckabee, being a bible thumping conservative christian, prefers old-fashioned, holier methods of birth control to help women such as abstinence, prayer and a good old chastity belt.
Mike Huckabee declares that it is wrong for government to control a women's libido but perfectly A-OK for the church to control it.
birth control, chastity belt, christian, christians, church, conservative, control, Democrat, GOP, Huckabee, libido, Neocon, photo-toon, Republican, Uncle Sugar, women