Tag Archive for 2004

Rewind: America Chooses Insanity…Again

We’re shocked and in mourning for a sane, intelligent America. Words escape us at the moment so we’re reprinting an article from when America chose a similar path of insanity back in 2004 and re-elected George W. Bush. Yeah…that turned out well didn’t it. One things for sure; conservative Republicans never learn.

This article is from our November 7, 2004 post-election issue.

America Speaks: “51% Of Us Are Fucking Idiots!”

America went to the polls last week and re-elected George W. Bush as president even though he’s started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that has lost almost a million jobs, underfunded the ‘No Children Left Behind’ program, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which does nothing to alleviate high costs and performed anemically in all three televised debates.

Bush supporters spoke out and explained why they voted for him. Dale Gilman of Empty Noggin, Georgia, said, “I voted for him because he’s the one I’d rather drink a beer with. That’s my only criteria for president. I’ll have to invite him over to my trailer for a beer one of these days. It’s not quite the country club he’s used to, but I think my gun collection adds a certain redneck ambiance.”

Betsy Moeller, of Cornshoot, Ohio, said, “I was undecided until the very end, but what made me vote for the President was that he’s just so moral. Even when he lies to us repeatedly, he’s just so moral.”

Kirby Tucker, of Cracked Nut, North Carolina, said, “All I knows is I don’t want no wolves to catch me and eats me.”

Durwood Dunndoody, of Oozing Bed Sore, Texas said, “The big issue of this campaign was gay marriage. No doubt about it. Thank God, the President is going to make a stand agin’ those hell bound fruitcakes. They’re worst than the terrorists you know.”

Dwight Stevenson, of Ostrich Neck, Oklahoma, said, “I know the president has made some mistakes, but he’s a known quantity. I’m comfortable with his ineptitude.”

Rev. Fred Campbell, pastor of the Fifth Evangelical Church of the Backwoods in Dunceville, Tennessee, said, “Praise be to God! The rapture is so close I can smell it!”

Dave and Karen Lydell, of Dullardton, Iowa, said, “We believe in secretive Orwellian government. We completely trust President Bush to do what’s right, because it’s really none of our business to know or question what they’re doing. We don’t mind if our government monitors our every movement. It’s a small price to pay for freedom.”

Kerry supporters expressed extreme shock and disappointment. Mark Barry, of Tempe, Arizona, said while banging his head with a frying pan, “This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!”

Donna Beacham, of Salem, Oregon, said while booking a flight to Vancouver, Canada, “The choice was so obvious. It’s like we’re speeding for the edge of a cliff in a gas guzzling hummer, and the passengers vote to drive off. Un-fucking-believable!”

College student, Craig Kaster, of Santa Bonita, California, said, “I’m so voting for that Kerry dude. What? The elections were last week. Oh man! I like so spaced that off.”

Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, said. “This is great! Al-Qaeda will get stronger, America will go bankrupt and I’ll get to live four more years. That chimp Bush is playing right into my hands. Allah Akbar!”

Jeb’s Fatal Delusion

From all accounts, Jeb Bush’s ship appears to be sinking in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Not only have his performances been lackluster in the ridiculous GOP debates, but he seems to be completely delusional about his brother, George W. Bush’s tenure as President. Lead GOP clown, Donald Trump actually did something the spineless Democrats never could do; call Dubya out for his failure at preventing 9/11. As one could predict, Jeb defended his brother like he’s done this whole election season, saying his brother’s response to 9/11 was ‘awe-inspiring’. Really???!!!! Yes, seeing Dubya sitting there reading ‘My Pet Goat’ to grade schoolers sure inspired us. And then that whole invading Iraq on faulty intelligence of WMDs that resulted in a quagmire with thousands of American deaths and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi deaths, not to mention the rise of Al-Qaeda and now the rise of ISIS to fill the power vacuum left by Saddam Hussein and costing the US over a trillion dollars. And how about how Dubya politicized 9/11 during the 2004 election, literally scaring the sheeple into voting for him. And don’t get us started about his economic policies that just about bankrupted America. WOW! That was awesome! We think that maybe Jeb should join Dubya painting people in the bathtub.

George Bush respoded to 9/11 by starting the Iraq War quagmire, politicizing 9/11 and causing the Great Recession.

GOP Presidential candidate, Jeb Bush, thinks his brother Dubya was an ‘awe-inspiring’ President and an even awesomer painter.

 

Rewind: Extreme Trump Makeovers

In honor of ‘the Donald’ leading the other Republican clowns in the early months of Con-a-thon 2016 and Dubya writing a fundraising letter for his brother Jeb, we’d thought we would rewind back to a photo-toon we did in our April 25, 2004 issue; back when Trump was king of reality television with his new hit ‘The Apprentice’ and Dubya was using scare tactics on the American sheeple so he could have four more years of ‘presidentin’. Ahhhh! Fun times!

George W. Bush, 'Dubya', uses scare tactics on the American public on the first episode of the of the new reality show, 'Extreme Trump Makeovers'.

Members of the Bush Administration are the first contestants of the new reality show, 'Extreme Trump Makeovers'. From left:Condoleezza Rice, Colin Powell, President Bush, Donald Rumsfeld.

 

Channeling Bad Presidents

We’re baaaack! We’ve been away for awhile. What did we miss?

Oh yeah. A hidden video which presents the true side of Spiff Romney (more on that in upcoming posts) and a lackluster debate featuring a lying used car salesman(Romney), who was channeling deceptive, former actor/president St. Ronald Reagan, and President Obama, who by using that tried and untrue Democratic strategy of taking the high road, ended up having that deer-in-the-headlight look that Dubya sported throughout the 2004 debates with John Kerry. But what was worse was watching the media cream their shorts about how great Romney’s style was (liberal media? we think not), even though he lied his ass off again. We’re hoping President Obama is just using a rope-a-dope strategy to lure Romney into a false sense of security. In the coming month, he needs to slam Romney on his dubious record with Bain, his refusal to release his tax returns and his ‘47%’ video EVERY chance he gets. If there is one thing we’ve learned in the past fifty years, you can’t trust the Republicans to play fairly at anything.

Here’s a photo-toon from our October 10, 2004 issue which depicts ol’ Dubya in all his presidential debate glory.

In the recent debate with John Kerry, George W. Bush shows his presidential side by smirking and performing that patented Bush maneuver, the sticking out of the tongue.

RNC 2004: The Neocon Future for America

Here’s the final installment of our RNC 2004 retrospective…

The future plan for America for the Neocons is the same in 2012 as it was in 2004: there will be tax cuts for the 1%ers and corporate welfare especially for oil, gas, energy, insurance, finance and defense corporations which will make the rich richer and demolish the middle class thus creating a super lower class to work for pittances in corporations or the military. And thanks to imperialistic foreign policy, perpetual wars will become the norm.  If Romney is elected, you can bet that war with Iran, Syria or some other perceived belligerent will be a certainty. And we’ll stay indefinitely in Afghanistan, the place where empires go to die. Romney will actually make the Dubya years look good. Yes, the future looks pretty bright for neoconservative America.

Little Tommy Kimball prepares for his future in neoconservative America.

RNC 2004: The Big Endorsement

Continuing with our RNC 2004 retrospective…

In America, the Republican Party has become the party of God and Jesus. Well, we shouldn’t be surprised because Jesus was all about supporting the rich while despising the poor. We’re sure if Jesus came back today he’d be wearing a well tailored Armani suit, driving a BMW and/or a pickup, be a member of an exclusive country club, eating caviar, drinking the finest wines and carrying a loaded gun in case any poor person would think of threatening him. And as for healthcare, he’d say, “If you can’t afford it, well that’s your fault for being poor. Why should I help you?” That’s life in a christian nation. We’re also sure that it was Jesus who steered Tropical Storm Issac away from a direct hit on Tampa and instead directed it toward other red states like Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi, which have many poor people,  because, you know…he loves Republicans so much.

President Bush pulls some strings with the Big Guy and gets Jesus to appear to endorse his candidacy.

RNC 2004: Turning The Corner

Continuing with our RNC 2004 retrospective…

Remember when ol’ Dubya yanked our chain by always saying “We’re turning the corner on…<fill in the blank>”. Whether it was the deficit, the war in Iraq, economic recovery, cleaning up after Hurricane Katrina, coming out of the housing market collapse, etc… We were always turning the corner. America turned the corner so many times we kept going in circles in a downward spiral for the next four years.

President Bush and his wife Laura point toward the corner America is turning. Appearing on stage with Bush are his old friends, the Deficit, the Iraq Occupation, and Environmental Destruction.

RNC 2004: Like Father, Like Daughters

Continuing with our RNC 2004 retrospective…

We can honestly say the Bush twins were the highlight of the convention. That speaks volumes.

The Bush twins, Barbara and Jenna, demonstrate that they are truly their father's daughters.

 

RNC 2004: Uncle Dick’s Message

Continuing with our RNC 2004 retrospective…

Only one thing to say here…What a Dick!

Vice President Dick Cheney emerged from his underground lair with a special message for John Kerry.

RNC 2004: Zellzapoppin

Continuing with our RNC 2004 retrospective…

Remember when then Democrat, Zell Miller, made headlines by attending the Republican Convention and then exciting the crowd by saying if John Kerry had his way, he’d outfit the army with spitwads.  Fun times!  And then remember his meltdown when Chris Matthews called him on it. Hilarious! What’s even funnier is that the Republican sheeple actually believed Miller and voted to put Dubya back into office for four more  years of mind-numbing incompetence. And what has Zell Miller been doing since he’s left office. Well, he supported Newt Gingrich’s candidacy in Con-a-thon 2012 and is a contributor on the Republican Propaganda Network a.k.a Fox News. Nuff’ said.

Senator Zell Miller enthralls the crowd with his impersonation of a raving lunatic.